Today is Father’s Day. It has always been a hard day for me and a hard day for me to get thru. It’s a day that feels like a slap in the face, was a stinging reminder when I was younger how I’m different, and now just rubbing in the glaring difference of how my kids treat my hubby VS how they treat me. When I was a kid it was always hard for me as in school we always had to make Father’s Day cards and gifts and I was the only kid who didn’t have a father, and it would always lead up to the inevitable questioning and pestering, Don’t you even know where he is? How can you not even know where he is? You haven’t seen him since you were 2 years old? That’s so weird! You mean it’s just you and your mother? Where is he now? etc.. and it always made me feel so awkward, so uncomfortable, so singled-out, so different. I would make the crafts along with my classmates and give it to my Dedushka (grandfather) but it wasn’t the same and it still made me feel really weird and out of place. I always felt different and like I didn’t belong, but this was a time it was even more obvious and stood out clearly, and it’s always been a hard day for me to get thru.
Now it’s still hard for me, but for a different reason. At our house they always make such a big deal out of Father’s Day and heap the praise on my hubby and fawn all over him, so much so it’s sickening, and the kids do make cards for him (they said he threatens them if they don’t that he won’t drive them anywhere. I don’t know whether or not he really did, or if they just said that as an excuse) for Father’s day (despite saying that they don’t make cards anymore when I asked why they never make me cards) even though they never do for me for Mother’s Day, which barely even gets a mention,and most of the kids never even bothered to say Happy Mother’s Day! either and never even made cards, yet for him it’s a big deal and practically a national holiday, which doesn’t go unnoticed by me, rubbing it in how they clearly like him more than they like me, and it does hurt. I do wonder if they even purposely over-do it just to rub salt into the wounds so to speak, to make me feel even worse, and to make clear my “place” in this family, which is at the very bottom. I’m an outsider in own family. I’m always on the outside looking in.
Today for Father’s Day dinner some of us had chicken from Swiss Chalet and others had Chinese food. Guess which one I had? I ordered chicken Lo mein from the Chinese place; I don’t like Swiss Chalet; they don’t cook their chicken well enough and I don’t like their sauce. I like St. Hubert chicken in Quebec and they have the best sauce,too!So half of us had the chicken and the other half that doesn’t like Swiss Chalet had the Chinese food and by picking it up instead of delivery we saved 10%!