Soft Gels.

Screen Shot 07-30-17 at 12.45 PM I couldn’t resist…. I ordered the cannabis oil soft gels, the gummies, the chewies….esp. since when I went to the website they said it was only available for a limited time only. I just have to try them! With taxes and shipping it ended up being 63 $ which isn’t bad as the cannabis oil I normally order costs 90$, but 100$ when you add in taxes and shipping. There’s only 15 pills in the bottle though but you only take 1 at a time and they said it lasts for 6 hours or so, and I only use it twice a week, and if I combine it with the cannabis oil I take using the dropper I could do the gummies once a week and the dropper once a week, so that way they’d last longer, 15 weeks, which is almost 4 months. I’m always trying to “ration” things out like that and “stretch” them as far as I can to make them last longer and get the most for my money. It should arrive in 1-2 days and I can’t wait to try them! They likely don’t taste too good though; probably like weed like the cannabis oil does, a strong, pungent flavour, but medicine doesn’t usually taste good, except for those yummy Flintstone vitamins I had as a kid,and the orange Triaminic liquid allergy medicine I had as a kid,too, which was really yummy. The worst medicine I ever had was Buckley’s cough syrup which tasted like a combination of cat piss, Varsol, battery acid, Pinesol, turpentine, and Vick’s Vapo Rub.

It also started to thunderstorm with torrential rain, thunder,and lightening just  10 minutes before I had to walk to church(and I don’t even have an umbrella, either!) and the humidex was 32 C as well so I prayed….and prayed….and prayed for it to let up….and it did, literally a minute before it was time for me to leave; it stopped raining and was just thunder so I could get to church ok, and because it has stormed it had cooled it down as well and then my hubby was back in time to drive me home afterwards once it got really humid again. It never ceases to amaze me how God answers prayer, and how much He cares for us and provides for us, and that out of billions of people that He cares enough for me as just one insignificant individual, one little speck on Earth, a reminder that we are all precious to Him and that He cares about each and every one of us. There are no coincidences, only God’s works, intervention, and miracles..

It was also so hot that after just 2 hours in the sun I felt like I was starting to get heatstroke and my entire shirt was wet soaked with sweat and my body was telling me Get inside to the shade and cool down right away! and I also felt all sweaty and restless like I was going to faint in church, and it was the Grumpy Old Fart’s last day as well and they had envelopes to collect money to give him as a “gift of appreciation” and I was tempted to just put a penny in (and then he’d spend forever wondering who put that penny in there and never be able to figure it out) but decided against it as that would just be too mean. I’m not sad to see him go though. He’s been here 4 years and we get our new priest next week. My hubby was also at a bridge tournament and he said that Bill Gates and Warren Buffet (who played as partners) were there playing as well! How cool is that, being there with 2 of the richest people in the world? The only one missing was the Sultan Of Brunei! 😀


Fiona Update.

Screen Shot 07-28-17 at 12.26 PM Remember Fiona the baby hippo born premature at the Cincinatti Zoo(I don’t know if I spelled that right; I’m never sure how to spell Cincinatti; that’s a hard one; how many “n’s” or “t’s” are in that exactly?) back in January at only 29 pounds, when she should have been around 100 pounds and they didn’t know if she would even live? Well, here we are now, 6 months later, and I’m happy to update you that Fiona is doing very well! She has gained so much weight that she is now over 400 pounds, healthy, strong, caught up weight-wise,and is going to make it! Yay, Fiona! You go, girl!! Isn’t she such a beauty though? Just so precious. I have been following her story ever since, following her on Facebook and even praying for her…..yes, I even pray for animals,too…..anyone got a problem with that? God loves all His creatures, and it says in the Bible that not even one sparrow falls to the ground without His knowing.

Fiona is still mainly being bottle fed milk(and she goes thru something crazy like 40 litres a day!) at this stage as hippos aren’t normally weaned until 8 months although she does have some fruits and veggies slowly being introduced into her diet, like how you would with a human baby. She has also been reintroduced under supervision to her biological hippo parents ( she had been hand-raised by zoo caregivers since her premature birth as she needed intensive round-the-clock, one-on-one care,and there was also the fear that her own mother might have rejected her for being a “runt”) and they have integrated well and swim around and frolic together in the community pool, with her mother Bibi acting protectively towards her which is also a good sign. I just love a good story with a happy ending.

So Fiona gained close to 400 pounds over 6 months and I checked my weight and I’ve lost 7 more pounds, now for a total of 49 pounds over 5 months, from the end of February to the end of July, and the best thing is I’m not even trying to lose weight; I’m not even dieting! I couldn’t lose this much weight even if I tried, even on diets I’ve never been able to lose this much, so I don’t question why……I just enjoy it! I call it my Stress Diet. All my “jiggly” parts are either shrunken down much smaller now or have disappeared, incl. flatter stomach, hardly any “bingo wings”,no double-chin, less flabby bits, rolls, “love handles”, “saddle bags”, etc… but the sad thing is though that I’ve also lost my big buffalo butt and I sort of liked my big ass and now it’s sort of flat and looks like it deflated…. maybe that’s why it also hurts alot more now whenever I sit for too long; I haven’t got all the padding there I used to!

I also discovered that looking at sunflowers is even more fascinating after you’ve had weed, and it was really hot( 34 C humidex) but after I’ve had weed for some reason I don’t “feel” the heat as much and am not as “sensitive” to it, so maybe my body temperature cools down or something, making me more “heat resistant”, but it’s the strangest thing, and then after a few hours once it wore off I was back to hot and sweaty again! I guess that’s why it’s so popular in Jamaica and other hot tropical places,too, so you’re not bothered as much by the heat! 🙂

I also got an e-mail from the medical marijuana supplier informing me of a new product and it sounds awesome: cannabis oil chewy gummies! You know, like those vitamins! The form I take it now is an oil taken with a dropper but this sounds like so much fun, like candy for potheads! My mother said kids would think it’s gummie bears and eat them but I’m sure that they have the child-proof lids on the bottle just like my cannabis oil does…duuuhhh….I think that would go without saying since it’s a drug and would be safe-guarded like any other medication…I also think the 14 YR old’s anti-depressant might be starting to work already (they said it takes 2 weeks but I noticed mine starting in just a few days, and my theory is the more severe the depression the sooner you notice the change) and I can just sense something different in her. She seems to have this light, this spark, that wasn’t there before. I mean it used to be there when she was her old self, before the depression and eating disorder took hold of her, but I haven’t seen it in the past 2-3 years…..I think the darkness just might be starting to clear…..oh, I sure hope so….

Happy Distractions.

Screen Shot 07-27-17 at 10.42 AM My hubby is in Toronto again this weekend, so I have to walk to church again,and he hasn’t driven me to church or the 22 YR old to jiu-jitsu in over a month now and it seems to me that he’s backing out of family obligations bit by bit; he’s either not here to drive us or he is but he says he’s too busy and doesn’t have the time…..of course when he’s away that also leaves me to deal with the 14 YR old on my own, incl. that she’s still balking trying to get her to eat, refusing what’s served, refusing to even have a snack, and then trying to pass off measly melba toast and cheese as a snack when she needs something with more “bulk” (such as a muffin, ice cream, scone, cookies, etc…) and when I told her that it wasn’t enough, esp. now she’s losing weight she hit me with the French bread baguette! It’s also his job to get her to have her shower and wash her hair as she doesn’t do it if I tell her; she doesn’t do anything I tell her, so the therapist told him that it’s his job to get her to do it, except he’s never here or he forgets to remind her if he is…and of course now he’s not here it won’t get done… I’m left here alone with it all….I can’t deal with all this on my own. I can’t do it all myself.

Screen Shot 07-28-17 at 04.40 PM Needless to say I have alot of stress in my life with ongoing crisis, and the way my family treats me,etc… so when I need a break, a distraction, a Happy Place to go to, here is a list of the things I like, and like to do, that make me happy, take my mind off things,make me smile, I enjoy, help me relax and chill-out, a temporary escape from all the shit in my life:

  • Go swimming
  • Hang out with my dog
  • Sit out or lay out in the sun
  •  Read
  • Weed
  • Travel
  • Shop
  • The ocean, beach
  • Sunflowers (see the extreme close-up photo I took?)
  • Hippos
  • Have a nice long bath
  • Watch a movie or a funny TV show
  • Listen to music
  • Church
  • Look at old photos and enjoy the happy memories
  • Try to find joy in the little things each day

The Nice Thing.

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You’re not going to believe this (because I still don’t!) my mother was nice to me! She even did something nice for me! She brought me this bouquet of sunflowers she knows are my faves. she was out and bought them at the grocery store. I LOVE them, and I’m just speechless too because it’s so unlike her! I put them in a vase in the livingroom, where I often am, so I can see them, but also where others are so they can enjoy them,too. It made me happy getting these, seeing them, and every time I look at them, and they’re such joyful, cheery flowers, sort of how like my spirit was, before it broke, before the light went out. I hope to have them at my funeral,too.They can symbolize how I’ll blossom in Heaven, as well! Tall, confident, blooming, beautiful, cheerful, happy, radiant, bright…

The 10 YR old also walked in and seeing Buddy and I he huffed, Ugh! Ugly mother and her stupid dog! and walked out, and another time I invited him to come swim with me and he spat,You’re  stupid ! Shut-up! when a simple No, or even nicer, No, thank you would do, and my hubby hear everything yet he said nothing ( a better man would have scolded the child, Don’t you talk to your mother like that!) and when I told him, See? This is what I mean and what I get all the time! all he said was It’s over!… except it’s not over; I have to put up with this shit every single day.

As for 3 of the kids proudly celebrating that they “broke” me, friends I’d told about it responded by saying:

  • The kids must have learned that crap from my hubby (RIGHT< THERE!)
  • They would beat their ass and smart mouth
  • I should emancipate them
  • I should take them to court for abuse
  • Abuse is illegal( both physical and emotional)
  • I should get them out of my life
  • That I deserve better
  • That they need to be punished
  • I should have a restraining order in place
  • If the kids disrespect me then I should show their belongings the same respect that they show me
  • That the kids’ future relationships and marriages won’t last as if they don’t respect their mother they won’t respect anyone else

I think it’s unanimous…..we can all agree on:

my kids are assholes!