Screen Shot 07-20-17 at 06.55 PM So later last night my hubby came back from Toronto to deal with the 14 YR old who’s regressed in her progress to weight restoration with her eating disorder. She was now refusing to eat at all so I called him and updated him on the situation and he talked to her on the phone, originally to just try and encourage her but it turned out it was concerning enough that he just came right home and took her to the hospital as she was spiralling down again, further and further down the rabbit hole…..except they wouldn’t admit her. When she was in crisis before, when she was suicidal, she was admitted to the psych ward for about 2 weeks but this time they said she already has a safety plan in place and has the tools and skills she needs; she just has to apply them…..oh, so they really think it’s just that easy?

Well….something’s clearly not working and she needs help to get over this hurdle, this set-back, this bump in the road. None of the calming strategies are working either, such as the breathing techniques, the positive thinking, the writing down your thoughts, etc, the “behaviour modification” and “cognitive behaviour therapy” etc…. none of that stiff is working. She needs medication!  It’s not that we haven’t given it enough time either….it’s been 5 months! It’s so glaringly obvious that she’s depressed and she’s really struggling and sinking deeper and deeper down the dark hole, desperately clinging on to the edge, yet no one but me seems to see it! They say they don’t like to medicate kids but sometimes you have to; it’s like telling someone with cancer or diabetes, Oh, you don’t meed medication; just try positive thinking! That will cure you! and they wouldn’t think twice about medication for her for other medical conditions, either, such as cancer(you wouldn’t believe the meds the now 19 YR old had when he was 7 and had leukemia!!) or diabetes, so why not for mental health issues? What’s the difference? They are letting her suffer needlessly and it gets me really mad. Every medical condition, whether mental or physical, should be treated equally.

So I had phoned and left a message for and also e-mailed the team at the eating disorders clinic  to let them know how hard she’s crashed and that we were at our wit’s end when she’s refusing to eat-what do we do now?- and that she’s crashing really bad since they took her off that other med(that kept her eating disorder in check) and ever since she got back from camp, trying to re-adjust to being back here where she hates(I really think that she’d be happy living somewhere else but  how can we make it actually happen?) and then her behaviour therapist had a phone session with her and she has an extra app’t later today at the clinic too so we’ll see how it goes. They did spend a few HRS talking to her at the hospital before they let her return home, and hopefully at the clinic they’ll put her back on the other med and start her on an anti-depressent. It really hurts and angers me to watch her suffer like this yet helpless to really do anything about it; when I know in my heart( esp. as someone who suffers from depression myself and I can clearly see the visible signs in her) that she desperately needs medication( and I know it did wonders for me and literally saved my life) but they won’t even try, yet if it’s a chemical imbalance(like it is with me, and so very likely genetic) it will require medication to correct the imbalance, and no amount of yoga, positive thinking, mind-mapping, journal writing, or deep breathing, or any of that other hocus-pocus, mumbo-jumbo, voodoo-hoodoo stuff is going to do shit! They said it’s the same therapy they use for depression,too, as well as for eating disorders, yeah, well, it doesn’t work. Take it from someone who actually has depression, no amount of positive thoughts, exercise, thinking, or meditation will make any difference, not just on it’s own, anyway…..at least it didn’t for her…and sometimes you need medication, and that’s what it’s there for!

I pray to God every day that they finally see the obvious and put her on much-needed medication so she can start to feel better, so this dark cloud will lift, so she can have the strength, ability, presence of mind, clarity,motivation, hope, and determination, to push thru it and heal.I see it(anti-depressants) sort of like battle armour to help fight depression. You have to be armed with something to defend yourself against such a powerful enemy.Not everyone can flight it alone and sometimes you just need help and that’s ok. It’s a formidable beast and it requires more than you can give on your own and you just need a weapon to defend yourself against it. It’s like throwing someone a rope who’s stuck down in a deep, dark hole.Only now can they climb out.  I crawl into bed at the end of the day thankful to have made it thru another day while praying for grace for the coming one. At least now she’s back to eating a bit, so that’s some progress….. ONE DAY AT A TIME……