New Bikes.

Screen Shot 07-23-17 at 07.57 AM 002 The 14 and 16 YR olds got new bikes, pictured here. Sorry the photo isn’t better; I tried to get it on my iPod but something went wrong and it ended up being a video instead and I didn’t know how to fix it so I just got a photo off the video, so this is what you get. They also got new helmets because they can’t find their old ones and it’s easier to just go out and buy new ones than to look in our messy cluttered house to try and find anything. Hopefully going on bike rides will put a smile back on the 14 YR old’s face. She still continues to be disrespectful to me,too, such as when I asked her at meal time, Who do you want to sit with you? and she snarled, Not you! Now, go away! This is how I get treated and talked to all the time. Also the 16 YR old gave her word she would cut the grass on the weekend( and it really needs it!) and then changed her mind and it never got done so I was mad and she talked back to me in a sassy tone, You can shut-up now, Oldie! You’re soooo annoying! Now bye!” and flounced off when I told her I’ll just give the job to someone else then; I don’t care who does it as long as it gets done. She has such attitude!

Screen Shot 07-23-17 at 08.28 AM This is also the adorable Jack Russel Terrier puppy that my cousin bought for his son…..and he paid 3000$ for it, too! Isn’t it just the cutest, sweetest little thing though? He was kind to me as well telling me that I am worth loving and that life is worth living and said don’t let anyone tell you different, so not everyone in my family hates me, tears me down,and treats me like shit and makes me feel worthless, just my mother, hubby,and kids, and I pray to God every day that He sends me someone to show me that life is worth living and that I am  worth loving. Sometimes it just gets soooo hard to keep holding on though but I find when the suicidal thoughts do come that weed calms me and takes those feelings away temporarily as I float away and escape for a few HRS, but I hope to get away for good, to just walk away and never look back. I need a new life. I can’t just pick up and leave though; it’s not that easy; where would I go? I don’t have any $$$$ and nowhere to go… my hubby says I could just be homeless and live in the street but come on; I do have some standards! I want to get away from this toxic environment but I also want to be safe!

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This is also our funny new pool floatie: it’s a pizza! They also had beachballs with pizza but they were 20$ so we just bought a beachball for 99 cents because we’re cheap like that, and the pool water turned the 14 YR old’s hair green, and the 16 YR old almost accidently drowned Buddy as well; she threw him in the pool and he stopped swimming and started to go under and I had to grab him by the neck ( the only thing I could reach) and pull him out. The poor dog was just so scared. My hubby also went back to Toronto for the weekend(so guess who had to walk to church again?) and he brought back the second-oldest who’s staying visiting for a few days she has off work.

My mother also got a 45 $ bill for the ambulance, and I wonder if because it wasn’t really an emergency and wonder if it was, like for a heart attack, stroke, shooting, stabbing, car accident, etc.. if they’d still charge you for it or not, and the taxi would have only been 7$ or so…..see, I told her she should have taken a taxi….and now she has to find 45$ somewhere to pay it, a cousin in Europe said he had an earthquake there, and while out walking Buddy I felt like I was going to faint too and I really didn’t think I was going to make it and was afraid I was going to pass out before I got home but I made it ok. The stress in my life is killing me. I also got my fave. priest in church yesterday so I went to Confession so if I die now I’ll go to Heaven as I’m in a state of grace, and he said I’m not unlovable or worthless like my family thinks and makes me feel either because God created me and put me on this Earth for a purpose.(and I know He loves me even if no one else does) I just wish I knew what it was.