The Dog.

Screen Shot 12-07-17 at 06.24 PM My family broke my heart today talking about how Buddy’s old and going to die soon (he’ll be 12 in the new year although Dachshunds can live up to 15-17 years old,too) and they were discussing his “replacement”. I don’t even want to think about that; he’s my best friend, my sweet little companion, the only light and joy in my life, what keeps me going, the reason to get up every day, my reason to live, and if I didn’t have him in my life anymore I would have no one to love me, nothing left, and nothing to live for. Life without Buddy in it wouldn’t be any life at all. God knew how much I needed him and needed him in my life, he literally saved my life, and if he’s gone I would just be so lost, so shattered, so devastated, so desolate, so crushed, so heartbroken, so alone. No one and nothing could ever “replace” him. He’s one of a kind and the best dog I’ve ever had. My life would be so empty without him but I certainly would still want to get another dog though, as I need someone to love, to dote on, to look after, to be my companion and friend, to keep me company, to talk to, to cuddle with, to  give and receive affection, to share my life with. I need a friend. I need love.

So my hubby and the 14 and 16 YR olds were discussing his “replacement” and the girls were saying which breeds of dogs they like and my hubby kept saying they were too big and he prefers small dogs and my mother said no more dogs at all, and then I would be utterly alone and have nothing and no one. I said since Buddy’s my dog and I’m the one that’s responsible for taking care of him and that does all the work( feeding, bathing, walks, etc.) that I’d be the one who gets to choose the next dog and I want a Chihuahua like I had as a teen, as they’re small, easy to care for, require little food and exercise and also happen to be my fave. breed and give me good happy memories of a happier time, plus I’d also get an older dog, an adult that’s already housebroken, but they turned their noses up in revulsion saying they hate Chihuahuas and they’re “ugly”, etc.. but it would be my dog and I’m the one taking care of it. They were also insulting how much I love Buddy and even suggesting disgusting things like we do gross sexual stuff. They’re just sick. They won’t ever leave me alone. They won’t even let me have my dog to love without mocking it, twisting it around, making fun of it, trying to take it away from me, deny me it, and degrading it.I can’t even love my dog without them tearing it down.

It just breaks my heart how once again my family has no regard for my feelings, what I need, and what’s important to me. This is the ONE THING THAT MATTERS MOST TO ME IN MY LIFE is that I have a dog, a best friend to hang out with, to love,and be my companion,someone who loves me back, basically my life-saver.Honestly, it’s like a therapy dog I need for my emotional well-being. It would be bad enough to lose Buddy but if they wouldn’t even let me get another dog to help ease my grief and loss at least, to at least attempt at some healing by having another dog to love then there’s no chance for me at all. I’m done. I’d have nothing left anymore and I’m not sure what hurts even more; the loss and aching I’d feel in my heart and in my life; how deep that pain would be, or the fact that my family knows this(and what effect it would have and what it would do to me) but still don’t care; even though they know I’d completely fall apart they still say they won’t “let” me get a Chihuahua, despite how much it means to me.I am invisible in this family. I have no say, no voice. I don’t count or matter. Like I said, my dog is the only one that loves me, and without him I’d have no one. I just hope and pray I die  first, before Buddy does.

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