I read on a blog recently there is something called toxic stress that burns people out and breaks them over time and it sounds exactly like what I have; stress so bad due to continual ongoing trauma over the years that affects you to such a degree that you’re basically always on survival mode, adrenaline and cortisol (the stress hormones) is always running high, you’re always on alert and wary, in a fight-or-flight mode, always on guard, never at ease or able to fully relax or let your guard down, always highly anxious and stressed. That’s me. Needless to say being in this state constantly takes a toll on you both mentally, emotionally, and physically. Just like my mother had emblazoned on one of her coffee mugs: stress is my life.
This is what my family and my life has done to me.
As well, we’re still in the record cold, it’s like living in the frozen Arctic tundra, and even colder here than in Siberia, Alaska, even the North Pole. It’s just too cold for human life and the 14 YR old complains she hates Canada too as it’s just too cold. Yeah, I know. I get it. We’re just in the wrong country. I would really love to hibernate on a tropical beach in the Caribbean. We’re getting colds now too with the frigid weather and have our thermostat and heaters cranked up to the highest settings and it’s still cold! The heated blanket has become my new best friend.
The 14 YR old also likes to make fun of my green trackpants that has the word candy written across the ass, even though I never even noticed it was there when I first bought it; it just on sale so I snatched it up; she says she has to get laser eye surgery now because seeing that burned her eyes out….ha,ha….very funny. I’ve been really itchy lately as well which could indicate liver and/or kidney failure as the toxins build up in my body and cause rashes,red spots, allergic reactions, and itchiness, and even my eyeballs have been itchy and burning stinging sore too but not red and sore like with Pink-eye, but it may be jaundice from my liver as they do look a bit yellow along with my skin so it could be that with my liver. Perhaps that’s how I’ll die; multiple organ failure with my heart, liver,and kidneys? I really am an old, broken down, falling apart jalopy. It’s also itchy on the back of my head every day as well on the spot where I hit it when I fainted and fell, making me wonder if it’s a sign of healing….or something else perhaps…