Bundled Up.

Screen Shot 01-08-18 at 02.08 PM Here I am, all bundled up for winter. I look like I’m going out on an Arctic expedition. Thankfully the frigid Arctic cold spell we’ve been having for the past couple of weeks has passed and this week it’s actually going to be mild, even above 0 C, like today, for example, it got to  a balmy 2 C and on Thursday they say it’s even going up to 9 C and rain! (hey, I can get out my shorts and flip-flops!) We also got a shit-load of snow yesterday but it was also the nice fluffy kind, with the big fat flakes that turned into packing snow once it hit the ground, but it was a bugger to shovel, and as I shovelled out Buddy a pathway in the backyard to go pee (it was finally mild enough to take him out for a walk once again except they hadn’t plowed the sidewalk and there was nowhere to walk) I thought I was going to have a heart-attack, but at least the snow is pretty and I’d still much rather have the snow and have it warmer than freeze in the cold temps. Of course what I really want is to be on a beach in the Caribbean… sure beats the – 40 C temps we’ve been having…

Screen Shot 01-08-18 at 02.14 PM I also took this photo in the morning(before it melted) of the freshly fallen snow, revealing the beauty of winter. I posted it on my hubby’s brother’s Facebook as well joking Look what we got and you missed out on!  Do you regret not having this in Hawaii?  One of my happiest winter memories as a kid is going ice skating with my friend D and also tobogganning and I can still clearly picture myself playing out in my yard in Toronto in grade 6 wearing my navy blue parka with the fur hood,my white angora hat and mitts,  my then-fashionable Roadrunner jeans and tan Cougar boots and what a happy time in my life it was, and yet how blissfully unaware I was that in just a few more mere months, just after that summer, that my happy life would soon end and life as I knew it would be over and the best part of my life would end. I would go on to have some happy moments but The Old Me would cease to exist and my life would never be the same. I was months away from losing myself and I had no idea; no idea what was in store for me and my life ahead, how 12 years of happiness would abruptly end and be followed by trauma and crisis, heartache, misfortune and misery,abuse, rejection, bullying, victimization,and disappointment, one after the other, time and time again, until I just couldn’t take it anymore and I finally broke.

I also still have “Aunt Flow”, which I’ve had now for 11 days alternating some days a dark brown flow, other days a bright red, it’s so screwed up l have the abdomenal pain, I wonder if maybe I have endometriosis or something and need a D&C and need to just get it all scraped out inside but what I really want is a hysterectomy and just be done with this shit for good. I’m too old for this. I think I had another seizure in my sleep as well as I bit my tongue during my sleep and now the entire outside right side of it is swollen, hurts, is sore,and has teeth dents along it. I had a dream as well I was away and it was implied that I had either died and was revived or I had been in a coma for awhile and when I came back I found out my 5 month old grandson(I don’t even have any grandchildren yet) had died of SIDS; it was weird. The dentist also keeps calling me for an app’t for a check-up or cleaning or whatever but I haven’t got time for that now with all my other app’t’s with the cardiologist and also trying to figure out what’s causing my bleeding, abdomenal pain, seizures, etc..I have too many other things going on to worry about right now, my teeth aren’t a priority. They’re ugly and crooked anyway and I can’t ever afford to have them fixed.

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