Here I am, dressed , prepped and waiting for my MRI, which I had yesterday. This time it only took about 15 minutes, I guess since they were only focusing on one specific part ( liver and bile duct) whereas the other times it took much longer, an hour or so, but it was a full-body scan. I’m glad I changed socks before I left too as the original ones I was wearing had holes in the heels and it reminded me of what my great-grandmother on my mother’s side always used to say, to make sure you never go out with holes in your underwear in case you get in an accident and then at the hospital they’ll see it and think you’re poor. The hardest part is to keep still and not move the entire time so I just went off to my Happy Place and pretended I was on the beach in the Caribbean by the ocean, under a palm tree, in the sun. Being enclosed and strapped in the capsule like that also seemed to Sci-Fi as well and made me feel like I was about to be launched off into space somewhere and there was also this grey line that went all the way down the middle of the tube along the top and it made me wonder if it’s there for some functional reason or just to give us something to look up at while we’re entombed in there although most of the time I kept my eyes shut.
During some the test I felt a warmth on my belly and lower back and also cramping in my belly and a burning feeling in my back and abdomen, sort of like when you get a sunburn. I was worried as well it may affect my new tattoo or my manicured nails but it was fine; I didn’t end up getting stuck to the inside of the MRI walls like a magnet on a fridge or anything like that. They said they got lots of good images as well so hopefully they’ll see whatever’s there causing my liver issues, if something’s stuck in a bile duct, for example, or any masses on the liver. Waiting for my ride home I also sat and observed everyone limping and hobbling into the ER and I tried to image what they were in for, and the worst of it was I couldn’t eat or drink up to 3 hours before and I was so thirsty (I dehydrate really easily) I felt like a dried up cactus in the desert, all withering away.
On the way back I also asked my hubby to help me bring in the empty garbage and recycling that was left after pick up, that we each take half and bring it in, and I couldn’t do it all as my arms were full and he refused to help me and snorted, Just make 2 trips! He’s such an asshole and certainly no gentleman and he always does this and makes me do it all myself and never helps. My mother ordered in a pizza last night as well(and never the kind that I like but always only the one my hubby likes) and only gave me 1 slice even though she gave the 10 year old 2 slices and my hubby got 4 slices and when I said it was unfair (I get 2 slices and save one for my lunch the next day) she smirked, I paid for it! and she’s always done that, used money as power and control over people and using it to punish and reward people that she likes or doesn’t like and it made me feel like a Second Class citizen in my own home. I’m always the last, the least important, the one left out, given the least; it makes me feel like a dog, being given the crap, the left-overs, the gross parts, the small pieces, the scraps, the morsels left from everyone else….the after thought…
The 16 YR old also mocked and jeered that I was “jealous” about the pizza when really I just want it to be fair and to just be included and treated like everyone else and not inferior, second-class, the one who gets whatever’s left over after the ones that matter eat first. Then she taunted me, At least I’m pretty and people like me, unlike some people! (referring to me)Bye-bye,loser! and I told her, You’re not as pretty as you think you are ( she needs to be humbled) and at least I have ethics! It really concerns me how mean she is; she’s just so full of herself, so shallow, vain and mean, like the Mean Girls in school that look down on and bully everyone else, which she does; she’s always going around saying how pretty she is and how everyone else is ugly and “beneath” her. With me being bullied for years in school that’s NOT how I raised her; it’s not right to talk to anyone like that, let alone your own mother, and my hubby never says anything because he treats me and talks to me the same way; that’s where the kids learned it from. They constantly put me down, insult me, call me names, make fun of my appearance, bully me and generally treat me like shit and then they wonder why I regret having kids, hate my family and life, am miserably unhappy,and want out…… The thought also came into my head: Anyone you meet could be your potential soul-mate…. I just hope God sends whoever it is into my life soon…I desperately need someone to show me life can be worth living again and that I’m worth loving.
I’m pissed-off as well I miss all my TV shows for an entire month because of the dumb Olympics, taking over all the TV networks and it’s not right that everyone should be disrupted and miss their regular shows; not everyone cares or watches that crap. They should put it on TSN so whoever wants to watch it can pay for it and watch 24 hours a day if they want but the rest of us aren’t disrupted and still get to watch our shows,too. That way it’s fair and everyone’s happy. That’s one of my biggest pet-peeves: missing my regular shows because of some stupid sporting event! Why does that shit always take priority, anyway? What about the rest of us, that aren’t rednecks and don’t give a rat’s ass about sports?