Stupido.

stupid My medical marijuana license expires in 44 days so I was e-mailed a reminder along with 5 forms I had to fill out, sign,and return for re-newal ( plus I have to have my yearly consult with the doc) and they were so complicated and frustrating ( I hate filling out forms, medical, passport, etc.. and I almost always do something wrong) esp. on the computer as I had no idea how to get it to a form I could type on it or how in the hell to do a signature on a computer so my hubby had to help poor helpless, stupid, frustrated, stressed-out me(which he didn’t appreciate), and then even after it was finally all done I didn’t know where and how to find the stupid completed thing or how to return it.

God, I’m so stupid! I hate being stupid and life is hard when you’re stupid as you struggle with everything and everything is always so hard, so complex, so confusing, so difficult, so complex, so frustrating, hard to understand, figure out, or follow, always needing help all the time,everyone looking down on you, feeling inferior and embarrassed, and with my Asperger’s added on top of it( where I can only see things one way or see one solution to a problem or one way of attempting something) that makes it even harder ( and I thought autistic people were supposed to be smart along with their autism, so at least they also get something good out of it but I never got the smart part, just the disability part; I just got the shitty part, not the blessing.) I can’t figure out the Smart TV and remote either and always need my hubby or the 11 year old to do it, who snarls, You’re SO stupid! and my mother also took a “dig” in me, It’s a good thing you’re not out in the working world!

HouseTexas I also have a Facebook friend in Texas (Fort Worth area) who’s a realestate agent and this house pictured here and others like it have 3-5 bedrooms and 2-3 bathrooms and look at how huge and stately it is, and there they only cost between 190K-300K! Holy shit! I couldn’t believe it! Here in this country something like that would just start at 750K ( in a rural area) if you’re lucky and go to the millions$ range! As for us likely having to move the 14 YR old said she wants to move out of Canada and I agree with her; I’ve always hated this shithole and the two of us want to go somewhere where it’s warm all year and no winter!

Speaking of bad weather, we had hurricane-force winds yesterday over 100 km/HR and trees, poles, power lines, cranes, etc. were ripped down and the 23 YR old was woken up as his room was shaking. It was just soooo windy it was crazy, and tomorrow we’re supposed to get snow! So much for spring! The van also got taken in for snow tire removal( and we needed all new 4 tires) oil change, and check up and they also found we needed new brakes, which cost 1200$…great…just great… another expense we can’t afford, esp. now he’s out of work…but luckily his income tax refund was almost exactly enough; he was just 5$ short. God always provides a way.

Tomorrow and for the weekend my hubby and all the kids except for the 11 year old are going on an adventure to Niagara Falls, where the 16 YR old has a cheerleading tournament(and the 23 YR old has a jiu-jitsu tournament in Toronto too) so they’re making a weekend trip out of it so it’ll be a nice quiet 3 days for me, with only my mother, the 11 year old, Buddy and I at home. As for me, I continue to still be in intense pain and now it feels like I’ve been kicked in the stomach by a horse, which is how I remember my ulcer feeling, so maybe that’s back again and what’s causing the stomach pain at least? I still have it in my lower back/flank/kidney area though too. I don’t know what a pain-free day even feels like anymore….