Change.

change A thought just came to me: what if the possibility of our moving is the beginning of the new life that I’ve been praying for? My escape, my way out  and I’ve just been seeing all this uncertainty and stress in a negative way with my hubby losing his job( even though he has before too and something’s always shown up) and us struggling so much financially( even though we have been for several years now but God always provides) and possibly having to move(which is always a hassle) but maybe this is the first step in the changes that have to occur so that I can finally get out of my hopeless miserable life with my toxic family? Could it possibly be the answer to my prayer, what I’ve been waiting for? My mother’s really stressed, worried and anxious too as she doesn’t like change either but it’s a common aspect of Asperger’s.Yet, change has to occur before I can move on and start over.

The thought occurred to me that maybe what I can do is when they sell the house is to take a share, just enough to get Buddy and myself a small one bedroom place of my own, away from my toxic family and their ill-treatment of me( and when I mentioned to my mother that I’m stressed and hopeless to the point I attempted suicide again around Easter all she said was a curt, Just let nature take it’s course. No comforting, encouraging words of concern, no Oh, my God! Is everything ok now? no I’m glad you didn’t succeed, no Do you want to talk about it? Are you still taking your meds? nothing that showed any compassion. No words can even describe how it feels to know that my own family wants me dead, even my mother.

I figure I can go on Disability, so I’d have a monthly income of my own, plus my meds would be covered on their drug plan and I’d have access to their special bus and the one that takes you to and from medical appointments, even as far away as Kingston, and if I just had all my bills paid by automatic withdrawl I wouldn’t have to worry about paying monthly bills or banking, and as long as I’m close enough to be able to walk to church and the grocery, or even better: order food online at a place that delivers! Maybe it really is possible; I’d just need someone to help me with income tax but there are places that do that…maybe my hubby had to get laid off, forcing us to move, in order for me to have the opportunity to get some $$$$ from the sale to be able to get out on my own at last? As uncertain as it all seems maybe it’s all just part of God’s plan and an answer to my prayer? Maybe this is the beginning of a fresh start and a new life for me; a new hope?

As well, the 16 YR old’s hamster died. It only lasted 3 1/2 months, yet still better than her last one that she only had for a month until it died.It’s also nice and warm out( going up to 15 C today) and FINALLY like spring and I was out in the sun with Buddy for 3 1/2 hours and I would have stayed out longer but I got sunstroke and really sunburned as well(see photo below), and my eyes are practically swollen shut! 😀

sb I’m still ugly but at least now I have colour and not pasty white anymore.