Don’t Shave Your Beaver!

beaver Now this has got to be the strangest thing I’ve ever blogged about but it’s good advice: ladies, don’t shave your beaver! I did it yesterday(previously it had been shaved into a neat “landing strip” which I picked up when I used to do gymnastics and just continued on with) thinking it would be sexy and also keep things down there more neat, clean,and tidy, but what I thought was a good idea ended up not being such a good idea afterall because now it itches like crazy which, I assume, is the hair starting to grow back. Oh, my God, it’s just so itchy and it’s not a place I can normally scratch, either, or at least not in public, only when I’m alone. Aaaarrrgggh! Oh, shit, this is agony! It brings back the memory of showering in the girl’s change room after swim class at school in grade 8 and there was a hole in the wall that divided the boys and girls change rooms and the boys would peek at us changing and one of the bullies was overheard “rating” the girls and he said about me I “had a good body except for the bare c*nt ” and for the rest of the year he’d loudly yell out to me, Hey, Baldy! It was so embarrassing and I hoped to God that no one knew what it meant or how he knew.

As well, I came across a lemon pie in the kitchen and all of a sudden something just overwhelmed me and took over me and nothing else mattered at that moment other than that pie but I only like the lemon filling, not the meringue top or the crust….so what I did was “hide” my dastardly deed  by peeling off the meringue top and scooping out and eating only the lemon part inside and then replacing the meringue back on top to hide the evidence. I also heard this song on a TV commercial and I couldn’t figure out what language it was as I didn’t recognize it( and usually I’m very good at that) and it turned out all along it was English! My mind must really be going, and to make me think I’m losing my mind even more the girls took and hid my iPod while trying to “convince” me they didn’t, so I’d think I was crazy.

Poor Buddy also fell off a chair and face-planted on the floor, poor thing, and I was thinking how much it hurt how Patti used me and the only people that I wouldn’t mind using me are hot guys, like the hunk reporter on the TV news or the Trivago hunk on their commercial; they can use me as much as they want!!!! Being ravished by guys like that, always out of my league, would be a dream come true! Maybe I should just go ahead and hire a gigolo? 😀