Always More.

Screenshot_3 My hubby says that with me it’s always more; that I’m never happy, satisfied, grateful, thankful, enjoying, or appreciative of the here and now, of the present moment, of that I’m always looking for something more, for the next thing,and for what’s to come next, and he’s right in a way, I’m always so busy planning ahead and looking forward to the next thing that I barely have time to enjoy what I’m doing in the present. I remember just having a baby, for example, and I find myself in my head already thinking ahead to the next one, or I just finish a trip and I’m already planning ahead for another, or I’m enjoying a play or a concert and already thinking ahead to when I get to see the next one; there’s always more; and it’s not that I’m never satisfied; I just have so much going on all at once in my head it gets all jumbled up and I have so many tabs open all at once it’s almost like I live in the past, am trying to survive the present, and looking ahead to the future all at the same time.Plus, I also always need something to look ahead to in order to have motivation to keep going. There has to always be something next coming up to look forward to; always something more.

I do agree, however, that I do need to slow down though, take a breath, and just enjoy the moment.Just breathe. Just relax. Be grateful for what I do have. Be thankful for what I have. Be present for the here and now. I shouldn’t be so busy thinking about, planning, looking forward to, or worrying about the future or what’s coming next, what I have to do next,the next best thing, etc. that I’m unable to enjoy the present, so I have to remind myself to slow down, to enjoy the small things in life, to find something good in each day, to be thankful for little things, to enjoy what I have instead of dwell on what I don’t, to enjoy good days as they come , to treasure good times, and to enjoy the small things as one day I will look back and realize that they were big things. One day I hopefully will find that True Love, the Ultimate High, the Most Powerful Mind-Blowing Orgasm, my Big Break, etc. but until then I can still stop and smell the roses and enjoy  and be grateful along the way. One day at a time.

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I also got more sunflowers, this time when I was in Wal-Mart, because, you know, one can never have too many sunflowers. Our water bill was also 600$ this month, twice the usual, so it’s good we got the pool leak fixed afterall, and our grocery bill was an extra 200$ this week as well, likely due to tarriffs on imported American goods but an extra 200$ a week….that really hurts…  we can’t even afford to live…I still can’t figure out how to get all my songs transferred over onto my new iPod either and my hubby says it’s “punishment” for downloading them all illegally (yeah, and like he downloads all his shit legitimately?) and he scoffed at my ineptness as well, shaking his head in disbelief and face-palming, accusing me of just pretending to be dumb, but I’m not, and I assured him, I’m not pretending and it’s insulting and hurtful that he makes fun of me and puts me down for being dumb in the first place but then to imply that I’m faking it because no one can possibly really be that dumb in real life? That’s just extra brutal.