God’s Beauty.

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Yesterday walking home from church I once again attempted to take more photos of the sunflower garden nearby and this time I got lots of photos for your viewing pleasure. You’re welcome. I wish I could grow sunflowers like that. I wonder what their secret is?

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This one is also a neighbour across the street’s flowers. I’m not sure which type they are but they’re so pretty. The flowers grow on a kind of a bush  or vine of some sort and appear to have a Hollyhock or similar to a Petunia or Orchid look. It was so hot again as well I went swimming and my eyes were burning and stinging and my nose running and throat scratchy so something must be in the water and next door kept blaring annoying redneck country music as well as I was trying to enjoy a nice swim but luckily being 9 feet underwater I couldn’t hear it!

I also think something’s still in the house ,too, some sort of wild animal, whatever was here before must have come back in as Buddy wasn’t feeling well and didn’t eat his food and it was left out overnight and most of it was gone in the morning so something ate it and then later on as I was sitting here typing away I quickly saw out of the corner of my eye something black dart past about the same size as Buddy although it was black and I know it wasn’t him as he’s red and he was sitting right beside me curled up in a rocking chair. We’re going to set a big rat trap tonight with bait and set it up in the kitchen where the dog food normally is and we’ll see if we catch anything….

We found out as well Buddy’s new fave. food is now steak (it used to be pepperoni) and so he has refined taste, esp. for a guy that likes to lick his ass and balls, and I think I might have a blood clot in my left leg at the side just near my knee too; it’s a huge bulging bruised vein and it’s hot, hard, itchy and sore but I never injured it in any way so I’ll just keep an eye on it as they can break free and travel to heart, lungs or brain and cause embolisms and strokes. My mother still has her pain as well and she’s constipated too so maybe it has something to do with that? Maybe she’s just all plugged up with a log-jam?

My hubby and some of the kids were also having a conversation about something and I tried to join in, trying to show interest and be included and part of the group, but he coldly shut me down, dismissed me and pushed me out, snarling, You’re interrupting! You’re not part of this! We weren’t talking to you! very condescending and unwelcoming and it always goes like this whenever I try to include myself and be a part of anything I just always get shot down and pushed away. I hate my toxic family and our crazy, noisy, disordered, chaotic, dysfunctional , disorganzied, messy lifestyle.

I also was thinking about my hallucinations and they seem so real, like they’re really happening, and sometimes it’s things I see, other times things I hear, and sometimes both. Sometimes I’m just observing but other times I’m interactive. Some of them are just so bizarre that even at the time I know it can’t be real as my rational mind calculates, There’s no way this can possibly be real! This must be a hallucination! such as the time I thought I saw a giraffe in our backyard and a hippo in the tree,  but other times aren’t so obvious and I can’t tell if it’s my imagination or if it really is real, but just unusual, like the other day when I saw 2 guys riding a double bike wearing diapers and polka-dotted baby bonnets and loudly honking a horn as they rode past( it could have been real and isn’t entirely impossible; maybe it was a dare or someone lost a bet, or they were drunk and did something outrageous, or perhaps it was someone’s batchelor party or it was some sort of initiation or something) and when I saw the 2 teen girls with identical ponytails and wearing the same black outfit walking by; that could be real.Or seeing a SmartCar go down our street. Not a common thing here, yet it’s possible, so with things like that I really have a hard time being able to tell if it’s real or if I’m just seeing things…and the same thing about Patti: did she really come by….or not? It’s really frustrating trying to navigate thru life not being able to tell what’s real and what’s not; between what really happened and what I imagined.