I remember calling out breathlessly, Guys! Wait up!! as I ran after my friends as a kid, straggling along behind, trailing along, unable to keep up, out of breath(with my breathing problem) as they raced on ahead, faster than me, walking bigger, longer strides, and I was always winded and struggled to keep pace, and ended up falling behind, and that Guys! Wait up!! was probably one of my most-used pleas and most often-used words of my childhood, and it made me think about wildlife in their natural habitat and how the smaller, younger or older and weaker and sickly ones in the herd always get separated from the herd as they struggle to keep out and fall behind, only to become an easy target for a predator, waiting for one to become separated from the herd.
That’s me. I’m the weakest link in the herd, the one that’s always trailing last, straggling along behind the others, unable to keep pace, falling behind, can’t keep up, the vulnerable one, the weak one, the lone one off on it’s own, the runt, the separate one, the one that’s singled out and targeted for attack, the one the predator snatches up. In life I’m that same breathless kid yelling out to my friends to wait for me because I can’t keep up with them(and even now when I go to the mall with my family walking they’re always so far ahead of me I can’t keep in step and I’m always trailing along far behind), or the weakest member of the herd that can’t keep up and falls so far behind, alone and defenceless, and becomes separated, falling easy prey to attack.
After it must be 12 or 13 days now (I’ve lost count) something like that my epic bruise is finally healing up! I thought it would never go away! The second-oldest is also visiting a few days before she moves to Vancouver, and my mother thought that the movie Crazy Rich Asians was called Those Crazy Asians. I just face-palmed, shook my head in disbelief and walked away. Sometimes there are just no words. Tomorrow it will be a glorious 12 weeks (which is 3 months!) since I last had Aunt Flow,too, so I hope it’s finally ended and I’m in menopause at last…I also know that this was a hallucination as well: I “heard” a little girl say to me tauntingly in a sing-song voice, You’re going to DIE today!