Last night I had this weird dream I was in Heaven and I was wearing a long tie-dye dress(similar to the one here, the pattern and colour but not strapless) only in the Rasta colours instead of the traditional rainbow colours and my orange Converse hi-tops with a crown of daisies in my hair. I know, you’d think sunflowers since I love them so much but I guess it was a practicality thing as sunflowers are just way too big and wouldn’t fit or be practical and daisies are much smaller and better suited for that kind of thing. Usually in those kind of dreams I’m wearing a loose, long flowing white gauze dress and bare feet with the crown of daisies in my hair.
This is also the lump under Buddy’s eye. He seems ok otherwise though; still playing, running around, barking if someone comes to the door, tracking scents, going on long walks, sniffing out mice, chasing chipmunks, etc. I also had this major panic attack last night at bedtime that he has cancer and he’s dying and it just felt so real and I was convinced he was dying and I was losing him I was crying and crying, my heart was breaking and I was sobbing heavily the tears wouldn’t stop flowing and I snuggled him close to me and I got his fur all wet.I felt so despairing, so desolate, so shattered, so gutted.
I was so worried and fearful it kept me awake half the night. I hope NOT though, just a fear, and maybe it’s even just allergies or something,too causing the swelling and not a tumour, but in any case, in case he doesn’t have too much time left I’m going to ensure he enjoys what time he does have left, spending as much time as I can with him, loving on him as much as possible, doing his fave. things I know he loves and enjoys,making him happy, making his Last Days as fun-filled, love-filled and enjoyable as possible and so that he knows how much he’s loved. I don’t even want to live in a world without him though; he’s brought love, joy,and light into my life, gives me a reason to get up every morning and to keep going each day. My world revolves around him; he is my heart.
I also took this photo of Buddy and I sharing an ice cream and I love the way it turned out with the shadow effect. So cool.
Progress on my Smile Project. It’s hard for me to smile, but I’m trying. Someone also stole the 23 YR old’s bike from the shed in our fenced-in backyard. People SUCK.