Summer And Fall.

Screenshot_411 It’s still feeling like summer even though it looks like fall and we still have a week still officially left of summer. For the last weekend of summer yesterday I think was the hottest day yet. Now the 17 YR old, 15 YR old, and 11 YR old are all sick with the virus I dubbed the Papa Plague since he was the first one to have it and to infect everyone else. Even Buddy’s sick,too: he hasn’t eaten all day, feels warm with fever and barfed once. I also have this recurring dream lately that I’m going on a plane again sometime soon but have no idea where so I wonder if a trip is coming up? One of my cousins(who’s in his late 30’s/ early 40’s and has a son in grade 7) who lives farther up North also said he’s lost several friends to drug over-doses; it’s become a real problem recently.

Screenshot_386 This is also the fall decor I put up on the balcony on the third floor. It’s a scarecrow and leaves garland. I also put up the fall wreaths in the window and on the door. My sunflower still shows no signs of any flower and other sunflowers are seeding and dying now and it reminds me of myself and my life: always waiting, hoping, trying, putting in an effort, but get nothing in the end and it all ends up all for nothing. I’m pretty sure that’s how this is going to play out too, just like pretty well everything else in my life I attempt. It’s been 6 months since I planted it and every day I diligently water it and put it out in the sun; I even talk to it (Hello there, Sunny-Boy! How are you today?) and my mother laughs at me I’m wasting my time but I keep hoping and I keep trying….likely all for no results in the end, no outcome, no reward in the end. No happy ending. No success..The story of my life.

Screenshot_387 The 17 YR old also went to Tim Horton’s and brought the 15 YR old back a hot chocolate for her sore throat…..and brought me back this: a pumpkin spice iced capp! Even though I don’t like and don’t drink coffee, with all the cream and other flavours I don’t even taste the coffee. At first I wasn’t sure what flavour it was supposed to be but it didn’t taste like pumpkin, but more like a caramel cream but it was still good. I have to say I was really surprised she brought it for me though, she never brings me anything,and,in fact, of all the kids she’s the one that’s usually the meanest to me, the most mouthy, disrespectful, hurtful, insulting, etc. so to have her suddenly out of nowhere do something nice for me like that was, well…..really nice and I really appreciated it. It really made my day.

In church yesterday they also had sunflowers, lots of them, in 2 big vases on the altar and so I figure, this has  to be some sort of sign for me, an answer to some prayer…..but to what? Which one? Is God possibly trying to tell me something? I’m also in the Manic phase of my bipolar now so the anxiety is running extra high, I’m running on fast-forward, my mind is racing a thousand miles an HR, I’m jittery, and having trouble sleeping and lay awake until well into the night,and I know eventually I’m going to crash and sink down to the depression phase in not too long.

My friend I (from grade 8) also keeps posting for us to support her ( she works for Canada Post) during the mail strike they hope to have soon and I replied, That’s what couriers are for and she replied sarcastically, Thanks for your support  but like I told her, not everyone supports and agrees with a postal strike,and as a consumer I’m going to go with whoever can provide the services I need and if Canada Post can’t deliver then I’ll find someone else that will. It’s that simple.