I feel like I’m fading into the background in my own life. It feels like in the drama that is my life that I am no longer the main character but rather just an “extra”, a background character that shows up periodically every now and then but doesn’t play a major role, have too many lines, have top-billing, credits, or even much of a speaking part, but I’m just fading into the background and just sort of blend in, not even a supporting role but an extra that sort of shows up and sometimes they cast me for a bit role and sometimes not. In my life I’m supposed to have the starring role and be the main character but it doesn’t feel that way.It feels like I just play a bit part in my own life. I feel like a background character in my own life.
I feel like I’ve been sent to the back of the bus in my own life. I play no significant role, make no decisions, have no voice , power, say, or sway, and my mother and hubby make all the decisions and I’m just expected to go along with them.I have no freedom or independence. What I want, say, think, and need doesn’t matter and is never considered, asked for, listened to, respected, sought, or taken seriously. I just sort of exist in the background while life moves all around me, decisions are being made, people come and go, secrets are shared, plans are made,life goes on, etc. all without me, and I’m left out of it all and not included, it’s like I just faded away out of my own life, or rather, I got pushed out of my life and wasn’t invited, or allowed, back in. My life goes on, but it’s like I’m not present for it, as if it would still continue whether I showed up or not; I’m not a big part of it.I don’t even come first in my own life.I’m not even the main character in my own saga.I even play an insignificant role in my own story.
Originally it was my mother and I that were the Original Main Characters, that started the entire thing,sharing responsibilities, working as equals, and then my hubby came along and he just sort of took over, inserting himself as king, emperor,and boss, and then when the 2 of them got together things really got bad for me as they joined forces and always stuck together, taking eachother’s sides,ganging up on me, and always pushing me out and leaving me the odd one out. Even though I was here(and part of this family) way before he was she has effectively replaced me with him and he has taken over as the one who calls the shots now(she and I used to share it before), who comes first, who always gets his way and “wins”, who outranks everyone else, who has the final say,etc. and I’m just forced into the background, shoved behind the both of them.
Then even after once the kids came along they got top-billing and once again I was delegated to the back of the line and just kept getting shoved farther and father down until I was so far down you couldn’t even see me or hear me anymore and I was basically absent from my own life and the main character suddenly hardly even had much of a role anymore, it was so diminished, and just sort of faded away into the background, having less and less participation,visibility, contribution,and control in my own life, and eventually faded away so much I didn’t even exist anymore.Not that anyone would even notice.Or care.