I had my Pap test yesterday, only I got the time wrong and got there an HR early so I just had to sit there….. I’d had the time originally written down on my calendar but the kids are always scribbling stuff on it, sabotaging and ruining it(usually by drawing occult stuff on it to annoy me) and one of them eventually just ended up ripping the entire page right off, so I wasn’t able to check and verify . They also updated and now they have a self-sign-in electronically where you swipe your own health card and also had all the patients take this survery only it was on a Tablet and I’m no good with those annoying modern electronic devices, just like with the kiosks at the airport where you have to scan your passport to get your boarding pass; they never work for me and I always end up having to go get an employee help me, and of course I had trouble with this,too…
When I tried to swipe my health card to sign in it never worked(this happened before at the hospital too when they had the same dumb self-check-in thing for a scan) I swear my body must emit some sort of magnetic field or something that kills electronic devices…so then it said I can punch in the numbers manually so I tried that….it still didn’t work….and I still ended up having to check in at reception anyway,and with the survey I didn’t know how to backspace it and delete mistakes and for weight I accidently hit the wrong numbers and it was so sensitive to the touch it keep repeating and locked in for the answer that I weigh 1808888 pounds and that my BMI calculated as an excessively obese 380! so I had to go up to the reception desk yet again and have her help me with it and everyone in the office was laughing, and it took me so long to manouever thru it,too, and I felt like such a dolt.
Then when I finally went in for the much-dreaded exam they no longer have the fabric sheets to drape over you anymore but disposable paper ones and they were so small it was the size of a paper towel and I told the nurse, My fat ass is going to need more than that to cover! I’m going to need alot more sheets! I must have really clenched up and gone rigid for the exam too as she kept telling me to relax(so I closed my eyes and tried to go to my Happy Place on the beach in the Caribbean, and tried to imagine a hot guy down there, or floating in the water, or laying in the sun) and she asked me the usual woman questions about my cycle and anything unusual and I told her about the unusual bleeding, abdomenal pain, and how I keep asking the doctor for a referral to the gyno as I know something’s wrong and when she got a look in to the cervix she said she did see abnormal stuff just by looking,before any cells were even scraped or examined: she said I have a blister on my cervix and excessivly thick discharge and she said neither is a normal finding for a woman my age and stage in life so she also took extra swabs and is testing for other infections(and I know I do get frequent yeast infections) as well as cervical cancer.I said why not, since she’s down there swabbing away anyway. Maybe there’s some other kind of infection like staph or something it’ll pick up?
I know I don’t have an STD though as there’s no way I’d get it (unless my vibrator had it)since my hubby’s the only one I’ve ever been with and even with him we haven’t done it in over 11 YRS, since I got prego with the youngest, and the nurse said as far as the cervical cancer if the results are normal I’ll get a letter in the mail in about 3 weeks and if not the doctor’s office will call me. I wouldn’t really be surprised if that’s what I do have though as it would explain my symptoms, not only the pain and bleeding but also my achy, sore legs, constantly sore lower back, swelling and fluid retention, constipation and diarrhrea, fatigue, foul discharge, etc. maybe I’ll finally have my long-awaited for diagnosis and answer to my mystery symptoms that have plagued me forever?
Maybe I have cervical cancer?
Buddy is also being very agitated today like he’s got his knickers in a twist and he keeps licking my left leg and whining and he looks at me intently(as if he’s trying to read my mind almost) and barks, like he’s trying to alert me, like he often does lately, it’s like he can sense something’s wrong, and it made me wonder those times after I’ve had weed and I get this bad feeling like Buddy’s got cancer and is dying only I can’t tell if it means he really is and I’m only aware of it then as that’s when I am more enlightened and can access more full knowledge, or just that I’m rather more paranoid due to the weed, my imagination runs wild, and it’s not actually true, I wonder if maybe I got it all wrong and it’s not actually him that’s dying; it’s me? Maybe the reason that he seems “out of sorts” and mopey and unsettled lately isn’t because he’s dying, but because he’s the one who’s grieving….. for me?