I saw the gastro specialist and got my test results: no blockages or scar tissue(from my gallbladder surgery) obstructing my bile ducts….but the genetic testing did come back positive: it turns out I am a carrier ( I inherited one of the defective genes from one of my parents. If I inherited two; that is, one from each, I would have a much more severe case) for the Alpha 1 antitrypsin deficiency, meaning my liver lacks the enzyme it needs for itself and the lungs in order for proper functioning, explaining my liver(eg. elevated enzymes, liver failure with my last pregnancy and Obstetric Cholestasis, gallbladder issues, abdomenal pain,etc.) and breathing issues and increasing risk for me to also have other related liver and lung conditions, interestingly also aneurysms, which I once had a dream was going to be my eventual cause of death: an abdomenal aortic aneurysm. The doctor said it’s also worsened by smoking( but I smoke weed rarely; I generally use the cannabis oil) and as I’m a carrier my kids have a 50% chance of also being carriers of the defective gene themselves, unless, of course, my hubby also happens to have passed on the same thing, although that’s highly unlikely as it’s fairly rare….that’s me, I’m always that rare one-out-of-a – million, unlikely statistic….
When I announced this to my mother a scowl came across her face in denial and the first words out of her mouth were a curt, Well, that must have come from your father’s side!! although the more I think about it I think it’s more likely that it actually came from her side of the family since there are several relatives on her side that have had both liver and gallbladder issues,incl. even cancers, and besides, she’s the one with the genetic issues given the inbreeding with both her grandparents and great-grandparents, both of whom married first and second cousins, so there’s also that… in any case, there’s no “cure”; just something chronic that I have to live with and I just try and manage the symptoms, such as milk thistle can ease the liver, diet(some people find wheat, gluten, or dairy-free helps them, or less gassy foods) can help with my IBS, Benadryl for the itching,etc.
This also explains why my entire life I’ve had breathing problems, get short of breath, am exerted easily, have that nagging cough,tightness in chest, etc. and this proves those gym teachers in school wrong who always accused me of just faking it, pretending I had a breathing problem when I said I can’t run around the gym or I get out of breath, dizzy and faint and will pass out…..they said it was just an excuse, and even my own family does as well and accuse me of just being fat and lazy and inventing some imaginary breathing problem as an excuse (why I can’t walk far, run up and down the stairs, do strenous stuff,etc.) but now I have validation, actual proof, a definitive diagnosis, an answer, an explanation. My hubby was happy as well less medical appt’s now too he has to drive me to because apparantly it’s such a big effort, hassle, burden, and time and effort for him to take the time to take me, even though he also takes my mother to all her appt’s and the kids to all their activities and has no problem with it….but anything for me is always such a problem….
My hubby also said he applied for another job but it’s in Ottawa so if he gets it we’d have to move closer to there so he can drive into the city there for work but due to our past trauma there we can’t live directly in Ottawa itself, but rather in another township nearby in close vicinity but not exactly in Ottawa, and besides, after the trauma we endured there I can never go back there again, let alone move back there and live there; that would certainly set back my healing and recovery and completely undo whatever progress I might have made over the years since we left. I just wouldn’t feel safe there anymore,anyway.
When I came back home after my app’t Buddy was so happy to see me as well; he always runs over and is excited but this time he was even crying when I came in the door; he was whining, running around in circles, wagging his tail furiously it was going ’round and ’round in circles like a propeller, jumping up at my legs for me to pick him up, it was so sweet and it was so nice to be missed and to be greeted like that. I know he loves me. ♥The 11 YR old said he was sad and mopey the entire time I was gone as well and just sat there on the stair landing or in front of the front door, head hung down, sulking, forlorn, waiting for me to come home.
It’s now lilac season. I’ve always loved lilacs; they have the best scent ever. My fave are the purple ones, which are the most common although they do also come in pink and white.I remember when I was a kid my Babushka and my aunt used to have them in their backyards. So I went and picked some and filled up 5 vases thru the house to fill the entire place with the sweet glorious fragrance. Here in the photo I added some lilacs to a bouquet I already had. Unlike when I was a bold, brazen kid and I’d snatch them from anywhere, even off people’s properties(I even remember getting caught a few times, incl. one time where the homeowner physically grabbed me, restraining me and threatened to call the police but I broke free and took off), now(I have better ethics) I only take them from public areas, and these ones I got from a public area, along a pathway beside the waterfront.
As I was snapping them off( after years of practice I don’t even need clippers, I’ve become adept at just bending and pulling them off just the right way with my bare hands) there was this bird that kept hovering overhead near me and kept squawking, likely it had a nest there it didn’t want me to disturb, and being by the water and looking out onto the bay reminded me of fond, happy memories of when I was a kid at the cottage too, at the beach , swimming in the lake and going on the motorboats. I’ve always loved the water.
I also had to change my plans and revise my sunflower garden. I went to water the newly-planted seeds today and to my dismay I saw that the soil had all been overturned and dug up and the seeds were scattered along the top, cracked open and eaten by either the damn birds or squirrels so what I did instead is(luckily I still had another pack of seeds left!) I used the container seen in the photo above, which has 12 little compartments, and filled each one with soil and planted one seed in each and put it in the windowsill where we get sun, the idea being they can grow indoors and then once they become seedlings I can transplant them back outside once they’re bigger and stronger and no longer a seed that can be eaten.
My hubby was ripping into me again for muting the redneck sports on the news again even though it’s the one thing I just can’t stand and he hardly ever even watches the news anyway; that’s my thing, but he still thinks he takes priority and can just take over and what he wants over-rides and over-rules everything and everyone else, and I don’t care if he watches it; he can watch it all he wants on his own, just not when I’m in the room; I don’t want to see or hear it, so then him and my mother tell me to leave the room, even though I’m the one that’s actually watching the news and I was there first, and she hates it,too, and mutes it or leaves when it comes on, but when he’s around she still always takes his side and they always gang up against me, and then he says he’s not going to drive me to my medical app’ts or anywhere else, trying to threaten me, just because I mute it, even though driving family to app’ts and activities is still part of his responsibility to this family whether I mute sports or not, and he knows that(and redneck country music) is the one thing that really annoys me and I won’t tolerate in my presence, which is precisely why he makes such a big deal out of it; just to aggravate me and to try and threaten, control, and “punish” me. I long for the day when I never have to look at his pointy nose and his beady little eyes ever again….he’s such an asshole….. I just want to walk away and never look back.