Sell-Out.

Screen Shot 12-01-17 at 06.51 PM I was disappointed to hear that Pope Francis didn’t use the term Rohingya (a persecuted Muslim minority in Myanmar who are victims of genocide) when he was in Myanmar recently as he was afraid that it would “offend” his hosts, even though speaking out against injustice and oppression is the right thing to do and what Jesus would have done; He wouldn’t have cared if people were offended; He wouldn’t hesitate to give a voice to the voiceless, to defend those that are being discriminated against and abused,to stand up for justice and human rights. I was very let down to see that the Pope sold-out and was more concerned about what people would think rather than doing what’s right, what a spiritual leader should do, what Jesus would do. It was nice to see him meet with Rohingya later in Bangladesh, but it would have held alot more significance if he had acknowledged and spoken out against their mistreatment in Myanmar. Take a stand.

Screen Shot 12-01-17 at 06.52 PM It was good news though to hear about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s engagement. When it seems lately all we hear is bad news it’s good to hear some happy news for once, and it’s also nice to see the Royals being more progressive and accepting as well. It was something like 70-80 years ago that an heir to the throne had to abdicate to marry the woman he loved as the Royal family didn’t approve or allow him to marry her as she was an American and divorced….the same as Meghan, who also happens to be half Black as well, which years ago would have been an issue( even though it shouldn’t be) so it’s good to see that they’ve learned and are now letting them marry  whoever they love, regardless of their nationality, race, or past marital status. I always thought Prince Charles should have been allowed to marry Camilla first time around too as she was the one he really loved, and it would have saved poor Diana all that heartache and mistreatment she endured. It ruined her life.

Funny as well: I was waking up, still half-asleep when I heard an ad on the radio for a car place and they said We service all makes and models but I thought I’d heard it as We service all naked models.

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The Wreath.

Screen Shot 11-26-17 at 06.33 PM Yesterday I put up the big wreath on our balcony. It looked so bare since my hubby is too lazy this year to put up the outdoor Christmas lights and we always have a huge display of lights, it rivals Snoopy’s doghouse but this year he’s being petty, childish, immature, spiteful and holding a grudge refusing to put them up because he didn’t like the way I took them down last year. What a suck and big baby. Now it looks so bare and forlorn and the neighbours will all wondered what happened; they’ll probably think we turned Jewish or something when really it’s just laziness. I used this clear string to tie it on, I think it’s called fishing wire or fishing line or something like that,and of course the damn roll went off the balcony and fell down into the bush below, just my typical luck, so I had to go all the way down and get it but of course I forgot the scissors so I wasn’t able to cut it. Doesn’t it figure? The story of my life. Life is hard when you’re stupid. Plus, I don’t think I fully recovered from Saturday as even yesterday(I guess I’m lucky that I didn’t fall off the balcony with it,too!) I kept tripping on my skirt and fumbling, and in church I felt like I was going to faint and reading the Missal the words were all blurry and I saw double, unless, of course, it’s due to the recent head injury I had. Either way, I plodded thru my day in a haze, and I’m still having trouble spelling words as I type and I never even had any weed, so maybe it’s not that, but due to when I hit my head,afterall….

As well, our town had the Santa Claus Parade yesterday as well during church and the lady that sits behind me and talks to me asked, Oh, you don’t want to be standing out in the cold, freezing, watching the parade? and I told her, Nah, I’d much rather be in here where it’s nice and warm and she said she’d rather be at her condo in Florida and I said, I’d rather be on the beach in the Caribbean and we both had a good laugh. There was also a little girl in church sitting a few rows ahead of me cuddling and hugging her mother and it reminded me so much of the 14 YR old and I when she was younger, when she used to love me and when we were really close and she let me hug her, before she decided one day that she doesn’t love me anymore and no longer wanted to talk to me, confide in me, or share her life with me anymore, and it made me sad for what I’ve lost and wish I still had, and I hope that my loving her wasn’t what damaged her and broke her; how can you love someone too much? Grieving for someone that’s still alive is one of the hardest things.

Now my hubby also has the redneck sports un-muted on the news every night now even though my mother and I always had it muted before because neither of us like it(and majority rules) but he just comes in and takes over and she won’t stand up to him and always takes his side against me(even though she doesn’t like that redneck crap either) once again asserting their power, dominance, control,and authority over me, reminding me that what I think, want, feel, like, my opinion, preferences, considerations, etc. don’t matter and don’t count and I have no say at all in my own home. I don’t care if he wants to watch that crap when he’s on his own, just not when I’m there, and I want to watch my news in peace, without redneck shit that really gets on my nerves(and he knows it, that’s why he does it, just to purposely irk me, and to make me feel powerless.) I just hate that shit with such a passion that even when I’m on my own listening to the news on the radio I turn it off when the redneck sports comes on. It has nothing to do with him; it’s just a pet-peeve of mine; something I just can’t stand or tolerate, a line I won’t cross, and he just won’t respect that…..because he doesn’t care about or respect me.

First Snow!

Screen Shot 11-19-17 at 07.37 AM 001

We got our first snowfall, a light dusting overnight! Of course later on it all melted and went away but it was so pretty and a nice surprise to wake up to. Buddy thought not so much. He just stood there when I took him out for his first thing in the morning walk and looked like What the hell just happened? Where did this come from?What the f*ck? He was not a happy boy. It was also really windy and cold so he didn’t want to go for a full walk and just did his thing quickly and came back inside. A neighbour also told me that 2 of her 3 dogs were poisoned and one of them almost died and had to get a blood transfusion and the vet bill was 5000$ and 2 of her other neighbours’ dogs were poisoned too and it turns out it was rat poison and someone’s been putting it in people’s yards purposely to kill their dogs! How can anyone be so evil and so sick? Just to be safe now I’m not even going to let Buddy out in the backyard anymore, just solely take him out for walks. That’s really scary. I had to massage his anal glands as well as they were impacted. Yup, I know. Gross.

When I got up in the morning I also noticed that the kids had put the rest of the decorations up on the Christmas tree during the night,and after seeing a hot photo of Jason Momoa online I got lustful thoughts and had to go to Confession as well and I confessed other stuff while I was there as well, preparing for Advent, which is in 2 weeks and the priest said I did a good humble Confession, and the college strike is now finally over,too after the gov’t ordered them back to work by legislation so classes resume Tuesday so the 23 YR old’s GF went back to her dorm last night.

It’s been 2 months now as well since I fainted and fell and hit my head and I have frequent headaches ever since but it’s not my usual migraines; they feel different, and when I touch a certain spot at the back of my head it still hurts,too, and yesterday I even had some sharp “shooting” pain in that same spot, sort of like an electric bolt zapping thru and a stiff neck at times too and the 23 YR old said, That’s not a good combination… maybe that’s how I’ll end up dying? Maybe I really did fracture it afterall like I thought and I have a slow brain bleed? Part feels “squishy” back there too unless it’s just my hair…

I also had the sports muted when I was watching the news as both my mother and I hate it and my hubby unmutes it (he just comes in and takes over) even though it was just football which even he doesn’t watch or like, and, in fact, he even calls it fagball; he just put it on to annoy me because he knows I hate it,(and what happened to majority rules when 2 out of 3 of us don’t like it?) and redneck stuff is one thing that I just can’t stand or tolerate and drives me crazy, esp. sports and country music; that’s where I draw the line and is a deal-breaker, and even though my mother hates it too (and the other day when it came on she groaned, Oh, not this crap again!) she still sided with him and they both ganged-up against me like they always do and she treats him more like her son than she treats me like her daughter and her excuse is he treats me nicer than you do! and I reminded herand you treat him better than you treat me! and when I said she never agrees with me, takes my side or gives me any support she says it’s because I’m always wrong. Then they wonder why I feel like an outsider in this family and feel pushed away and want out…..My family sucks.

Killer Priests.

Screen Shot 11-12-17 at 07.07 PM In church yesterday the priest was talking about the priests’ hunting trip where they were hunting deer and moose and I found it to be quite surprising, shocking, and disturbing that priests would be hunting, shooting,and killing animals for sport like that! It’s just so mean, so cruel, so barbaric,and so unbecoming for a priest! It’s not exactly the kind of thing I’d imagine a man of God doing, hunting and killing God’s creation; it just doesn’t seem right and it doesn’t fit well with me. The only time I think hunting is ok is how the Native people do it because they actually use every part of the animal, for food, for clothing, etc. they don’t just hunt for sport, but for necessity,and they don’t waste anything. I think trophy hunting is barbaric and cruel. It’s also incredibly redneck, but not surprisingly alot of people in this town do it, but I’d expect a priest to respect life, all life. It was very disappointing to hear.

It was also dark when I walked home from church now with the time change, and no one stared at my hair, so either they didn’t notice (I’d shaved my head) or they were just being polite and didn’t want to be rude and stare, or else they’re just used to it because I’ve shaved my head before. I’m glad though as I don’t like it when people stare; it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Now the 14 YR old and my mother are also not feeling well with the virus going thru our house and eventually we’ll probably all get it, and the 14 YR old asked me as well who I’d rather listen to Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber but I couldn’t answer because they both suck equally and I’d rather cut my ears off than listen to either one of them! I wouldn’t even go as far as to call that music.

Just Give Me 10 More Minutes!

Buddy10 Pretty well every morning around 6 am Buddy will jump up all over me, licking me, jumping on me, and if I don’t acknowledge him or respond ( I’m either sleeping or pretending to be asleep hoping he’ll leave me alone for a few minutes and go back to bed before he wants to go out and pee) whimper and whine, and my often-used mantra, my heartfelt plea, is this, Just give me 10 more minutes…. I know he has to go, but I’m so nice and warm and cozy in my bed and it’s still dark out; my body still wants to sleep. I don’t want to get up quite yet, and he’s held it this long already, I mean, he’s gone all night, what’s 10 more minutes? Oh, for the love of God, pleeeaase just 10 more minutes… Luckily the time change hasn’t affected him though; he slept thru it ok and didn’t even seem to notice; he woke up at the normal time and not an hour earlier like I was afraid he might. I remember when the kids were little this used to concern me,too.

Screen Shot 11-05-17 at 09.49 AM The 16 YR old also made this cell phone case! She designed and created and made it herself! Isn’t it cool? I told her she could/should make a business out of it by selling them online. I bet she’d make alot of $$$$…I also realized as well that the first half of the kids, that is, the older ones, did university, and the second half of them, the younger ones( with the exception of the youngest,I’m sure, who’s 10, and he’s a real  little genius) are planning on college which actually works out quite well  for us since we’ve also run out of $$$$$! The roofer came as well and said it’s not the roof that’s leaking but rather the eavestroughs and that it’s actually them that needs replacing and not the roof that needs repairing afterall and the good news is this costs less, too!

I also went to church in the morning yesterday instead of in the evening as we had torrential rain all day but my hubby was able to drive me if I went at 11 am but not if I went later and I’d have to walk in the rain (and without even an umbrella because the 16 YR old left it at work…..thanx for that, BTW!) and it also worked out well as this way I know that the kids actually did go to church too(instead of just saying they did but actually going out somewhere else) because I see them there with my own eyes and they know I’d be watching for them,too, and the Rich Lady was there again, sitting 2 rows ahead of me so I got to sit and stare at the back of her head the whole time, admiring her sophistication, elegance,and style, and wondering what her life is like the rest of the week and what she does, wondering what it would be like to be her, to switch lives, and this is why the Mindfulness training is so hard for me,too as my mind always wanders off somewhere else and I can’t just be there in the present, in the then and now, I always daydream and let my mind float off somewhere, and when the kids told me that the Jesus pictures weren’t going back on the wall after the paint was dry ( and it’s NOT just me; the 23 YR old and his GF both liked and preferred the floral wallpaper in the upstairs hall like I did,too, rather than the dreary institutional-grey colour my hubby and the 14 YR old painted it now) and I got really mad andthen my hubby chanted mockingly to me, Use your Mindfulness! and I told him, You can take your mindfulness and shove it up your ass So then there’s also that.

Hemp Smoothie.

 

Screen Shot 10-30-17 at 03.07 PM When my newest order of cannabis oil arrived in the mail I also got a free sample of hemp powder protein so I tried it and put it in my smoothie with fruit, juice,and yogurt. You can’t really see by the photo here but it ended up turning the smoothie a gross diarrhrea green colour and it tastes like ass! At least I know what I won’t be ordering, not that I was going to but that stuff is really nasty, I mean it was gross!  I didn’t notice anything after I’d drank it either as far as how I felt although I did do a fart later on and it smelled like weed. In any case, I don’t recommend the hemp protein powder, it just ruins the entire smoothie.

Our furnace also wasn’t working and it was so cold in here so I checked it and the thermostat said it was only 64 F so I fiddled with it to try and lower the “expected” temp. so urge the furnace to come on but it still didn’t so we had to call the repairman. He came fairly quickly and he found the problem: the flooding in the basement due to the record rain we got Sunday ( 65 mm breaking the previous record of 19 mm in the 1950’s) seeped into part of the furnace at the bottom and somehow short-circuited the circuit board so he had to replace it and now we have heat again. It’s good we have that plan as well where we pay so much every year and all repairs, parts and service calls are covered and included in that plan, no matter the cost, which is good as this would have cost over 1000$ otherwise, 1000$ that we don’t have! So now the furnace guy also knows our little secret; we have now been publically outed and shamed as one of those people that already has their furnace on in October. Yes, we admit it; we’ve had the heat on. It’s been cold enough.

I also casually mentioned about tongue-f*cking jelly or cream-filled donuts, Twinkies, etc. and my hubby just gave me this really weird incredulous look and then it made me feel really weird and outcast but I can’t be the only one that does that; digs my tongue in there deep and roots it around to dig out the creamy or jam centre… my abdomenal pain’s also been bad for a whole week now and extra bad for the past 2 days and I’m nauseous at times,too, and on Sunday I had both plus I was really dizzy when I stood up and I had to grab onto a chair so I wouldn’t fall over so I wasn’t able to go to church this week and I felt really bad, but there’s no way I can walk and stand like that; I’d pass out, plus there was torrential rain I’d have to walk in; I just wasn’t up for it but now I feel guilty, like I’m playing hooky from school, like how I felt when I used to skip gym class.

I’m sad as well to hear that Henry the Hippo (Fiona’s father and Bibi’s mate) is really sick and most likely dying. He has some sort of infection and it’s shutting down his kidneys and he’s not responding to treatment. He’s 36 and Nile hippos generally live to be 35 so he is old but it’s still sad, esp. since he just recently was reunited with Fiona following months apart after her premature birth. It was nice to see the family together and now they will have a member missing soon.

Poor Henry. 😦

Update: I just heard that Henry the hippo has died. The Cincinnati Zoo has euthanized him. R.I.P Henry.

 

Occult Symbols.

Screen Shot 10-15-17 at 07.22 PM The 16 YR old baked cookies with an occult symbol on them( seen here) even though she knows nothing occult is allowed in the house out of respect for God as this is a Christian home and the Bible says you have to choose to follow God or Satan; you can’t follow both, and we are also told to avoid everything to do with the occult, incl. Hallowe’en (Satan’s Day) and any occult symbols such as the Jack ‘O Lantern yet she continues to defy me and she also had this glittery Jack ‘O Lantern occult decoration in her room as well and she said was for a friend, for her birthday( yeah, like I haven’t heard that one before, as in, My friend needs advice,  or I’m just holding them  for a friend… yeah…..right…) so I told her in that case then to just put it in a bag and hide it away somewhere until her birthday and then give it to her but we are not to display any thing occult or have any occult symbols in this house, and if they do then I will get rid of them,and she was really mouthy, snotty, and talking back, being really defiant and disrespectful, and saying she’ll “throw out Jesus” then, etc. and snarking that it’s just my rule, no one else cares….what, so if it’s just me then it’s just to be ignored, defied,disobeyed, dismissed, who cares? I don’t think so, you little brat, and I told her if she brings in any more occult things I’m taking her phone away. I’m really tired of her and her attitude and one thing I will not tolerate is blasphemy.

I don’t think they realize(or care) how symbols have great significance and meaning, how powerful they are, what they represent, and why it’s so important to keep our home free from any occult influences. Think about the Swastika, for example, or the Confederate or the ISIS flags; what comes to mind when you see them? They symbolize something; something bad, not something you’d be proud to be associated with or would want to proudly display in your home. It’s the same way with the occult. It’s like inviting demons into your home! We don’t have many rules and this isn’t asking too much and as long as they live here, they obey the rules. The kids have broken me and beaten me down now to the point where I’ve all but given up and I have no authority, say,respect, and they just laugh in my face and ignore me and just do whatever they want while mocking me, but this is something that I will never back down on; when it comes to spiritual matters; I will not allow them to disrespect God or to bring the occult into our home.They will never take my faith from me.

The 22 YR old also kept coming into my room during the night trying to kidnap Buddy and I kept waking up so I didn’t sleep well (he’s just sooooo annoying) and my mother announced we will be moving next summer and she wants to get a bungalow as she can’t go up and down the stairs,and I have a hard time,too, but I hate bungalows, but hopefully I’ll be dead by then anyway and I won’t have to worry about it, and I should get my biopsy results this week,too, and she said they only call if something shows up so no news is good news and if they call then you know they found something. The main reason my mother and hubby said they want to move(as well as downsizing now we have less kids at home) is also to force the 22 YR old out to get his own place as he’s still living here at home and refuses to leave but when we move he has to move out, which I think is a mean tactic, but that’s what Patti also did to get her son to move out,too; she  just moved.

The leaking roof is even worse now as well and now I can see it leaking in 3 spots and we had alot of rain and now it’s soaked the towels we put on the floor to absorb the water, and the heavy rain and 100 km winds were really bad but luckily it was while I was at church and in-between when I had to walk there and back so it wasn’t raining while I was walking, and I know that was God looking out for me. Others would deny it and say it was just coincidence or just luck but I know better. I have faith and I know He answers prayer and cares about His faithful people. I know He cares about me and takes care of me and watches over me and that He loves me even when no one else does and that He must see something in me no one else does because even though my family makes me feel unlovable I still matter to God. I also have this suspicious feeling that the kids don’t really go to church Sunday mornings either but probably just walk over to Tim Horton’s or something and hang out there instead and just say they went to church. Someday I should go over there and spy on them just to have the satisfaction of catching them in the act…. I’d just love to see the look on their faces…..