Half A Headache.

SunflowerShirtShelfies Yesterday I had half a headache. Well, not really half a headache but rather a full headache but it was oddly only on one half of my head! I don’t ever remember having one like this ever before, where it’s only one one side; I normally have it all over but this one was weird, just on the left side.It wasn’t a migraine or anything; just a headache, but it actually felt like my head had been divided clearly into 2 halves and divided down the middle and sectioned off so that the headache was contained just on the left side and the right side was totally unaffected. It was the weirdest thing and after I took pills it did go away….but then my abdomenal pain was back(and I’m still bleeding a bit,too) so it’s always something. I don’t think I’ve had a pain-free day in I don’t know how long.

I also ordered this custom-made sunflower T-shirt (at the same place I got my hippo shirt for my Christmas gift which has just been shipped out but the mail is still on strike so who knows when it will show up…) for my birthday gift from my hubby. My hubby also went to a meeting at church to register the 11 YR old for Confirmation. I’d filled everything out and he just had to drop it off but he didn’t want to and told me to walk up there instead  and do it even though it was at 7 pm and I don’t feel safe walking alone in the dark and we don’t let the girls walk home alone in the dark(coming home from work, for example) and either he picks them up or the 24 YR old walks up and meets them so why is it any different for me? I still don’t want to get raped or killed either.It’s just not safe for a woman or girl to be out alone at night once it’s dark. I guess he doesn’t care if anything happens to me. 😦

NOTE: I originally had more posted here, a couple of more paragraphs, but I just noticed now they have been deleted,STUFF IS NOW MISSING and when I checked my stats it said it was edited at 1 am and it wasn’t by me.. Some asshole in my shitty family has been monitoring,censoring, and editing and deleting my blog. f*ck you ASSHOLES! No wonder I hate you.If you keep trying to censor me I will just keep putting it back up.You will not silence me.If you don’t want me to post shitty things you do then maybe you should stop doing so many shitty things!!

Here is the missing part:

As well, one of the kids told me that the 19 YR old's BF is posessive and controlling, which are red flags for abuse, incl. warning for predictable future physical abuse: apparantly he isolates her from family and friends, that he's the real reason she didn't come up for Thanksgiving and isn't coming for Christmas, and he won't "let" her be friends with guys, only girls, and even then only 2 at a time and only people that he pre-approves, and every day he goes thru her phone and text messages and "screens"  and monitors them,etc.... I don't know if any of this is actually even true or not; it's just what I've been told,but it's concerning, and all the kids have been caught lying, making shit up, telling stories, causing drama, and telling tall tales, and getting eachother into trouble, so I don't know <em>what</em> to believe anymore,and when I asked the others they said it's <em>not</em> true, and I hope it's not, but if there is any truth to it, it really worries me as it's <strong>NOT</strong> a healthy or safe relationship. I don't know why she'd put up with this kind of crap though, and she's a pretty girl and would have her pick of any guy she'd want and wouldn't have to settle for anything less, so it doesn't make any sense, but it worries me...what if it really is true?... why do they always put me thru so much stress and worry all the time?

F*ck.

Screenshot_994 F*ck, I’m feeling really, really shitty now. My abdomenal pain is so bad now I’d rate it a solid 8 out of 10 on the pain scale, plus I also have bad cramps, the bad sore back(as always), tired, swollen, achy legs(and so bloated I look like a Puffer fish) and I feel nauseated and sick and just so…..ugh…. I’m bleeding a bit again,too, and I don’t know whether or not it’s a bit of Aunt Flow (which I last had in early June) even though I seem to be in menopause now, or more abnormal bleeding, and yesterday it was so bad and I felt so sick I practically slept most of the day and I took a Tramadol; I still have 5 or so left I keep saved for an emergency; when the pain gets so bad I can’t bear it anymore. I have it pretty much daily now, it’s a constant thing, but some days are better, others worse,now it’s gotten to a point where it’s just a daily chronic thing, and I couldn’t even go to church yesterday I was in such bad shape; I know there’s no way I could stand, or even sit, that long,and my mother said, You know it must be bad if you don’t even go to church!

I also tried to have a nap I feel so crappy, and Buddy came up and joined me, burrowing under the blankets, snuggling in next to me,keeping me company, keeping an eye on me, and he was extra whiny and pawing at me,too, like he knows I don’t feel well, only I couldn’t sleep as I kept hearing what sounded like some asshole on a roof really close by, hammering and sawing, making a huge racket…I just wanted to strangle the f*cker with his extension cord…. and as it turned out it was my hubby, right out on our veranda, right below me on the balcony, putting up the Christmas lights! The Tramadol didn’t do shit, either for the pain, and I’d really be surprised if it’s not cancer actually, and really feel in my heart that it is…..

The 15 and 17 YR olds were also planning on taking the train up to Ottawa just the 2 of them at the end of the month to visit the 19 YR old for a few days over a weekend and hang out, visit, go shopping, etc. and they were really excited and looking forward to it too and planned it for awhile and now the 19 YR old cancelled out on them; she has to work, which I think is a really shitty thing to do; she knows it means so much to them; she should have just told her boss she has family coming in from out of town and requested those days off. The 15 YR old shrugged, Plans change… but I could tell that she was really disappointed. That really sucks.The 24 YR old also said that the average guy has to either have sex or jerk-off 1-3 times a day,too, so guys are even more depraved than I thought they were(and whenever I say guys are perverts the 15 YR old always accuses me of stereotyping….but it’s true……they are!) and if that’s true then my hubby must be getting it somewhere then because he hasn’t touched me in 12 years…..

First Snowfall.

Screenshot_867 We got our first snowfall! We got a dusting as you can see here and it was really coming down heavy,too, big fluffy flakes, not just light flurries, and it was a heavy packing snow, but in October? Buddy wasn’t too happy to see it,either, and when he stepped out in it for a walk he recoiled in horror, lifted up a paw and looked up at me with a stunned look as if he was thinking, What the f*ck, man? What is this? Where the hell did this come from? and he didn’t even want to go for a full walk; he just quickly did his thing and then turned around and pulled me to go back inside! The snow actually even stayed on the ground overnight into the morning but then it got milder and rained and washed it all away.

Good.

I also did Confession yesterday in church, asking forgiveness for the sins I’ve been accused of committing years ago even though I don’t remember ever actually doing any of it, and even question whether or not it even ever actually occurred, but if it did I feel really guilty, horrible, and badly, and need forgiveness, from God, from the accuser, and from myself, and the priest said that it’s only a sin and in need of forgiveness if I did it on purpose and was aware of it and did it willfully;  that you have to have intent in order for it to actually be a sin you need to be forgiven for, and if I didn’t even know, didn’t realize, and thought I did my best no sin was committed, and with my Asperger’s and bipolar it’s also not my fault; that I can’t help being what I am and it’s not fair for others(such as my family does) to hate me and blame me for things I can’t control, and like in the justic system with someone who committed a crime while insane God doesn’t hold you accountable unless you knew what you were doing and you were fully aware it was a sin but you did it anyway so that makes me feel better and I know God loves me and can see my heart and knows my intentions and that despite my repeated failures I  try, and I do the best with what I have and I do mean well; they just somehow always seem to come out wrong, get taken the wrong way,misunderstood,twisted around,  offend, annoy, push people away, appear rude or inconsiderate, etc. but that’s never my intention.

My hubby and the 17 YR old played a prank on me as well: the kids were late coming home from church in the morning yesterday( they don’t like going with me; I go in the evening, so they go in the morning) and I was getting worried so I called my hubby to see if he picked them up; if they were with him, and the 17 YR old answered the phone and had somehow altered her voice so it sounded like someone else and she said she just found the phone on the street; it was lost and she picked it up and asked who I was and don’t I want my phone back, asking for info,etc… but I suspected all along it was them and they were tricking me like they always do, and then she says do I want the phone or does she drop it off at the police so I just said to drop it off at the police and then I hung up. I thought that was that….

until….

They come home together awhile later and my hubby bursts thru the door looking somewhat panic-stricken and asks about his “missing phone” and I’m horrified and tell him what happened and I thought they were just pranking me but to call the number someone has it; they found it, so he “calls” and pretends to be talking to someone on the other end….and I’m freaking out thinking it’s actually real, all the while trying to explain to him why I didn’t believe it and hung up, thinking they were pranking me like they always do I didn’t believe it was real, that he actually did lose his phone so I guess this time the prank’s on him….. and then they all start laughing and he says the prank’s on me because it all was just a joke and he pulls out his phone to show me!  I seriously don’t know why they delight in always messing with me like that, and then they wonder why I’m crazy and losing my mind.

Seventeen.

Screenshot_797 I saw this recent issue of Seventeen magazine laying around the house, it obviously belongs to the 17 YR old and I picked it up and looked thru it as it brought back nostalgic memories for me as I used to read the exact same magazine when I was a teen,too! I can still remember my friend A and I in grade 10 reading them during lunch break, and we were even under-age,too; we weren’t even 17 yet! I used to like reading about the fashion and make-up and I was curious to see if much has changed since I used to read it back in the 1980’s. I was also glad to see that it’s still around. I wonder if they still even have the Tiger Beat fangirl magazines that I used to read when I was 12 and 13? I remember taking the posters of the hunks out and plastering them all over my bedroom wall.

I was surpsied how much smaller it is now compared to then; I remember it being twice as thick, although it was mostly all ads so I can’t say that I miss that, and I was surprised to see the cover as it looked like something right out of the 80’s with the model with her hair and clothes, it looks like an issue I could have read in 1983, with her hair styled the way it is, racoon-eyes  and thick eyebrows, and with the style of jeans, the checkered shirt and the pastel sweater and scarf, the same style we wore back then. It was like when I picked up the magazine I was transported back to my teen years again. It was pretty much the same as what I remembered, and it brought me back to that time and I can still remember when A and I would see a pair of shoes, for example,like the cool running shoes, and swoon over them wishing we could buy them here, or the funky clothes, but we never could as they weren’t ever available in this country, not even in Toronto, as we’re always lagging behind and I could only finally get them when I went to L.A. such as the funky multi shades of blue denim overalls with all the pockets and zippers, and,of course, the shoes!

I have to say it was nice seeing it again as it brought back happy memories of a good time. I can’t believe it’s been 35 years or so since then, time goes by so fast and I still feel the same as I did then; I haven’t changed much at all; I’m still the same person who likes the same things I did then(except for the weed thing) and I’m still the same young person on the inside that I always was,  and still with the same wicked sense of humour,you just can’t tell from the outside,and even though the outside is all broken and falling apart and my youth is gone now, my inside is still young and I still feel like a teenager in my mind even though my body tells me different.

As well, the second-oldest has only been living in Vancouver for 2 months now and someone already stole her bike and yet she lived in Windsor all during university, 3 YRS working in Japan and a few YRS living in Toronto and it never got stolen….I guess it’s true then what the stats say, about Vancouver having the highest crime rate in the country, which I have to say surprised me as I would have thought it was Toronto or Montreal. The 19 YR old(who’s studying journalism) also is now managing editor of her campus newspaper, and the 11 YR old is preparing for his Confirmation next spring.

Shirley Fall.

Screenshot_692 It is surely fall. This is what I woke up to yesterday morning. Yes, that’s right, it was below freezing!  When I took Buddy out for his early morning walk we froze our asses off. I put his warm wool sweater on him and I had to wear my heavy wool sweater, hat and mitts! I also finally took the A/C out of my window the other day as the cold wind blowing thru the cracks made my bedroom freezing cold during the night and last night I still even had to have my little heater on in my room and the furnace even came on for the first time too! It’s officially fall now,and you can tell it looks and feels like it now, all dull, cold, windy, rainy, with coloured leaves all over and you can smell and fell a briskness and chill in the air.

Winter is coming!

Screenshot_693 Another sign of fall: now I’m wearing leggings and thick warm socks. No more shaving my legs or nail polish on my toenails anymore now until spring.My legs hibernate over the winter. I wish I could,too.

Screenshot_694 Look! Pumpkin cheesecake! We had this for our Sunday dessert yesterday. It was just so good, it was beyond words.It’s a good thing it wasn’t a Weed Day or else I probably would have eaten the whole thing. In church yesterday there was also this guy sitting in front of me who had this tattoo on the back of his neck and I spent the entire time trying to figure out what it said but I never could as the script wasn’t in English and usually I’m pretty good with languages but I couldn’t figure this out and didn’t even recognize it what language it was, the letters look almost inverted, reversed and upside down, so maybe it was some sort of gang symbolism or something, I don’t know….it was almost like some sort of secret code and I spent the entire hour trying to figure it out. It doesn’t take much to amuse me, ha,ha.

My hubby and the girls were making fun of me as well as I got the A-B-C order mixed up and thought M came before L and that I always have to recite the Alphabet Song to remember and figure out which letter comes next and they laugh at me and call me stupid even though I have White Matter Decline(which is similar to Alzheimer’s but affects a different part of the brain) and can’t help it, but they like to say it’s because I’m a pothead, because then they can blame me for it and make me look bad,shame me, and say it’s my own dumb fault, and they’re always talking about Satan’s Day (Halloween) around me,too, purposely knowing it gets me upset as I don’t want anything to do with the occult and I avoid it and then they mock and ridicule me for my religious faith and obedience(to stay away from anything occult) but I just ignore them, don’t give them the satisfaction, and just consider where it comes from.It doesn’t even deserve the dignity of a reply.I just pretend I don’t even hear them or just walk away. I care more about what God thinks(and thinks of me) than what they think,anyway.

Reprieve.

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I think this must be my new favourite food…..only there’s nothing left by the time I thought to take a photo because it’s so good I just gobbled it up so quickly there was nothing left! It’s the yummy spicy mashed potatoes that the 23 YR old invented and whips up. He also does these really good and hot and spicy “glass” noodles. I didn’t know it at first (and found out the hard way, several hours later, when my lactose intolerance  and IBS loudly declared itself in the form of stomach pain and abdomenal cramps) but he puts lots of butter and milk in, and then adds lots of spices.  I asked him for the recipe but he says he doesn’t really have one; he just sort of makes it up as he goes along, and he doesn’t measure,either; he just puts in a pinch of this spice and a pinch of that. The end result is always so good though, like the sort of thing you’d have at a high-end restaurant, like at a French place where you’d have those fancy stuffed potatoes or something.

I also have a sort of “reprieve” on possibly having to move( which I don’t want to do, it’s always such a hassle, plus I’m settled here and this is my home and I don’t want to move) as well as the other day my mother declared, Well, at this point if we’re even going to move it won’t be until at least the spring now; no one wants to move over the winter! (Last time we did move in winter but it wasn’t by choice; we had to flee and it just happened to be in winter)So it looks like we’ll be having Christmas still here afterall then and I’m “safe” at least for a few more months I can relax and not have to worry about it. My hubby is also selling all his remote control toys( cars, motorcycles, other electronic gadgets that I’ve bought him as gifts over the decades for birthdays, Christmas, Father’s Day,etc.) online, saying he’s downsizing, getting ready to move, and de-clutter but to me it’s “fishy” as giving away or selling your personal pocessions and things can be an indication that you’re planning on committing suicide,too, so I asked him and he just gave me this incredulous look and a  condescending look of disdain and like he thinks I’m the dumbest person on Earth like he always does whenever I say, ask, or do anything he thinks is “dumb’ and he said it wasn’t, but who knows, or maybe he just wanted to get rid of anything I gave him, and that reminds him of me, and of us, esp. since we’ve moved something like 3 times before and he’s always taken all his stuff with him, incl. all his “Man Toys” so it just made me wonder.

My mother also was yelling at poor Buddy and body shamed him for farting ( even though it’s just a body function and we all do it!) saying it reeked and made him feel so ashamed, so guilty, so badly, and he thought he was being bad and in trouble, that he hid under the couch and was sulking, the poor old dog! I felt so badly for him and I had to coax him out. One of my friends said the next time she farts I should yell at her and my friend T (in Ottawa) said overall with the nasty way she treats me and interferes with my raising and disciplining my kids that I should send her to a home.  😀  I accidently gave Buddy my hubby’s left-over food as well; he’d left some ground beef on a plate on the table after he’d eaten and just left it there, indicating he was finished but didn’t clean up his plate or put it away and so I figured he was finished and I didn’t want it to get thrown out( because we can’t afford to waste food) so I gave it to the dog….and then later on he comes back and goes, Where’s my food? and I’m like, Uh….uh,oh…You don’t mean the plate you left on the diningroom table, do you? and when he said it was I told him, Well…..there’s still some left if you want it…..I  thought you were done and gave it to the dog….it’s on the floor….   ha,ha…

On Sunday my hubby wasn’t here either to drive me to church and it was really raining and I had to walk in the rain and I got soaked( and no, I don’t have an umbrella) and I was wearing this gauze blouse and skirt from India with bright black and red colours on a tan background on it and the black dye ran in the rain and it ran all down my legs and had this really gross musty smell, sort of like a damp basement, and later this month my oldest turns 29 as well and I can’t believe it’s been almost 30 years since I spread my legs and launched him into this world(and then that I still shat 10 more others out of my womb after,too!)! It just seems like not too long ago that he was just a baby, and when I was prego with him, and now it makes me feel really old.

Never Doubt Your Faith.

Screenshot_414 Just recently I had what you would describe as a crisis of faith of sorts. It wasn’t that I ever doubted God though or my faith in Him, but rather  doubts within myself and my own reasoning the physical(evidence) was contradicting with the spiritual and I was torn and didn’t know what to believe and then a small, still voice impressed upon my heart: Never doubt your faith. Never doubt, most importantly, your faith in God, but also never doubt your faith in yourself and your abilities, capabilities, strength, resilience, endurance, and worth, and don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise.

Screenshot_413 I had been praying for a sign of roses from St. Therese that the lump under Buddy’s eye wasn’t cancer and he wasn’t dying anytime soon and I did keep seeing, everywhere, online, on TV, in ads, outside, in various colours, an obvious sign from St. Therese, even praying hands holding a rose, now that’s pretty obvious, and as about as clear as an answer and reassurance could be….

and yet…..

I was still afraid he had cancer and was dying because despite the answer to my prayer and despite my strong faith, the physical signs worried me greatly and caused me doubt, What if this  time it’s wrong?  What if it really wasn’t St. Therese who sent me the roses as a sign but someone else did, to deceive me? etc. and all kinds of doubts and fears plagued me and I wasn’t sure what to think and what to believe anymore and then I felt so guilty, so weak, that my faith  had been put to the test like that and I was struggling so much,losing, and that my doubts were seemingly stronger than my faith…I needed something concrete  I could hold on to for hope.

Buddy6

As it turned out my prayers were answered and the signs were legit: Buddy’s lump is much smaller and shrinking down now(and he’s feeling better today too and back to eating again) and if it was a tumour it wouldn’t just heal like that on it’s own, not without Divine healing, unless, of course, when I blessed him the other day,laid my hands on him and prayed a healing prayer over him God healed him? Either way, I’m just thankful and I just have to remember to never doubt my faith.

The Same Country.

Screenshot_372 This is the photo the oldest (pictured here, my God, I can’t believe it, but he’s going to be 30 next YR!!) on his balcony with SNOW in the background, from yesterday!! Yup, you read that right: yesterday! In September! Well, it is Canada though, and he( along with the 20 YR old) live in Edmonton, which gets snow really early compared to the rest of the country…..

meanwhile…..

Screenshot_373 after I finished laughing my ass off I sent him this photo in reply: of me here, still outside suntanning(ha, ha, sucker!), as that’s what the weather’s like here, and has been for the past week, and is supposed to continue to be for the next few days: hot, in the high 20’s or even 30 C range, with the humidex 33 C or so.It’s snowing where he is and scorching hot here. I can’t believe we live in the same country. I’m not sure if it’s Indian Summer or not though; is it too early(does it have to be later in fall?)  and is this just mere still summer lasting longer, and the heat of summer with it, and it has been a really hot, oppressive summer this YR, which means that next summer should be cooler, and this winter should be milder and less snow, because I’ve noticed a pattern; that’s how it seems to go, in a cycle, alternating every other YR.

I also saw Buddy attempting to jump up onto the rocking chair but he missed and I noticed he’d hit the bridge of his big nose (he’s a Dachshund, and they have big long noses) on the wooden chair and sort of “bounced” off backwards and the thought then occurred to me: could the lump under his eye possibly be an injury from that? Maybe he’s done this before (back in July, the last time he had it) hitting his nose resulting in swelling/bruise under his eye, like I had when I had a broken nose and ended up with black eyes…. I blessed him with holy water as well and laid my hands on him and said a healing prayer over him and I think it looks like the lump might actually even be a little smaller today, and after praying to St. Therese (who is known for sending roses as a sign) for reassurance he’s ok and it’s NOT cancer I keep on seeing LOTS of roses in various colours in various locations, and even one online that was a praying hands holding a rose. If that’s not an answer to prayer….I just love him so much I have so much to lose.

 

Self-Portrait.

hippos9 Self portrait. Stretched-out, saggy-baggy hippo. This is what I look like after having 11 kids. I feel your pain,sister, I feel your pain. I also had this weird dream last night I was in a store(I presume in Toronto) and I saw Toronto Mayor Tory, and he told me that there were hippo figures over there… and pointed, so I went over to look and it wasn’t a hippo, but a rhino or something, and I was just so let-down, so disappointed in him, so mad, that I yelled in his face, You’re so stupid! That’s NOT a hippo! How can you be a mayor if you’re that stupid? Who doesn’t know what a hippo looks like? I used to think you were ok, but not anymore! I saw my Babushka( who died 13 YRS ago) again in a dream too as I often do lately, and we were talking but I can’t remember what about. I also had this thought float thru my head: what if what I hallucinate is actually what’s real, and what I think is real-life is really just my imagination?

Screenshot_314 This is the 17 YR old’s cool hair as well; it’s pink and purple, although in the photo the purple looks more blue.It was also 6 C when I got up and Buddy and I were freezing our asses off  (I could even see my breath!)going for his morning walk and we both needed sweaters, and I noticed too in church yesterday everyone was wearing either a sweater or jacket. I also went to Confession in case I do die soon, plus I was naughty with my vibrator again , and, well, you know, that’s the way it goes….

Screenshot_315 This  is also one of the most beautiful things in the world and that life has to offer and my fave. kind of donut: jelly-filled.Nothing else compares. NOTHING. I love this even when I haven’t had any weed. My hubby (who also has a cold so eventually we’re all going to get it) went to Tim Horton’s and picked up a bunch of donuts and normally I never know but this time I did so I asked him to get my fave. because normally he never does and we mostly just get chocolate or the boring plain glazed ones that no one really likes anyway and they just end up the ones left behind after everyone’s picked over all the good ones and they just get eaten last in desperation. 😀

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The nice old man who lives across from church also gave me a sunflower from his garden! Wasn’t that nice? That guy must be a messenger sent from God. He told me as well how to dry it out and plant the seeds for best success. He even said when the squirrels eat the seeds sometimes you get lucky and they shit them out and they grow again. Something weird,too: I put a David Lee Roth song on my iPod only it came out titled as Jefferson Airplane! Also, as I was downloading a song porn showed up on my computer screen and it was graphic and I quickly tried to delete it but it took forever to work!

The 11 YR old also was screaming back at me because I said something-or-other he didn’t like (I can’t even remember what it was, it was something so trivial but it set him off, he has what the 23 YR old calls Autistic rages) and he yelled at me hotly, Too bad we don’t have a Mute Button for you, so you’d shut up!!  and then the 17 YR old and my hubby backed him up when I said he’d better watch his mouth or I’d punish him and they taunted  there’s loopholes around it, it doesn’t mean anything, it can’t be enforced,can’t do anything about it, etc. encouraging him to just defy me with no consequences, sabotaging my discipline and prompting him to defy and disrespect me, and at that moment I think I felt the most undermined, small, inferior, insignificant, diminished, powerless, and beaten than I ever have. My family sure seems to have a way to diminish me, crush me, tear me down, take away my dignity, hurt me, belittle me,turn against me, undermine me, exclude me, degrade me,dismiss me, and generally treat me like shit. I hate being me. 😦

I wish I had another family.

I wish I was someone else.

I wish I had another LIFE.

 

The Creature.

Screenshot_143 I’m still sure we still have some sort of wild creature hiding somewhere in our house. The test food that I leave out overnight is always gone in the morning and I know it’s not Buddy because he’s always up in my room with me and the door’s closed all night. Plus, today he got scared shitless: something was chasing him and possibly trying to either attack or eat him,and whatever it was it scared the bejesus out of him! I hadn’t seen him for awhile so I went looking for him and when I got to the play room he suddenly came scrambling out of someplace towards me at warp speed, hind quarters and tail tucked underneath him, his stubby little legs running as fast as they can, with this terrified look on his face and leaped into my arms, shivering in fear, heart thumping, and he just clung to me in fear, his claws digging into me, he was just so scared; something was after him! When I later asked him where the bad thing that hurt you was he kept going over to the wall with the shelves, stood there barking, so maybe it’s hiding somewhere behind there?

For the rest of the day he was extra scared, clingy, vigilant, and paranoid as well and wouldn’t leave my side. He would even come upstairs with me, into the bathroom with me, etc. even places he normally wouldn’t and would normally just wait for me downstairs; it’s like he was really scared and didn’t want to be left anywhere alone, needing me beside him to protect him,afraid it was going to come for him again. Poor dog, he must be so afraid. I know how he feels though and can relate; just how I felt trying to avoid the bullies in school.

I do have a rat trap set up I leave out at night(Buddy tried to venture into it for the bait during the day but I don’t want to catch a Dachshund!) but maybe it’s something bigger though, like a cat or a raccoon,and it won’t venture in as it knows it’ll get stuck? At first I even wondered if maybe my family was playing a trick on me; by just throwing out the food at night having me think something was eating it, but Buddy was  definitely really frightened of something and something did really happen to him,and before something did bite his tail,too, and that’s probably what happened to his eye,too; it got scratched or something…so I know this can’t be my imagination this time….

Screenshot_142 Walking home from church the kind elderly man I talk to and that always has kind comments for me also gave me this: a gladiola! I love them! Wasn’t that nice? That guy always makes my day. His wife has this big beautiful garden. They also have sunflowers too and I asked their secret on how to grow them so well and he said she just has a Green Thumb, and surprised me as well by telling me that sunflowers will return and come up again in the garden year after year; you don’t have to keep re-planting them! Of course, that is, assuming that you can grow them in the first place, which doesn’t work for me. The 17 YR old also went to Wonderland amusement park with a friend, and the Edmonton Boys (the oldest and the 20 YR old) are moving soon as well: I’ve been told to a nice apartment with a gym, hot tub, etc.

Screenshot_146 I also put this photo up as this has got to be one of the cutest things I have ever seen: it’s a baby beaver! Isn’t it just precious and adorable?

Screenshot_139 The Daily Bruise: Day 8. It’s been this long and it still looks this good! I wonder how long it will take to heal up completely? Just my typical luck as well: just as I was about to post my blog yesterday; literally it was just a minute before, and my Internet shut down. I mean, it just shut off. So I was freaking out but luckily I had the post saved because weird shit like this happens to me all the time and something will often go wrong and my posts get deleted so I always save it before I post it so I always have a back-up, and so my hubby( who is the computer whiz) looked at it and said the Internet was working fine for everyone else’s computer; it was just mine it wouldn’t connect to. It figures. So he had to do a temporary fix running this big long cable cord thing all thru the room and down the hall, until he was able to go out and buy the part he needed. Why do these things always happen to me? I have the worst luck ever! I seriously think I must be cursed.