Our(my mother’s and mine) Mother’s Day yesterday was pretty much just like any other Sunday, or any other day for that matter, other than the fact that we got the typical sappy cards(that we adults actually bought for eachother and pretended was from the kids, and that contained gooey love messages that none of us really feel) but the kids never drew me any home-made cards though( even though they do for my hubby for Father’s Day and for eachother for birthdays, just not for me) and, in fact, none of the kids even bothered to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. Not even once. None of them even uttered the words.No one said it at all. Only my mother and hubby did. Not at all, but 2 neighbours did, when I was out walking Buddy one of the neighbour’s teen girls wished me a Happy Mother’s Day and the old guy I talk to that lives across from church came across the road to wish me a happy one which I thought was thoughtful and kind, esp. considering my own kids didn’t even bother, proving once again that total( Or not quite total) Strangers care about me more and treat me nicer than my own family does.
We also had KFC for dinner so neither my mother or I had to cook and she got a bouquet of flowers at the grocery store for us to put on the table.Not the kind I like, just a cheap 10$ one with mums that neither of us like but they were the cheapest and with a few carnations thrown in that she likes but I find are boring and plastic-like and have no smell and secretly I was wishing It would have been nice if these had been sunflowers…. My hubby got me this funny Dachshund card from Buddy as well which is fitting too because he is like my baby and he’s the only one in my family that really does love me,anyway, and I got the funky shoes that I’d picked out and I gave my hubby the bill. That’s how he buys gifts.That way he knows I like it.
. Even the kids that have moved out still never even bothered to phone or e-mail me any Mother’s Day wishes. My mother said she was upset that the kids never said Happy Mother’s Day to her either( even though I did) even though I told her that they’re not her kids though; they’re mine(and they never said it to me,either), but she’s always taken over and acts like they’re hers and expects to be treated like some kind of martyr. In church they also had special prayers for mothers yesterday we all. It’s really just a day I prefer to get over with, a reminder of something yet again I’ve failed(even though it was my vocation and my dream, and yet something else that didn’t go as expected or work out the way I thought and ended up to be the total opposite and I end up disappointed and disillusioned) and that someone in my family will usually ruin for me anyway or use to remind me how much I suck as a mother.
I also had a portion of a perfect day last night; not the entire day, just a few minutes, a few peaceful, perfectly still, quiet moments. I woke up in the middle of the darkness and stillness of night with Buddy beside me, and it was so still and quiet; there wasn’t one single sound.It was like the entire world had just stopped, just shut down momentarily. I couldn’t hear a thing, it was so still and quiet. It was peaceful and tranquil, leaving me alone with my thoughts and God. I couldn’t feel my heart beating either and for a moment there I even wondered if I was dead. It was such a perfect serene moment that I just wanted to capture it forever and I was so content and cocooned in my silent world I wish I could have just stayed locked away in there forever and kept it frozen like that for always. It was like a little gift from God, a small glimpse of peace. I wonder if that’s what the world is like for deaf people?Pure silence….