I’m A Hippo.

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Hippos are fat. I’m fat.

Hippos love to lay around in the sun. I love to lay out in the sun.

Hippos love the water. I love the water.

Hippos are virtually hairless. I am virtually hairless.

Hippos are lazy. I’m lazy.

Hippos have big mouths. I have been told I have a big mouth.

Hippos are fierce. I am fierce.

I must be a hippo.

Can I live at the zoo?

Why not? Nowadays people can self-identify as anything they want…..

For The Love Of Hippos.

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As well, we had some excitement on our street: next door had the police and ambulance and EMS over: a woman was unconscious on the front lawn and the cops wrestled this young man and handcuffed him and then he was restrained on the gurney and taken away in the ambulance. The police also stripped down the toddler girl that was there with them down to her diapers, right there in public on the front lawn, for all the neighbourhood to see, my guess is checking for signs of abuse, but this must have been so traumatic for her and something that will stay with her forever.I don’t think they should have done that. It’s not right. As it turns out, the teen boy had overdosed on something and was violent and aggressive and attacked his mother and choked her. With rednecks it’s like a real-life reality show every day around here and there’s always some drama going on and they never fail to entertain!The scoundrel across the street also sold his place and moved out yesterday and the dance studio where the 18 YR old took lessons bought it and will be moving in soon! Too bad it wasn’t this close while she was still going there but now she’ll be working at camp all summer and then off to school!

The Headless Hippo.

Screen Shot 06-08-17 at 06.21 PM 001 The 18 YR old found this and she thinks it’s a hippo although it could be a pig( but I think it’s a hippo too as a pig would have a curly tail and it has the stout, stubby legs of a hippo and the body shape of a hippo) and gave it to me(because she knows I love hippos) and the first thing I said was, It doesn’t have a head! Where’s his head? and then she said you stick it to your cell phone or iPod and it stands up. It’s the funniest thing though, a headless hippo, or, rather, a hippo with a suction cup for a head. She’s also graduated Cadets and won the highest award for Cadets as well, only given out every few years and next month is going to be on staff at Cadets camp for the summer before she goes off to school in Ottawa. She’s always been one of our highest achievers,talented with art and writing, and of all the kids she’s also always been the most reasonable one, and one of the kindest.

Screen Shot 06-09-17 at 12.44 PM The gross thing on my foot is even worse now,too, not better. I’ve had it now for 5 days and it’s not healing or getting any better yet, but worse. Now it hurts even more and now the shiny part in the centre(that looks like some kind of ulcer, actually) is all red, whereas before it started off white and then it was pink, and now gross yellow and green pus is coming out of it,too……I know it’s infected,and my friend W said maybe I picked up some sort of infection in Cuba and I was wondering the same thing,too; maybe some kind of bacteria or something from the beach or that’s in the salt water, since I did spend 3-6 HRS every day at the beach and in the water…that might also explain my abdomenal pain, diarrhrea, and vomiting as well….shiiiittt….I’m debating going to the doctor or the ER or not; the thing is it always takes 2 weeks or so to get in to even see my doctor so by then it will have either already all healed up on it’s own or I would have already died from infection, and I don’t exactly feel like sitting in the ER waiting for 6-8 HRS either only to have them tell me it’s probably nothing…. I take my usual approach: wait and see and just give it time and hope it gets better on it’s own…..unless something drastically changes in some way for the worse indicating otherwise….

Another gross thing of the day: I saw a dead roadkill squirrel on the road after it was run over by a car and then this big raven came over and started pecking it’s eyes out. Ewww. It then proceeded to pluck off  and pull out other parts of it’s flesh, all gooey and stringy. Barf.

Cuba, Part Two.

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Today I took photos but with my iPod( so I don’t have too many as it quickly got full) as we couldn’t find the Fuiji camera battery recharger or the memory card; we found the old Nikon and Canon ones but they don’t fit and those old cameras are long gone. I don’t think there’s anywhere to re-charge my iPod either so my music will run out, and my shaver doesn’t fit into the outlet as it s a 220 volts here (ours is 110) so the outlets are a different size so I can’t shave my head this week! Today I also spend 3 HRS at the beach and luckily I already have a tan to begin with, unlike most other newcomers, who are most likely facing their first major sun exposure and are getting all red, burned, and peeling, and I’m so dark now I look like an Indian! I’m also so glad that I lost 42 pounds earlier,before I came here in my bathingsuit at the beach( although I’m still fat, only now a baby hippo instead of an adult-sized one) but there still are others even fatter than me, and wearing bikinis,too (ugh! There are some things that you just can’t un-see) and as they lay around in the sun it keeps bringing up images in my mind of walruses sunning themselves on rocks. At least I have the dignity to cover it up in a one piece.

The resort’s nice,too, a bunch of bungalow villas on a compound  with tropical gardens but the mosquitoes are really bad here , unlike other islands in the Caribbean I’ve been to where there was no issue, and I keep getting eaten alive so I’ll probably end up with the Zika Virus, or something! They have a spa as well I’m going to check out later, and my room’s big , with a writing table and mirror, couch, chair, tub, and even a terrace I can sit out on in a yard, and embarrassing as well: I was laying down on the bed topless, cooling down, and in walks the maid and saw me in all my glory, and we both shrieked and I quickly covered my chest with my arms and she gasped and ran out….I don’t know who was more embarrassed……me……or her!

I also watched 80’s videos on TV which was nostalgic of my teen YRS,  I saw little salamandars scurrying across rocks,  and I rested in the shade under a palm tree when it got really hot: 33 C! I’ve also never said Hola! or gracias! so much in my entire life, and there’s so many different paths and areas here too that I keep getting lost and  I aways end up at the wrong place…..shit…. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to find my away around ok without getting lost? I feel like like an old dementia patient with Alzheimers. The food is also buffet although they do have a couple of restaurants as well but I’m not sure if you have to pay extra for those( and I won’t because I’m poor and I’m cheap) and you need to make reservations for anyway and it’s easier to just walk in when you feel like it and my theory is if it’s a hassle then it’s not worth the hassle.

When I Die.

Screen Shot 05-15-17 at 03.31 PM The first thing I woke up to was hearing on the radio that one of the DJ’s 15 YR old son died in a tragic accident at a park, and then my toothbrush fell in the toilet.That’s how I started my day. I was also surprised to see that Bev’s (G.P) house had a sold sign on it…..already….she just died a little while ago and there was never any For Sale sign on it before…..wow…that was fast….and it got me thinking when I die, what I want, my last wishes, I want my family to carry out for me, and so here they are:

  • I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered on the beach in the Caribbean where I was happy, and besides, no one will even bother to come visit my grave,anyway.
  • Catholic funeral Mass.
  • Sunflowers and lilacs at my funeral.
  • Funeral songs: Ave Maria, Hallelujah,Amazing Grace, and Ride, Natty, Ride
  • Take good care of Buddy.
  • Continue homeschooling and going to church.
  • Make sure the 10 YR old gets Confirmed when the time is right.
  • Donate $$$$ to the Turgwe Hippo Trust

I also over-heard my hubby telling the 14 and 15 YR olds (I was wearing headphones listening to music in the car and he didn’t think I could hear him,and usually I can’t as the music is loud, but when the song is soft I can hear) that I’m probably slowly poisoning myself and setting everything up so that when they do the autopsy they’ll blame him and he’ll get charged with my murder!WTF? I’m not, and this only reinforces my suspicion that he really is trying to poison me and get away with it; that’s going to be his defense and his alibi!  I just hope the bastard doesn’t get away with it……I can’t believe it! Holy shit!!

Screen Shot 05-16-17 at 01.15 PM Here’s also my newest hippo: a hippo on wheels,and here he is on the road! I named him Wheely, Hot Wheels,. and Mr. Wheeler(I actually had a teacher in grade 5 named Mr. Wheeler) He’s just so cute I couldn’t resist. My mother also insisted that I said bedroom when I meant to say, thought I said, and was sure I said backyard, and I’ve been confused , foggy,and out of it for a week now, and I wonder as well if maybe my potassium might be low again from my diuretic like it was before, or some other medical cause, or it could just be due to the tremendous stress I’m under, and so much so my family mentioned about Patti visiting last week and I don’t even remember it at all, and I thought they were playing their usual mind-games with me and trying to trick me but I asked her and she confirmed it; she was over for a visit, but it was a Weed Day and also the day after I tried to kill myself so the opiates would have still been in my system and I must have been really out of it…..I can just vaguely recall what I thought was a dream that Patti was over and said something about a bus…..but that’s it…..I didn’t know it was real; it’s like waking in and out of anesthesia…God, I’m losing it….

The kids and my hubby also laugh at my faith and mock my relationship with God and the 14 and 15 YR olds make fun of me liking hippos and sunflowers too and jeer I’m “obsessed” with them and “have a ‘crush'” on them, etc. and always make fun of me just because I like something; apparantly I’m not even allowed to have any interests, or at least not without being made fun of yet whenever I say anything about the way they treat me or voice any displeasure, disapproval or mention it in any way the 15 YR old always accuses me of “causing drama”, so I can’t stand up for myself , defend myself, or explain myself, either. My family sucks.I’m so tired of all their shit.

My Mother’s Day.

Screen Shot 05-13-17 at 10.34 PM 001Look at this awesome hippo painting the 17 YR old painted for me for Mother’s Day! (she’s a talented painter and writer) I just completely love  it! I’ve been having trouble finding hippo paintings so she did one for me! That’s one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me! It now hangs proudly in my room, above my bed, next to Jesus. The 15 YR old observed, She forgot the top teeth! but no matter, I love it, and I can just pretend it either lost it’s teeth in a fight with another hippo ( 2 males battling for dominance) or it’s a young calf and it’s teeth haven’t all come in yet,like Fiona.


Screen Shot 05-14-17 at 07.38 PM From my hubby I also got these cool purple Converse hi-tops to add to my collection. Usually I’m lucky if I even get a card, and none of the kids either gave me or made me a card and none of them even bothered to even say Happy Mother’s Day, either, but they were away for most of the day so I ended up having a nice quiet break and relaxing day.We also had KFC for dinner as neither my mother or I wanted to cook on Mother’s Day. I asked the 14 YR old for my Mother’s Day gift if she’d let me hug her and she refused and recoiled in horror. I just wish she’d let me love her. I’m not even allowed to look at her, touch her, or even speak to her, and everything I say or do annoys her anyway so I might as well just do what I want whether she likes it or not and to that she threatens, Then I’ll get revenge on you! I just wish I could get thru to her. I wish we could get our old connection and closeness back but she keeps pushing me further and further away no matter how much I try.Truth be told, she’s really horrible to me and it just breaks my heart….I wish she wasn’t so mean, and that I wasn’t always on the receiving end of it.

As well, we had this bad thunderstorm yesterday and church had no power so we had Mass basically in the dark but they did put a few extra candles for a bit of light, and I confessed my suicide attempts too and it was the grumpy old fart but he was surprisingly sympathetic, and for the past week I’m still groggy, spacey,and in a “fog”, I suppose the drugs still in my system, and I asked God for a sign if I’m going to die this year, or maybe even this month (since most people in our family do die in May) that I hear both Stairway To Heaven and Hallelujah yesterday…..and I heard Stairway To Heaven twice; once on the radio and once on my iPod, and then in church one of the hymns was Hallelujah! I couldn’t believe it, and I bet if I die the people at church would actually miss me more than my own family will, even though they don’t even really know me, they see me there every Sunday, I’m like a regular fixture there, part of the weekly routine they get used to seeing and then when I’m not there it’ll seem like something’s missing,and I see them as my church family and spiritual brothers and sisters, but my own family will be glad to be rid of me and will be happy to see me go…..

I remember at the last session with the social worker too when I mentioned how everyone always betrays me and she dismisses and downplays it by saying, What you see as betrayal may not be what I see as betrayal…..uh, excuse me, but I’ll give you one example, and I think that anyone would agree with me that it’s most definitely betrayal: I’d told my hubby my biggest, darkest secret( that I was molested by a relative as a kid for 8 years) a secret I’d never told anyone before that, not even my mother, and make him swear he’d never tell anyone, except he did; he told his sister in an effort to destroy me; she’d kidnapped one of my kids because she only had boys and wanted a girl so she took mine and he helped her and told her my secret so she could use it in court as “ammunition” against me. Fortunately it didn’t work, but that was a HUGE betrayal, and that’s just one example…and now he wonders why I don’t trust him….