Crappy New Year!

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I heard a song on the radio I could have sworn said have a crappy New Year! but then realized it must have been have a Happy New Year but it was so funny I re-named it and so now my greeting for 2018 will be, jokingly, Have a Crappy New Year! Knowing me and my life I probably will,too.

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The 16 YR old was also trying to wrap one of Buddy’s Christmas gifts ( a squeaky ball) right in front of him which I warned her ahead of time would be a bad idea as he’d sniff it out and sure enough he did and he went for it, snatching it out of her hands and when she tried to get it back he was having none of it and he growled over it protectively, knowing it was his and he wasn’t giving it back, no way, no how…touch it and die…

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One of my Jewish friends put up photos of his Christmas tree on Facebook as well and when I replied, What is that, a Hanukkah bush? he laughed and goes, Jews like trees too!

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I heard this car ad on TV and they said how it’s the perfect Christmas gift as it already comes assembled and I was thinking, What the f*ck,man? Imagine having to assemble a car? and I thought trying to assemble IKEA furniture was bad enough… and I’ll still never forget that time when I was about 20 when my mother and I spent an entire weekend trying to assemble a bookcase and it ended up upside-down and backwards.

HippoXMasTree We finally got the snow we never got last time so it’s finally starting to look like Christmas,we’re to get 10-20 cm,  and I heard on the radio that Wal-Mart sells “marijuana” Christmas trees; artificial trees that resemble the cannabis plant. That’s just so hilarious and so perfect for me. I’m going to have to check it out and see if they really do next time I’m in Wal-Mart. It will be the perfect decor for my room!

HippoXMas My mother saw her doctor as well and gave everyone in the office and at the lab baked goodies for the holidays because she’s always trying to buy people’s affection, to get them to like her, to gain favour, to be their fave. patient and such, and it was funny too how she’d labelled them so no one here at home would eat any, Do not eat! For lab Mon” and I thought she was doing the Jamaican thing, “for the lab, ‘Mon” but she meant “for the lab on Monday” but it cracked me up just the same. My hubby and I also pre-ordered tickets online for the new Star Wars  movie on Friday as we’ll be in Kingston anyway for my CT scan to see if I fractured my skull or have a slow brain bleed from when I fainted and fell and hit my head and I guess it’ll be our anniversary date which is the next day. I can’t believe it’s been 29 years. I’ve wasted more than half my life away.

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The Shoulder, The Wrist, The Chest, And The Toe.

Screen Shot 12-08-17 at 06.25 PM Reading the title for this post reminds me of one of those jokes…. The shoulder, the wrist, the chest,and  the toe walk into a bar…. but actually the shoulder, the wrist,the chest,and the toe walked into the hospital…last night my hubby and the 16 YR old both went to the ER together; a joint adventure, which we’ve been having lots of lately; we should get a family discount rate! My hubby’s had a really sore shoulder for a week now and despite putting heat on it he can’t sleep with the pain so he finally decided to get it checked and it’s a pulled muscle like we figured although he has no idea how he did it, but they gave him a pain shot in the arse(likely Tramadol or something) which helped. The 16 YR old also went for her sore wrist and chest pains she’s been getting at night. It turns out that the wrist is just from over-use at cheerleading and the chest pain is- get this- just indigestion from eating too much spicy food so she has to lay off the curry and sriracha, at least right before bed, and the 21 YR old said just the day before she comes up here to visit us over Christmas break she has to have surgery on her toe,too! We’re all like broken down old jalopies that need an over haul!

As well, we’re supposed to get 5-10 cm of snow, our first real snowfall; before it was just a light dusting that quickly melted later that same day, but at least it’s nice for the Christmas season though and so far I haven’t really felt “Christmas-y” yet, maybe because we don’t have any snow yet, and because we don’t have any lights up on our house this year, I don’t know; I’m just not feeling it. Buddy also started to open up a gift under the tree by shoving his head thru it and making a hole; he smelled there was a stuffed toy in there and wanted to get at it. I also remember Patti telling me about a Christmas morning at her son’s he was the first one up and he’d unwrapped all of his toys from under the tree before anyone got up and when they got up he was playing there quietly with his gifts, wrappers strewn all over the floor, but he’d only opened his toys(I guess he identified by the scent?) and had left all the others. Now that’s one smart(and funny!) dog!

I saw on my Facebook hippo lovers group as well someone described us as hippophiles and it made me laugh at first as it sounds like pedophiles, and I envisioned people being sexually attracted to hippos and it made me laugh my ass off, and I Googled the term before I actually used it myself, to check it’s authenticity(because I just don’t automatically believe something I read online, duh!) and it’s a good thing that I did because it doesn’t mean what you’d think it would,and,in fact, has nothing at all to even do with hippos; it actually means someone who loves horsesYou learn something new every day. So then it got me thinking, What is the “official” term for hippo lovers, anyway? Is there even one?

I got my referral to the cardiologist for early February as well which is pretty good to get to see a specialist in just 2 months; usually it’s 6-12 months I’ve had to wait before, and sometimes even longer, so as long as I don’t die of a heart-attack by then…and I figure the best thing that I could do for my family would be to remove myself from their lives since they hate me anyway and think I’m a burden, annoying, the cause of all problems, the fault of everything, and they don’t want me around or part of the family anyway, plus they mistreat and demean me too and I’m beyond miserable, so if I do die soon it would be doing them a favour and they’d actually be better off and I’d be happy, free, and in a better place too so everyone would get what they want and be happier. A win-win situation for everyone. Hey, God, did you hear that?…hint, hint…

 

 

 

Person Of The Year.

Screen Shot 12-06-17 at 06.29 PM I agree: Time Magazine  Person Of The Year: should be Fiona the Hippo! Also along those lines here are my other choices for other worthy and notable distinctions of the year:

Asshole Of The Year:  Donald Trump

Amazing Pet Of The Year: Buddy Humperdinck

Story Of The Year: Exposure of perverts in Hollywood scandal

Disaster Of The Year: Hurricane in Puerto Rico

Best Item I Bought Of The Year: Either tie-dye socks or peach/mango Charmed Aroma bath bomb

My Most Memorable Event Of The Year: When I fainted and hit my head

Musician Of The Year: Tom Petty

Funniest Event Of The Year: When Buddy ate all the pepperoni off the pizza but left the rest behind

Worst Event Of The Year: The 14 YR old’s eating disorder,etc.

Best Thing I Did Of The Year: My solo trip to Cuba

Saddest Event Of The Year: When my Facebook friend died of cancer

Song Of The Year: Despacito by Luis Fonsi

Biggest Surprise Of The Year: I lost 50 pounds without even trying! (but I’m glad!)

Biggest Disappointment Of The Year: I’m still here and haven’t died yet

Indulgence Of The Year: Getting my nails done at the salon

TV Show Of The Year: The Blacklist

Best Gift Of The Year: My purple Converse hi-tops

Movie Of The Year: La La Land

Medical Procedure Of The Year: Colonoscopy

Neuro And Nails.

Screen Shot 12-01-17 at 04.05 PM Sorry I’m so late posting this but our stupid InterNet was down for almost 2 days but now it’s finally back up. You don’t realize though how many things depend on it and how little you can get done without it. Holy f*ck. So anyway, I had my yearly app’t with the neurologist in Kingston and he renewed my prescription and he’s very concerned about when I’d fainted and hit my head and he’s thinking it might have something to do with my heart, like it skips a beat, or an abnormal rhythm or something so he’s referring me to a cardiologist and having me wear a Holter heart monitor for 24-48 hours to record my heart beats to look for any abnormalities and also booking a CT scan for my head to see if the impact did fracture my skull or if I have a slow brain bleed since I’m still getting frequent headaches and pain from it. He’s also thinking that what I thought were seizures might, in actual fact, be heart-related issues instead.My grandmother on my mother’s side also died of a heart-attack when she was 50, so there’s that…

I also spent the day at the mall, making My Day out of it, and I went to the nail salon and had my nails done. I got a French manicure. I figure why wait until I’m dying to do the things I like? Why not still do some things I enjoy while I’m still alive? So I go to the counter to pay and they inform they that they don’t take credit cards, only cash or debit,and wouldn’t you know it, I don’t have any cash on me, even though last time I checked I had at least 80$ (so I’m thinking one of the kids must have taken it as I haven’t been out shopping or been anywhere to spend it) and I don’t even have debit,and have no idea how to even use an ATM so I had to call my hubby to come bail me out,and he was 30 minutes away so I had to sit and wait. He refused to come with me to either the mall or my app’t all because I was wearing my weed shirt( my fave. shirt) and he snarled he wasn’t going to be seen with me and that it disrespects him even though I’m the one wearing it, and I’m allowed to wear whatever I want and don’t need his permission, and it has nothing to do with him,and besides, I don’t care if he goes out wearing his redneck hockey jersey; I wouldn’t refuse to be seen with him even though I don’t like hockey. He’s such an asshole. I can’t believe that’s the “best” I could do and all I “deserve.” I hope and pray that God sends me a way out. I can’t keep living like this anymore.

I also walked down the street from the hospital and looked in the shops and boutiques after my app’t (I bought a little  plastic hippo!) but I went too far and somehow got lost and didn’t know where I was ( which wouldn’t have happened if he was with me) and the stores I saw on the way back weren’t the same ones I saw on the way down, and I didn’t recognize anything; I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere and got hopelessly lost(I feel like a senior with dementia),so once again I had to call him to come rescue me but luckily there were street signs so he was able to find me.I know he’s fed up with me always being so stupid but it’s not like I can help it or that I do it on purpose or anything, but I refused to let anything ruin My Day though, not even him being an ass( and he purposely did try to ruin it by purposely sleeping in and dawdling and delaying so we left late so I’d panic,too and also by “forgetting” his phone so we had to go back) or me being embarrassed over not having any cash to pay, or even getting lost. I wanted to check out a pot dispensary as well and pick up some edibles but I couldn’t find the place.

Beauties.

Screen Shot 11-25-17 at 07.00 PMI have no idea what to write about today. Nothing happened so I have nothing to post about. Nothing at all. Nada. I’m completely blank on any ideas for today’s blog. So, here’s some hippos for you instead. 

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The Tree.

Screen Shot 11-16-17 at 01.47 PM This is the Christmas tree the 16 YR old has in her bedroom. It’s really pretty and it’s a white tree with white and gold ornaments. It has lights that also alternate white and mixed colours flashing. I also put out the Christmas wreaths and decor for the house except for the outside wreath on the third floor balcony which I’ll do another day. We also still have to get the hanging  evergreen plant for the veranda. I decided as well to just leave our Christmas tree in the livingroom the way it is, how the kids decorated it, the minimalist look, with few decorations, as opposed to adding more myself, basically because I’m just too lazy and besides it looks ok,and this way it’s less work for me cleaning up after as I’m always the one who gets stuck putting everything away after on my own. We also have the lights on the tree turned on now, so now the tree is lit and so am I!(because today is weed day….get it? )   🙂

We also tried to get the snow tires on the van except the body shop called us and said they’re all worn out and we need to get new ones but they don’t have time to put them on until Thursday, so hopefully it won’t snow until after, and for my Christmas gift from my hubby I ordered a Fiona the hippo wall calendar as well which is normally  only 20$ USD but since I’m stuck here they charged a fortune for shipping, over 30$, so it ended up being 52$ USD…..f*ck….but it’s a hippo,and not only a hippo but Fiona,and she’s just such a beauty, and that’s the only way I can get a hippo calendar, which are virtually impossible to even find…..shit… we always get ripped-off for shipping but we all have to pay for the important things in life.

The 14 and 16 YR old also dyed Buddy’s butt blue ( don’t ask…..I don’t want to know,either) now I’ve heard of anal bleaching ( which is ridiculous enough) but blue? Now he looks like a blue-ass baboon, and I bought him a rawhide chew toy and a squeaky piggy toy for Christmas too and my hubby asked why a pig when the 10 YR old likes pigs but it was either that or a hippo as that’s the only 2 choices there were and there’s no way I’m going to have him tear apart a hippo; that’s just not going to happen, so it really wasn’t a hard decision, and I saw on a TV show a character told another he was “obsessed” with his dog and he replied that his dog “gave him something to live for” and that sums it up perfectly how I feel about Buddy as well; he’s my best friend, my companion, someone who loves me and makes me smile and laugh, someone who needs me, depends on me,someone to dote on, a reason to get up in the mornings, to keep me going,and who brings joy, happiness, love,and light into my life, and gives me a reason to live. I also figure my recent solo trip to Cuba was God’s gift and a little taste of freedom and independence of living on my own for a week, of living in the Caribbean, of living my dream temporarily. God is good.

The Hole.

Screen Shot 11-08-17 at 06.37 PM With the 14 YR old’s eating disorder I’ve been told to add more fats to her diet, such as trying to sneak butter into whatever I can so the other day when I made her a bagel with butter and cream cheese on it for a snack I noticed there was a small hole in the bagel, like an air hole that had formed during baking, so I used it as the perfect opportunity to add some more butter; I filled in the hole with butter, sort of like spackling,and then to cover it up I spread cream cheese on top, figuring she’ll never notice, she’ll just take a bite out of it, chew and swallow it and never be any the wiser….

Except she did. I swear, that kid must have some kind of radar or something. She can always tell when I sneak butter in and can even sniff out something sneaky like this. I couldn’t believe it. She took a bite, stopped, looked at me, and goes, sheepishly, while trying to stifle a laugh (hoping I wouldn’t notice) I know what you did! Boy, is she ever good. I replied if there’s a hole that’s what you’re supposed to do; you’re supposed to fill it in,and then the 16 YR old goes, No, you pick at it and make it bigger!  😀

As well, the 23 YR old was woken up during the night by bad chest pain and thought he was either having a heart attack or had a blood clot in his lung and he went to the ER. They ran all sorts of tests and it turns out he has pleurisy, that old-fashioned disease where the lining of the lungs is inflamed, likely caused by a virus so there’s nothing they can really do, they just said to take ibuprofen for the inflammation and pain. He has pink-eye as well, which I also caught too from putting in his eye drops. My mother was going to call a realestate agent to come by and give us an assessment on the house  as wellto see how much it’s worth now and how much we’d get in today’s market if we sold it ( we hope to get at least 100 000$ more than what we bought it for 14 years ago) but she’s embarrassed it’s so messy and no one would clean so she just gave up. I seriously doubt we can afford to move anyway and the 10 YR old thinks we’ll only get 5 $ for the house! HA!

My hubby’s also refusing to put up the elaborate outdoor Christmas lights this year saying because he didn’t like how I put them away last year when I took them down and I ruined them( which I didn’t) all because I didn’t do it the same way he does, but I think he just couldn’t be bothered and he’s just using that as an excuse (and blaming me as usual,too) and the 16 YR old said he’s holding a grudge for way too long,too. He’s such a big suck and baby! Then my mother also blamed me for not doing what my hubby tells me but he’s NOT my boss; I’m an individual and I think for myself,and then she sneered that I don’t do what anyone tells me and I’m the only one who doesn’t answer to anyone and I told her I’m accountable to God!

I had a dream as well I was at a hippo sanctuary in Africa and they had so many hippos there so I went to get my iPod to take photos but I couldn’t find it and then when I went in the gift shop and saw they had alot of hippo souvenirs I was in hippo Heaven but when I went to get my credit card I realized I didn’t have my purse either; I must have left it behind in my room. Shit, even in my dream things still go wrong and don’t work out for me!