“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupMarch2016 Catching up:

  • I want to dye my hair purple.
  • My mother and hubby berated me again, “You NEVER do what you’re TOLD!” but I told them I’m NOT one of the kids ; I’m an adult,and I DON’T have to do what THEY tell me!
  •  I heard somewhere that tattoos are expressions of your inner pain, and if so, that would explain why I have so many. I have 12 or 13; I ‘ve lost count…
  • I had a nightmare Buddy was missing for a week and it woke me up scared but when I felt him snuggled up beside me in bed I realized it was just a dream and he was ok and I was so relieved.
  •  The 21 YR old’s friend in California’s graduating class is on a trip in Europe and she said on her flight over she saw Kanye West and that he’s this short little guy!
  • I had a dream that I had colon cancer, and another dream I was slow-dancing with a Jamaican guy and the way he looked at me and I was so in love with him it was like we were the only ones in the room and it felt like we were the only ones in the world at that moment,and I wonder what it really would be like to be with someone that I loved and that loves me, and when my hubby and I had sex it was never a joining of 2 souls or a communion of spirits, but just a body function.
  • I have had imaginary lovers  ever since I was about 15.
  •  The 18 YR old, 16 YR old,and 12 YR old also have inherited my “gift” of being able to see things in dreams ahead of time before they happen, just like my grandmother also had. It must run in my side of the family…
  • The girls decorated their bedrooms and removed the Crucifixes and blessed palms , like they’re “erasing” every trace of Jesus from their rooms and their lives and it really hurts me and makes me sad.
  • Since I stopped Spironolactone my hair is growing  ever faster now than it used to; I guess making up for when it stopped growing while I was on the medication,which I stopped as I didn’t like the side-effects.
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“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupJan2016 Catching up on things:

  • I had to talk on the phone and with my Social Phobia I had a panic attack: my heart was racing and pounding, I was hyper-ventilating and I having trouble breathing.
  •  The van needed a repair; something with wiring for the trailer and they told my hubby it would cost 400$ but when he went to a store and got the part and did it himself it was only 18$! What a rip-off! How can they CHEAT people like that? Needless to say he won’t be going back there again.
  • My hubby said that hippos are UGLY! How could he? Now that’s grounds for divorce right there! I think that they are beautiful, magnificent creatures!!
  •  My hubby said when I die and have my ashes scattered on the beach in the Caribbean that it’ll be “littering”, so it’s like he’s saying I’m “garbage” when I just want to be laid to rest where I was happy and in a place that I love.
  • I need a letter from my family doctor confirming my diagnosis to apply for my medical marijuana license and of course the dumb-ass forgot to mention my migraines(which is the MAIN THING it helps!!) and he’s charging me 20$ for the letter so I told them to have him re-do it and then I had to go back again 2 days later and pick it up and he finally got it right. He’s screwed up everything and is so dumb all the time! I have NO idea how he graduated medical school!
  • I’ve had a few good bong “rips” since my bad “trip” that one time( going in and out of consciousness, seizuring,and hallucinating) recently  and I’ve been ok( I haven’t even gotten “high”) no more bad reactions so I wonder what it WAS? Did I just have too much perhaps, or was it a bad batch, or was it maybe “laced”, or something, or maybe even a medical episode and had nothing to even DO with the weed and it was just a coincidence?
  • I got my new credit card after my other one was hacked and I had to call to activate it and of course it didn’t work and my mother had to do it. Things NEVER work for ME!
  • My new diuretic doesn’t seem to be working; I haven’t lost any of the fluid I’m retaining,and I’ve even gained 4 pounds and I’m actually peeing less,too.
  • Buddy keeps farting loudly and he sounds like my farting hippo stuffed toy.
  • I have to pay 200$ for the video consult with the doctor to apply for my medical marijuana license/prescription and I told my hubby that HE should pay since it WAS his idea; HE was the one that wants me to go thru all this and get the licence; I was content with just buying it from the dealer, but he refuses. He’s all talk but no action when it comes right down to it, plus he’s also cheap.
  • My hubby bawled me out when he saw the year-end review from the pharmacy that I was on 26 medications last YR but he should just be grateful that(unlike me) that HE enjoys good health!
  • My mother  chewed me out when I forgot to turn off the heat in the play room and left it on all night but I told her that SHE’S one to “talk” when SHE always forgets things,TOO,and she replied that she’s 75 YRS old…but I started to “fall apart” when I was just 45 so she’s lucky that she “lasted” as long as she DID!
  • I have this dull, dragging, nagging pain in my lower back, right side, in my kidney area so I won’t be surprised if my MRI next week DOES show a tumour on my adrenal gland afterall….

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupDec2015 Catching up on things:

-I heard what sounded like every siren in town and the 14 YR old was with my hubby driving by and saw a BODY with a white sheet over it under a balcony and yellow police tape surrounding it like a crime scene, so it looks like someone either jumped, or was pushed, off a balcony so THAT’S what it was!!. Not much happens in this hick-ass town, so this is the most excitement we’ve had in YRS.

  • My hubby was being a jerk so I told him, “You SUCK!” and then the 8 YR old said to me, “and YOU swallow!” and we were just shocked and stunned and cracked up laughing. He obviously got that from either the 17 YR old or the 21 YR old and has no idea what it means.
  •  I have a cold now. Ugh.
  • The kids were remarking how we hardly have any gifts under the Christmas tree( because we’re so short of $$$) and how it looks “empty” so now my mother bought everyone a container of “Pringles” chips and wrapped them up and put them under the tree.
  • The 18 YR old saw the dermatologist for his bad acne and he’s putting him on Accutane for 5-9 months but it has really bad side-effects, incl. depression and I don’t think it’s worth the risk, esp. for him considering his previous suicide attempt and there must be something else they can try that’s safer….
  • The 17 YR old went on a 3 day weekend Cadet activity.
  • The 14 YR old tripped over Buddy and stubbed her toe on him and now it’s all bruised and really hurts.
  • I was looking for an Obama bobble head for the 12 YR old for Christmas but wasn’t able to find it. She’s obsessed with him and I figure if I got her a special gift that maybe she’d love me again….
  • The 12 YR old hates the song “The Little Drummer Boy” and has altered the verses where it goes, “Bar rum-pa-pum-pum” to “Barack Obama….”
  • I had a dream that my mother kept telling everyone that the 8 YR old is HER son.
  • I found out that the 8 YR old’s been sleeping in my mother’s room, in her bed with her, for quite awhile now, once again, even though we’ve been thru this with her before, and he’s supposed to be in his OWN bed in his own room. I’m tired of her always undermining me with my kids.
  • My family has damaged me to the point where I no longer want to be a mother and I am so broken and shattered as a human being from my life that I no longer want to exist anymore.
  • I prayed my way thru it and God delivered me thru it.
  • My mother was critical I might have lost my friendship with Patti but if she’s going to dump me as a friend( and she even denied cancelling on me twice even though she did; on Friday and Saturday) over this  then I don’t need this shit and I’m better off.

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupNov2015 Catching up:

  • My mother got new glasses(now she’s healed from her cataract surgery) and the 12 YR old got a new iPod, the 6th Gen. She’s been saving up all her $$$$ to buy it ever since the summer.
  • I had a dream that when I get my echocardiogram that the technician calls in the cardiologist and then I’m told I have to get to the hospital quickly as the entire right side of my heart is blocked!
  •  I have been having alot of dreams lately about my grandmother( who is dead) and of my seeing her and talking to her so I wonder if it means that I’M going to die soon,too?
  •  I tried talking to the 17 YR old to try to understand why he tried to kill himself but he didn’t want to talk even though I’ve been there myself so I can relate and I was hoping I could help and perhaps even change something if needed, to prevent a repeat.
  • My mother sneered that I “don’t care about” the 8 YR old even though I DO in my own way, it’s just with my Asperger’s it’s difficult for me and I don’t coddle and over-indulge him like SHE does but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about him.
  • I ran out of medicinal “herb” for my migraines and I haven’t been able to get a hold of my “herbalist” so I hope that he didn’t get arrested or something…
  • My mother snickered, “It’s always so hard for you to help!” yet she fails to realize with my depression that ANYTHING always requires such tremendous effort on my part; I just feel so apathetic, sluggish, and don’t care about anything anymore, plus with my shortness of breath and extreme fatigue I’m just not up for it and I can’t exert myself but does she care?
  • My hubby said he doubled my life insurance so I had better die before I turn 50 (I turn 49 in January) like I’ve always had a feeling my whole life that I will, otherwise he said he’ll be really disappointed, but no one will be more disappointed than ME!
  • I wish I could hibernate thru the winter…..in the Caribbean!
  • I heard a line in a movie and it really struck me( as it bothers me how my kids hate me) “It’s not your kids’ job to love you; it’s your job to love them.”
  • I replace the title of that Christmas song “I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm” with “I’ve Got My Buddy To Keep Me Warm” because he snuggles up with me in bed at night and his fur keeps me warm.
  • Hilariously funny: my hubby downloaded this movie that my mother wanted to watch…..but it ended up being in another language only they never knew until she started watching it! Ha,ha!
  • It’s disappointing to see people rejecting and being unwelcoming to Syrian refugees over paranoid fears that terrorists will pose as them to enter the country. Terrorists can just as easily enter the country as tourists too if they want. If they’re that determined to enter the country they’ll find a way. The refugees are the innocent VICTIMS of terrorism and war and Jesus tells us to LOVE thy neighbour!
  • I completely avoided the orgy of consumerism known as “Black Friday” so I ended up saving even MORE $$$$$$ and I didn’t get trampled,either!

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupOct2015 Catching up on everything:

  • The 19 YR old said her university math is “easy.” “easy?” math has NEVER been “easy” for ME, let alone at the university level. She is obviously very smart.
  •  The 8 YR old ruined the new couch by jumping on it and now the cushions at the front have come off on 2/3 of it and you can even see the springs and coils underneath.
  • I wondered if I died if anyone would even notice? Would anyone even care or miss me, other than the dog?
  • Nothing is holding me back from killing myself anymore now; before I didn’t want the 12 YR old to be devastated but she wouldn’t care anymore as now she’s just like the others and even snarled at me, “No one cares about you,anyway!” It would be so easy to just swallow a bottle of pills and lie down and go to sleep and never wake up….
  • Hippos pee backwards as it makes it easier for them to mark their territory.
  • I had a dream I poured chocolate syrup over a “hot” guy’s body and then I licked it off him! I also had another dream one of the kids put our VitaMix blender in the microwave and wrecked it.
  • One of my Facebook friends is 45 and found out she’s prego after a summer fling with a 19 YR old, but her bi-polar disorder is really bad now too and she’s been posting weird ramblings and her family’s trying to have her committed to get her help but she thinks they’re trying to kill her and she’s suicidal and her last post was telling everyone goodbye and I’m really worried about her but she’s all the way in Brazil and there’s nothing I can do….
  • My depression is so debilitating that most times pretty much all I can do is lie around and listen to 70’s and 80’s songs; music that reminds me of a happy time in my life.
  • My mother got a notice from the gas company that she didn’t pay the bill last month so now she also has to pay interest. I’m actually surprised out of all the customers that they must have that they actually keep track…
  • With the bombings in Turkey at that protest we were lucky to have gone there when we did and in fact, we went to all of those countries( incl. Israel, Tunisia, Greece, Egypt, Morocco,etc.) at just the right time,too, before all the terrorist attacks, bombings, riotings, political and civil unrest, etc.
  • The 12 YR old is so mouthy and disrespectful to me now; every time I try to join in on a conversation she’ll snap, “I wasn’t TALKING to YOU!” and whenever I state my opinion she’ll sneer, “That’s just YOUR opinion!” or “Just because YOU don’t like it doesn’t mean other people don’t!” and always has some mouthy comment to everything I say now.

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupSept2015 Catching up on everything:

  • I saw on the news there were COCKROACHES ( my friend’s little brother used to call them “clock roachers” and “croak Rogers”) in one of the public schools and have been a problem for a YR….and that they’ve been in other area schools as well. Public school….why am I NOT surprised? There was also a kid stabbed on the first day at a highschool,too.
  • I just wish I could walk away and start a new life, away from my toxic family that treats me like shit and away from this shitty country that I hate.
  • My Facebook friend( age 45) in Brazil’s daughter( who’s in medical school) just had her baby, a boy she named Mario, by C-section, so now she’s a grandmother! Parabens!
  •  I don’t even know HOW to be happy.
  • There’s an arsonist on the loose in our old neighbourhood in Toronto and he set 7 fires in just one night.
  • The 17 and 20 YR olds are always tormenting and aggravating me and I hate it. The 17 YR old kept repeatedly teasing Buddy and defying me 3 times in a row and when I got mad he scoffed, “Guess who’s on her PERIOD?” and the 20 YR old sabotaged my computer again and put an occult symbol on the screen so now I’ve locked it and you need a password to get in!
  • My hubby says he doesn’t care that the kids defy me, disrespect me, and antagonize me. I have NO support and yet he wonders WHY I hate this family and my life…..
  • The 19 YR old’s university dorm room looks like a prison cell; all that’s missing are the bars on the door. Her room-mate is also studying medicine.
  • The 20 YR old bought some kangaroo meat in the form of a pepperoni stick he got off an Australian vendor at the “Ex.”
  • When the guys got to their hotel for their 4 day adventure they found they didn’t have their reservation and the hotel was booked up even though it WAS confirmed online, so the company found them another hotel, upgrading them…..and they ended up staying at a nice 4-star hotel instead!
  • I accidently came across an ISIS photo on the Internet of a guy that was just beheaded by a machete and I saw the severed head beside the body, which clearly showed the bloodied stump of a neck and I was surprised actually that there was less blood than I would have expected though.
  • The 14 YR old decided she wants a whole new curriculum for grade 9 now so we had to order a whole different one, which should come sometime next week.
  • “Aunt Flow” came 4 days early and every month I keep hoping menopause is here but so far no luck yet….
  • The only one that loves me is my dog.

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupAug2015 Catching up on things lately:

– When I woke up yesterday I thought it was Friday.

– Saturday would have been my grandmother’s 103 rd birthday except she died 10 YRS ago.

– Over the weekend Toronto had their annual Caribbean carnival. People even came from the Caribbean to see it. I would have loved to have been there. I LOVE the Caribbean.

– I wonder if that dream I had that I’ll die this month will actually happen or not? It will be interesting to see, and if so I worry I might not make it to Heaven; even though I don’t doubt my strong faith and obedience to God I wonder if my faults, sins, and weaknesses still might disqualify me,and sometimes it seems Heaven is this elite exclusive club that very few people qualify to get in.

– The 12 YR old said she’s going on a hunger strike until I allow her to go downtown by herself even though it’s too far and I won’t let her go until she’s older.

– I re-styled my hair and cut it into that funky style where it’s buzzed-cut shorter on one side and longer on the other.

– Our oldest moved into his own apt. over the weekend, his very own, for the first time without any room-mates!

– The 20 YR old walked by these guys eating a pizza and just for laughs asked them for a slice and much to his surprise they gave him the last 3 pieces they had left!

– An early federal election has been called so now they have 12 weeks to prepare instead of the usual 6 weeks and the election will be on 19 October. I just hope anyone EXCEPT the Liberals win.

– I regret most of my adult life and most of it has been a big mistake.

– Most of my tattoo has already healed up and peeled off, much like a sunburn does, revealing the new shiny skin underneath.

– Buddy got loose and ran off again and we didn’t even know he was missing; we were all in the house and a lady knocked on the door; she had him and said she found him in the street and brought him back. I wonder how he got out? I guess someone must have opened the door and he snuck out and ran off without them noticing and it’s the 3rd time now he’s done that and it scares me that one day he’ll take off and get hit by a car and killed.