“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupMarch Catching up on everything lately:

– I’ve been growing my hair out for 2 months now and it’s long enough now I can spike it up at the top and the 17 YR old calls it a “Lesbian Haircut.”

– The 17 YR old and the 7 YR old were fighting, which the 7 YR old started( as usual) but of course the 7 YR old got away with it( as always) because my mother and hubby pamper, over-indulge and spoil him and he KNOWS it too and hid behind my mother and gave his brother a big smirking grin.

– The 11 YR old set a timer so she’ll automatically send herself an e-mail in exactly a YR’s time; sending herself a letter in the future.

– One of my cousins has kidney trouble now due to his diabetes and is on dialysis and will need a transplant.

– I heard on the news some guy lost 125 pounds!If I lost that much there wouldn’t be much of me LEFT and certainly not enough to survive.

-A blog I read her cancer’s getting worse and it’s spreading everywhere: in her bones, all her vertebrae, her pancreas, etc. and it doesn’t look like she has much hope of survival now and it’s so sad as she desperately WANTS to live and keeps trying so hard, yet I DON’T want to live and wish I could die….I just wish there was some way that we could “trade”; that I could make a “deal” with God where I could somehow “exchange” my life for hers….

– I saw blood in the snow, and Buddy licks snow that’s been peed on by other dogs; like a dog version of a Sno-cone!

– I heard about someone who just moved here from Jamaica and I can’t understand WHY she’d move from a tropical paradise to a shit-hole place like THIS, and esp. in the worst of winter!She’ll soon learn what she’s heard about Canada is all just propaganda and lies.

– A neighbour put their Christmas tree out the front of their house and now there’s so much snow out there it’s completely buried and you can’t even see it anymore!

– My hubby starts his new job today and of everyone in his group at his former job he’s the ONLY one who’s been able to find work so far yet, more proof yet again that God’s always looked after us.

– I have no doubt that God’s always taken care of us, warned us, guided us, and protected us, so it makes it even extra harder for me to try and understand why I struggle so much; why despite all He’s done for us there’s still never been any respite for me. Am I being punished for something?


“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupFeb2015 Catching up on things:

– My hair is growing in 50% grey so now it’s salt and pepper and the priest in church yesterday noticed and said, “Your hair is growing in!”

– My mother’s cousin turned 71 and he was born in Europe during the war and his father was killed in battle so he never even knew him( his mother later remarried and they had his sister) and I can’t even imagine having and raising a baby in wartime, with bombs dropping down all around you.

– My hubby protects the 7 YR old’s TV show when it records on the PVR and doesn’t tell me the password so that I can’t delete it.

– The 20 YR old had to help my hubby work outside and he couldn’t find his snow pants so he ended up borrowing the 15 YR old’s…and she’s a GIRL!

– I saw a neighbour out the front of his house with his dogs and it was – 20 C and he was wearing a short-sleeve shirt!

– God knew I needed Buddy when He sent him to me and we’re perfect companions for eachother.

– I have bruises all over my left leg( incl. a really big one) but have no idea how they got there….

– I woke up at 5:15 am and went back to sleep until 5:45 am and when I woke up I clearly remembered 3 separate dreams I had, proving that dreams really are short and just last a few minutes each and not HRS long even though they feel like it.

– The 7 YR old was so bad my hubby said he lost the Tablet as punishment until June but then he behaved for 2 weeks and he gave it back to him already so he learns that 6 months doesn’t really mean 6 months.

– My mother exaggerated and was overdoing recalling HER role in helping out with and homeschooling the kids and when I disagreed she sneered I have a “faulty memory” and is always acting like she’s some kind of martyr.

– My hubby downplayed the importance of my needing a doctor and the difficulty in finding a new one if we had to move even though it took me a YR to find the one I have now and dismissed it as, “Everything’s NOT always about YOU!”… that’s the problem; nothing’s EVER about me and my needs don’t matter.

– The gov’t is trying to pass this new anti-terror legislation where if you even “incite” terrorism you will be jailed for 5 YRS and the risk is it will be at the expense of citizen’s privacy, rights and freedom as all they have to do is redefine “terrorism” and soon merely disagreeing with or criticizing the gov’t will be considered an act of terror and can get you 5 YRS in jail! This country is eerily becoming more and more of a fascist Big Brother Police State all the time!

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupJan2015 Catching up on things:

– The pharmacy screwed up my pills again: I went there and told them how it should be refilled once a month instead of 2 weeks so that got straightened out…..except when I got my refill it said zero refills even though I should still have 4 left as it was a 6 month prescription. Everyone here is so half-assed.

– Buddy and I are always in sync,even when we’re both asleep; we toss and turn and roll over together, when one of us does the other follows and we’re always aware of where eachother is, so that he doesn’t get rolled on and squished and I’m always aware when he comes in or out from under the blanket or on or off the bed.

– One of our cousins in Europe( who spends all winter in the south of Spain) is in the hospital with bronchitis and breathing trouble and they were worried about her heart and said if she didn’t go to the hospital when she did that she might not still be here. That’s some scary stuff.

– My friend from the old church did add me as a friend on Facebook afterall; it turned out there was just some kind of glitch. I think it’s impressive that she’s even older than my mother( 5 YRS older than her to be exact) and she uses the computer. My mother doesn’t even know how to use computers.

– Patti had blood in her pee but it turned out it’s from a bladder infection and she also has it in her shit too so they want to shove the “garden hose” up her arse and find the cause of the bleeding( just like how I had done twice down my throat and down into my stomach for my ulcer) and she’s scared esp. as she’ll be alone but so was I ( my hubby just dropped me off and picked me up once I was done) and everything was fine and they put you to sleep and you don’t remember anything so I told her she’ll be ok.

– I had a dream last night I was with the Archangel Gabriel and I held on to him and I was flying and something bloody in the semblance of a burnt naked man approached us and I yelled out to warn him and then I had trouble breathing and at the same time in reality I woke up coughing!

– I burned myself on the oven and my mother didn’t even care and then she snickered, “It’s not always about YOU!” and then smirked sarcastically, “Ooooh, poor YOU!”  and I told HER that it’s NEVER been about me; that I always come last, not first, that MY thoughts, opinions and suggestions don’t count, and that I’m the LEAST important and don’t matter; that it’s been like that my whole life, then she goes, “You’ve ALWAYS come first!” so I said ,”Don’t give me that shit!” and then she says how she’s “taken care of me my whole life”…….but then how come as a kid she paid STRANGERS to raise me and to do her job for her instead and then from age 11 I was a “Latch Key Child” and left home alone and I grew up feeling like an orphan with no parents and I practically raised myself? She OWES it to me now to help me out because she sure WASN’T there for me when I WAS growing up! She never did want me and she didn’t deny it when I asked her either and before she even TOLD me she never loved me. What a shitty thing to say, esp. to your own kid. I mean, what kind of person SAYS something like that? Mother Of The Year. Shit. No wonder I’m so broken.

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupDec Catching up on everything lately:

– It’s snowing again but just supposed to get a couple of cm and then rain.

– The 11 YR old saw a porn site when she went to look at someone’s profile on her RPG Maker site! It was a new player that had an ad introducing themselves only it was porn! Needless to say she was shocked and disgusted. She got rid of it and reported it to the moderator who took it down.

– Buddy’s ears are all cleared up now. I had to clean them out daily and got dark black gunk out every day that looked like molasses but Patti brought me over the prescription drops her son got for him at the vet but they never bothered to use as they “don’t have time” and I noticed the date was 2012 so he’d been suffering with this for 2 YRS the poor guy. I’ve been putting the drops in for 10 days now and then it’s just once a week.

– The 18 YR old goes in to Toronto on Saturday to write her SAT’s which she, as a homeschooler, can use as her transcript to apply to university.

– The 11 YR old’s mad at me and said she put me up on eBay.

– Patti said her son said he loves and misses Buddy but he’s worried about him ruining his new house and furniture and he’s afraid he’ll get angry and he doesn’t want to go there and his wife doesn’t want him around acting-up at all and she thinks most of it is her doing so not to get my hopes up but she’ll be seeing him at Christmas and might find out more then but she agrees Buddy’s better off and happier staying with us.

– Our oldest might be able to keep his temporary job( in finance) permanently once the new YR arrives; it’s a possibility they’re looking in to….

– The 11 YR old opened a bank account so now all the kids have one.

– The 20 YR old says I’m “stupid” for saying abortion’s murder and he says an unborn baby “doesn’t have a brain” and that it’s “like a tumour” and “just a lump of cells”…..HE’S the STUPID one!

– The 18 YR old completed a 2 day CPR and first aid course and they’d said how most people can’t do it for more than 2 min. at a time without passing out, citing her as an example, “that tiny girl over there…”….but she showed them all and was able to do it the longest, even outdoing the 2 burliest guys there; she had the most endurance of them all, so you can’t always tell by looking!

“Ketchup” Post.

Ketchup(Nov) Catching up on everything:

– While I was walking Buddy a female taxi driver with blonde dreadlocks stuck her head out the window and called out to me, “Where did you get that cute Rasta hat?” and when I told her, “The Caribbean!” she goes, “You’d think they’d have the sense to start selling them here by now!”

– Buddy makes my whole heart happy.

– My hubby heard me running water in the bathtub and thought I was taking a bath and came in trying to take a peek ( free show!) but I was just bathing the DOG instead, ha, ha!

– The 11 Y old’s on this e-mail penpal group online and a 42 YR old MAN asked her to be his penpal…..can you say PERVERT and PEDOPHILE? Of course she declined and blocked him. Could he be any *more* obvious though? Ewwwww!

– I’m still stuffy with my sinus infection even after a few days on the antibiotics and I heard that sinus infections can even progress into meningitis or a brain abscess if it “eats” into the brain. I never knew that. Gross.

– My cousin’s wife with the brain tumour/cancer is worsening and she could die any day now. So sad…..

– We’re supposed to get SNOW today and one of my cousin’s already got quite a bit yesterday!

– I was mentioning about this hot guy how he could drill into me like an oil well and plug me up good and I’d drain him like a swimming pool and the 11 YR old heard me!

– Today would have been my father’s birthday.

– It RAINED all day yesterday on “Satan’s Day”, dampening it for all the Satanists and other occultists, ha, ha, ha!

– I decided to go to Patti’s birthday at the restaurant afterall and my mother said she’d  just “advance” me the $$$$ to pay for my dinner and her gift; I’d just pay her back a bit at a time over months.

– My hubby still charges me 20$ for each week I have Buddy( as a “fine”) but it’s worth it because he just makes me so happy and 20$ a week is a small price to pay for happiness.

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupOctober Catching up:

– My hubby tells the kids that I “used to be fun” but I can still have fun; I just grew up, unlike him.

– The 13 YR old said she wouldn’t be caught dead wearing Crocs but me, I don’t care; I wear whatever’s comfortable. I agree they’re ugly but they’re also the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever worn.

– My hubby thought he had to go in to Toronto for work on the day I had my doctor’s app’t, also the same day the 11 YR old had her sewing class and the teens had Air Cadets and it wouldn’t be fair we have to miss out because of him ( no transportation) but luckily the time was switched. Things like this always seem to happen at the worst times.

– Everything I believe in, that’s important to me, that I need , care about, or want my family always makes fun of and doesn’t matter, always comes last, and is the least important.

– I saw the “shrink” who renewed my Prozac for another 6 months and he said I looked and sounded happier and I told him it was due to Buddy and he said the dog’s good for me and that I need something “meaningful” in my life and that my hubby charging me a “fine” to “punish” me for keeping a dog against his will is “harsh” and “abusive.”

– I saw hateful posts on Facebook saying “F*ck Allah”, “F*ck Islam” etc. so I reported it for hate speech against a religious group ( which is against their policy) and they replied back that it DOESN’T qualify as hate speech or discrimination against a religious group! WHAT? I bet if  something  similar were said to another group( such as homosexuals) they would sure see it as hateful and would have removed it, but since it persecutes religion they don’t care.

– A Facebook friend in Ireland was having bad epileptic seizures and kept blacking out while I was online and she asked me to contact a mutual friend who lives closer to her to get her help as there’s not much I can do from here so I did. I hope she’s going to be ok….

– Starting Saturday it’s supposed to drop down to 12 C and stay like that all next week…..but I DON’T CARE because I’m not going to BE here and where I’m going it’ll likely be in the 30 C range!

– I heard this helicopter outside and it was so loud it sounded like it was right outside our window and the floor was shaking!

– The 16 YR old has his yearly oncologist’s appointment today.

– When I had my doctor’s app’t Buddy REALLY missed me and he was looking all over the house for me, whimpering, he went up to my room, my spot where I sit on the couch, and finally tracked my scent to the front door, and when I came back he was so happy to see me and so excited he was running around all over. I have to bring him back to Patti’s later tonight and I’ll miss him like crazy. I don’t want to say goodbye. I bet I’ll be crying all the way home. 😦

– Tomorrow we leave for our trip! I LOVE the Caribbean! I wish I could move there and stay there forever.

“Ketchup” Post.

CatchUP Catching up on things:

– I still haven’t heard from my doc so I assume my blood work results are ok then; liver enzymes must be back down to normal as well as my potassium. No news is good news….

– Us trying to be a “normal” family just doesn’t work for us.

– The 19 YR old seems to have a secret girlfriend in California. He met her online( she’s a gamer like him) and she’s even sent him a few letters in the mail. Our oldest said he knows and she’s told him about her but “Brotherly Confidentiality” prevents him from discussing what he said to him with me and he even said HE’S talked to her,too! I just hope he knows what he’s doing, doesn’t get scammed or hurt, and doesn’t run off to California to elope!

– The 16,7, and 11 YR olds have colds and my mother’s getting it now,too,and eventually it will go thru the house.

– I saw the “Rich Lady” at church again, and I admire her; she inspires me. She’s so stylish, classy and sophisticated. She’s exactly what this shit hole needs; to swank this place up but I wonder what someone like that’s doing in a place like THIS?

– It was a freezing 3 C overnight and I know it’s cold now as my coconut oil’s solidified instead of being liquid.

– A Facebook friend saw someone get killed the other day: it was a jaywalker running across the street and she was hit by a car and was killed. He thought she was dead as she wasn’t moving and later saw in the news that she had been killed. It really shook him up. I guess so.That’s something that you’d never forget.

– The kids went to a Cadets “Career Day” but it was just propaganda for a career in the military even though they were previously led to believe it was a display for various careers so the teens could get some idea about what they might do for their futures. They also have a weekend camp coming up.

– I had a dream about my cousin J( who I haven’t seen since I was 13 and miss and think about and wonder how her and mother and sister are doing) and in the dream she told me her mom had died and I had the impression she was dead too because it was just like that dream I had recently about my father( who died a few YRS ago) where he came to me in my sleep and asked me to forgive him( and I did) and I’ve heard that the dead communicate with us when we’re asleep as our state of consciousness is closer to their “realm” ( it’s a sin  to CONTACT the dead intentionally but if they contact YOU it’s beyond your control) and she also told me her sister’s still “shattered” from when she was almost raped all those YRS ago and still hardly leaves the house, and J is just 9 YRS older than me( so that would make her 56) but she might have had cancer or something and died, and I told her that her mother has always been my fave. aunt and all of them are my fave. relatives of all the relatives.

– There are only 2-3 black families in this hick-ass town and the thought occurred to me that it must be very hard for them  with all the rednecks here….it’s awkward for ME around all the rednecks,too,and I’m not even black!

– The pool guys still haven’t come to close it up for the season and to install our new cover yet and my hubby goes, “It’s closing season now and they’re busy; you have to wait your turn!”…..except it WAS our turn 2 WEEKS ago!We’d booked it the first week of Sept. but they never showed up! They’re 2 weeks LATE doing it, so we should take priority, esp. with all the $$$$$ we’re paying for the new cover! I swear, people here are soooo half-assed, inept, and unreliable.

– My friend V (from grade 6) is now a grandmother! Yesterday her daughter had a baby boy after a 14 HR labour. It really makes ME feel old seeing my friends becoming grandparents and even though it was 25 YRS ago since I had my first baby I can still vividly remember it as if it was just yesterday,and the pain, oh, God, the pain…..I will never forget that as long as I LIVE; it was ungodly and I thought I was going to DIE! I had a 24 HR labour with him, 18 HRS of it without anything for pain relief until I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was so bad I almost passed out.

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupAugust Catching up on what we’ve been up to lately:

– Next door had concrete pumped into the big square hole they have in their backyard for the addition they’re putting on the back of their house( they have a basic foundation, the beginning of basement walls and rebars going up now) and this huge arm/ crane thing extended out of the back of a truck and went up and over their roof all the way from their driveway in their front yard all the way over into their backyard and pumped the concrete in and it looked like one of those rides at the “Ex.” It was so cool and not something that you see every day.

– My hubby had to get a new camera as the 13 YR old broke our old one by taking it underwater in the pool even though it was supposed to be an underwater camera but now he got this ugly hideous bright yellow one. Gag. I like the metallic pink ones. This one reminds me of taxi cabs in NYC.

– The 11 and 13 YR olds call eachother “ugly” and have this ongoing iPod war where they have Siri say things aloud to eachother like they’re so ugly they break the camera or made the mirror crack,etc.

– My hubby is fixing the cement in part of our backyard and he’s letting the kids carve their names into the wet cement even though it horrifies me and he says I’m no fun, and I do fun but this is so ghetto, and what next, let them spray paint on the walls, too? He’s no help, never backs me up and is such a bad example.

– I was woken up at 2:30 am with piercing pain around my belly button and right side so bad I was gripping the mattress and for awhile there I thought it might be my appendix and I’d have to go to the hospital and I was mad because I was tired and wanted to sleep but it only lasted for about 15 minutes and then I went back to sleep but I wonder what it was?

– My hubby told me the 19 YR old set the stove on fire but it turned out he was over-reacting: he was actually cooking popcorn and one of the kernals came out and he’d put baking soda on the element to put the flame out.

– Mr. Nissal, how I love you. ( no one will get this except for the 19 YR old and I)

– I’m still holding on to some hope that Buddy’s owner will realize over time that it’s better that we have him since we have more time and can give him the attention that he needs esp. with all the kids and with someone always at home he’ll get lots of attention and love….

– Today is my grandmother’s birthday. She would have been 102 YRS old but she died 9 YRS ago when she was 93.

– It’s been such a cool summer( normal high 20 C and 12 C overnight) it feels like fall and we’ve really only had 4 or so days hot that feel like summer. It looks like I’ll be getting my week of summer in October when I go back to the Caribbean. If summer doesn’t come to me I’ll go to it!

– There was this really loud “Bang!” on the livingroom window and I think a bird must have flown into it or something…

“Ketchup” Post.

Ketchup(July) Catching up on everything lately:

– The 11 YR old and I have our # 1 rule: “Don’t ‘diss the hippo!”

– The kids have sidewalk chalk but I don’t let them use it on the driveway, sidewalk, or road because it’s tacky and looks ghetto so I compromised and let them use it on our black trampoline because no one else sees it and it washes off easily.

– I lost 3 more pounds!

– The 7 YR old has a big red apple painted on his back and he said it just “appeared” there. Um, yeah…right….

– One of the saddest things I’ve heard is when a 96 YR old woman died a relative said that she died “Loving no one and  no one loving her”. That just broke my heart.

-I just love a good thunderstorm( which we get alot, esp. in the summer, usually several times a week, sometimes even a few times a day) they’re exciting and so much energy! I esp. love it when I’m in bed at night.

– There’s a new cat bylaw passed now where cats can no longer roam around loose and have to be on leashes like dogs so now if the animal control authorities see the “Cow Cat” coming around they’ll snatch him up so he’s now a felon and will have to lay low so The Man doesn’t come and take him away!

– The 11 YR old jeers that I have more wrinkles than my mother and my hubby and the 16 YR old taunt that sun damage ages people, a jab at me as I love to suntan.

– I heard on the radio that in USA Income Tax takes 30% of people’s salary but here it’s 50%. As always, we’re always getting over-taxed, over-charged, ripped off,and cheated all the time.

– The 11 YR old was outside dancing in the rain.

– I had a dream I was put on the No Fly List and wasn’t allowed to fly to or over USA so when I go to the Caribbean cruise in Oct. I couldn’t board the ship in Miami but had to fly to the next Caribbean port and meet the ship there but  being banned by USA I considered it an honour and wore it as a badge of pride.

– A category 5 typhoon is hitting  Japan where our 2nd oldest lives and works(holy shit!) and she entered a bathtub race and was interviewed on TV!

– Patti had to give Buddy back to her son as with her medical problems she’s in too much pain and can’t look after 2 dogs but he took him back reluctantly so she doesn’t think it’ll be too long until he returns him to her but he said he doesn’t want anyone else but her to keep him for good even though he’s no longer able to give him the attention he needs now with the new baby and he’s overwhelmed and she can’t handle 2 dogs, and she even said we could have HER dog some weekends  if we can’t get Buddy, to give her a break,and I get the impression that she  finds it difficult even taking care of her own dog now,too with her medical needs, let alone 2 dogs. Even having a dog around part-time is still better than not at all and it gives her a break as well.

– I’m glad Patti’s my friend now as I really  need a friend here; I’m so lonely. She might just still see me as a neighbour but I see her as a friend, but I’m scared if she gets to know the real me ( that I have Asperger’s, have to take alot of medication, can’t function on my own,and will never be independent) that she won’t like me anymore either and will leave, just like everyone else has always done, once they really get to know me; once they find out that I’m not normal. It’s really hard for me to make friends to begin with so when they all eventually  end up rejecting me it hurts even more.

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupJune Catching up on things:



– The 11 YR old casually asked me, “What does ‘ masturbating’ mean?” and after I stopped choking I asked her, “Where did you HEAR that?” and she told me the 16 YR old!


– The 11 YR old was swatting a bug away and accidently punched me hard in the nose and it really hurt and at first I even wondered if it was maybe even broken. She also made a new friend with a 10 YR old girl that lives just 2 houses over.


– When I’m outside tanning I fantasize I’m back in the Caribbean at the beach, laying on the sand, with palm trees swaying nearby, listening to the seagulls and the ocean waves.


– For a few seconds when I heard a song on the radio it sounded like a foreign language I didn’t recognize and was confused not recognizing it trying to figure out what language it was….so I waiting a few more seconds and then realized it was English! I wonder if *I* might have had a mini-stroke like my mother did? Episodes like that can often be subtle signs….



– I saw a cat with 2 tails!

– I got my hearing aids calibrated and turned up louder and I have more ear wax build up in my right ear again( the left ear is ok) so have to clean with hydrogen peroxide for a few days to flush it out like before) and the lady noticed my suntan and asked if I had been away on vacation.

– I went to Walmart the other day and I’ve never seen so many rednecks all at once together at the same place all at the same time except for in this town  before and I overheard a guy telling his friend about his son’s botched leg surgery here; how they “cut the wrong thing” and he had to be transferred to a hospital elsewhere and have it redone right and the doctor there phoned up the quack here and asked him where he got his medical license from.

– I heard the lady next door call her cat “Lucifer” so now I wonder if they’re Satanists and the 15 YR old goes, “Oh, that’s a cool name!” and I told her, “No, it’s NOT! It’s another name for Satan!” and then she looks horrified and shocked and gasps, “Oh!” and the 11 YR old said we should rename the 7 YR old Lucifer( because he’s a little devil)

– I had my recurring dream again that we move back to my old house in Toronto only this time it had been changed and wasn’t how I remember it; they’d changed the windows and the wallpaper and I was mad. I really miss the city though and wish we could afford to move back. I also had a dream about a giant brown horse that ran down our street and came up on our veranda and it was so huge it’s knees went up to the 11 YR old’s head!

– I have cramps and diarrhrea so bad my arse feels like it’s on FIRE and it’s even *bleeding* and it hurts so much I can hardly even sit down.

– The 16 YR old brought back this virus from youth group camp a couple of weeks ago and it’s making it’s way thru the house and we’ve now dubbed it, “The ( his name) Plague.”