This And That.

ThisAndThat – What I have is officially called “Bile Reflux.” It’s where my pyloric valve is faulty( it can often occur from damage after gallbladder removal surgery, which I had 2 YRS ago) or strong contractions or spasms of the pyloric valve( the valve separating the end of the stomach and the intestines) and it “backwashes” the bile back up into my stomach, causing irritation and pain. It also explains my ulcer; constant irritation from the bile would cause it.It’s like having Drano in my stomach.

– Anything I say or suggest is always automatically discounted, discredited and dismissed by my family and I’m tired of it. They never take anything I say or think seriously because they think I’m stupid.

– I was sitting outside the front and saw a dog get run over by a truck! It was walking beside the truck with it’s owner but it was’t on a leash( so it was the owner’s fault) and it darted in front of the truck and it ran over it’s hip and leg pinning it under but it backed away off it so it will likely survive but the loud painful yelping was the most pitiful sound I have ever heard. I’m just glad that it wasn’t a CHILD and for a long time afterwards I kept having these scary thoughts: what if it had been one of MY kids?

– I read these blogs where I have been referred for prayer requests and both their kids died and what I find weird is that the one who’s adopted kid died they’re even more distraught and devastated by her death than the one who lost their biological kid, who oddly said that they weren’t as destroyed as they’d expected. I just thought that was odd.I would have expected it to be the other way around.

– The 10 YR old said her friend said her brother suffered from “ALS” and I was surprised as I thought Lou Gehrig’s Disease struck older people…and then she said, “Oh, wait, I think I got that wrong….it’s ALBS….. Annoying Little Brother Syndrome!”

– The 7 YR old tried to eat 2 packs of “Goldfish” crackers the same day at once even though no one’s allowed to have 2 of the same thing the same day; you have to save it for another day, and then he said my MOTHER said that he COULD, even though she has no right…over-ruling me and undermining my discipline again and I told him, ” I don’t CARE WHAT SHE said!” and I told HER to stop always meddling!

– The 19 YR old snickered to me that “Suicide is the coward’s way out!”  and I told him that sometimes life just gives you more than you can bear.

– The 10 YR old told me that the reason the kids don’t like me is because I’m so loud and I’m always talking, yelling,and telling everyone what to do….so basically they hate me for being who I am, and I have to yell so they HEAR me(and if they weren’t always being so BAD all the time I wouldn’t even HAVE to yell!) and it’s my JOB to tell them what to do( “Pick that up off the floor!” “Clean your room!” “Get ready for church!” “Put your laundry away!” “Don’t forget your backpack!” “Close the door!” “Don’t you hit her!” etc.)

First Snow!!

OurSnow We FINALLY got snow at long last! A few days ago we got flurries for about 5 minutes but now we got REAL snow where everything’s all white! We got 13 cm with 5 cm more coming! The 6 and 10 YR old’s spent HRS playing outside in it and making a snowman and my mother and the kids have the camera with them in the Caribbean so I improvised and took the photo seen here with the Tablet instead, so enjoy!  School buses were all cancelled here but my kids complain since we homeschool that they never get snow days and still have to do school( they get to go out and play in it but not until school work’s done first!)The 19 YR old also threw out my pills so I made him pay for new ones as the rule is if you throw something out, lose it, or ruin it you either fix it or replace it, and the 12 YR old said to my hubby, “Pay attention to ME, I’M the pretty one!” and when I said, “What about the 10 and 14 YR olds? They’re cute,TOO!” she huffed,”They’re ugly cows!” and my hubby didn’t wash the pot he used,either, and told the 10 YR old to wash it for him( lazy, now I know where the 19 YR old gets it from;he just leaves his dishes in the sink and expects someone else to wash them for him,too) but my rule is if you cook with it you wash it,if you eat off it, you wash it. I’m not doing everyone’s dishes; they’re not crippled ,and there’s no reason everyone can’t wash their own dishes and clean up after themselves! I’m not a slave!(“Just because you have a hole in your arse doesn’t mean you’re crippled!”)

As well, my old friend’s(I’ve known for 25 YRS) best friend from highschool died (I think he had cancer) and it makes me feel really old now,too, that people my age are DYING, and they said there’s going to be even MORE redneck hockey on TV now which’s ALL I “need” as it already monopolizes the TV, takes over the news, and pre-empts the TV shows all the time as it is and I’m sick of seeing it everywhere as it is now and certainly don’t need more of it: I wish it wasn’t on at ALL and when they were on strike was the best, and on the news they said of the developed world that seniors in THIS country live in poverty the worst( it figures; Canada sucks) and the Auditor General’s report showed rail safety and food safety in this country is poor as well( no surprise here; we always lag behind other countries) with inspectors poorly trained and follow-up is lax, and a Facebook friend’s husband’s getting his gallbladder out in 2 weeks, and he just had the ultrasound this week and I had to wait 3 MONTHS to get a surgery date from my diagnosis and by the time I had mine finally removed it was so full of stones and so inflamed it was on the verge of rupture!

Iran also agreed to a deal with 6 or so other countries limiting it’s nuclear capabilities to energy and not weapons in exchange for harsh sanctions being lifted yet even so this stupid country refuses to ease them, saying they don’t trust they’ll keep their end of the bargain, not even giving them a chance, wanting to be hostile instead of diplomatic( once again, Canada sucks) and my friend who had her brain tumour removed found out it IS cancer,afterall(after initially the biopsy said it wasn’t when they checked the fluid, but examining the tumour itself they did find cancer cells) so now she has to have chemo twice a week for 5 months and until now she’s never had surgery or even been in the hospital and she’s 41, and  I found out as well a Facebook friend’s fiance beats her up(and it isn’t the first time,either) he punched her and broke her wrist yet she refuses to leave, saying she loves him,can’t lose him, he “didn’t mean it”, and they’re going ahead with the wedding and I’m really worried about her! I was shocked and surprised too as he seemed so nice and they seemed so happy but I guess you never know. Today’s the American Thanksgiving,too(we already had ours back in October) and they make a much bigger deal about theirs than we do about ours, and in fact, for them it seems to be an even bigger holiday than Christmas!

Oncology Appointment.

 Our 14 YR old had his annual check up at the oncologist’s yesterday to make sure his leukemia hasn’t returned(it’s been 7 YRS since diagnosis and 5 YRS since treatment ended) and even though we have no reason to actually suspect he’s relapsed I’m still  always nervous for the app’t until I know everything is ok.It went well and the doc noticed his abs and asked if he’s been working out.(He’s been doing the “Insanity” daily exercise regimen with my hubby and the other kids) and he passed his physical exam but the blood test results won’t be available until TODAY(they said they’ll phone us) so we still don’t know for sure and still don’t have that total reassurance yet that everything’s ok as it’s the blood work that’s the real indicator. I swear people are so half-assed! It only TAKES an HOUR for the results to come back from the lab so WHY the hell won’t they have them for a DAY, or at the very least could have had them later that same day, esp. since his app’t was in the morning? As well, I read a blog and the kid saw the specialist and is already scheduled for surgery next WEEK but here it takes MONTHS to be booked for surgery; when I had my gallbladder and it was inflamed (and as it turned out on the verge of rupture) I had to wait 3-4 months until I got my surgery! My hubby’s excuse(he’s always excusing the incompetency of this country) is that because in USA they pay so they get fast service…..except how does he explain my referral to the plastic surgeon for my boob reduction(as my big boobs affect my quality of life)..it’s been 2 months already and I still haven’t even heard back about my app’t yet, yet alone seen the doctor or have a surgery date, which my doc told me typically will take about 9 months after I see the surgeon….

As well, My hubby sneered I should just “get ‘over’ ” my Social Phobia and compared it to a character weakness, like trying to quit smoking, but he has no idea; it doesn’t work that way and it’s like telling a diabetic to just “get over” being diabetic; it’s a medical problem and to insinuate that is very hurtful,insensitive, and insulting. I told HIM, “So why don’t YOU just get over YOUR MPD then,TOO?” and his excuse is,”But it doesn’t bother me!” and I replied,”Well, it bothers the REST of us!” and he snorts I’m religious but a “hypocrite”(yet failed to explain,likely as he has no case) but what can HE say when HE doesn’t even take Communion and hasn’t even been to Confession in over 35 YRS,and at least I TRY,and so far we caught 26 mice in the traps in our kitchen cupboard and I found out my abusive babysitter(when I was around age 7) who used to hit, punch,and kick me, made me deeply inhale a cigarette so I choked and then she’d laugh,threw me in the deep end and  tried to drown me in the pool, and threw me off the couch so I’d bounce off and hit the floor, etc. who’s 8 YRS older than me now has 10 grandchildren and 1 great-grandchild( the wonders of Facebook!)I sure hope she’s nicer to them than she was to me!

My mother also snickered with our financial situation I won’t be able to get my surgery now and I told her, “Yes, as I’ve already saved up for it; just like how YOU’VE already paid for YOUR trip this YR, just no more for anything else from now on” and then she shut up, and I worry if we’re forced to move that if the new house is so much smaller that we won’t have enough room for all our furniture, like in the livingroom; now we have 2 sofas, 5 chairs, piano, Grandfather clock, TV, lamps, 3 tables, etc. and cramming all the kids into 2 bedrooms it’ll be even more cluttered than it already is at this house,we likely won’t have a pool or central A/C like we have now either so it’ll be sweltering in the summer, and I really resent that the one responsible for threatening me and possibly forcing us to move(to flee their persecution) decides our fate(whether we move or not, depending on whether it escalates or blows over) and that our lives are in their hands and it’s not right,and the dark circles under my eyes are so bad it looks like bruises, like I have black eyes,and in the news it said this country is wary of a Chinese telecommunications company investing here as they’re worried they’ll use it for espionage…..geez, xenophobia and paranoia at it’s “finest!”

“Multiple Stones….”

 Yesterday I saw the surgeon for my follow-up app.t.He’s a “hunk” too so that was my “thrill” for the day,and he said my incisions healed well, and the pathology report on my gallbladder was that it was “inflamed” and “had multiple stones in varying sizes from 2-7 mm.” So it wasn’t just a few stones and being inflamed it would have ruptured so it’s good I did have it removed! I also asked him about a referral to a plastic surgeon to have a boob reduction and he said I likely won’t need a referral; to just call and book an app’t and that one has a waiting list 4 YRS long! Geez….I was thinking just a few MONTHS….

It was also 34 C and felt like 44 C and we were in the pool all day and in this country as well as in others there are problems with either severe drought,floods, mudslides, or wildfires,  and it was even TOO hot to suntan yesterday(as stupid as that sounds) and the air was so humid and “thick” it was hard to breathe, I want to get another tattoo( “Om” in-betwen my shoulder blades) and my hubby said I “have ‘enough’ tattoos” and sneers with my Social Phobia not being able to talk on the phone is “just a convenient excuse to not do something I don’t want to do” but why would I NOT want to talk on the phone? It impairs my life to not be able to, so why would I purposely do it or choose it? He has NO IDEA what it’s like! I also got a new Acer black computer monitor and it’s much thinner, flatter, wider, brighter and has much clearer colour than my old one did!

I also eat raw hemp hearts, chia seeds and cocoa nibs which are high in fiber, protein and energy and my hubby jokes I’ll plant the hemp and grow  cannibis plants and that if I had to take a drug test it would show up positive for marijuana, and my cousins, aunt and uncle are going on a European cruise in Sept. (they go twice a YR) and one of my cousins is even paying not only for himself but for his 2 nieces and their combined 5 kids as well, easily costing over 25 000$! He’s a stockbroker and now works online catching people doing money laundering.I guess it must pay REALLY well….In Toronto there was a shooting at a neighbourhood BBQ as well  which was gang related and 25 people were shot and 2 were killed, incl. a 14 YR old girl and this reminds me of WHY we left in the first place: too much crime and it only keeps getting worse. The 9 YR old feels sick as well: really pale, bad headache and upset stomach so maybe sunstroke or perhaps a virus? Poor kid.

UPDATE:

She just barfed. 😦

No More Diaries.

 I have been writing in a daily diary now ever since 1980 when  I  was 13 and got a diary in my Christmas stocking. The problem now is  no one makes them anymore or sells them, with everything being on computers nowadays so I have been unable to find any more after this YR’s is done. The company that makes the ones I’ve been using no longer makes them and no stores sell them and I couldn’t even find any online to order. I’ll have to end up getting books with lined pages that I’ll just have to put in the dates and make my diary myself. The one I have now(my last one) has each day pre-dated and it has a lock. It is sadly the last of it’s breed and has now become extinct. This saddens me and my diaries are the kids’ legacy; I have everything written down and recorded preserving memories both good and bad, so that later when I’m dead and they inherit them they will have a written record of their history where nothing has been forgotten.

As well, it’s supposed to get up to 35 C today and feel like 44 C and my hubby said he’ll return and exchange the new a/c and it makes me feel badly as it’ll be rejected and unwanted like I am so I told him it’s good enough, and my mother and I were sitting outside on our front porch when these girls walked by and they kept staring at my bald head so my mother yelled out to them,”See what happens when you dye your hair?” and they just looked horrified, and what I was thinking was, “Take a picture, it’ll last longer!” Even in this oppressive heat the 16 YR old still wears heavy long sleeved hoodies and such(I wonder if she’s cutting her arms and is hiding it?) and in the summer the kids don’t need to have baths either as they’re in the pool all day, and the water now is 82 F which’s the warmest it’s ever been!

The 11 YR old also has sewing and quilting camp this week and her and the 9 YR old dressed up in funny costumes and wigs and went dancing down the street and I remember childhood being such a fun time and you can look and  be as outrageous as you want in public without a care in the world ,just having carefree fun,despite if people laugh at you and you don’t care what people think,and I see the surgeon for my follow-up app’t today as well and the kids were wondering if he still has my gallbladder that I can bring home and keep in a jar…..yeeeeccchh! My hubby makes me flash him my boobs whenever he does something for me too and it occurred to me am I sort of “prostituting” myself?

Flaunting Sin.

 It’s now Gay Pride Week in Toronto this week and the Pride Parade on Sunday.The mayor is not attending again this YR either, obviously he doesn’t support it and for that I admire him; finally someone that stands up for what he believes in and for what’s right and won’t be pressured by the gay lobbyists. I don’t agree with it either, brazenly flaunting, promoting and encouraging sin. The idea of half-naked people in black leather and chains, men dressed in drag, and people making out in public disgusts me and some things should be discreet and be kept private. I don’t want to see ANYONE prancing around naked or making out; gay OR straight. I don’t need to know,and don’t WANT to know, what goes on in people’s bedrooms. I have no desire to hear about people’s perversions, fetishes, kinks, etc.and don’t approve of the Pride events that blatantly promote and glorify sin. I am not “against” gay people,and am not a “homophobe”; in fact, my lawyer was gay, I have gay friends, and even the love of my life(who I wanted to marry) turned out to be gay. I just don’t approve of publically promoting ANYTHING sinful and anything sexual should be kept private.Not everyone approves of the gay lifestyle and that’s ok; we have the right to believe what we want to as well  and tolerance has to work both ways. I’m still waiting for the Hetero Pride Parade as well but I won’t hold my breath….

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As well, we picked fresh still-warm from the sun blackberries and mulberries from our backyard, the 16 YR old got her driver’s license AND her bank statement in the mail(verifying her name, photo and address) so she FINALLY was able to re-new her health card and photo(no set-backs like we had before) and I notice now with my gallbladder gone that I’m NOT as gassy and don’t have headaches as much, and I’m not as hungry,either; my appetite has decreased and I’m hoping to lose weight. I also hope my BP has lowered now as well…

We also solved my dilemma as to how to order my bald Moxie doll when they don’t ship to Canada: we found an online company that’s a “middle-man”, where we join and they give us an address in USA to have our items mailed to and then for a small fee they re-ship it to us. We joined up and are just awaiting verification. I am so glad I am finally able to get the doll, among countless other things we have wanted to order but they only ship to USA! Problem solved! Yay!! Where there’s a will, there’s a way!

In the news they also said over 400 boys have been molested in Scouts Canada  over the past few decades with a great many NOT reported to the proper authorities(such as the police) and only now is it being further investigated. Our kids are in Cubs but this is why we never leave them there alone; my hubby stays WITH them for all activities and we don’t allow them to sleep over. Pedophiles lurk everywhere kids are and it’s up to the parents to be extra cautious in protecting their children. Our kids can’t go to  overnight camp and sleep over until they are 12 years old as by then they’re older, bigger, stronger, and more aware and how to protect themselves but the younger kids are always supervised and never left alone or do overnights.

Hawaiian Tropic.

I love the smell of Hawaiian Tropic Dark Tanning Oil. It smells like coconuts and reminds me of when I was 13 and in the summer my friends and I used to hop on the streetcar and go to the local Greenwood pool and suntan and swim. I used it then and still use it now, as well as my “magic formula” of baby oil mixed with iodine. I have fond memories of that time, esp. as most of it was marked with the scars of bullying so it made me cherish and remember the happy times(such as this) even more. I also remember how I was pissed that my friends always  got deeper darker, quicker tans than I did, but they were Asian and already had a head-start on me on having darker skin to begin with,anyway! 🙂

I still have pain where my gallbladder was as well(even though the incisions have all healed up) almost as if the gallbladder’s still there, and I wonder if it’s maybe “phantom” pain, or perhaps a stone somehow got left behind and stuck in a duct, or maybe just something’s still sore, bruised, or twisted from the surgery 13 days ago? I also found out my aunt had gallbladder CANCER and it spread to her bile ducts and eventually liver, and that’s what killed her, and I now wonder if  she had  had hers out (like the other 5 of us did) then it wouldn’t have happened and now wonder if now since we have had ours out that it prevents it,and had we hadn’t that we might have ended up with gallbladder cancer,too? My friend from grade 6’s mother also died of cancer the other day as well.So sad.

The 5 YR old also continues to be holy awful: he asked the 9 YR old to get him a freezie and when she did he tried to slam the freezer door down on her head and he tried to push her down the stairs too,and he bit, hit,kicked,and pinched her, and when scolded he threw a chair at me! He likes to wear his shirts on backwards and his shoes on the wrong feet as wel and said he “has a geocache in his ear.” I seriously think he’s disturbed. I scooped a dead chipmunk out of the pool skimmer as well but was also able to rescue another one in time  that had fallen in.

I heard former Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak had a stroke and is in critical condition and on life support and I don’t know for sure what kind of person he is on the inside(who am I to know or say?) but I still pray for him  anyway because he’s still a person, and asshole Canada smugly refuses to help “bail” Europe out of it’s financial crisis and said it’s “not their problem”(serves them right later when Europe rebounds and it eventually WILL, and remembers that they weren’t there to help them when they needed it and then refuse to trade with them) and here there are cameras in the airports already that spy on people but now they ALSO want to install listening devices too to spy on people’s conversations,and just when I think this country can’t POSSIBLY suck any MORE than it already does it somehow manages to find a way, and many foster homes in the Child Welfare system have been exposed in the media  for rampant abuse, incl. sex cults and sex rings, with kids being ,molested,and we always knew they’re evil but now everyone else will, too, and my cousin said about Child Welfare that “they snoop around alot”,and a family fled this country and moved to Jamaica as well, telling people that, “The gov’t takes your kids away in Canada.” That about says it all. This country SUCKS and is NOT the “free” democracy that it wants people to think but becoming a fascist Police State more and more all the time!!