The Cake.

Screen Shot 06-23-17 at 03.30 PM 001 This is the birthday cake the 16 YR old made herself (with help from the 14 YR old) for her party and dance later tonight. It took her pretty well all day. It’s a few layers and both vanilla and chocolate cake.  It’s going to be one epic party,too, and she’s going to have 16 guests as well as the 14 and 18 YR old, and will be serving a meat tray, veggie tray, cheese platter, fruit tray, melted chocolate fountain fondue to dip marshmallows in, pasta, mashed potatoes, meatballs, salad, chips, candy, pop, the cake,etc.. this is going to be one that goes down in history! She is a diva though and always has to do everything in grand style!

I also have bad cramps (I’m seriously too old for this shit anymore!) and I think “Aunt Flow” is coming, so far a week late, and I took a chance and ate that ham that might have been outdated(what can I say, I live on the edge) and shortly after I ate it my stomach felt sick so I guess it was really rotten afterall, and I also tried camel meat! The 18 YR old had some and it was in a meat patty on a bun with a sweet sauce and it was actually quite good! I also found out she’d taken the train to go to her BF’s graduation; that’s where she was when no one would tell me, and I have no problem with it; I just like to know where my kids are and who they’re with and plus there’s also the safety issue too; you need to know where they are and where to look in case something happens or they go missing. She’s also going back up to see him for Canada Day and they’re going to Ottawa for the 150th festivities.

Screen Shot 06-22-17 at 08.21 AM This is also my fave. photo of myself, taken 10 YRS ago when I was 40, 2 months after I’d had my youngest child. It’s actually the only one where I don’t look too bad so that’s why I like it. Usually I look so hideous I break the camera but in this one I don’t think I actually look half bad and for me that’s really saying alot .Usually I look like either a troll or a drag queen which is why I don’t generally take many photos of myself and hate seeing photos of me. If I were ever to go on a dating site this would be the photo I’d use, ha,ha..holy shit though I’ve really aged since then due to stress….oh, my God!. We also have had lots of rain lately, incl. a big storm last night that woke me up at 1:20 am, incl. more flooding again. I don’t think it’s ever going to stop….I think I’m going to have to start building an ark pretty soon…I’m so tired of all this rain!

For The Love Of Hippos.

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As well, we had some excitement on our street: next door had the police and ambulance and EMS over: a woman was unconscious on the front lawn and the cops wrestled this young man and handcuffed him and then he was restrained on the gurney and taken away in the ambulance. The police also stripped down the toddler girl that was there with them down to her diapers, right there in public on the front lawn, for all the neighbourhood to see, my guess is checking for signs of abuse, but this must have been so traumatic for her and something that will stay with her forever.I don’t think they should have done that. It’s not right. As it turns out, the teen boy had overdosed on something and was violent and aggressive and attacked his mother and choked her. With rednecks it’s like a real-life reality show every day around here and there’s always some drama going on and they never fail to entertain!The scoundrel across the street also sold his place and moved out yesterday and the dance studio where the 18 YR old took lessons bought it and will be moving in soon! Too bad it wasn’t this close while she was still going there but now she’ll be working at camp all summer and then off to school!

Shut Up, You!

Screen Shot 06-13-17 at 07.08 PM Once again when I was asking the 14 YR old something she huffed, Don’t talk to me!! and that’s just the typical way the kids, my hubby, and my mother all speak to me, with disrespect, contempt, disdain, condescension, belittlement, and scorn. Anything that I have to say isn’t important, doesn’t matter, doesn’t count, isn’t valued, is vetoed, is never considered or factored, and no one ever wants to hear it. I am always being silenced.

Anything I have to say is quickly dismissed, shut down, interrupted, quieted, shot down, vetoed, insulted, mocked, ridiculed, talked over, laughed off, ignored, disregarded, never taken seriously, discouraged, etc. they say they don’t want to hear it, don’t want to listen, don’t care, it isn’t important, it doesn’t matter, they don’t have time, who cares, no one cares, shut up, no one asked you, mind your own business, no one’s talking to you,Who cares what you say, no one cares what you think etc..

I feel so invisible, so insignificant, so small, so devalued, so unwanted, so second-class.Like I’m nothing.

Screen Shot 06-21-17 at 02.29 PMMy thoughts, opinions, needs, input, etc. is never considered either, even when it comes to big family decisions or problems, such as when the hall got renovated, or for painting( should we or not, what colour to use) no one ever asks me or my opinion or what I think, in fact, they don’t even discuss it with me or even ask me! I’m left out of all important family discussions, financially, life changing, involving the kids, etc. No one ever tells me anything , asks my opinion or input, and I’m always the last to know anything, even about the possibility we might be considering moving sometime in the near future; I have no say in the matter; whether I want to or not is irrelevant, and I don’t get a “vote”, or a say; my voice doesn’t count, and I overheard too the 18 YR old took a train somewhere to visit someone until the weekend too but no one would tell me where or who, even though I am the mother and would just like to know where my child is and who she’s with and I do have the right to know but I’m left out of everything. They’re really pushed me out in so many ways and it’s very hurtful. Eventually I’m just going to give up trying to get back in.

Screen Shot 06-21-17 at 06.25 PMAs well, after I had weed, all the furniture was dancing all around the livingroom, and the 16 YR old wants a summer job and she has a job interview at a hair salon next week and in 2 weeks the 22 YR old comes back after being in California for 2 months and next week the pool guys come and open the pool for the season,too, and the 22 YR old and his GF were on a late-night show as well! They were in the audience during a live taping and he got interviewed by the host! I don’t know the name of it though; I don’t watch late night stuff but I know the host was some British guy because I saw a video of  the clip.

Screen Shot 06-21-17 at 06.14 PM The 16 YR old also got a cute little hamster for her birthday! She’s always wanted one, for like the past 7 YRS or so but my hubby hates pets and was always refusing but he finally gave in. It’s name is Tug and it lives in her bedroom but we have to make sure she keeps her door shut so Buddy doesn’t go in there and EAT it, esp. since Dachshunds are bred for hunting and he does like to go after the mice and chipmunks.I had a hamster,named Hammy, that looked just like this when I was a kid and I also had mice, guinea pigs and gerbils. My hubby also sold one of our family businesses to his brother and nephew, (the mobile laser tag) but we still have the vending machines and now all 15 of them have all finally been placed.



Things I’ve Learned.

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Things I’ve Learned:

  • It’s always the one you least expect
  • You can’t trust anyone
  • If it looks too good to be true, it probably is
  • First impressions are generally right
  • Trust your intuition
  • You will never have a friend as loyal and loving as your dog
  • Kids ruin relationships
  • You’re better off not having kids
  • Be kind always
  • Never pass by an opportunity
  • God still saw it, even if no one else did.
  • You can’t hide from God.
  • You can’t run away from yourself
  • The greatest success is making a friend out of an enemy
  • Never settle
  • If one door closes, another opens
  • God will either take it from you or help you thru it
  • It will happen if it’s meant to be
  • All things must pass
  • There will always be someone else better off, and someone else worse off
  • God loves you even if no one else does
  • Love is where you find it
  • God is love
  • Make love, not war
  • Hippo milk is pink
  • If you wet your hair before you go in the pool, it lessens the amount of chlorine absorbed by your hair.
  • A cat will explode if you put it in the microwave.( I didn’t actually find this out myself; my friend N told me)
  • Everyone deserves to be loved and to be happy
  • If it’s not your time, it’s not your time
  • Cannabis is a gift from God.
  • Ignore the haters
  • I never should have left the city
  • bullies are usually hurting in some way,too
  • Math makes my brain hurt
  • The angriest people are usually the most hurt
  • You can’t “fix” people, but you can love them while they heal themselves
  • All you can do is try
  • Leave it with God
  • Pray for others
  • Everything is beautiful in it’s own way
  • You’re never too old to dream
  • It’s never too late
  • People can change
  • Be forgiving
  • There are always 3 sides to every story: one side, the other side, and what really happened.
  • Eat your dessert first in case you sudden;y drop dead and never get the chance to enjoy it.
  • GO FOR IT!
  • Find joy in the little things each day.
  • Nothing real can be threatened
  • No one can control what you’re thinking
  • Nothing can change truth
  • Don’t go along with the crowd
  • Stand up for what’s right
  • Bullying leaves emotional scars as well as physical ones
  • Some things just can’t be fixed. There are storms we can not weather.
  • You can’t control other people.
  • Always keep promises
  • Do what’s right, even if no one else is doing it
  • Don’t be afraid to stand alone or to walk away
  • Think for yourself
  • Be yourself
  • You can’t help who you love but you can help what you do about it
  • There’s someone out there for everyone
  • Not everyone will like you and that’s ok
  • Consider where it comes from
  • Save up $$$$ before you buy something, don’t go into debt
  • Marry for love
  • If you lose hope, you die
  • Keep holding on
  • Don’t let go
  • Keep asking questions
  • Say thank you
  • The ones you love will hurt you the most
  • Keep swimming
  • Lions don’t care about the opinions of gazelles
  • God loves everyone
  • Betrayal is the worst kind of hurt
  • Be thankful
  • The gov’t isn’t here to help you
  • Dogs shed in spring so there’s going to be dog hair all over everything
  • Don’t look at, or even glance at, white trash even briefly, or they will always accuse you of staring and will beat you up. Just look down and away, averting your gaze entirely.
  • Learn to swim
  • Travel; it’s very enriching, and take your kids so they can see the world,too.
  • Give people the benefit of the doubt.
  • Hope for the best but expect the worst.
  • Trust has to be earned but can easily be broken and hard to gain back.
  • Mixing baby oil and iodine makes a great suntan oil
  • Things are not as they seem
  • Never let them see you cry
  • If you use it, put it back.
  • Deep down, we’re all the same.
  • Everyone just wants to be loved and feel valued.
  • Love is stronger than hate
  • Nothing exceeds like excess
  • Less is more
  • Bad things do happen to good people
  • It’s always the nicest people that get shit on
  • Don’t let others think for you
  • Music is life
  • I’m happy for anyone who finds love
  • God has a plan for everyone
  • There’s always another chance
  • You can always start again
  • Always compare prices
  • Capture the small moments because one day they will become special memories
  • Stick it to The Man
  • Something better is coming
  • You can tell how they really feel about you by the way they treat you.
  • We all have to pay for the important things in life
  • The past will eventually catch up to you
  • The truth will always come out eventually

Julio And His Friends.

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I still remember Julio and his friends. When I was in Cuba every night I would go to the beach to watch the sun set and I would grab a lounge chair and sit underneath my 2 fave. palm trees and one night there was this group of Cubans in their early 20’s I’d guess that worked at the resort and they were having fun in the water, being boisterous, laughing, yelling, joking around, calling out to eachother, and this one guy would leave the group and run to the shore and someone kept calling out to him to come back, Julio! and then in grand style he’d run back to join his friends and do a somersault on the sand halfway into his run and then jump back into the water.  I enjoyed watching Julio and his friends goofing around, cavorting in the water and having fun, and it reminded me of the fun I used to have with my YMCA group and friends and now whenever I think of my Cuba trip I think about Julio and his friends, they have sort of come to symbolize the happiness and joy I felt at the beach, and on my vacation, and they now have become “immortalized” in this blog, even though they have no idea. For me, Julio and his friends are Cuba.

As well, my mother saw the doctor yesterday for her 6 month check-up and she was worried that he’d find something else wrong with her but the only thing was her BP was really low so he lowered her BP meds; that’s it, and my hubby was only able to drive her to her app’t 45 minutes before as he was “too busy” so she had to sit there in the waiting room and wait for 45 minutes! When I said I thought that was unreasonable and too long she shrugged in resignation, I’ve had to wait my whole life; I’m used to it and I told her, That still doesn’t make it right, and he bawled me out,too, because I gave the 14 YR old her lunch 10 minutes early because it best suited my schedule as I was hot and wanted to go in the shade to cool off and he snorted, You just want to go outside? but my plans, schedule, needs, feelings, and routine aren’t important and don’t matter even though it makes more sense for me to give her lunch first and then go out and be able to stay out for awhile rather than to go out for just 10 minutes and then have to come back in again! Besides, we were supposed to divide up and share the job of planning, preparing and serving out all her meals and snacks for her weight restoration between him, my mother, and I but it turned out somehow that I ended up doing it all just myself so he should just shut up!! I’m so sick of his shit.

Screen Shot 06-19-17 at 03.36 PM 001Here’s also a gross picture I took when I noticed how I had my right leg twisted and you could actually see part of the bone popping out! Isn’t that just creepy? Look carefully, do you see it?The 14 YR old is also going to a performing arts camp in Toronto all of July and the 18 YR old is a leader at Cadets camp all summer, and the stupid Kodi for the TV wasn’t working for me yet again (big surprise!) as I was trying to get the news on, and no one would help me and I was getting mad and they were all laughing at me, goading and taunting me and making fun of me and my mother yelled at me, Shut the f*ck up! and the 16 YR old was spraying water at me from a spray bottle thinking that would “shut me up”, and no one ever helps me( my mother said they’re “tired” of always having to help me, well excuse me for being stupid and always needing help) and they always belittle me, berate and criticize me, and make fun of me and I’m just so sick of it! It really tears me down and hurts my feelings.It makes me just want to curl up and withdraw into myself even more and distance myself from them even further. They’re just  all such assholes that treat me like shit and I really don’t belong here where I feel I’m not wanted, loved, valued, respected, treated with dignity and kindness. I so desperately want to leave but I have no $$$$ and nowhere to go….. I pray every day that God shows me a way…


Screen Shot 06-18-17 at 11.15 AM Here are different adjectives that have been used during my life that people have used to describe me:

  • ugly
  • fat
  • stupid
  • annoying
  • weird
  • dog
  • Frankenstein Face
  • worthless
  • useless
  • failure
  • free spirit
  • rebellious
  • outspoken
  • off-beat
  • opinionated
  • unique
  • crazy
  • religious
  • sensitive
  • paranoid
  • individual
  • Marxist
  • Communist
  • anarchist
  • hippie
  • pothead
  • druggie
  • unlucky
  • quirky
  • mouthy
  • loud
  • funky
  • lazy
  • stubborn
  • immature
  • imaginative
  • creative
  • worry-wart

As well, today one of the kids turns 16, and next weekend she’s having a big party and dance and she’s booked the local highschool for the venue, and yesterday morning just minutes before she was to leave for church in the morning someone picked her up and she left in a car…..I was mad….I thought she either forgot about church or just blew it off and went out regardless but luckily she returned in time to go to the evening Mass so it all worked out. My hubby also went out so we had to walk to church and it was really hot, with a humidex of 37 C and I thought I was going to pass out plus the sore on my foot was bleeding from my sandals rubbing on it as I walked but luckily on the way back it rained and was windy so it cooled it down.

It would have been nice if he’d told me earlier that he wasn’t going to be here and then I could have gone in the morning and got a ride and not had to walk in the heat but he just tells me 10 minutes before I’m ready to go! Good news,too: the grumpy priest said he’s leaving the end of July as he’s been reassigned! yay! I hope his replacement will be nice! I also saw a lady in front of me and she had no booty! None at all; it was just flat; her back and booty just went straight down together, just flat, and I’ve never seen anything like it before, and I thought to myself, it must be hard sitting, with no padding ( I don’t have that problem; I have lots of junk in the trunk) and even wondered if she maybe had cancer or something and had her ass cheeks surgically cut off? It was the strangest thing….she needs some butt implants! 😀

Last night while watching the news an emergency broadcast also came across the screen  interrupting it with a tornado warning saying to take cover immediately and then later on the same thing happened on the radio,too, and now we have another severe thunderstorm warning as well but June is tornado season though! I also forgot that I was steaming carrots and I left it on there and went to have a bath….and all the water had evaporated away and the pot had burned dry…..holy shit….I hadn’t even had any weed, either, it was just me being me….it really shook me up, I’m just always so forgetful all the time, it’s like I have Alzheimer’s or something…. it makes me feel so stupid and my mother scolded me, You can’t do that!( leaving something on the stove and forgetting about it) but I told her, forgot; I didn’t do it on purpose!


Proud To Say…..

Here’s how I scored on a Are You A Redneck? quiz:
You are as far from a redneck as possible!

There is literally nothing about you that is Redneck. No true Redneck would ever associate with you. You don’t even own a gun!

You’re probably one of those snobby West Coasters who eats vegetables, has never ridden a horse, and thinks professional wrestling is stupid because it’s fake. You will never understand the Redneck way.

…..and proud of it! I have class, baby!