“Not Me!” Monday.

NotMeMonday – Who saw a baby with pointy elf ears and thought, “My God, that kid looks like Yoda!”…..Not me!

– Who picked their nose in the middle of church because the scab was so big, tight,and annoying and it just couldn’t wait and HAD to be removed right at that exact moment……. Not me!

– Who replied, “Hell, YEAH!” and “Do you want to take a couple of them now?” when a friend was surprised and said, “You WANT your kids to grow up and leave home?”….. Not me!

– Who farted on the dog for “payback” for all his toxic farts?…….Not me!

– Who got offended when the 13 YR old said she really loves Buddy but she loves my mother more?…….Not me!

– Who secretly hid all the tacky Christmas ornaments so the kids can’t put them up on the tree?….. Not me!

– Who at first thought that the maple leaf emblem on the Air Canada plane’s tail was a marijuana leaf? …….. Not me!

– Who is too lazy to put on winter boots when the sidewalks are clear and just puts on Crocs instead to go out and walk the dog?….Not me!

– Who took a bite out of a pastry that they thought had chocolate chips on it but found out it was disgusting walnuts instead and then just put it back in the package?…….Not me!

– Who had a bag of chips when the 11 YR old was having her shower so she wouldn’t see and therefore wouldn’t have to share it with her?…….Not me!

– Who says things like, “Anyone want freshly squeezed fudge, still warm?” and “I have some fresh fudge. Anybody got a recipe?” when Buddy does a shit and I bring it indoors in the little baggie?……Not me!

– Who yells out at an all-you-can-eat buffet. “FYFF: Feed your fat face!”…….Not me!

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“Not me!” Monday.

A blog carnival created at www.mckmama.com

I didn’t….feel glad and relieved Christmas was over as it’s always so much preparation, work,and clean up, esp. for just one day…..

I didn’t…stay home when my hubby visited his family as we have nothing in common and I wouldn’t fit in; they all drink and smoke and watch sports and wrestling and play cards, darts,and pool,and I’m not into “white-trash” things and would feel uncomfortable and out of place…

I didn’t…enjoy the quiet time alone when my hubby was away,and enjoying watching a movie in peace without him here to always fiddle around with the remote and do something stupid and we end up losing the channel and missing part of it…

I didn’t…feel angry when our 2 oldest visited from university to find our girl had dyed her hair a dark black “Goth/Emo” style…

I didn’t….feel glad the losers next-door moved, now free from “white-trash” and their noise, fights, drugs and frequent police visits….

I didn’t…feel mad our daughter is staying for holidays a week longer than our son when she’s the one I don’t get along with and would much prefer it the other way around…

NOT ME!!

“Not me!” Monday.

A blog carnival beginning at www.mckmama.com

I don’t…hope a blizzard comes and someone(I don’t get along with) who’s supposed to be coming home for Christmas will get snowed-in and be unable to visit…

I didn’t…sigh, “I’ve had 21 YEARS of THIS?” on our anniversary when we went out to eat and my hubby forgot his wallet and all his credit cards at home(like he ALWAYS  does;loses things!)…

I didn’t…laugh out loud when the 2 year old spelled a rude word aloud…

I don’t…feel anxious Christmas will be ruined due to a certain somebody who will be there, and always causes fights,strife and discord in the family…

I didn’t…cover up one of the kids’ bruises( on her face from where the 2 year old threw a hard toy at her causing a bruised welt) going to church  for fear someone might report us if they saw it,wrongly thinking we “abuse” her…

I didn’t…automatically think first of all, “I bet it was drugs!” hearing a young actresss had suddenly died…

I didn’t…feel relieved I likely won’t be having more babies upon hearing of a preemie born; a reminder of what CAN go wrong and I won’t have to worry about ever again…

I didn’t…feel depressed hearing 3 of my school friends(who are the same age as me) are grandmothers now; making ME feel really OLD….

I don’t…secretly feel relieved that soon  Christmas is over, as all the hard work and preparation and stress will finally be  behind me now for another year…

NOT ME!!

“Not me!” Monday.

A blog carnival originated at http://www.mckmama.com

I didn’t…laugh hearing the 2 year old had ca-ca on his hands and brought it to my mother to wipe clean but she thought it was a boo-boo and ended up KISSING it….

I don’t….enjoy wearing my fur coat(now we have snow!) even MORE knowing the animal-rights activists(such as the freaks at PETA) HATE it….

I don’t….shave my head completely bald weekly now out of sheer laziness so I only have to do it once a week and let the buzz-cut just  grow in….

I didn’t….refuse to send our oldest(away at school) more $$$$ to buy new winter boots after angrily discovering he’d SOLD his winter boots as he “needed the $$$” and then had the nerve to ask us for MORE $$$ to buy another pair….

I didn’t…feel sort of freaked that a couple of weird people added me on “Facebook”; wondering what I got myself in to…

I didn’t laugh seeing the 15 year old wearing garish and tacky Christmas sweaters and remark he “looks like my uncle”….

I don’t…feel excited our son will be coming home next week over Christmas(from school) but dreading also seeing our haughty daughter, who will also be  home for the holidays and will inevitably cause fights and ruin Christmas for everyone…

NOT ME!!

“Not me!” Monday.

A blog carnival beginning at http://www.mckmama.com

I didn’t…judge someone even though they were being hypocritical and I’d just had enough of their inflated ego….

I didn’t….threaten the 15 year old I’d give him a French Manicure if he didn’t cut his fingernails…

I didn’t…think, “Screw you then!” when I was hurt as just 5 minutes after I accepted a Facebook friend request they deleted me….

I didn’t…laugh out loud seeing a big jiggly fat guy on TV and exclaim,”His boobs are even bigger than MINE!”…

I didn’t….automatically assume hearing a musician had died that he probably OD’d on drugs….

I didn’t….laugh when the 6 year old, referring to the altar at Church, asked me, “How long until we go up on stage?”….

NOT ME!!

“Not me!” Monday.

A blog carnival starting at http://www.mckmama.com

I didn’t… shave my head completely, totally shiny bald just for the heck of it…

I didn’t…gloat happily with satisfaction and victory to hear an enemy is severely dis-armed and on the brink of financial bankruptcy; that they’re going down…

I didn’t….think it serves the hypocrites right when the Humane Society was charged with animal cruelty and going to be brought down…

I didn’t…feel hurt(and tempted to delete) a Facebook “friend” who, when we had a disagreement, now no longer replies to my posts and purposely makes a point of still sending “gifts”(and even more so  than usual) to everyone else EXCEPT me…

I don’t…secretly hope a “toxic” relative(who always causes fights and family discord,conflict,and strife) will get snowed-in or something and NOT able to come up and visit us for 2 weeks over Christmas,afterall…

I don’t…feel afraid to have another baby, fearful it will be like the 2 year old,who makes Dennis the Menace look like an angel….

I didn’t…use a few “choice” words when a wire hook from the Christmas tree ornament went thru my thumb…

I didn’t…get into an argument with my mother when she criticized us for going to Church on Sunday instead of the Santa Claus Parade..

I didn’t…get furious at my husband when he got the wrong thing from the store(like he often DOES!)  and then blamed ME when I got mad, even though it was his OWN stupid fault….

I didn’t…think, “There they go AGAIN!” seeing someone so arrogant they think people are so interested in them and their lives and want to meet them and watch them on TV,etc, having an inflated ego and sense of “fame” and  importance…

NOT ME!!

“Not me!” Monday.

A blog carnival sent ’round to http://www.mckmama.com

I didn’t…remark about a smelly person sitting in front of me at a Blues concert, “Something smells like ASS!”….

I wasn’t….tempted to bite the 2 year old back when he bit the 6 year old, biting out a huge chunk of her back….

I didn’t….shriek in anger and frustration to discover all my 3 TV shows are not on; replaced by totally lame-o stupid shows instead….

I don’t…feel “bummed-out” that our daughter away at school(who has major attitude and tears the family apart and always causes arguments) will be coming home for 2 weeks over the holidays; effectively ruining my Christmas as I KNOW she will be the cause of many fights…

I didn’t…refuse to turn on our outdoor Christmas lights until I saw other neighbours did; not wanting to be the first one…

I didn’t…secretly enjoy the quiet over the weekend when my husband was away taking a first aid course…

NOT ME!!