Dear friends, January 2009:
Could I possibly have a brain tumour?You may ask, why would I think such a thing….well, I’ll tell you why….
I have always had immobilizing blinding, and worsening, headaches for as far back as I can remember(since I was 13) and so crippling I am nauseated, and have to stay still; if I move, turn over, bend down, etc…searing pain shoots thru my head; it feels like ice-picks in my skull! They typically last for DAYS; minimum of 4 days in a row, maximum(so far!) 11 days, and the headache remedies don’t work; they just take the “edge” off!
Brain tumour came to mind with these debilitating headaches so I did a little(ok, a lot!) of research and what I found astounded me and convinced me even more I do have one as I have so many symptoms….that I didn’t even KNOW were related to tumours at fist, such as….
tingling and numbness in limbs
trouble conceiving(used to be so quick and easy but it took 3 years to get prego with the last one!)
fatigue and drowsiness
clumsiness and unco-ordination(I can’t judge space or distance and always bump into things and bang my head on stuff and get my clothing caught and ripped on things as I walk by)
reversing words speaking(eg. say “tading fan” instead of “fading tan”) or typing (type “nned” for “need”) and opposite(say “hot” when I mean “cold” and vice-versa)
Forgetting people’s names(eps. when I used to remember them VERY well!) and calling someone the wrong name(eg. called Molly “Emily”.)
Out-of-focus thinking: I go into a room and forget what I went in for, or I leave my pop can somewhere and forget where it was and find several of them all over the house.Or I throw a diaper in the washing machine instead of the garbage can!
Struggling with my brain and having it decline and deteriorate: eg. the other day I couldn’t figure out what time it would be adding 17 minutes to 10:13 am…
Always been unable to do math, but now worsening.
Reversing words in a sentence: eg. I mean to say “The grass is green” comes out “The green is grass”.
Forgetting common words (eg. “table”), not being able to find the right words(eg. stammer, “you know what I mean” as can’t put my “finger” on te word) and misnaming things(eg. calling the stove a “phone”)
smelling odd things, eg. it smells like something’s burning ad it’s realy not.
lessening sense of hearing(eg. I can no longer hear the doorbell)
depression and apathy
anger and rage; short-tempered and frustration
Concrete thinking(I have been labelled with this, and classified as a “disability”, not developed, or seen in brain injury.)
….too much to be a mere coincidence, don’t you think?
The only symptom I didn’t have(so far, and so I thought) is seizures(think rigid muscles, spastic, stiffening, shaking) until I read there are also focal(or partial) seizures,affecting part of the brain(where tumour is located) and you can have them and not even be aware of it….and to my stunned surprise I DO have symptoms, such as:
racing, rapid heart rate
what I thought were merely panic-attacks
numbness and tingling(esp. my hands and feet, and arms)
….weird, huh? The dilemma though is only an MRI will confirm it for sure and you can’t exactly just walk into the ER and demand a scan; they’ll only do it(and take you seriously)if you have a seizure….so I wait….and if it appears I can get something done about it…brain tumours are by and large rare, so it’s not the first thing they’d look for or think of…and so I wait, and pray,and see what happens…I have always have had a “feeling:” in my heart that I have a tumour(as well as a feeling I’ll die before I’m 50(I’m 42 now) so time will tell but God is with me…now if only that Grand-Mal seizure will come and we can get with it…validation time!!
From what I can tell, if I do, it would appear(by the symptoms) to be in my frontal lobe(the area behind my forehead) and this area affects emotions, personality, memory,thought processes,words(reading and writing skills). Who knows, maybe I can even “blame” my “undesirable” personality traits on the tumour? 🙂