GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you’re It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says – something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’
names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long
as you don’t have to
go a long.
3. Getting a little action means you don’t need fiber
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend:
Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life
we could simply press
‘Ctr- Alt- Delete’ and start all over?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would
have started with
something called ‘labor!’
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that
most people die of
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you
are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out
of the ground
easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
to buy a
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days
no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but
it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I
think I’ll squeeze
these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?’
Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken
there? I’m gonna eat the
next thing that comes outta its butt.’
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed
if he’s going to
look up there anyway?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
But Most Of All, Remember!
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive,
Always Close To Your Heart!
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?