Funny Expressions my cousin sent me….

March/2009:

FUNNY EXPRESSIONS…….
>
> I have kleptomania,
> but when it gets bad,
> I take something for it.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!**
> Except that one where you’re naked in church.*
>
>
>
>
>
> Heaven is Where:
> The Police are British,
> The Chefs are Italian,
> The Mechanics are German,
> The Lovers are French
>     and
> It’s all organized by the Swiss.
>
> Hell is Where:
> The Police are German,
> The Chefs are British,
> The Mechanics are French,
> The Lovers are Swiss
>     and
> It’s all organized by the Italians.
>
>
>
>
>
> A bartender is just a pharmacist
> with a limited inventory
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I may be schizophrenic,
> but at least I have each other.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I am a Nobody.
> Nobody is Perfect.
> Therefore I am Perfect.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *KENTUCKY**:
> Five million people,
> Fifteen last names.*
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *In Memorium*
>
> With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at
> the moment, it is
> worth reflecting on the death of a very important person,
> which almost went
> unnoticed last week.   Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote
> “The Hokey Pokey”,
> died peacefully at age 93.   The most traumatic part for
> his family was
> getting him into the coffin.  They put his left leg in.
> And then the
> trouble started.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE*
> Sometimes I even put it in the food.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln,
> how was the play?*
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *When you work here,
> you can name your own salary.
> I named mine, “Fred”.*
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *money isn’t everything,
> but it sure keeps the kids in touch.*
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *I like cats too.
> Let’s exchange recipes.*
>
>
>
>
>
> Red meat is not bad for you *
> Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.*
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *I am having an out-of-money experience.*
>
>
>
>
>
>
> As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car
> phone rang.
> Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning
> him, “Herman, I just
> heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong
> way on 280 Interstate.
> Please be careful!”
>
> “It’s not just one car,” said Herman.
> “It’s hundreds of them!”
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Don’t sweat the petty things.
> Don’t pet the sweaty things.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
> not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.*
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *I FOUND JESUS! *
> He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Funny Expressions my cousin sent me….

  1. I read a article under the same title some time ago, but this articles quality is much, much better. How you do this?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s