My thoughts on adoption.

T here is a lot of talk about adoption it seems lately, esp. due to the new trendy Hollywood fad of celebs adopting “designer” babies. I have a different perspective on the idea, actually, one that might surprise you…

In general I don’t believe in adoption. Why? you might ask; it seems a nice thing to do to welcome a needy,unwanted,  or discarded child into your families, homes and lives, but there’s more to it than that, and I’ll tell you what…the intention might be a good one, but….

In order to adopt a child you must pass the intense scrutiny and inspection of children’s services agencies, and they pry into EVERY little, tiny detail of your lives,very intrusive and invasive and have outrageous demands and expectations.(how do I know? I know someone who applied and it’s been years and still not approved, and for no reason.) No one can meet their unrealistic expectations and even if you DO, you are never rid of their intrusion; they will be monitoring you for the rest of your lives; you will no longer have the freedom and the privacy to raise your family as you see fit. Once you get involved with them it’s forever; you will always be under their subjection, rules, monitoring, scrutiny and watchful eye. I know of a family who had to disappear and move to get their lives and freedom back after they;’d adopted 2 kids.Hardly makes sense the “hoops” one has to jump thru for approval; the little “dance” they must perform, the perfect “act” they must put on, and tell them what they want to hear, etc..esp. when you consider lots of “approved” foster familes ABUSE the kids!!Ooops!!

I have also heard horror stories of being a foster parent. Same story, and there was a case where the foster mother was wrongly accused of child abuse and was cleared…but nevertheless, 10 YEARS later when she had her own baby CAS(Children’s Aid Society) was right there at the hospital to apprehend HER baby! You never get off their radar! As HSLDA(Home school Legal Defense Assoc.) has often stated, it’s best to avoid all social services as much as possible as they are bad news for families.ANY government agency’s involvement or help always comes with a high cost, mainly your rights,privacy, and freedoms!You basically exchange your freedom for government assistance.There are ALWAYS “strings” attached, so be warned!

Another reason I don;’t agree with adoption is this: it’s basically buying or stealing someone else’s children. They say you don’t “pay” for the child, just the legal fees, etc.. blah,blah…yeah, right….they pay on average 10 000$ and even 25 ooo$ to buy a child. Children are NOT commodies to be bought and sold; it’s as simple as that.Too often children are stolen from poor familes in Third World countries and shipped off to be bought by rich foreigners and it’s not right.

More often than not, the children have actually been stolen from perfectly good homes and sold out into adoption. It’s a tactic CAS uses all the time; they apprehend kids under false pretenses  and put them up for sale to the highest bidder; they tell this tall sad tale of how they were “abused” or “neglected” by their parents,bt it’s simply not true. They removed children  on mere accusation and suspicion(or simply because the family is not main-stream; they have a different style of parenting, such as homeschooling,homebirths,religious,large families, non-vaccinating, vegetarian, radical political views,  or poor, uneducated families,or single mothers, or parents on social assistance, etc. yet they DO let GAYS  foster and adopt…go figure!) and more time than not it is unfounded and they remove kids from good homes to sell them to rich people, who, for the most part, have no idea. They are innocent victims in this scam,too!CAS workers are also given a “bonus” for each child they seize as well. Sounds like big business, doesn’t it?Snatch kids away from their familes, sell them to couples who are desperate for kids and make a small fortune doing so….not to mention destroying countless innocent families in the process! It certainly makes one wonder if they even have any morals, any souls, and how they can live with themselves and sleep at night when they make a living destroying families?Personally, I think CAS(and other agencies like them) are Satan’s Earthly organization sent to destroy families that God has ordained.

There is, however, one case where I DO approve and agree it’s ok to adopt: when a child is truly an orphan; that is to say, both parents are truly dead(and social services didn’t just SAY they are) and then they are not being wrongly taken from their real families,and are in true need of a family. Ideally, it’s best if another family member can adopt them(grandparents, aunts, uncles, and the like) but if no one is able, then adopting out to others is ok, or as a last resort,  in the case where both parents legally DO both  agree to adopt the child out as they can’t cope,or they don’t want a handicapped child, or whatever, but they agree WILLINGLY,and NOT threatened, pressured, or coerced by the state, their families, or others.It has to be a case where the parents allow it and not against their will.

You may ask “What about the kids that really ARE being mistreated?” in this case, I still think it’s generally  best to work within the family rather than to remove the child(and traumatize them even more!!) and to counsel the family and teach them parenting and coping and anger skills and such, but only in extreme cases should they be taken and adopted out.

Oftentimes it is also you are getting someone else’s “leftovers”; disabled or troubled throw-a-way kids that are unwanted, and discarded,and then the new adoptive family has taken on more than they bargained for when they find the child unmanagable or too difficult. Such are the cases where they are often returned.This happened to my aunt.Oftentimes, the kids arrive so damaged it is beyond repair.

Another problem with adoption is when the real parents fight to get the kids back. Everyone suffers in this case. I can see the rights of the natural parents to have their kids and reclaim them from stranger’s care(esp. if they were wrongly taken, which is most often the case!),but it is also heartbreaking for the adoptive family to lose the child they have come to know and love. It is a very messy situation for everyone involved, not to mention the upheaval and trauma for the child!!Anything involving social services is generally a bad idea as well.The price is simply too high!

All in all, I don’t agree with adoption unless the child is a true orphan and has no parents. Kids belong in their own families. God ordained the family and it is not up to the state or anyone else to alter, or to destroy it.Only in extreme cases is a child better off with strangers but this is the rare exception.God has given us our kids, not to be sold or bought, not like the celebs who cart them around for all the world to see like little lap dogs in purses. Kids are people and deserve the security of their own families whenever possible and without government interference.We are accountable to God.

3 thoughts on “My thoughts on adoption.

  1. Wow, just came across your blog, and was intrigued by your “thoughts” on adoption… I was a bit surprised to hear your strong thoughts and opinions. Do you have any personal interaction with actual adoption, versus what you’ve put together?
    As you may have guessed, I was adopted… my birth mother signed (her choice) me over to an orphanage, and at 6 months, I came to the US to be with my amazing family. I’ve always considered adoption a blessing, knowing that there were people willing to care and love for me, when my birthmother made the choice, knowing that she was unable. The love that comes through adoption is amazing, knowing that a woman who did not birth me, could love me as her own.
    God gave my adoptive mother her kids… it’s pretty offensive that you feel the right to say that God only “ordains” families of kids who are with their birthparents. It’s amazing, if you knew the God I know, to remember that He’s technically “adopted” us into His family, and that is another form of adoption that I will always be truly grateful for.
    And finally, referring to troubled kids as “leftovers?” Wow… I wonder how you would feel, if your circumstances led you to being in a terrible family situation, that you had no control over… how you might feel, being referred to as a “leftover?” And maybe you would feel a bit less self righteous, if you were in a situation, as a mother, where you were unable to care for your own children. Would you turn your nose down on yourself, if you decided that you loved your kids enough to try to want something better than you were able to give?
    I guess I’d just like to remind you, that you are also accountable to God… a compassionate, loving God, who works in the lives of those you judge so harshly. And maybe it would be good, to think about what you’re actually saying.

  2. I do know people who are adopted; 2 friends of mine were, and my aunt and uncle adopted 2 kids(after having 4 of their own.) My “issues” aren’t with adoption itself per se, but rather that often kids are taken away from perfectly good parents and the adoptive family are wrongly told they were “abused”.I am also against rich people buying kids because they couldn’t be bothered to have their own, common among celebrities.I am not saying all cases are wrong,and your case was different as your mother gave you up willingly, but many times the kids are taken away without reason.There are also many legal ramifications,too,such as when birth parents want their child back,and all the “hoops” prospective adoptive parents have to jump thru for social services,a gross invasion of privacy(a friend of mine wanted to adopt but all this hassle changed her mind)etc.. if you read the entire article you would ave seen this and when I have issues with it and when I don’t.If a child is willingly given up, or is an orphan, or truly is a victim of abuse,I have no “issues” with it, but there is such a high possibility of adoption being misused.

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