 Yesterday I had half a headache. Well, not really half a headache but rather a full headache but it was oddly only on one half of my head! I don’t ever remember having one like this ever before, where it’s only one one side; I normally have it all over but this one was weird, just on the left side.It wasn’t a migraine or anything; just a headache, but it actually felt like my head had been divided clearly into 2 halves and divided down the middle and sectioned off so that the headache was contained just on the left side and the right side was totally unaffected. It was the weirdest thing and after I took pills it did go away….but then my abdomenal pain was back(and I’m still bleeding a bit,too) so it’s always something. I don’t think I’ve had a pain-free day in I don’t know how long.
I also ordered this custom-made sunflower T-shirt (at the same place I got my hippo shirt for my Christmas gift which has just been shipped out but the mail is still on strike so who knows when it will show up…) for my birthday gift from my hubby. My hubby also went to a meeting at church to register the 11 YR old for Confirmation. I’d filled everything out and he just had to drop it off but he didn’t want to and told me to walk up there instead and do it even though it was at 7 pm and I don’t feel safe walking alone in the dark and we don’t let the girls walk home alone in the dark(coming home from work, for example) and either he picks them up or the 24 YR old walks up and meets them so why is it any different for me? I still don’t want to get raped or killed either.It’s just not safe for a woman or girl to be out alone at night once it’s dark. I guess he doesn’t care if anything happens to me. 😦
NOTE: I originally had more posted here, a couple of more paragraphs, but I just noticed now they have been deleted,STUFF IS NOW MISSING and when I checked my stats it said it was edited at 1 am and it wasn’t by me.. Some asshole in my shitty family has been monitoring,censoring, and editing and deleting my blog. f*ck you ASSHOLES! No wonder I hate you.If you keep trying to censor me I will just keep putting it back up.You will not silence me.If you don’t want me to post shitty things you do then maybe you should stop doing so many shitty things!!
Here is the missing part:
As well, one of the kids told me that the 19 YR old's BF is posessive and controlling, which are red flags for abuse, incl. warning for predictable future physical abuse: apparantly he isolates her from family and friends, that he's the real reason she didn't come up for Thanksgiving and isn't coming for Christmas, and he won't "let" her be friends with guys, only girls, and even then only 2 at a time and only people that he pre-approves, and every day he goes thru her phone and text messages and "screens" and monitors them,etc.... I don't know if any of this is actually even true or not; it's just what I've been told,but it's concerning, and all the kids have been caught lying, making shit up, telling stories, causing drama, and telling tall tales, and getting eachother into trouble, so I don't know <em>what</em> to believe anymore,and when I asked the others they said it's <em>not</em> true, and I hope it's not, but if there is any truth to it, it really worries me as it's <strong>NOT</strong> a healthy or safe relationship. I don't know why she'd put up with this kind of crap though, and she's a pretty girl and would have her pick of any guy she'd want and wouldn't have to settle for anything less, so it doesn't make any sense, but it worries me...what if it really is true?... why do they always put me thru so much stress and worry all the time?
 F*ck, I’m feeling really, really shitty now. My abdomenal pain is so bad now I’d rate it a solid 8 out of 10 on the pain scale, plus I also have bad cramps, the bad sore back(as always), tired, swollen, achy legs(and so bloated I look like a Puffer fish) and I feel nauseated and sick and just so…..ugh…. I’m bleeding a bit again,too, and I don’t know whether or not it’s a bit of Aunt Flow (which I last had in early June) even though I seem to be in menopause now, or more abnormal bleeding, and yesterday it was so bad and I felt so sick I practically slept most of the day and I took a Tramadol; I still have 5 or so left I keep saved for an emergency; when the pain gets so bad I can’t bear it anymore. I have it pretty much daily now, it’s a constant thing, but some days are better, others worse,now it’s gotten to a point where it’s just a daily chronic thing, and I couldn’t even go to church yesterday I was in such bad shape; I know there’s no way I could stand, or even sit, that long,and my mother said, You know it must be bad if you don’t even go to church!
 I had my Pap test yesterday, only I got the time wrong and got there an HR early so I just had to sit there….. I’d had the time originally written down on my calendar but the kids are always scribbling stuff on it, sabotaging and ruining it(usually by drawing occult stuff on it to annoy me) and one of them eventually just ended up ripping the entire page right off, so I wasn’t able to check and verify . They also updated and now they have a self-sign-in electronically where you swipe your own health card and also had all the patients take this survery only it was on a Tablet and I’m no good with those annoying modern electronic devices, just like with the kiosks at the airport where you have to scan your passport to get your boarding pass; they never work for me and I always end up having to go get an employee help me, and of course I had trouble with this,too…
 Yesterday might have ended up being the last day, the last time, before I possibly hear life-changing news. My doctor’s office called and said that today my doctor himself is going to call me to discuss my scan results even though it’s only been 2 days and he wasn’t even supposed to get the results until next week, worrying me that they must have found something really bad, rushing the results to my doctor and his office contacting me, this early. Plus, the last time I got a phonecall like this from him regarding scan results I ended up having to get a colonoscopy(imagine a garden hose up your ass) and they found the polyp in my colon that was bleeding profusely….and if the results were just normal, the secretary would have just told me that yesterday when she called.
 Yesterday I had my pelvic ultrasound to see if they can find the cause of my abdomenal pain and as soon as the tech put the wand on my belly and saw something she asked me if I would mind doing a trans-vaginal scan(the one where the wand is shoved up my you-know-what) as it shows a more clearer detailed image and when I asked her what part she’s looking at she said the cyst on my ovary. So there you have it. That must be it. That must be the issue, what’s been causing my abdomenal pain and maybe even my really sore lower back as well, maybe it’s grown and gotten bigger in size and is pressing on other organs now, or maybe it’s twisting at times, or maybe it’s not even a mere cyst anymore and has become a cancerous tumour now? Maybe I have ovarian cancer?
 My friend W (in Ottawa) also told me he saw hippo home decor (such as the one pictured here) at his Wal-Mart and he suggested I go to their site online and look….and low and behold, there it was, and on sale, too, reduced from 21$ down to 15$ so I ordered it….
 along with this cool hippo mug as well. I don’t drink tea or coffee but I can use it for other stuff,too, such as hot chocolate( in the winter) or to store pens and pencils in. Odd though is that they don’t deliver. They deliver to the closest Wal-Mart and I have to go to the store and pick it up, but they don’t deliver it to my house. I thought that was kind of weird. Just like when we first moved here we had to share taxis. I’d never seen that before. I also got a letter in the mail from the neurologist in Kingston informing me that my app’t the end of November has been changed to early November…..but the thing is I didn’t even know I had that app’t! No one ever told me (he didn’t mail me a letter with the app’t date like he usually does) so it’s good it was switched otherwise I’d never have known.
 In case you didn’t know, a herd of hippos is called a bloat. You learn something new every day. When I went to the Ex I got these new beauties to add to my collection. It’s always fun being on the “hunt” looking for new pieces to add to my collection, which now makes up close to some 30 pieces, just the figurines, not incl. the stuffed toys,and I enjoy getting them in different mediums, too, such as in wood, stone such as marble, ivory, etc. porcelain,,brass, glass,etc. From all the walking around at the Ex my poor body’s begging for mercy as well: my back ( from carrying around my heavy backpack full of hippos…..they’re right…..hippos really are heavy and weigh a ton!) and legs are all really stiff and sore and are killing me. I can hardly even move. On top of that, my abdomenal pain is back again,too, so today is a R&R Day: Rest and Recovery.
 Here is the rest of my collection, taken in a series of 3 photos in order to cover them all. They all now currently reside on my bedroom dresser top.
 and there you have it!
 This entire weekend my hubby, the 15 YR old and the 17 YR old are away in Toronto, visiting the second-oldest before she moves to Vancouver next month, shopping, and going to Wonderland theme park, so it was just my mother, the 23 YR old, the 11 YR old, Buddy and I at home it I had a quiet break too with less people, less noise, less work,and less stress.No clocks, no schedule, just doing whatever, whenever. It was esp. nice with my hubby not here. They also met up with the 21 YR old and they were supposed to meet up with the 19 YR old as well and have a Girls’ Day Out except she couldn’t get the time off work and it was already hard enough for them all to arrange and day and co-ordinate all their schedules where they were all off and free on the same day and made plans and had to keep changing it so many times because someone had to work or wasn’t available.
 Buddy’s eye is also looking much better now and still flattened down and hasn’t filled up again into another lump and now it just looks like a cut and I put a antibiotic cream on it several times a day. I worry about him like he’s one of my kids! I was wondering as well with my severe abdomenal pain(which is much better now although the odd time it flares up to remind me, generally as a sharp pain shooting thru and my back is still really bad) if maybe it was just my diverticulitis acting up? Remember a few months ago a CT scan showed I have it, which is basically inflamed sacs, or pouches, in the colon, and during flare-ups they can become infected. Maybe that’s what it was for the 5 days or so, esp. since I had diarrhrea,too….or maybe my hubby really is poisoning me like he said he was?Poisoning is esp. brutal on the intestines,liver, kidneys, and stomach.
 My mother, the 23 YR old, the 15 YR old and I went to a Chinese buffet for my mother’s birthday. My hubby and the 11 YR old went to Pizza Hut and the 17 YR old was working. I thought My abdomenal pain seems like it’s a bit better so I’ll be ok…. but it was really hard trying to sit and I couldn’t get comfortable and every time we hit a bump in the road pain would shoot thru me yet despite my abdomen feeling like it was exploding my hubby didn’t care and he tried to kick me out of my usual seat( front passenger seat, the one we call The Death Seat as statistically the person sitting in that seat is the most likely to be killed in a collision) so my mother could sit there(as it has more leg room) and scrunch me into the cramped back, and in the restaurant I had to keep shifting around as well and wasn’t really able to enjoy it because I was so uncomfortable and in so much pain.I feel really sweaty at times too(and during the night I’d wake up drenched in sweat, the front of my shirt all wet)and the pain kept still waking me up,too,and I could finally suntan but still not lay on my stomach to tan my back; I had to “modify” it( instead of laying down flat) by arching my hips and bending my knees, with my butt up in the air, putting the weight on my knees and having my abdomen off the ground, not laying on it..