The other day I saw this old woman in church sitting ahead of me drop a few coins into the Offering ( collection basket) and I smiled as it reminded me of the Parable in the Bible that Jesus told of the poor widow and the coins, how even though it was only a few mere coins that the poor widow gave in tithing it was actually more generous and meant more than the abundance that the rich people give in all their wealth as they can afford to do it and have excess money and won’t miss it and can spare it, whereas with her it’s more of a sacrifice as it’s all she has, and even though 10% tithing from a rich person brings in more, 10% from a poor person is more of a sacrifice as they have less to give…..so what they do give means so much more….
…..and then it got me thinking: then why is it any different for me? I always feel so badly about how little I can afford to tithe; even though I do contribute my 10% it only ends up being a measley 5$ a week and the kids always shame me,too, taunting how “cheap” I am, but I only get a small amount, and the rest goes to pay towards groceries and in the end I only end up with 20$ a month to keep for myself for all my own personal needs(such as shampoo, deoderant, tampons, hair dye, suntan oil, etc) which doesn’t go very far or buy too much, so the church ends up getting the same amount I do, but it makes me feel so ashamed for being poor, esp. when I see other people putting in 20$ or even more a week, and it makes me feel so cheap, yet when I saw the old woman and her coins and remembered that parable…I am giving all I have, all I can afford to give and I used to give 10$ a week but that was before the gov’t my $$$ got cut in half….so now I have half as much….so I had to cut back as now the 10% also ends up being half as much and we’re really struggling financially, yet I still give what I can, yet feel badly it’s so little, so paltry, until it suddenly “clicked” and I realized I am also the Poor Widow. God understands if you give all you have, if you give from the heart , and that you can still be faithful, obedient, and generous with tithing without being wealthy, and God has a special love for the poor.
As well, I heard on the radio April the giraffe finally had her baby,too, a male calf, and I gave up watching a long time ago as I was convinced after it was taking so long ( a whole month!) that it must be a hoax, but when I heard I watched a re-cap video of the birth and the baby is just sooooo cute! He’s got this long skinny neck and he was twitching his little ears like hippos do and I just love,and when he was first trying to stand up and walk on those long wobbly legs it reminded me of myself trying to walk in high-heel shoes, and now my mother’s most-used saying, said in exhasperation and with a loud sigh, is Lord, give me patience! It’s become almost like a mantra for her lately!
I saw the nice Scottish lady too (not the Rich Lady, but another one, the neighbour at the corner) when I was walking Buddy and I told her I was sorry to hear about her husband ( who died last week) and she goes, Thank ye, thank ye! and the poor woman just look so sad, so sorrowful, so grieved, you could tell it’s been a hard week on her, painfully etched in her face, and that the grief’s really hitting her hard and it looks in her face like she’s really aged, too; she’s at least 20 YRS younger than he was but with her grief she suddenly looks much older now and it’s just so sad; she must have really loved him. I wish I had a love like that,too, where you find your true love and soul-mate and you can grow old together, but I don’t have anything to offer(not looks or intelligence) anyone except love, and they’d still have to look past the physical and my limitations first before they’d find it…..never going to happen….
I also had a “revelation” that I am going to Heaven, but I’m not to die until it’s my time and not before God calls me back Home and not before I’ve completed what He sent me here to do….but what is that? I have no idea what my purpose in life is or what “mission” I have to accomplish first before I die; I used to think it was being a mother but that obviously didn’t turn out so well….I wonder what it is?