I’m worried about Buddy as for the past 2 days he’s been acting weird: he’ll just disappear and hide under the couch or a bed and refuse to come, no matter what, even if he’s called, even for a walk, not even to eat( although he did still eat when I brought the food to him) which isn’t like him; he’s always by my side, not hiding off on his own like that, so I searched online and it said the reasons a dog might suddenly start hiding under furniture like that is either because of fear, anxiety, depression, sickness, pain, or it’s dying and it’s going off on it’s own to die by itself, which is what’s worrying me, esp. since he’s going to be 12 in February. I was able to coax him out somehwhat, part-way and then yank him the rest of the way out and then contain him in a smaller enclosed area on the backyard porch, as when I had him loose in the fenced yard earlier he still hid and didn’t come and I panicked again he was lost and it ended up he was hiding behind the shed wall and the fence.
As we cuddled together rocking on the porch swing he was relaxed and breathing softly in my arms, with his eyes closed and a feeling of fear swept over me, what if he’s actually dying right now, but at least he’s in my arms, not all alone off somewhere… and my heart just sank and I felt so desolate and tears started rolling down my face; I can’t even bear to think about it, about losing my best friend, but maybe I do have colon cancer and he has cancer too and we’re both dying together? That would be ideal though, as neither of us would be left behind, despondant and lonely, without his or her best friend, or maybe he’s not dying; I am,and he can somehow “sense” it and that’s why he’s depressed and hiding? If we do both die at the same time though I want him to be cremated with me as well and we can start our new journey together, running thru the sunflower fields of Heaven…
I’m hoping it’s maybe just Buddy’s hip (which appears to have arthritis and he’s always chewing at it) causing him discomfort and he just wants to be left quiet and alone without anymore poking at him and that’s just why he’s hiding, to have peace and quiet, and not that it’s anything serious, and when I tried to get him out from under the couch his hip was touch and he yelped so it would likely indicate that’s probably the issue and I hope that’s all it is but I worry, just like I do with the kids, when you love someone you have so much to lose.
A cousin in Europe also said that her grandmother died from colon cancer as well as my mother’s grandmother and uncle, so the chances of me having it have now just gone up, esp. when you consider the genetic factor, and my mother said when her grandmother died she was only in her 60’s and her only symptom was diarrhrea for a week (I’ve had it for months and I’m always taking the Immodium) so she went to her doctor and they found the cancer and did surgery and she ended up with a colostomy bag( which I would never get, are you kidding? A bag of shit hanging out of your body, bulging thru your clothing, possibly even leaking…..nothankyou) and died at home 3 months later. She never had any chemo or radiation although this was in the late 1950’s so they might not have had it,either.I did more research as well as diverticulosis itself is generally caused by a low fibre diet and constipation but I eat a high fibre diet with lots of bread, grains, pasta, beans,and rice, and I always have diarrhrea, not constipation, and it doesn’t cause weight loss,either, yet cancer does, so it must be more than just diverticulosis by itself, and the thickening of the upper rectal walls sounds pretty cancer-like ominous as well, and has nothing to do with diverticulosis so my guess is when they do the colonoscopy they’ll likely find colon cancer and I’ll be surprised if they don’t.
Maybe both Buddy and I will die this year? Perhaps we’ll even die together, snuggled up together, best friends to the end, comforting one another, side-by-side forever, cozy and warm under the covers of my bed, or out on the porch in the sun, me petting his soft warm fur (SWF) and him licking my face one last time.