Yesterday I put up the big wreath on our balcony. It looked so bare since my hubby is too lazy this year to put up the outdoor Christmas lights and we always have a huge display of lights, it rivals Snoopy’s doghouse but this year he’s being petty, childish, immature, spiteful and holding a grudge refusing to put them up because he didn’t like the way I took them down last year. What a suck and big baby. Now it looks so bare and forlorn and the neighbours will all wondered what happened; they’ll probably think we turned Jewish or something when really it’s just laziness. I used this clear string to tie it on, I think it’s called fishing wire or fishing line or something like that,and of course the damn roll went off the balcony and fell down into the bush below, just my typical luck, so I had to go all the way down and get it but of course I forgot the scissors so I wasn’t able to cut it. Doesn’t it figure? The story of my life. Life is hard when you’re stupid. Plus, I don’t think I fully recovered from Saturday as even yesterday(I guess I’m lucky that I didn’t fall off the balcony with it,too!) I kept tripping on my skirt and fumbling, and in church I felt like I was going to faint and reading the Missal the words were all blurry and I saw double, unless, of course, it’s due to the recent head injury I had. Either way, I plodded thru my day in a haze, and I’m still having trouble spelling words as I type and I never even had any weed, so maybe it’s not that, but due to when I hit my head,afterall….
As well, our town had the Santa Claus Parade yesterday as well during church and the lady that sits behind me and talks to me asked, Oh, you don’t want to be standing out in the cold, freezing, watching the parade? and I told her, Nah, I’d much rather be in here where it’s nice and warm and she said she’d rather be at her condo in Florida and I said, I’d rather be on the beach in the Caribbean and we both had a good laugh. There was also a little girl in church sitting a few rows ahead of me cuddling and hugging her mother and it reminded me so much of the 14 YR old and I when she was younger, when she used to love me and when we were really close and she let me hug her, before she decided one day that she doesn’t love me anymore and no longer wanted to talk to me, confide in me, or share her life with me anymore, and it made me sad for what I’ve lost and wish I still had, and I hope that my loving her wasn’t what damaged her and broke her; how can you love someone too much? Grieving for someone that’s still alive is one of the hardest things.
Now my hubby also has the redneck sports un-muted on the news every night now even though my mother and I always had it muted before because neither of us like it(and majority rules) but he just comes in and takes over and she won’t stand up to him and always takes his side against me(even though she doesn’t like that redneck crap either) once again asserting their power, dominance, control,and authority over me, reminding me that what I think, want, feel, like, my opinion, preferences, considerations, etc. don’t matter and don’t count and I have no say at all in my own home. I don’t care if he wants to watch that crap when he’s on his own, just not when I’m there, and I want to watch my news in peace, without redneck shit that really gets on my nerves(and he knows it, that’s why he does it, just to purposely irk me, and to make me feel powerless.) I just hate that shit with such a passion that even when I’m on my own listening to the news on the radio I turn it off when the redneck sports comes on. It has nothing to do with him; it’s just a pet-peeve of mine; something I just can’t stand or tolerate, a line I won’t cross, and he just won’t respect that…..because he doesn’t care about or respect me.