Reprieve.

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I think this must be my new favourite food…..only there’s nothing left by the time I thought to take a photo because it’s so good I just gobbled it up so quickly there was nothing left! It’s the yummy spicy mashed potatoes that the 23 YR old invented and whips up. He also does these really good and hot and spicy “glass” noodles. I didn’t know it at first (and found out the hard way, several hours later, when my lactose intolerance  and IBS loudly declared itself in the form of stomach pain and abdomenal cramps) but he puts lots of butter and milk in, and then adds lots of spices.  I asked him for the recipe but he says he doesn’t really have one; he just sort of makes it up as he goes along, and he doesn’t measure,either; he just puts in a pinch of this spice and a pinch of that. The end result is always so good though, like the sort of thing you’d have at a high-end restaurant, like at a French place where you’d have those fancy stuffed potatoes or something.

I also have a sort of “reprieve” on possibly having to move( which I don’t want to do, it’s always such a hassle, plus I’m settled here and this is my home and I don’t want to move) as well as the other day my mother declared, Well, at this point if we’re even going to move it won’t be until at least the spring now; no one wants to move over the winter! (Last time we did move in winter but it wasn’t by choice; we had to flee and it just happened to be in winter)So it looks like we’ll be having Christmas still here afterall then and I’m “safe” at least for a few more months I can relax and not have to worry about it. My hubby is also selling all his remote control toys( cars, motorcycles, other electronic gadgets that I’ve bought him as gifts over the decades for birthdays, Christmas, Father’s Day,etc.) online, saying he’s downsizing, getting ready to move, and de-clutter but to me it’s “fishy” as giving away or selling your personal pocessions and things can be an indication that you’re planning on committing suicide,too, so I asked him and he just gave me this incredulous look and a  condescending look of disdain and like he thinks I’m the dumbest person on Earth like he always does whenever I say, ask, or do anything he thinks is “dumb’ and he said it wasn’t, but who knows, or maybe he just wanted to get rid of anything I gave him, and that reminds him of me, and of us, esp. since we’ve moved something like 3 times before and he’s always taken all his stuff with him, incl. all his “Man Toys” so it just made me wonder.

My mother also was yelling at poor Buddy and body shamed him for farting ( even though it’s just a body function and we all do it!) saying it reeked and made him feel so ashamed, so guilty, so badly, and he thought he was being bad and in trouble, that he hid under the couch and was sulking, the poor old dog! I felt so badly for him and I had to coax him out. One of my friends said the next time she farts I should yell at her and my friend T (in Ottawa) said overall with the nasty way she treats me and interferes with my raising and disciplining my kids that I should send her to a home.  😀  I accidently gave Buddy my hubby’s left-over food as well; he’d left some ground beef on a plate on the table after he’d eaten and just left it there, indicating he was finished but didn’t clean up his plate or put it away and so I figured he was finished and I didn’t want it to get thrown out( because we can’t afford to waste food) so I gave it to the dog….and then later on he comes back and goes, Where’s my food? and I’m like, Uh….uh,oh…You don’t mean the plate you left on the diningroom table, do you? and when he said it was I told him, Well…..there’s still some left if you want it…..I  thought you were done and gave it to the dog….it’s on the floor….   ha,ha…

On Sunday my hubby wasn’t here either to drive me to church and it was really raining and I had to walk in the rain and I got soaked( and no, I don’t have an umbrella) and I was wearing this gauze blouse and skirt from India with bright black and red colours on a tan background on it and the black dye ran in the rain and it ran all down my legs and had this really gross musty smell, sort of like a damp basement, and later this month my oldest turns 29 as well and I can’t believe it’s been almost 30 years since I spread my legs and launched him into this world(and then that I still shat 10 more others out of my womb after,too!)! It just seems like not too long ago that he was just a baby, and when I was prego with him, and now it makes me feel really old.

Porkaroni.

Screenshot_78 Allow me to introduce my latest creation: Porkaroni! It’s just like Beefaroni, only without the beef, with pork instead of beef. We didn’t have any beef and I needed to find a way to use the left-over ground pork(as we can’t afford to waste food) so voila! Porkaroni! It doesn’t really taste much different, except that I got busy and absent-minded like always and forgot to put it in the fridge and left it out on the kitchen counter all night and it went all rotten during the night and in the morning had this rancid smell so I ended up throwing the rest out, the serving I was planning on having for lunch. Shit. Figures.

Screenshot_81 The Daily Bruise: Day 4: now the bruise on my leg from the ruptured blood clot on the varicose vein looks like this, with some cool-looking red criss-cross lines on it and starting to turn yellow-ish and heal along the outer edges. I also discovered that after weed my thought processes are so slowed down, altered, and defunct that I have trouble spelling and reading as well: I couldn’t for the life of me read the word peace for some reason and was really struggling with it. I kept thinking it said peach and then couldn’t figure out what happened to the h on the end, why it was missing,so then I reasoned that maybe it was the French word for peach, and then kept expecting to see,and pronounce, a “ch” in there somewhere and got really frustrated trying to find it and trying to sound out what the word could possibly be as I didn’t recognize it, and then after quite awhile it finally “clicked” and it dawned on me….Oh… wait a minute…..stupid!…..PEACE…..it’s PEACE……duuuhhhh….. I also found out that it becomes very complicated to try and sort out recycling into 3 separate bins as tins, plastic, and paper after having consumed weed as well and while the tins were still easy enough to identify I found it hard to distinguish between paper and plastic and which was which. Such an ordinarily simple task became so complicated. 😀

WestJet.

screen-shot-10-22-16-at-07-09-pm I saw an ad awhile ago for Westjet, advertising for workers, with no experience needed and I actually fantasized of me answering the ad and applying for a job,and you know, if I didn’t have my limitations of Asperger’s, BiPolar, and Social Phobia, I think I probably would. All these thoughts ran thru my head, I was thinking, “What if I really could?” If I wasn’t held back by my limits it could offer me a great opportunity, a way out of this miserable life, family, town,and situation I find myself trapped in.I could get a job with them, have my own life, escape,and be free.

Due to my weight and looks I wouldn’t be able to be a flight attendent, but there are other positions with the airline, such as ticket agent, working at the check-in counter, etc. and I like WestJet; I’ve taken them a few times when I went to Barbados, Miami,and Fort Lauderdale,and have never had any issues with them,and they don’t suck like Air Canada does! They are based in Calgary and if I got a job with them I could move there, away from here and away from my toxic family, just Buddy and I, and I could make my own $$$ and be independent,out of this toxic environment, and it would be fun and exciting and an adventure,and I’d even likely get free airmiles for travel,too!

But it’s all just a hope, a dream, a fantasy. They’d never hire me anyway, although for the sake of diversity they might have to hire so many “older” workers, but if I were “normal” and didn’t have all these set-backs I would definitely consider it. If I were able to make it on my own and function independently  it would be the answer to my dilemma, but like everything else, it’s just a fantasy, a dream, and will never happen. Imagine me working for WestJet……or for anyone…..at any job? Only in my dreams…..

Speaking of my toxic family, the 15 YR old made a bunch of her yummy  potatoes with dinner yesterday as well, enough for everyone, and I asked her if I could have some and she said “no” that it was “just for the vegetarians….” even though she did give some to the 13 and 17 YR olds who aren’t vegetarians…..she just didn’t want me to have any; she’s become a really nasty little thing lately, and my mother and I always mute sports on the news and when I left the room she un-muted it as my hubby was there and she  wanted to show-off for his benefit and endear herself to him and suck-up, even though she doesn’t like it either (it’s not just me) and then she lied and denied it, just telling him what he wanted to hear, selling me out, making it look like it was all my  idea, when she hates it too, says it’s redneck, makes remarks about how low-class and pointless it is, and even told me when I wasn’t  home before and it was just her watching that she still mutes it,too! She always does this and the 2 of them always join forces against me and take sides together against me and gang up on me  and when I told her so she never even denied it either because she knows it’s true.

hate my family.I always feel so alone, so unwanted,and so unloved.

Let’s Eat!

screen-shot-10-07-16-at-11-46-am The 13 YR old made these yummy mini cinnamin and plain muffins. (They were soooo good!) My mother also bought chocolate-covered almonds off some local kids who were selling them for their school fundraising and she would only give me some if I paid her; I actually had to buy them off her! Can you believe it? I told her that she was a gangster,and then when I wouldn’t give her the $$$$ until she handed over the goods she said that I was an even bigger gangster,and I told her, “I guess I learned from the best!”

screen-shot-10-07-16-at-11-46-am-001 The 17 YR old also made this huge serving of delish ABC pasta and ground turkey. It’s kind of like macaroni and beef except it’s turkey. She can cook(as in meals) she just can’t bake (as in desserts) and it’s the strangest thing, but I guess it’s better to be able to cook dinners and NOT desserts(and not everyone eats desserts,anyway) than the other way around.

She also saved her food the other day for after cadets but didn’t want the 21 YR old to take it as he’s notorious for stealing everyone’s food so she actually counted each and every item and put a note on it saying, “Do NOT eat! 5 chickens, 21 fries, a blob of stuffing.” It was the funniest thing.(I can’t believe she actually counted the fries! HA!)

screen-shot-10-07-16-at-01-27-pm The 15 YR old also made these home-made pumpkin pies for our Thanksgiving dinner. Pumpkin is my all-time favourite pie and actually the only pie I really even like. My mother ordered pizza yesterday as well, 2 of them actually, and whenever her and my hubby do they only ever get the kind my hubby likes( pepperoni and bacon) and never get the kind that I like( mushroom and green pepper) even though my mother also likes that kind( and it’s her fave. too, but now she smirks, “I like pepperoni and bacon,TOO!”) and it’s just more of them joining forces against me again,and re-affirming  that I don’t matter and I don’t count. She’s also inserted herself into every aspect of our lives and taken over everything from over-stepping boundaries with the kids to running the household she says is “picking up the slack” ( as if I’m “incapable”) but I feel like I’ve been replaced in my own life.

screen-shot-10-01-16-at-02-45-pm-001This is also me all snuggled up and warm, although just a couple of days ago it was 23 C for 2 days and I was still out suntanning, and they even had snow in Alberta! (gaaacckk!) but now it’s colder( 13 C) and feels more like fall, and after I’d smoked weed I “left” my body too and I was laying on my back looking up towards the sky and my view was like I was looking down from the top of my head,and everything had a “curved” look to it, like when you’re on a ship out in the middle of the ocean and you can see the curvature of the Earth.

I Just Realized.

Jesus(new) I just realized( I never realized it before, surprising, I know, but like I’d said, I’m a bit slow) that Jesus never wrote anything( in the Bible) but rather others wrote about Him but He never actually wrote anything Himself. I find that kind of strange, esp. considering all that He had to teach us and I wonder why is all.I wonder if perhaps He did but it just hasn’t been discovered yet; that there’s maybe more to the Bible than we know and there’s some lost scrolls still out there? I mean, it just doesn’t make sense that with all His wisdom and teachings that He wouldn’t have any written account of it. I also have some issues with the church( even though I do completely agree on their stance on abortion, homosexuality,and contraception) such as that they do allow alcohol, gambling,and Hallowe’en( although 3 of my fave. priests spoke out against it how it’s evil and Satanic and advised against it) which I think are sinful, and I’ve always believed that Jesus and God are 2 separate distinct individuals and not the same person( I’ve never doubted their existance and have always believed in them; I just don’t think they’re the same Person, although they come from the same source and are on the same team) and that Bible verse comes to mind when Jesus was being baptized and He rose up out of the water and a voice from Heaven said, “This is my Son, with whom I am well pleased. Listen to Him” who was obviously God, and if Jesus WAS God then who’d be minding the universe for the 33 YRS Jesus was down here on earth? I also don’t really believe that the Eucharist IS Jesus or turns into Him but rather is symbolic of the Last Supper, and it gets me into trouble and whenever I’d discuss such beliefs with priests they never have real answers either and just reply with it’s “faith” or a “mystery” probably because they don’t know either but needless to say my free-thinking and questioning doesn’t go over too well and always leaves me searching yet unanswered.

As well, I also did something I never thought I’d do: I picked maggots out of the garbage can for the 13 YR old’s pet toad, I saw on the TV news a polygamist sect in BC is always under investigation by the authorities and will soon be arrested and it hardly sounds fair to me; if gays are legally allowed to “marry” then why is polygamy still illegal? Why is it ok for one but not for the other? I bet it’s just because it’s part of their religious practice and more religious persecution again,the cake at the Bible Camp pageant one of the words was supposed to say “where” but the way the writing was it ended up looking like it said “whore” as the “e” looked like an “o” and it cracked us up. We also got a flyer in the mail and one of the models looked exactly like the guy next door with his beard and long hair up in a bun so I wonder if it really IS him and he is a model….or just someone that looks remarkably like him? I was glad as well to hear that 2 things Tom Petty hates are drugs and alcohol. Good for him, and if Global Warming really IS real then how come this summer’s been so COLD? Shouldn’t it be hotter?

At the highschool for the Bible Camp pageant my hubby also noticed one the walls all the banners about redneck sports but none for Valedictorians since 2009 and even he thought that wasn’t right and mentioned it to the staff there, that it gives the wrong impression and wrong priorities that they focus on sports and not academics, and there was a banner that said “_______ ( their sports team) Pride” and he told them , “I thought pride’s supposed to be a sin?” and work conditions are so unsafe here now,too, that all workers have to take a mandatory course(that they have to pay for, of course) and get certified in work safety before they can be hired, I took my stuffed, bacon-wrapped chicken out of the oven and was shocked to see it was still raw and rubbery….and then noticed the setting was only 250 F instead of 450 F; I can’t see the numbers on the stove and didn’t set it right so then I had to put it right and wait another 30 minutes,  and I saw on Sinead O’ Connor’s blog one of her kids drew a picture of a pig and wrote, “My Dearest Mother” on it and it made me think if my kids did one like that for me they’d have to draw one of a hippo.

Amish Cinnamon Bread.

AmishCinnamonBreadAmish Cinnamon Bread. No kneading, you just mix it up and bake it ♥

Batter:

1 cup butter, softened
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 cups buttermilk or 2 cups milk plus 2 tablespoons vinegar or lemon juice
4 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking soda

Cinnamon/sugar mixture:

2/3 cups sugar
2 teaspoons cinnamon

Cream together butter, 2 cups of sugar, and eggs. Add milk, flour, and baking soda. Put 1/2 of batter (or a little less) into greased loaf pans (1/4 in each pan). Mix in separate bowl the 2/3 c sugar and cinnamon. Sprinkle 3/4 of cinnamon mixture on top of the 1/2 batter in each pan. Add remaining batter to pans; sprinkle with last of cinnamon topping. Swirl with a knife. Bake at 350 degrees for 45-50 min. or until toothpick tester come clean.
Cool in pan for 20 minutes before removing from pan.