Out Of Step.

HippoSteps I was involved with a discussion online about a photo of a little girl and how it was tagged as “offensive” that she was praying at her mother’s grave…and I, as always, posted a comment, not even noticing that it WAS at a gravesite; I just thought she was sitting in the grass playing in the garden; once again I didn’t “get” it, as always, with my Asperger’s I’m always out of step, I miss the boat, the parade always passes me by, I’m oblivious and clueless, I’m not with the program, I’m out of tune, out of touch, on a different page, miss the mark, etc. you get the idea. I just don’t see, notice,interpret,process, react to,or understand things the same way that other people do and I always end up embarrassing myself and looking stupid and then I wonder why I even bothered to participate, comment, get involved, care, etc. in the first place as I only end up laughed at, belittled, or criticized anyway.

It’s so hard being different.

My family is no different and they hate me for being what I am as well even though I can’t help it and are constantly berating,demeaning, devaluing, and ridiculing me for it and for being me, and when I was upset about something the 18 YR old scoffed, “Everything’s NOT always about YOU!”  and when I replied, “Nothing’s EVER about me!” he goes, sarcastically,”Oh, poor muffin!” and the 14 YR old sniped, “That’s because you’re so annoying!” and she was being mouthy and disrespectful so I warned her to cut it and to watch her mouth if she didn’t want a smack upside her head and the 18 YR old said if I did that HE’D “kick me across the room” and then he cackled to me, “Go smoke some weed!”They always talk to me like that and treat me like this.

I hate my family.

One of our relatives in Europe is also in the hospital with a heart-attack and she just got over being hospitalized with pneumonia recently,too….shit…hopefully she’ll get thru this too….she’s just in her 60’s.