Heart Scan.

scan1 Yesterday I had my CT heart scan. I also had to have the contrast dye thru the IV as seen here. The last time I had it for a scan I never had any problem; it just made me feel like I peed myself! They even had a cardiologist there during the test as well whereas you don’t usually get an actual doctor during scans; the technicians do it, and she gave me 2 sprays of nitroglycerin under my tongue to get better images as it dilates, or largens, the heart vessels, allowing for better imaging, but side-effects are it also widens all vessels, so your BP might plummet really low…. and….

scan2 ….after 5 minutes or so, maybe less, after I had the spray in my mouth( it tasted like a really sharp breath mint) I started to feel really…well…funny….I was all floppy and felt like a snowman that just melted and collapsed all at once into one giant swooshing puddle and they must have been able to tell by looking at me as they said, Are you ok?….. and as I felt my arms flop down from holding up over my head down to my sides and my head slump over to the left, I mumbled, I think I’m fading…. as it felt like sort of combination of when I’m going to pass-out and just before a seizure.

Then the same thing happened again right after they injected the contrast dye into my IV. At first I just felt a cold, wet sensation as the liquid coursed thru my veins and then the familiar feeling like I’d just wet myself, but then, also, I got this funny taste in my mouth and my throat felt funny, like swollen and hoarse I felt really restless and “floaty” and like I was going into another dimension, or into another frequency, sort of like how I go after weed, and I could feel myself “floating” and going towards the edge of consciousness, and have only vague recollections of it but I do remember them rushing around, sliding me out of the scanner, a cold hand resting on my forehead, a BP cuff on my arm, a voice which sounded distant, Are you still with us? so I came close to blacking out 2 times during the scan or perhaps I actually did…. So that was how I spent my morning.

It was also funny prepping for the scan the nurse asked me if there’s any chance that I might be pregnant and I laughed and replied, Good one! That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time! You do know I’m 51, right? and she said they have to ask every female aged 10-55 and I thought 10? are you f*cking kidding me? That’s sick! I also had to fill out this form and it asked when my last period was, if I use contraception, etc. and last one was 2 months ago, no, I never used contraceptives…I mean, c’mon, man, we have 11 kids   does it look like I believe in contraception?..…and then she asked how can I be so sure there’s no chance I’m not prego, You are married, aren’t you? she asks, and I assured her,that, yes, I am, and then she asked when’s the last time I did….you-know-what… and when I said  11 years ago….embarrassed and ashamed…I’m so undesirable even my own husband  is repelled by me and doesn’t want me… I couldn’t even describe the look on her face but then she said, Well, at least we know you’re definitely NOT pregnant!! and turned around and wrote something down in her chart.

It’s been really mild and nice here the past 2 weeks or so as well, even 10 C or even as high as 15 C  and pretty much all the snow has melted away but now they say winter’s coming back with a vengeance; this was just a little teaser for spring. I never “fall” for it anyway. Mother Nature is a bitch. We’re supposed to get lots of snow this week and March is supposed to be really bad; lots of snow and really cold; it will almost be like February and March reversed. It’s been bad in Europe recently as well with many countries getting buried in snow, incl. my cousins, who posted photos of the snow on their Facebook.

The Ring.

screen-shot-02-03-17-at-10-33-am-002 My Charmed Aroma candle arrived! They’d said it would take 6 weeks but it came just 2 or 3 days after I’d ordered it!  It burned for around 6 HRS before the foil where the ring was wrapped up in was visible but it took so long to finally get down to that point I was even beginning to wonder if there really even was a ring in there or if maybe they’d forgotten to put it in! It was there though( and the candle smells sooooo good, like coconut!) and this is the ring, pictured here. Isn’t it just so pretty? I love it! There was a code on it so I went online and it was appraised at 90$!

screen-shot-02-03-17-at-12-11-pm I had to drain the wax run-off into another container because as it melted it kept snuffing out the flame on the wick so I put it in here and then I got bored so I got creative and decided to liven it up a bit and “engrave” it.


I also made a new Miitomo character: Mr. Hippo. It’s sort of a person, only he’s also a hippo. It’s kind of hard to explain but he has basically a human body with a hippo head. I tried to make his skin colour either grey or purple but I wasn’t able to get it that colour so I improvised and dressed him in all grey instead but I fiddled with the nose and eyebrows and was able to give him a semblance of a hippo’s ears and nostrils.

Screen Shot 02-03-17 at 06.43 PM 001.PNG This is also an x-ray of a friend in USA’s teen son’s shoulder, broken in a few places! He got it from wrestling, only the real kind that you do on a mat, not the fake stuff you see on TV. He has surgery to fix it on Monday. When I saw this all I could think of was, “Oh, wow! Holy shit! That must hurt” I can only imagine how it must feel! Poor kid! The 17 YR old and her friends also drove up to Toronto and shopped at the Eaton Centre mall ( it was my Second Home when I lived there) and then just 2 days later she took the train in for an interview for Cadets for summer camp in Europe. It’s more difficult since she’s homeschooled…..but she did really well and they were really impressed…..and they told her that she tied for the highest score! Yay!! Now she waits to hear back about a follow-up…..oooh, I hope so!




My Doc’s Appointment.

Doctor(newest) I saw my family doctor to get my ulcer meds renewed, to get my diuretic switched to one that doesn’t absorb potassium( since my current one pretty well depleted all of my potassium leaving me critically short) to order more blood work to see if my liver enzymes are still elevated( or if it was just related to the dangerously low potassium which should be up now I take 600 mg of potassium a day) and to check the pea-sized lump on my knee(which wasn’t there when he checked; it comes and goes). Once again he had trouble figuring out how many pills to order on my prescription for 3 months because I take 2 a day and apparantly that confuses him and just like last time he’d ordered 90 pills but that only ends up being one a  day and when I pointed it out to him he still didn’t see the problem and goes, “That’s right, 90 pills, 90 days IS 3 months” and when I said, “Yeah…except I take TWO a day!” he looked really confused and I said, “Whatever 90 multiplied by 2 is, give me that many”(I can’t do math either, but then again, I’m not a doctor) and he goes, “Aaarrggghh, I’ll just give you 200, that should be enough” and I was thinking, “Seriously, Dude, how did you ever graduate  medical school?” He also debated with me whether or not I even still need the ulcer ( for bile reflux) pills and diuretic but if I don’t have them I get the most horrible stomach pain and I end up so retained with fluid I look like a blow fish! At least he did order the blood work which I’ll go to the lab and have done later today and my hubby was mad he has to drop me off and pick me up( as I don’t drive) even though it’s only a 2 min. drive, snapping he’s “busy” and “has things to do” and “unlike me he works”, etc. and I told him ,”and I have to get my blood work done,TOO! My liver could be failing for all I know!” and then he said if I take too long I’ll have to find my own way back, walk or something, when he knows with my breathing problem I can’t walk that far, plus I don’t know my way around and will get lost AND it’s supposed to get up to 32 C and feel like in the 40’s! My mother also doesn’t even bother to call him to pick her up at the grocery anymore( she takes a taxi even though she can’t afford it) ever since last time he just left there stranded as he was  “too busy” to pick her up and snarled, “Who cares!” etc. and was really being a nasty prick over it so now she’s too “scared” to even ask. He’s such an asshole.

As well, when the doctor asked me how I’m doing and I told him I had a good summer and I’m going back to the Caribbean in a month he goes, “Why?” I was thinking in my head, “What the F*CK?” but I just said to him, “What do you mean ‘why?’ Why WOULDN’T you go to the Caribbean? I LOVE it there and wish I could move there!” and then he goes, “So why don’t you?” and I said, “We don’t have the $$$$ to move!” Seriously though, that guy freaks me out, he’s just weird and there’s just something about him that’s “off” and that makes me feel uneasy(and I get major stressed out, nervous and uncomfortable around him) but I can’t put my finger on it, but I can’t do anything about it though since family doctors here are hard to find and I waited a YR before I found HIM from when my last doctor retired. He also said my app’t with the “shrink” is in Oct. even though when it was booked they said end of Sept. so when I got home and checked with their office sure enough it IS Oct; once again it was cancelled and re-booked but they hadn’t gotten around to calling everyone yet. Holy shit, everyone here  is just so half-assed. I have to wait and see when I get my pills from the pharmacy to see if he screwed them up again or not,too. This place truly sucks so much; the only good thing here is the Italian restaurant!

The 16 YR old also told me that alot of kids at Cadets think he’s GAY because he’s eccentric which I think is crazy( it’s not like he’s “flaming” or “swishy” or something) but even if he WAS ( even though I don’t think he is) I still wouldn’t love him less, I had a shit-fit when the 15 YR old used our new ( just bought it the day before!) plastic spatula right over the stove element and burned it( sometimes I wonder if they EVER think) and heard a politician is considering having the GO Train extended to go thru here to Toronto and I sure HOPE so! That way I can go into the city more often, and on my own; I won’t depend on my hubby to drive me, all he’ll have to do is drop me off at the station! That would be a dream come true! I could go in like every MONTH and every time I go back I feel revitalized , renewed and transformed! It breathes a new LIFE into me!

A neighbour also told us he heard the long-range forecast that Sept. and Oct. are supposed to be hot, that the seasons are “reversed” and fall will be like a late summer and based on this week anyway I believe it; this has been a HOT week and hotter than the rest of summer has been, with today forecasted to be the hottest day yet, and of course the pool guys never came to close down the pool this week like they were supposed to and I haven’t been keeping up with the chemicals as I’d expected it would be closed on Tuesday and didn’t want to dump the chemicals in for just 1-2 days’ use( what a waste of $$$) so now the water’s REALLY green and fetid and has this putrid stench( and of course now it’s sweltering HOT,too!) so I got back to it once again so at least it’ll be cleaned up so we can swim.( yeah, now watch them COME!) and the 7 YR old studying European geography and learning the capital cities when he’d learn a country and I’d say “I’ve been there!” “I’ve been there too!” “and there!” “and there!” “and there!” he looked impressed and goes, “You’ve been to ALL of Europe!” and I said, “Well, not ALL of it, but alot of it!”


My New Hippos.


ExHippos2Here are 2 of my new hippo figurines I got at the CNE made of porcelain.

ExHippos1 The one on the left is ebony and on the right made of marble.


ExHippo3 and this plush hippo is actually purple in real  life but in the photo it came out pink. I named it “Purplepotamus” or “P.P” for short.

As well, I remember at the “Ex” a vendor made these dolls they’d personalize using your face they’d photographically scan on the computer and I thought they were cool and I’d get one if I wasn’t ugly, and some exciting news: the 11 YR old and I are going kayaking; I did it when I was in Hawaii and it was so much fun and now there’s a place here having people try it for free so I signed up, and there’s a Greek festival nearby  coming up as well; FINALLY something with some culture around here instead of the usual redneck fare like tractor pulls, lawn mower racing, rodeos, country jamborees,etc.  My mother also made the snide comment how it’s “hard to live with someone with depression who’s always miserable” and I told HER, ” How do you think it’s like for the person to BE depressed?” We had a weird “storm”,too: thunder and lightening….but no rain and it was still sunny, and when I’d mentioned about my cousins moving here from Europe in the early 80’s my hubby snickered, “I guess THEY like Canada then!” …until I also informed him that once their kids grew up the mother moved BACK, and he snorts I still won’t be happy no matter where I live, but that’s not true; I just don’t like it HERE!





The Bong Shop.

BM(blog) The other day I saw a teenager walk by wearing this really cool tri-colour Bob Marley T-shirt and the thought came into my head to check out the local bong shop to see if maybe they might sell them (bong shop=marijuana=Rasta= Bob Marley, it’s worth a shot, right?) so I did. It was the first time in my life I’ve ever been to a place like that though and I felt weird, awkward,and out of place, but I’m desperate here, so I went in(my hubby refused to and just waited outside for me, ha,ha) and I didn’t look around to see what else they had( there are just some things you’re better off not knowing) but just asked the clerk if they had any(I also wanted them to know why I was there, not wanting them to think I was a pothead) and they didn’t(they did have a Bob Marley flag though) but it was worth checking. I already DO have one Bob Marley shirt I bought one of the times I was in the Caribbean but I wanted a second one but my mother and a couple of the kids are going back there next month so they can look and hopefully they can pick me up another one. Yesterday I saw the boy walk by again and just asked him where he got it(and he looked flattered I admired it) and he said his mother got it for him in Jamaica. Shit. I should have KNOWN you can’t find anything like that HERE.

The 10 YR old also made up “invisible clothes” and I figured isn’t that just the SAME thing as being naked though( “The Emperor’s New Clothes”), when I woke up in the morning I had a momentary sharp, painful tightness and “squeezing” on the left side of my chest and numbness and tingling on the left side of my arm,too, I wonder might be a pre-heart attack “warning” (so if I suddenly drop dead you’ll know why) the travel agent frantically sent me an e-mail saying there was a problem with the immigration information for the kids for the Caribbean trip but we got it all worked out (and this is WHY we HAVE a travel agent and don’t just do all the planning and paperwork ourselves; it’s too confusing and my head would explode) and for the past 2 weeks I missed the ending to “The Big Bang Theory” as mid-scene it cut into the next show and I’m sooo pissed-off and I don’t know whether it happened everywhere or just here, and the newly-minted now-19 YR old tried to grab the TV remote off me(as I was having trouble with it as usual) and snarled, “Here, give it to someone who’s not so stupid!”

The 19 YR old snickered to me as well that I’ve never done anything “selfless”  for anyone else so I guess the time I brought the homeless man into Burger King and bought him a hot meal wasn’t selfless, or the time I gave the 200$ I got for Mother’s Day one YR to the poor single mother in church for train fare so she could visit her sick baby in the hospital in the city wasn’t selfless, either,(I’m such a horrible selfish shit of a human being) and I was in the kitchen preparing the stew for everyone’s dinner and my hubby came in and tried to kick me out of the way so he could make HIS lunch even though I was there *first*, thinking he always comes first, and I’m always the one disrupted, displaced, the least important, and don’t matter, and I feel like the lyric in that Eddy Grant song: “You got me born in the wrong time”, and I defended Muslims online again(because they’re the ones always being attacked and bullied and I won’t stand for it for anyone) when people were burying pigs on grounds they planned on building mosques to deter them and scare them off( they consider pigs to be unclean) not wanting them in their neighbourhoods and not wanting them to build their places of worship and when they saw pigs had “defiled” the land they would change their mind and I said it was racist and hateful(it’s just like saying you don’t want blacks in your neighbourhood or don’t want to live next door to a Chinese) and they accused me of being a “liberal” and I told them I’m the FARTHEST thing from a liberal but I’m NOT a racist, bully, or an Islamophobe, either! When I told the 10 YR old she said, too, “That’s mean!”

Canada also signed a monumental free trade treaty with the European Union which will remove high tariffs, bring more selection of goods, and create many jobs, benefitting both sides and many people here still oppose it as they’re racist and hate any foreign involvement, investment, or trade, nothing but xenophobic bigoted rednecks( I hate this country!) and the 3 elephants at the Toronto Zoo have been sent to San Diego as the animal-rights freaks put up a stink saying they needed a warmer climate even though they’ve been there for 40 YRS and it’s BEEN good enough for 40 YRS yet now all of a sudden it’s not, and there’s concern from others that they might not survive the long 50 HR-something-long drive and I wonder how they’d feel THEN if they DIED during the trip? Animal freaks always have to stir up shit and cause trouble over *something* and just can’t ever leave well enough alone.

The Palm Tree.

PalmTree The other day I was sitting outside and I saw this single tree and it looked somewhat like a palm tree(my fave. tree!) and I hallucinated that it was a palm tree; a single solitary lone palm tree, standing out amongst all the maples, oaks, elms,birches, etc. Of course it wasn’t ( we don’t even HAVE palm trees in this country; we don’t have the tropical climate needed to sustain them) but it almost had the appearance of one, and looked equally out of place among all the other trees and stood out among the rest,and it reminded me of myself: different than all the rest, standing out, a misfit, not belonging, the lone one, the only one of it’s kind, apart from all the others, unique, not blending in, an outcast,not fitting in, mocked by all the others, and due to my past( being bullied for 2 1/2 YRS in school) I’m extra “sensitive” now to being teased and criticized, and my family should know better, yet even they still  mock, ridicule, demean, blame,and bully me and make me the butt of their jokes now,too, and I’m broken, damaged,and wounded being bullied my whole life and I feel like a punching bag in life and I can’t take it anymore. I’m like that lone palm tree, standing there all alone.

As well, I got a letter from Revenue Canada (the gov’t) from the Child Tax Benefit ( the  one that cut off 3/4 of my $$$$ when I refused to divulge info when I was audited that would endanger our homeschooling) stating I have been “randomly chosen”(yeah, right, just like how I was “randomly chosen” to be audited,too, and like how I’m ALWAYS “randomly chosen” all the time for everything) to take part in a voluntary survey, but there’s no way in HELL; I’m not doing a THING for them after what they did to me(I wouldn’t do it if it were mandatory,either), and in fact, they can take their survey and shove it right up their ASS! They can KISS my arse while they’re at it,too!  The kids also did a 550 piece puzzle but of course 1 piece was missing; we ALWAYS get the things with pieces missing or that are broken or defective in some way, and I panicked in church as I couldn’t find my $$$$ offering envelope and I had to take everything out of my bag, and sort thru it one by one, but luckily I found it just in time; it had somehow “migrated” elsewhere and was hidden; stuck in-between other papers!

Someone also stomped over the flowers in my garden at the front( the rednecks here are so disrespectful of other people’s property) and the 10 YR old hates my “ugly teeth” and goes, “Ewww!” whenever she sees them and covers her eyes and I’m so embarrassed and hate the way I look and I’d fix my teeth and my face except I’ll never have the $$$$$, and I heard in Europe gov’t’s give seniors a 2000$ bonus for assisted living on TOP of their pensions(which, in Germany, for instance, are another 2000$) so they end up with 4000$ or so a month and here all they get in pension is 400$ a month from the gov’t  which you can’t live on; that doesn’t even pay RENT, let alone food,bills,and other expenses, once again proving how Canada sucks, yet my hubby still refuses to believe or accept it(and we’re always having fights about it),and snarls I should “go move there then!” and I WOULD if I could(I would have LONG ago, in fact) but I can’t afford to move as I don’t have any $$$$$, and he sneers that’s why they have “such high taxes” too….yet we’re one of the highest taxed countries in the world and all WE get for it is half-assed healthcare where most people can’t even  get a family doctor and have to wait months to see a specialist and for surgery(unless you die in the meantime), whereas Europe has GOOD healthcare and  in reasonable time, free university,and good provisions for seniors! This place SUCKS!!