Shirley Fall.

Screenshot_692 It is surely fall. This is what I woke up to yesterday morning. Yes, that’s right, it was below freezing!  When I took Buddy out for his early morning walk we froze our asses off. I put his warm wool sweater on him and I had to wear my heavy wool sweater, hat and mitts! I also finally took the A/C out of my window the other day as the cold wind blowing thru the cracks made my bedroom freezing cold during the night and last night I still even had to have my little heater on in my room and the furnace even came on for the first time too! It’s officially fall now,and you can tell it looks and feels like it now, all dull, cold, windy, rainy, with coloured leaves all over and you can smell and fell a briskness and chill in the air.

Winter is coming!

Screenshot_693 Another sign of fall: now I’m wearing leggings and thick warm socks. No more shaving my legs or nail polish on my toenails anymore now until spring.My legs hibernate over the winter. I wish I could,too.

Screenshot_694 Look! Pumpkin cheesecake! We had this for our Sunday dessert yesterday. It was just so good, it was beyond words.It’s a good thing it wasn’t a Weed Day or else I probably would have eaten the whole thing. In church yesterday there was also this guy sitting in front of me who had this tattoo on the back of his neck and I spent the entire time trying to figure out what it said but I never could as the script wasn’t in English and usually I’m pretty good with languages but I couldn’t figure this out and didn’t even recognize it what language it was, the letters look almost inverted, reversed and upside down, so maybe it was some sort of gang symbolism or something, I don’t know….it was almost like some sort of secret code and I spent the entire hour trying to figure it out. It doesn’t take much to amuse me, ha,ha.

My hubby and the girls were making fun of me as well as I got the A-B-C order mixed up and thought M came before L and that I always have to recite the Alphabet Song to remember and figure out which letter comes next and they laugh at me and call me stupid even though I have White Matter Decline(which is similar to Alzheimer’s but affects a different part of the brain) and can’t help it, but they like to say it’s because I’m a pothead, because then they can blame me for it and make me look bad,shame me, and say it’s my own dumb fault, and they’re always talking about Satan’s Day (Halloween) around me,too, purposely knowing it gets me upset as I don’t want anything to do with the occult and I avoid it and then they mock and ridicule me for my religious faith and obedience(to stay away from anything occult) but I just ignore them, don’t give them the satisfaction, and just consider where it comes from.It doesn’t even deserve the dignity of a reply.I just pretend I don’t even hear them or just walk away. I care more about what God thinks(and thinks of me) than what they think,anyway.

A Nice Day.

Screenshot_565 Yesterday was a really nice day. Well, not in the morning, when we had really heavy rain but then around 11 am it all cleared up and the sun came up and it was nice and sunny and warm. It had been cool, windy and rainy for the past few days, dull, yucky fall days, but yesterday was nice and it was warm: 19 C! Of course during the night it then dropped down to 2 C and we had frost and today the high’s only supposed to be 12 C but I enjoyed it when I could and spent as much time outside as I can because I know my outdoors days are numbered.

The girls also went to a Ladies’ Day thing in town at the stores where women get free stuff and discounts and stuff from the vendors and the 23 YR old(who’s a dude) went with them too and decided to try and get the free stuff as well by telling them that he “self-identifies” as a woman and if they refuse he’ll cry “discrimination”. He was originally going to dress in drag too for more effect but decided against it. It actually worked,too, surprisingly; he got free wine, cheese, and other things,and one girl even praised him for being so “brave” for coming “out” as a girl!  😀  He’s shameless and there’s nothing he won’t do for free stuff! I like free stuff,too, but I have some standards and some dignity though.

Screenshot_568 I also saw this on Facebook and I really needed to see it today, so I re-posted it on my profile in case someone else needs to see it too. It’s “funny” how God always seems to have a way of working things out and answering prayer just when you need it and how He works thru other people as well. My friend A’s ( in Ottawa) Chihuahua had her eye removed recently due to inherited glaucoma and yesterday she just had the other eye removed as well so now she’s totally blind, the poor little thing, and she’s still young too, like 3 years old or something like that, but she was already pretty well blind from the glaucoma anyway but it’s still sad but fortunately dogs seem to have a way of adapting well. I also noticed Buddy has a bit of swelling on the top of his right eye; the lump had always been at the bottom before, so maybe the fluid first starts to build up there and then moves downward for his cyst or whatever it is, so just in case I massaged and “milked” it, like you would with a blocked tear duct, to try and drain it, so hopefully it will prevent another big lump from forming again.

Indian Summer.

Screen Shot 09-15-17 at 07.18 PM These past few days (and the next expected few as well) have been so nice and warm it feels like summer again after being cold and looking and feeling like  fall for the past 2-3 weeks. It had even been 7 C in the mornings and it was so cold I could even see my breath and had to start off the day wearing long pants and a sweater and I even closed my bedroom window and hadn’t used the A/C in a long time…..but now for the past few days it’s been so nice, yesterday it was 27 C with a humidex of 34 C and I was back to getting my suntan on after not being able to for awhile as it was too cold and I was even starting to fade. We’re now having what they refer to as Indian Summer and I love it. Technically, it still is summer, but once Labour Day comes, school goes back,and September comes it feels like fall and cools down and just doesn’t seem like summer anymore, but I’m grateful for this little piece of summer back again, however brief it may be, and I’m enjoying every minute of it as long as it lasts.
Screen Shot 09-15-17 at 07.35 PM This is also my friend I’s ( from grade 8 ) 7 foot sunflower that she planted in her garden. She said she planted a bunch of seeds in May but only 2 plants came up, this one and a 5 foot one. I love sunflowers and I hope to plant some in my own garden next spring….if I’m still alive, that is. I also had this weird thought cross my head as well that maybe I’ll die on 21 September, the first day of fallthat when summer ends I end,too. That would just be the strangest thing though. I die when summer dies. How poetic.

I’d actually be disappointed if it turns out that I don’t have cancer too as I was hoping I was dying soon and I was looking forward to it, eager to be (hopefully!) in Heaven shortly, that finally  my time had come, that what I’d been waiting for for so long had finally arrived, and after all those suicide attempts, this is my chance, I’ll finally be free….. but if it turns out that it’s not, that it’s just an infection or a cyst, or kidney stones or something, and that I’m not dying anytime soon and will still be expected to live another 20-30 more years I’ll actually be really let-down and disappointed. Yeah, watch with my luck it’ll end up like that. Most people would be relieved and glad to not have cancer, but then again, I’m not like most people. I’m also ready to die, and I have been for a long time.

I also had a thought: the reason marijuana is illegal in most places is because, well, let’s face it, it makes you feel good and the gov’t doesn’t want you to feel good; they want you to suffer, to feel like a piece of shit,(why do you think taxes were invented?) so they outlaw anything that makes you feel good.That’s what I think,anyway….

Keep Swimming.

  • screen-shot-10-01-16-at-10-52-am In the movie “Finding Dory” Dory( who is a fish) is told to “Keep swimming!”It was to encourage her to keep going, to persevere, to not give up, to carry on,and to keep trying. I like the simplicity of it, “Keep swimming!” and am going to try to adopt it into my own life facing my own difficulties, challenges, trials, and battles, I’m going to keep swimming thru them all, I’m going to keep my head above water, I’m going to float, not sink, I’m going to tread water, not drown, I’m going to keep paddling,keep swimming! I am a strong swimmer and I have to keep swimming! Eventually I am going to see the shore, eventually I will make it, and until then I just have to keep swimming.
  • Whenever my family berates, insults, and demeans me, I will keep swimming.
  • Whenever I get down because of my looks, my weight, my lack of intellect,etc.. I will keep swimming.
  • When bad luck, misfortune, darkness, brokenness, loneliness,and the scars of trauma threaten to pull me under, I will keep swimming.
  • When the future looks bleak, like there’s no hope for change or any way out of my situation or chance for happiness, I will continue to trust in God,and I will keep swimming.
  • When I feel like it’s all just too much and I can’t go on anymore I may need a life-jacket but I will keep swimming.
  • screen-shot-10-01-16-at-07-02-pm…and there’s also this. This is so me, so perfect for me.
  • As well, I am slowly giving in to fall,surrendering, small steps at a time, yesterday I took the A/C out of my bedroom window and I put my shorts and T-shirts away and now I’m wearing long pants and long-sleeve shirts but I’m still wearing my flip-flops though; I’m not quite ready to let go of those yet. Baby steps, baby steps. I’m likely done suntanning too unless I get the odd warm sunny day….
  • The 17 YR old’s also away this weekend at a Cadets FTX weekend where she’s camping and doing outdoor survival, and the 15 YR old dyed her hair but it ended up green so she had to make an emergency run to the drug store for brown hair dye to fix it, and I think that every girl at one time or another has had to make emergency runs to the drug store for hair dye for fix-ups! I remember one time with mine(trying to go blonde) half ended up a bright yellow and the other half a bright carrot orange! I also remember the disasterous “brassy” hair from using “Sun-In” back in the 80’s,too!

The Pool Guys.

screen-shot-09-07-16-at-09-51-am The pool guys came and closed up the pool for fall/winter.  This YR we had them come from a different pool company and not the usual half-assed one from town here that doesn’t seem to know what they’re doing and never knew how to get rid of our algae/green water. Here is the pump they used to drain the water down lower as in winter when it freezes it expands and if you don’t allow room for expansion it will crack the pool, plus when the rain goes in thru the cover and later when the snow melts it fills up and we need somewhere for the extra water to go.

screen-shot-09-07-16-at-09-51-am-001 Here is how much lower they drained it, to just below the skimmer line. They also flushed out the lines  and vacuumed out the water jets, something the other place never did when they closed up the pool for the season.They took out the jets and plugged up the holes, removed the ladders, and baskets from the skimmers, and poured a bunch of winterizing chemicals in as well.They also turned the filter to winterize mode and shut the pump off.

screen-shot-09-07-16-at-09-52-am Then they put the cover on….and here it is, all covered up, nice and snug for the winter. I think it somehow looks even bigger with the cover on, even though it is 20×40 feet so it’s a big pool anyway. It’s so sad seeing it like this, all covered up and abandoned. It’s still hot,too: 29 C with a humidex of 39 C but we only keep it only for July and August as it just costs so  much $$$ to run it between the electricity to run the pump 24 HRS a day to keep the water circulating( and our last hydro bill was 700$!) the water, and all the chemicals! The water’s gotten much colder now, too, down from 85 F to only 70 F and with school back the kids just don’t have the time to swim now, anyway.

As well, the 9 YR old’s school lessons take 5-6 HRS a day, which he described as “torturous”, and Buddy keeps on humping my leg; I swear that dog needs to get laid so badly, I should see if I can find him a dog sex toy somewhere!

Back To School!

Screen Shot 09-03-16 at 12.03 PM Today is the first day back to school for kids after 2 months off summer vacation. I bet that there were lots of anxious, nervous, worried kids today! I can still remember how nervous I was every YR on the first day back, I was even sick to my stomach! We also went back to our homeschooling YR(our 25th YR!) and this YR we’re only down to 3 students! The 15 YR old( grade 10) the 13 YR old( grade 8) and the 9 YR old(grade 7 because he’s a little genius!) The 17 YR old did extra work last YR and actually did 2 grades( grade 11 and grade 12) so she’s all done! This YR she’s taking a university history course, studying for her SAT’s to enter university,and working part-time.

Our subjects incl. Bible, math, science, French, social studies, language arts,some on CD ROM, some in books, and the 9 YR old also has a 30-60 min. exercise program each day( which can be his phys. ed class) to exercise his brain and his body, plus their weekly activities are also coming back: Cadets, dance class, youth group, cheerleading,jiu-jitsu, and tumbling. We’re going to be busy once again, getting back to a busy schedule, with teaching, marking, and shuttling kids back and forth. I can’t believe summer is pretty much  over already!

The other morning when I took Buddy out for his morning walk it was so chilly it was 9 C and I could even see my breath….but today it’s going up to 31 C with a humidex of 40C and I’m staying outside enjoying the warm weather for as long as I can as pretty soon it’s going to be winter and I’ll be stuck inside all the time! I’m going to squeeze every last drop of sweat out of summer that I can! Back to school is a sign of fall, but if I’m lucky I still might be able to enjoy being outside until the end of the month…or even into October…

Fall Decor.

Screen Shot 09-03-16 at 12.00 PM 001 Now that it’s September and the beginning of fall-like weather( it was 10 C overnight!) I put out the fall decor. Pictured here is a dried fall-themed wreath that I hung on the front door.

Screen Shot 09-03-16 at 11.59 AM Here is part of the fall leaves wreath that I hung in the window. I tried to take a photo of the entire thing but it’s in a window and kept making a glare and the photos kept showing up weird and you could also see me in the reflection in the glass so this is what you get.

Screen Shot 09-03-16 at 11.59 AM 001 This is the scarecrow and leaves garland that I also put up on our third floor balcony. It’s hard to see but if you look closely you can see it. The scarecrow is in the middle and the garland goes all along the top of the railing. I keep it up until 30 October and then I take it down that day, before “Satan’s Day” (Hallowe’en) as I  don’t want people to wrongly think it’s decoration for  that; it’s just for fall.

Screen Shot 09-03-16 at 11.58 AM Here is a close-up of the scarecrow’s face but from the side as I had to go up  on the balcony and actually lean  partway  over the side to get this shot so you’re welcome. I risked life and limb for you. I told my mother before I went up if she sees something come flying down and hears a “thud!” that would be me falling off the balcony so to call 9-1-1. I can only imagine it: cause of death: misadventure trying to get a photo for blog. Yeah, that sounds about right.

I’m sad to see summer go but I  do also like fall, too. I like the cool, crisp, brisk air, the pretty coloured leaves,  everything pumpkin: pies, muffins, bread, Dairy Queen Blizzard, my fave. “Tiger Tail” ice cream flavour, wearing heavy pullover sweaters, my Ugg boots, my knitted Rasta hats and poncho, flannel bed sheets, etc. Summer and fall are my 2 fave. seasons.

Someone also took my Colgate toothpaste for their 3 day adventure too so I had to use the gross Crest(yuck!) that was left behind but other than that it was  nice having a break with hardly anyone here and not running out of towels or hot water, and I’m so dark now with my tan I could pass for a Filipino, and I wondered why as well the 7.1 earthquake in New Zealand wasn’t mentioned on the news….and then it occurred to me that maybe it hasn’t  happened  yet; that it’s another one of those things where I know things and  “see” it ahead of time, before it actually takes place, even though I’m  sure I read about it someplace…I guess we’ll just have to wait and see….

Fall Splendour.

Leaves1 You have to admit fall is a beautiful time of YR. Even though I’m sad summer is over the leaves ARE pretty.

Leaves2 I esp. like the Maples as they turn a pretty orange.

Leaves3 It’s sort of sad though when you really think about it: the pretty leaves are also the dead ones. 😦

HappyDog Here’s also something I found on Facebook for Buddy! I LOVE you Buddy, you are my BEST friend! ♥

I Surrender!

WhiteFlagSurrender I surrender. I give up. I stopped wearing my shorts and tank tops. I put my flip-flops away. I’m now wearing long pants and long sleeves and jackets and socks. I no longer lay out and get my tan.I took the A/C out of my bedroom window.I put the blankets on my bed. I accept that summer is really over and that it’s fall now. I am officially freezing my ass off now. It was still nice and warm all of September except for like the last day and I still had my tan until the end of September and was even still out in the sun tanning until the end of September…..and then in just a matter of ONE DAY everything all just suddenly changed,and then it quickly turned cold! It went from 23 C down to 13 C or even colder and only 5 C overnight! Now it really and truly looks and feels like fall; the leaves are turning colour on the trees, it’s raining alot, we have lots of wet leaves on the ground, it’s cold and windy, there’s that cold chill and cold “nip” in the air,it gets dark just after 7 pm now and doesn’t get light in the morning until after 7 am, Thanksgiving is this upcoming weekend already…I can’t believe it’s October. Where has the time gone? We’ve been back to school for a month already! I held on to summer as long as I possibly could but then was suddenly forced to give it up and was faced with the cold hard reality of fall. The hanging begonias died with the sudden cold( but the geraniums are still doing well) and with summer gone I feel like a part of me had “died” as well. I am NOT looking forward to the long, cold winter. It’s almost half the YR here and it’s a long time until the next summer again….

As well, I wonder if it might even be a kidney or adrenal tumour or some other kidney or adrenal problem I have( and I DO also have a dull, nagging pain on my lower back on the right side), which would explain the low potassium AND high BP but the scan will show if there are any tumours if so, and the 14 YR old said that the 16 and 17 YR olds “don’t like” Buddy as he “stinks” ( I give him a bath every week so he DOESN’T “stink”) and he “barks too much” ( except he only barks when they make noise, so THEY just make too much noise!) and my hubby and the 8 YR old said they “found a Dachshund they like”….and it was a skeleton! Why are they always so MEAN and say such hurtful cruel things all the time?

My cousin called as well and said one of my mother’s cousin’s died and a bunch of my cousins are going to the Turks and Caicos and a private island today and to Spain and Portugal in April, too, and she said she’s “getting ‘tired’ of the Caribbean” as she goes there every YR; I could NEVER get “tired” of it, and it pains me that they can go away TWICE a YR when we can’t even go away once a YR anymore and have to take out loans just to pay our BILLS! I remember when *we* used to have $$$$$ too and now we don’t and we’re really struggling and it hurts to have “reminders” of what we once had and then lost.

Our Latest ER Visit.

hospital We had yet another trip to the ER, I think this our 7th this summer, our new record! The 16 YR old did a sneeze( he has a mild cold) and got this MASSIVE nosebleed; it was gushing out, and even after 20 minutes it still didn’t stop and was still going strong and then his eye began to bleed too; his tears were red, they were blood; just like Jesus; he was crying blood! So of course this freaked us out( esp. with him being a leukemia survivor) and the 11 YR old shrieked, “He has EBOLA!” and I was worried that he had relapsed; that his platelets were low indicating that the cancer is back, or maybe he was having a brain bleed and that’s why he was bleeding out of his eye and nose so off to the hospital he went. I was shitting bricks and it took a whole HR before it stopped so he didn’t need it to be cauterized and they did blood work and his counts came back normal, thank God, platelets and hemoglobin normal( so no relapse) and the doctor said it was likely just a weakened blood vessel that burst and there was so much blood that it “leaked” into his tear duct and spilled over. I’m so relieved! I was worried he might have even gone blind; I mean, bleeding out of your eyes is a terrifying thing! It was an emotionally draining 2 HRS until we found out everything was ok and I could breathe easy again but the good thing is at least now I won’t have to be nervous when he has his annual oncology app’t in 3 weeks to check his blood for signs of relapse: now we already know ahead of time he’s ok!

As well, next door had a bonfire in their backyard and I was worried it would catch onto our fence but luckily it didn’t( we already had 1 fire and that was more than enough; we don’t need another one) the 11 and 13 YR olds saw a dead squirrel run over on the road and at first were worried it was “Cow Cat” and ran over to see, a FB friend saw an armadillo( my 2nd fave. animal) in a park….only he lives in Michigan! I was surprised; I’d expect it in someplace like Texas….but *Michigan?* It’s so cold now as well ( 7 C when I woke up and only got up to 13 C) I sadly had to put away the shorts and short-sleeve shirts and bring out the heavier fall clothes; the long sleeved shirts and long pants and it really bums me out as I’m not ready for summer to end.

My hubby’s been extra nasty lately too; he’s always been belittling and condescending to me but now he’s being short and snappy to the kids as well, and complains that he’s always so busy and has to drive everyone to their activities and resents having to drive me to all my medical app’t’s,too, and I told him he’s being extra mean lately and whatever his problem is lately he’s taking it out on the rest of us! Hopefully he’s just busy with work and he’s stressed or something( I don’t know because he never tells me anything) and not that he’s losing his job or something because if he DOES how will we survive? We’re struggling now and are just barely getting by and can hardly pay the bills so there’s no way we can survive on my mother’s pension; without his salary we won’t be able to pay ANY of the bills or buy food, we’d lose the house and be out on the street, plus without his employee drug plan how will I get my medications? It’s too horrible to even imagine! I also wish we could move back to the city but we couldn’t afford it now; the down payment for a house in Toronto would cost more than what we paid for our entire HOUSE here!

Toronto mayor Rob Ford has also been hospitalized with an abdomenal tumor( I suspect colon cancer like his father died of) and now he’s dropped out of the mayoral race he’s been running for re-election( the election’s the end of next month) and is now running for City Council instead with his brother Doug( who WAS running for Council) now taking his place and running for mayor; it’s like they’re swapping jobs! It’s too bad though after he’s worked so hard. I pray he’ll be ok too and make a full recovery. The poor guy; he’s always getting kicked down. I know how he feels.