Screen Shot 06-13-17 at 03.34 PM Here are some peonies from our garden! My mother didn’t want me to bring them in the house because they always have ants on them but we already have ants in the house anyway( ants in the summer, mice in the winter; it’s seasonal) and besides, I love peonies, and they remind me so much of my Babushka who had such a wonderful garden and would always cut me fresh flowers to take home. I also think I had another seizure during the night too as I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like someone was violently shaking the end of my bed but it ended up that it was me; it was my legs that were rigid, shaking, thumping, banging, and thrashing on the bed; my seizures are weird; they always start at the bottom( feet) and work their way up. I can’t be entirely sure, but I’m pretty sure that it was real and not a dream as it is imprinted as a very clear memory on my brain, but I also kept drifting in and out and I often have a hard time distinguishing if something really happened or if it was just a dream.

The other day driving back from the clinic I also saw something I love but haven;t seen in a long time: gladiolas! They were growing in someone’s garden and were a light pink/ white mix in colour, and I also got a phonecall from my doctor’s office; they want me to come in for a yearly BP check since I take meds for my high BP and said while I’m there I can also pick up a colon cancer screening kit and I’m to put a shit in a container for testing (I remember the vet doing this for my dogs testing for worms) and I either bring it back there or mail it off somewhere( can you imagine getting a turd, or even worse,diarrhrea, in the mail?) to be tested, and I wonder how  exactly I’m supposed to do it; I mean, do I scoop it out of the toilet with a spoon and then place it in the container….or do I somehow manage to actually shit into  the actual container, and how, exactly, am I expected to correctly aim without getting shit all over my hands……OMG…..I don’t know….I’ve never had to shit in a container before….

Funny as well: missionaries came by and the 18 YR old answered the door and she didn’t want to be mean to them but she didn’t want to be “recruited” either so she “sells” me out instead, telling them, My mother’s really religious! Maybe she’ll go to your church! and then she goes and takes a picture of Jesus off the wall and shows them and says, My mother really loves JesusIt was just soooo funny, and I felt really old yesterday,too: I was on the phone with a representative trying to activate an online account and he said he’ll “walk” me thru it as I remain on the phone but I said I’ll have to go try and let him know if it works and he was confused so I explained it( the computer) was in the other room (so he must have thought it was a laptop) and then he said to just bring the phone in with me and I said I can’t…’s attached to the wall! and there’s a moment of silence as he tries to process it and then he goes, Oh!

It was that moment. He was a young guy and he had just assumed that I had a cell phone that I could take around with me from room to room and that I had a laptop(and not a desktop) which is portable…..but no, I’m this middle-aged old woman who uses a desktop and still uses a land-line phone stuck to the wall…..I just felt so old at that moment, and so out of touch but it’s just that technology doesn’t like me  and it’s just so complicated and never works for me; I prefer the simple, less complicated things. I don’t like gadgets that are smarter than I am. I have such a hard time trying to figure out all this complex stuff and it makes my brain hurt.

My hubby is also a big fan of this Power of Positive Thinking crap to “cure” depression instead of medication but I just think it’s all a bunch of hooey; sometimes you need medication, and him saying to just cheer up, snap out of it, or think positive! mind over matter crap doesn’t work for depression; it’s like telling someone with cancer or diabetes to just Think Positive thoughts! and they’ll feel better, that being positive will cure them; they don’t need medication…..what a bunch of HORSE SHIT! He also likes to always scold me and berate me saying, You never listen! when in actual fact I do listen; I just don’t understand, and they’re entirely different  things. I don’t purposely do things wrong, mess up, not follow instructions, etc.. it’s just that with my Asperger’s I have trouble comprehending stuff, so I’ll listen and I’ll hear what you’re saying but I don’t always know what you mean, what you want, or what I’m supposed to do. I’m just stupid and I always do things wrong, and always need help with everything all the time, need to keep being re-told instructions, and nothing ever works for me and it just enrages my hubby who has zero tolerance for my stupidity or ineptitude.

The Flag.

NewfieFlag One of the neighbours has this flag flying on their front porch and I’d wondered what it was as I didn’t recognize the country and normally I’m really good with geography and know countries’ flags but this one had me stumped…..until I just happened to see it on the news the other day… turned out it’s the provincial flag of Newfoundland(so I guess they must be Newfies!) boy, am I dumb! I have to admit I don’t really know most of the provincial flags that well, other than Ontario, Quebec,and Nova Scotia. My hubby didn’t know what it was either,though(so I’m not the *only* dummy!) and if I was to fly a flag I’d probably fly the Jamaican flag for Bob Marley. (YRS ago I used to have the old Soviet flag in my bedroom back in the 80’s) They’re also considering changing part of the national anthem to accommodate Political Correctness changing “sons” to “us” to incl. women even though it’s understood to mean everyone, like how “mankind” means “humankind”. Political Correctness is just sooooo stupid it’s ridiculous,and,in fact, when I’d first heard about it I actually thought it was a joke!

As well, when my mother went out the front door she found a raccoon rifling thru the recycling box which surprised her as they normally don’t come out until it’s dark at night(maybe it slept in?) and the furnace guy came and took a photo of our A/C to be able to order the new part but my mother said if it’s too old(we had it put in 13 YRS ago when we bought the house) and they can’t FIND the part and we have to get a whole new unit that she won’t as we just don’t have the $$$$$ as it costs at least 5000$ so we’ll just be sweltering to death and die of heatstroke this summer…..and it’s supposed to be a *REALLY* hot one,too, 10 degrees hotter than normal! It figures! Just OUR “luck!”

I was also woken up at 5 am with a splitting headache unlike any I’ve had before; it was hard to define and I wondered if I was going to have an aneurysm or something(and maybe that’s how I’d even die?) and the 13 YR old was cleaning and found 50$, and one of my make up brushes mysteriously showed up back in the bathroom after it had disappeared,too, and one of the 20 YR old’s childhood friends is getting married on the weekend as well and I can still remember when she was just a little kid and now she’s all grown up and getting married so that really makes me feel old! It’s funny too the difference just a YR can make in someone’s life as well as last YR at this time she had her highschool prom and graduated highschool….and this YR at the same time now she’s finished her first YR of university and now she’s getting married! They’ve only been dating since December,too!

This Makes Me Feel Old.

OldiesStation I can’t believe in January I’ll be 49. I feel so old and ever since I was 45 I’ve been falling apart, having medical issues,and been on medication and/or have had surgery for such issues. I feel like an old broken down jalopy. Lately there have been many things that make me feel old as well such as:

  • Hearing songs I listened to in high school being played on the “Oldies” station
  •  Hearing songs I listened to in high school being referred to as “Classic” hits
  •  My kids have no idea who bands I grew up listening to like Van Halen, Ratt, or Twisted Sister even are
  • When sales people in stores call me “Ma’am”
  • Half my natural hair colour is now grey
  • Wrinkles, crow’s feet and bags under my eyes
  • Turkey neck and “Bingo wings”
  • Gaining 60 pounds since I was in my 20’s
  • Thinking it just seems like a few YRS ago that I had my first baby…..but he’ll be 26 in 2 months
  • When I hear “20 YRS ago” I think about the 1980’s
  • I have no idea how to use cell phones
  • They haven’t had any good music since the 80’s
  • My mother was my exact age when she became a grandmother for the first time
  • Old friends I went to school with are grandparents now
  • Kids my kids grew up with are now married
  • When I was the age our oldest is now I already had 3 kids
  • I’m shocked seeing photos of old friends today and how old they look and how much we’ve all aged
  • The last time I saw some cousins they were kids and now they have kids of their own
  • My grandparents and all my aunts and uncles that were a big part of my childhood are all dead now
  • It was 30 YRS ago I graduated high school but it just seems like it was a few YRS ago
  • I now have glasses and hearing aids
  • Actors I used to watch in those 80’s teen movies are now all in their 50’s
  • I’ve been with my hubby for more YRS of my life than I haven’t ( 27 YRS with VS 21 YRS without)
  • I’ve been homeschooling now for 24 YRS
  • In 2 YRS I will have been alive for half a century
  • My oldest kids are now old enough to have their own families
  • I may be starting menopause
  • I have to take 8 medications daily.

What Makes Me Feel Old.


Now I’m 47 I’m feeling really old. It started when I was 45 and all the medical problems began and I started falling apart, like a broken down old jalopy, so not only does my body feel old and decrepit I FEEL old too lately, esp. with certain things that remind me, such as:

– My kids’ friends getting married

– My school friends becoming grandparents

– Grey hair

– Wrinkles

– “Bingo Wings”

– Gaining 60 pounds since I was in my 20’s

– Old-looking hands

-Varicose veins on my legs

– Crows feet

– Turkey neck

– Muffin top

– Arthritis

– Bad knees

– Being on so many medications; I’m like a walking pharmacy

– High BP

– When store clerks call me “Ma’am”

– Reading the death notices in the paper and seeing people  I know

– Scanning the death notices in the paper (instead of the births) to see if there’s anyone I know

– Needing glasses because I can no longer read small print

– Needing the kids to open the child-proof bottles for me

– Boobs that hang down to my waist

– Aches and pains

– The knowledge that my older kids are now old enough to get married and be parents

– Hearing songs from my highschool days now being referred to as “Classics”

– Being the only one who has no desire for a cell phone

– Knowing what typewriters, Commmodore 64’s, Liquid Paper, VCR’s, Atari, Walkmans, etc. are

– Feeling that the 70’s and 80’s really don’t seem like that long ago

– Needing the muscle cream massaged into my aches and pains

– Being forgetful

– I’m too old to have babies anymore

– Remembering my older kids’ friends when they were little and now seeing them all grown up

– Realizing that I am now older than most of my teachers were when they were my teachers at the time

– Realizing my mother first became a grandmother at 48 and I’m already 47

– Realizing that my oldest child is now older than I was when I had him

– Feeling it wasn’t that long ago I graduated highschool even though it was 29 YRS ago

– Realizing that most of my relatives that were a big part of my childhood are all dead now

– Looking in the mirror

– Seeing now I’m older I look more like my own mother