Hemp Smoothie.


Screen Shot 10-30-17 at 03.07 PM When my newest order of cannabis oil arrived in the mail I also got a free sample of hemp powder protein so I tried it and put it in my smoothie with fruit, juice,and yogurt. You can’t really see by the photo here but it ended up turning the smoothie a gross diarrhrea green colour and it tastes like ass! At least I know what I won’t be ordering, not that I was going to but that stuff is really nasty, I mean it was gross!  I didn’t notice anything after I’d drank it either as far as how I felt although I did do a fart later on and it smelled like weed. In any case, I don’t recommend the hemp protein powder, it just ruins the entire smoothie.

Our furnace also wasn’t working and it was so cold in here so I checked it and the thermostat said it was only 64 F so I fiddled with it to try and lower the “expected” temp. so urge the furnace to come on but it still didn’t so we had to call the repairman. He came fairly quickly and he found the problem: the flooding in the basement due to the record rain we got Sunday ( 65 mm breaking the previous record of 19 mm in the 1950’s) seeped into part of the furnace at the bottom and somehow short-circuited the circuit board so he had to replace it and now we have heat again. It’s good we have that plan as well where we pay so much every year and all repairs, parts and service calls are covered and included in that plan, no matter the cost, which is good as this would have cost over 1000$ otherwise, 1000$ that we don’t have! So now the furnace guy also knows our little secret; we have now been publically outed and shamed as one of those people that already has their furnace on in October. Yes, we admit it; we’ve had the heat on. It’s been cold enough.

I also casually mentioned about tongue-f*cking jelly or cream-filled donuts, Twinkies, etc. and my hubby just gave me this really weird incredulous look and then it made me feel really weird and outcast but I can’t be the only one that does that; digs my tongue in there deep and roots it around to dig out the creamy or jam centre… my abdomenal pain’s also been bad for a whole week now and extra bad for the past 2 days and I’m nauseous at times,too, and on Sunday I had both plus I was really dizzy when I stood up and I had to grab onto a chair so I wouldn’t fall over so I wasn’t able to go to church this week and I felt really bad, but there’s no way I can walk and stand like that; I’d pass out, plus there was torrential rain I’d have to walk in; I just wasn’t up for it but now I feel guilty, like I’m playing hooky from school, like how I felt when I used to skip gym class.

I’m sad as well to hear that Henry the Hippo (Fiona’s father and Bibi’s mate) is really sick and most likely dying. He has some sort of infection and it’s shutting down his kidneys and he’s not responding to treatment. He’s 36 and Nile hippos generally live to be 35 so he is old but it’s still sad, esp. since he just recently was reunited with Fiona following months apart after her premature birth. It was nice to see the family together and now they will have a member missing soon.

Poor Henry. 😦

Update: I just heard that Henry the hippo has died. The Cincinnati Zoo has euthanized him. R.I.P Henry.


The Furnace.

Screen Shot 08-27-17 at 08.36 AM I still remember when I was a kid I was scared of the furnace at my grandparents’ house. It was similar to the one in the photo seen here. It was big and loud and scary. It rumbled and shook and made scary noises and it scared the shit out of me. It was like some sort of scary monster and I was scared to go down to the basement afraid that it would come to life and eat me. I wouldn’t even go down to the basement unless there was an adult with me I was so scared of the noisy terrifying furnace. It smelled bad too and I was convinced that it was out to get me. I even had nightmares about it. For some reason though I wasn’t afraid of the furnaces at my aunts and uncles houses, just at my grandparents. I guess they just had regular furnaces, not the scary kind. It makes me laugh now to remember it, and it’s funny the things you can still remember from your childhood.

I also remember the Lava Game where you place pillows on the floor and you have to hop from pillow to pillow and can’t touch the floor otherwise you fall in lava. My own kids play that same game,too, so it must be some sort of universal kid thing. I also thought I had rabid dogs living under my bed( a fear I developed because I actually really did see 2 rabid dogs in the school yard fighting during recess one day and there was blood all over the snow and it was scary and they called us to get back into the school early) and I had to turn the light off at one end of my room and quickly make a run for it and take a flying leap and jump into my bed from across the room and not stand next to it or else they’d grab me by my ankles and pull me under the bed. I also had an unusual fear of earthquakes and quicksand, likely from movies I’d seen. It’s funny the things that play on your mind and scare you when you’re a kid.

As well, a Facebook friend who lives in Texas got her house badly flooded with the hurricane and they lost everything; the water was as high as the toilet and it was everywhere and they got evacuated, and my hubby said he could finally drive me to church(after having to walk for the past 2 months but I still get tired and out of breath and prefer a ride if I can get one and don’t want to walk if I don’t have to) but then of course just before it was time for me to go he conveniently had to go out somewhere and left so I had to end up walking afterall, and he never even came to pick me up afterwards either, using the excuse he was going to, but I came home before he could…..yeah….right… we also had a guest priest this week and he had this nice French accent and even did part of the Mass in French which was kind of cool, and I realized too when I prayed to God to send me someone to show me love, compassion and kindness and to show me I’m worth loving that He already did: Jesus and Buddy! The 22 YR old also says it was a “waste” of $$$$ the oldest kids’ university degrees as their jobs have nothing to do with their degrees or the field they studied in but I don’t think that education is ever a waste.

The Cake.

Screen Shot 06-23-17 at 03.30 PM 001 This is the birthday cake the 16 YR old made herself (with help from the 14 YR old) for her party and dance later tonight. It took her pretty well all day. It’s a few layers and both vanilla and chocolate cake.  It’s going to be one epic party,too, and she’s going to have 16 guests as well as the 14 and 18 YR old, and will be serving a meat tray, veggie tray, cheese platter, fruit tray, melted chocolate fountain fondue to dip marshmallows in, pasta, mashed potatoes, meatballs, salad, chips, candy, pop, the cake,etc.. this is going to be one that goes down in history! She is a diva though and always has to do everything in grand style!

I also have bad cramps (I’m seriously too old for this shit anymore!) and I think “Aunt Flow” is coming, so far a week late, and I took a chance and ate that ham that might have been outdated(what can I say, I live on the edge) and shortly after I ate it my stomach felt sick so I guess it was really rotten afterall, and I also tried camel meat! The 18 YR old had some and it was in a meat patty on a bun with a sweet sauce and it was actually quite good! I also found out she’d taken the train to go to her BF’s graduation; that’s where she was when no one would tell me, and I have no problem with it; I just like to know where my kids are and who they’re with and plus there’s also the safety issue too; you need to know where they are and where to look in case something happens or they go missing. She’s also going back up to see him for Canada Day and they’re going to Ottawa for the 150th festivities.

Screen Shot 06-22-17 at 08.21 AM This is also my fave. photo of myself, taken 10 YRS ago when I was 40, 2 months after I’d had my youngest child. It’s actually the only one where I don’t look too bad so that’s why I like it. Usually I look so hideous I break the camera but in this one I don’t think I actually look half bad and for me that’s really saying alot .Usually I look like either a troll or a drag queen which is why I don’t generally take many photos of myself and hate seeing photos of me. If I were ever to go on a dating site this would be the photo I’d use, ha,ha..holy shit though I’ve really aged since then due to stress….oh, my God!. We also have had lots of rain lately, incl. a big storm last night that woke me up at 1:20 am, incl. more flooding again. I don’t think it’s ever going to stop….I think I’m going to have to start building an ark pretty soon…I’m so tired of all this rain!

My Past.

Screen Shot 05-08-17 at 09.06 AM We have all been conditioned by our past and our past affects our present and our future, be it for good or for bad, and the experiences we have had mould us into the person that we have become and in a way define who we are and how we relate to everything. I was thinking about this and how my own past dictates who I am and what I do even to this day, for example, due to my past I am very mistrustful, suspicious,and paranoid. I don’t trust anyone and I am very guarded, secretive, insulated, and private and I don’t “warm” to people easily or open up to people easily. I also am hesitant to believe people, I am very observant, notice slight detail, can sense danger or if something’s “off”, have this unnatural fear of getting shot, never sit with my back to the door, know how to pick locks, think that being convinced that someone(my hubby) trying to poison me isn’t really that unusual or surprising or unexpected, am always looking over my shoulder, always look to see if anyone is following me, never give my real address, always use a pseudonym, screen-name or alias, think nothing unusual about name changes or having several passports, assume it’s normal that everyone has relatives that are members of, let’s just say, nefarious organizations, don’t trust the authorities, hiding is my second-nature, etc… I have been “conditioned”  to certain things and living and surviving a certain way and it never really leaves you; it stays embedded into your mind and your psyche forever and just becomes a part of you that you just can’t leave behind, even if you try to move forward.

As well, the 21 YR old is up for a visit, when my mother fell asleep on the couch napping her breathing sounded like Darth Vader, evidence of flooding was everywhere going to Kingston, along the highways we could see it flooded in farmlands, fields, ditches, hoses running out of people’s homes to drain out their flooded basements, and roads were even closed due to flooding, and driving back home from the hospital on the highway we were caught in  a torrential rain storm, it was like driving in a blizzard, only rain instead of snow, and you couldn’t even see the car in front of you! It was brutal and intense!

It’s also the 13 YR old’s birthday today so she’s now 14,and we were hoping she wouldn’t have to spend it in the hospital but she’s still there, and she did the second half of her cognitive test and also did well, and we went over her “safety plan” for when she does come home, so she and us know what her stressors and triggers are and how to deal with them before they get out of hand, and the 15 YR old also came to visit her and they played board games but I just watched as I find them boring, and someone there said I have a Russian accent too and lots of people have told me that I have an accent but I don’t think I do, at least I don’t see it. The 14 YR old also says she wants to move; that she doesn’t like Bumble-F*ck (who can blame her?) because there’s nothing to do here and they don’t have the dance and drama classes like she wants and there’s so many rednecks and losers in this town, and on the way home I saw this car that had these cool purple tail lights,too, and if I had a car that’s what I’d get: purple tail lights on a pink SmartCar! Because I always have to be the different one that stands out from the crowd.

Screen Shot 05-08-17 at 09.58 AM 001 And for laughs here’s also a picture of my hubby goofing around at the mall with a mannequin.

The Little Dachshund.

Screen Shot 05-05-17 at 10.15 AM 001 When we got back from the hospital from visiting the 13 YR old I saw this on our outside windowsill on the veranda near the mailbox: a little Dachshund figurine…..but I have no idea where it came from or who left it there! It’s a mystery! Who left it there? Who gave it to us? I assume it must be one of the neighbours, but who,and why? It’s the sweetest little thing and a nice and kind thing to do but it’s a real mystery why and where it came from. My guess is maybe G.P. who died last night; another neighbour came over today and told me the news so perhaps she’d had someone give it to us saying, Give this to the lady with the Dachshund. I’m surprised if so though as I don’t really know her that well, she just always sees me going by as I’m walking Buddy and I wave at her and say hello but that’s it… I wonder if I’ll ever find out?

As well, we’re getting 70 mm more rain and it’s supposed to rain for the next 3 days and there’s flooding everywhere, and the other day after my weed I was looking at my new sunflower painting I bought and it “morphed” right before my very eyes and started taunting me heckling, I’m not really a sunflower, you know; I’m a marigold! You got the wrong painting! and it really freaked me out! Today is also the 15 YR old’s cheerleading competition in Toronto and also the 22 YR old’s jiu-jitsu competition, also in Toronto.

We also visited the 13 YR old and they gave her a day pass so we took her out to eat and to the bookstore. They went to Five Guys though and all they have is burgers and fries( gross) not even any chicken burgers so there was nothing for me to eat (so I just got a drink) and I was starving and my hubby wouldn’t bother to take me anywhere else to get food, not even just thru a drive-thru, and the 13 YR old had blood work done as well but everything came back as zero; zero potassium, zero hemoglobin, zero platelets…..which obviously is wrong, otherwise she’d be dead, so they had to do it again and re-do the tests and it all came back normal, and the nurse told us she’s very “guarded” and private as well and won’t open up and she told them she’s no longer suicidal but I don’t really believe it; I think she’s just telling them what they want to hear so they’ll let her out, and I hope that they’re smart enough not to fall for it,and I worry once she returns home, even though we’ve locked up all the medications and sharp things if she’s really determined to kill herself there are other ways and she’ll find a way and that just scares the hell out of me……

Flood Warning.

Flood  I heard on the radio that we have a FLOOD WARNING for this next upcoming week, that the river looks like it’s going to start overflowing due to all the excess rain we’ve had lately! Oh, shit, that’s not good, and our basement leaks every time it rains normally as it IS but if we end up having an honest-to-goodness REAL actual *flood* that will be a real disaster, and water is very destructive! I don’t even know if our insurance policy even covers flooding/water damage! I don’t even want to think about our furniture floating all  around our room, soggy carpets, fried electronics, having to relocate to a motel during repairs(like we did for 10 weeks after the fire) etc. I hope that it won’t be as bad as they predict…I don’t even want to THINK about it, and after all we’ve just been thru lately, we really don’t need ANOTHER stress in our lives, esp. not this soon, not right now!

The 18 YR old is home from the hospital and it was so sweet: as soon as he got home one of his friends came right over to visit him and she gave him a big hug, but my hubby is refusing to remove all the “sharpies” (exacto blades, etc) from his workshop like I’d suggested, saying if he wants to kill himself that badly he’ll find a way and we can’t stop him, yet we also DON’T have to make it “easy” for him,either, and have the “tools” right there easily accessible right at his disposal, and my mother said the 9 YR old’s not going back into his room ever again and staying in her bed with her for good now, fearful the 18 YR old might kill him, saying, “What if he’s delusional and thinks he’s a football or something and kicks him around? He could kill him!” I told her how ridiculous she was being and that he’s never been a danger to anyone but himself.She’s sooooo OBSESSED with him, it’s creepy!

My Jehovah’s Witness friend also came by for a visit and he said, “Your hair turned red!” as the last time he saw me I had the “salt and pepper” hair and I told him I dyed it as the grey made me feel old, and this weekend most of the kids are away, the 14 YR old at a cheerleading competition in Niagara Falls and the Cadets at an activity as well, and the 9 YR old was mad he lost a game and  he smacked himself and I laughed at the absurdity of it, I couldn’t help it; and then he goes, “You’re a terrible mother!”but it just came out! I notice as well my hubby no longer gives me a kiss hello, goodbye, or goodnight anymore now,either, and I don’t CARE, but I DO notice.My mother also  said she doesn’t even like the idea of me using marijuana at all even though it helps my migraines and I get the impression my family looks down on me and thinks less of me for doing so,too, although they’ve never thought much of me even before, either so I might as well just do what makes me happy and what’s best for me……

Pope Francis also came out with a new decree on families how we’re still not to condone the sins of divorce or same-sex “marriage” but we are to treat the people involved with compassion but that’s hardly anything new though; Jesus has been teaching that for over 2000 YRS, love thy neighbour; He didn’t say love thy neighbour except for the gays, except for the divorced, except for the single parents,etc… He always taught to show compassion towards ALL people…