Yesterday.

Screen Shot 08-09-16 at 03.56 PM Yesterday I got my passport photos taken, as seen here, also known as my mug shot. My old passport expires soon and I have to get a new one. Now we have a 10 YR option instead of the usual 5 YR one so I’ll be getting that even though it costs close to 200$ but it lasts longer and so  less hassle less often. The lady taking the photo had to keep re-doing it as it was soooo hot (32 C) and I kept sweating, with beads of sweat on my forehead, making a “glare” in the photo which they reject on passport photos as they’re sooooo picky, so she went over to the cosmetics counter and got me some blotting powder and a mirror and I went to work touching up my face to mask the shine. I felt like I was a model getting ready for my photo-shoot……except for the fact that I’m fugly, and I look like a man, and passport photos are notoriously hideous,and you can clearly see my turkey-neck….ugh… you’re not allowed to smile or show any facial expression,either, and have to look so stern, but as passport photos go I guess it turned out ok. It’s good you can’t see my hands though as with the heat and my fluid retention they’re so puffy my knuckles now look like dimples and my left lower leg and ankle’s all swollen,too.

I also went to the lab for blood work and even though I had booked an app’t online I was waiting…..and waiting….and waiting….and after forever I went back up to the reception and told them I’d had an app’t something like 25 minutes ago and did they “forget” about me, so they checked and somehow they’d misplaced my paper and it was mistakenly put in the wrong pile hidden underneath something so I kept waiting to be called and I never would have been had I not gone up and said something….and then when I finally WAS called in after that they said the test( for the aldosterone level) had to be done in the morning, 2 HRS after I get up and before 10 am( it was now around 1 pm) so I have to go BACK again another day and have it done……so I just had the other blood work done since I was already there.

It figures.

It was another one of those days. I have them ALOT. Why DO these things ALWAYS happen to ME? I am a living, walking, talking Murphy’s Law. I feel like a jinx.

Glungs.

Screen Shot 06-04-16 at 03.12 PM 001 When I was a little kid I used to call lungs “glungs.” I remember it always made my mother laugh. For the past 3 days now I’ve been having trouble with my “glungs”: several times a day momentarily my lungs feel tight,squeezing, and constricted, almost burning, like something’s sitting on my chest, sort of like how they felt during the fire and they were being starved for oxygen by the smoke, or how it feels when you’re underwater holding your breath for too long and it feels like they’re going to burst, and I’m short of breath. I have no idea what it might be, whether it’s just due to the heat and it affects my breathing, or if with my fluid retention(I’ve gained 10 MORE pounds since I last saw the doctor the end of April and  now weigh the most I *EVER* have, even more than when I was prego!) maybe I have fluid around my lungs now,too, or if my heart’s not pumping enough blood to circulate well and I’m oxygen deprived, or if I have a blood clot or something in my lungs,and later on I had this sharp pain on my right side,too……It will be interesting to see if anything comes of it or not….and so I wait and see…

As well, the 9 YR old has a rash all over his chest and back and I wonder if he picked up some of virus somewhere, like Roseola or Parvo virus or something, and we had a BBQ, and the 17 YR old spent the day at the beach with 11 of her friends, and I woke up with a bad headache for 3 days in a row as well awhile ago but then when I smoked weed it went away and hasn’t returned since; it seems weed really IS medicine for many things, and I was thinking,too: if there really is such a thing as “past lives” it might explain transgender people; perhaps they were the other gender in another life and part of it got “left over” in this life and they still feel it instead of it being “erased” like it was supposed to have been?

Yo-Yos.

YoYo Now the 14 and 18 YR olds are into doing tricks with yo-yos. They claim to be “Yo-yo connoisseurs ” and competing over who’s better and more skilled at it. I think the 18 YR old is but they can both do various tricks such as “Walk the dog”, “Around the World”, “The Cradle”, etc. My hubby can as well and like anything he knows how to do acts like he’s an expert, just like he also does for juggling, chess, etc.The 18 YR old whacked himself hard with the yo-yo as well so hard  I even heard the loud “thwack!” noise and from where I was sitting it looked like he got bonked in the head and then just 10 minutes later he went up to bed and fell asleep, worrying me he had a head injury so I went to rouse him to check and see if he was unconscious and I wanted to check his pupils to see if they were uneven or not( a sign of head injury from pressure on the brain if you have swelling or bleeding) and he told me to “Go fuck off!” so he was ok and then later he’d told me it was his nose that got hit, not his head afterall.

It was sooo foggy yesterday as well when I was out walking Buddy I couldn’t even see anything at the end of the street, and my friend P (from grade 6) and her boyfriend went to Costa Rica to celebrate her birthday( lucky!!)  my mother found us a new TV show to binge-watch now,too: “The Blacklist”, and my fluid retention’s getting SO bad now I’m gaining a pound a WEEK! Shit!

Ascites.

Ascites With my seriously swollen, distended, fat, bulging stomach( it looks like the one in the photo here) I look like I’m prego and I really wonder if I have ascites, which is a medical term for excessive fluid retention in the abdomen due to kidney, liver, or heart problems or certain cancers such as ovarian or colon, etc. I know for a fact that I DO have bad fluid retention in general( esp. in my legs and ankles) and I’m even on diuretics FOR it(and they’re NOT working; I’m still retaining fluid, and it’s so bad now that my fingers are so swollen my rings don’t fit) and my belly’s gotten so big my belly button even sticks out now,too,but I’m too embarrassed to mention it and show the doctors my fat belly(I look like a HIPPO!) and what if they say it’s NOT fluid; that I’m just a fat pig? I’d just be sooooo mortified! I’m pretty sure it IS ascites though because it feels hard like it would be with fluid,and fat would be soft and squishy…if it turns out it IS they can drain it by putting a big needle in and withdrawing litres of fluid although it does tend to just return but maybe they can put in a shunt?

As well, I found out our oldest didn’t pay off his student loan for 2 months and bought a new TV instead so it was charged to my hubby as he co-signed the loan and he was *FURIOUS*( who can blame him?) and it’s very irresponsible as you’re supposed to pay your debts FIRST and only *then* buy other things AFTER, and the 8 YR old always talks about killing Buddy and my hubby encourages him too and it really gets me upset because I love him and he’s my “soul mate” and best friend,and my hubby also made a smart remark about me listening to 70’s music but it brings back happy memories of my childhood and THAT’S the only happiness I HAVE, my memories,and he doesn’t even want me to have THAT and has to take that away from me,TOO! I also told them how when I die I want my ashes scattered along the beach in the Caribbean, a place I love and I was happy and he said he’ll scatter them in Nashville instead, the home of redneck country music that I despise, or put them in an hourglass to be used as a timer so I can still “nag” everyone from the grave and remind them to do everything even after I’m dead and gone, “It’s time for church!” “Do your school work!” “Put the garbage out!” “Don’t forget your app’t!” etc… ha, ha, very funny!

 

Remembrance Day.

WhitePoppies Today is Remembrance Day, a day to remember and honour  those that served and were lost in war, mainly WWI and WWII but ALSO in the military today and THAT’S what *I* have a problem with. I am anti-war and am only for peace. I DO understand the need, however, to DEFEND oneself from tyranny( such as the Nazis) and from invasion, but NOT to invade another country,and that’s what the military and the wars today are about; just because you don’t like the ruling party, the leader, their system of government or their policies, or to steal their resources and I DO NOT support that.

WhitePoppy(new) Modern-day wars(such as in Iraq and Afghanistan,for example) have been waged against countries that have never been a threat to us and therefore are unjustified. I think it’s wrong to glorify the military and to treat them like heroes when they slaughter innocent men,women,and children. Because of this I refuse to wear a red poppy or take part in Remembrance Day in protest. Instead I pray for the innocent VICTIMS of war, the innocent civilians that are killed,displaced, become refugees,etc.and I pray for peace. I don’t honour the oppressors, those who COMMIT the atrocities of war,nor do I promote, encourage, or support war or the military in any way.

WhitePoppy I happen to live in a VERY pro-military town and I think I must be the only one who doesn’t wear a poppy but that’s ok because I don’t define myself by what other people do and I’ve never been a “sheeple” that’s gone along with the crowd anyway. It almost seems to be an “obligation” of a sort to wear a poppy,too as EVERYONE is wearing them and even the news reporters on TV all wear them; it’s like it’s mandatory something, but it’s nothing more than nationalism and being pro-war and pro-military which I refuse. God commands us, “Thou shall not kill” and I take that Commandment very seriously. It doesn’t state “Thou shall not kill EXCEPT……”

As well, when I woke up this morning my fluid retention and swelling was so bad even my eyes were puffy and so much so they were almost swollen shut and my lips were even more blue, incl. the area around them now,too,and when I took Buddy out for his walks I always kept yawning, likely my body starved for oxygen and trying desperately to get more in; I seriously think it must be  heart failure( and I’m sooo tired lately as well and have no energy at all) and my grandmother died of a heart attack just before she turned 50 so there’s the genetic factor,too ……My mother snickered, “Well, if you do die by the time you’re 50 at least you’ll get what you wanted!”…..no “Oh, I hope not!” or “I hope you’re ok!” or something like that; I think she hopes I’ll die soon too!

I was also cleaning the area around my computer on my desk and the 21 YR old started filming it cackling, “Oh,look! She’s actually cleaning! She’s actually DOING something and helping out and being productive!” and the 14 YR old clucked how HER blog is “more popular” than mine and how she gets more views than I do…..why ARE they always so MEAN to me? My family sucks! I actually DO hope I die soon because I’m tired of living like THIS! I’m sick of always being treated like shit. I’m miserable and I hate my life.I’m ready.

“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupJuly2015 Catching up on things:

– A neighbour told me that the crazy rednecks were at it again a few days ago: she heard him beating the crap out of his girlfriend and her screaming bloody murder and then him yelling ,”I’m going to kill myself!” but the police never went over because it’s just them again but they should have no matter WHO it is; someone was getting beaten up! I can’t help but feel sorry for him though as he obviously needs help; he’s either got a drug problem or a mental illness as a normal person doesn’t go around acting like that.

– My mother got a notice in the mail saying there’s a parcel at the post office for her to pick up and it was a mystery what it might be as she never ordered anything…..but then I figured it out: the passes for the CNE( The “Ex”).

– The 13 and 16 YR olds go to camp today but my hubby will have “fun” trying to drop them off as streets will be blocked off as the torch for the stupid Pan Am Games is passing thru town around the same time so traffic will be affected, just as it is in Toronto where an entire highway lane is restricted, causing even more traffic congestion; all the stupid thing does is inconvenience the people that live there, and all for something that no one even gives a shit about; I saw on the news no one’s even buying tickets to it and they’re being sold at a discount.

– I still have the swelling with fluid retention in my left leg above my ankle and now both my legs feel achy and tired as well even though I haven’t done excessive walking or exercise that would explain it, so I wonder if it’s maybe a blood clot or something but like my mother says there’s no use in going to see my doctor since Dr’ Dipshit doesn’t know anything and won’t do anything anyway.

– When I was saying how dumb my doctor is the 20 YR old scoffed to me, “Are YOU any smarter?” and I said, “Yeah….actually, even a CHIMP is smarter than he is!”

– I feel badly for Greece with their financial crisis(and I know what it’s like to be in debt and in over your head and having a debt you can’t possibly pay) and no matter what they decide they’re screwed either way; if they decide to stay in the EU they’ll have even more austerity measures incl. higher taxes and pension cuts so people who have worked hard their entire lives will have nothing to live on, and if they opt out they’ll have to survive on their own and they’ll still be struggling financially….I wonder if they’ll end up bankrupt like Detroit? CAN an entire COUNTRY go bankrupt? Is that even possible? At least they’re having a referendum though and letting the people decide; it’s not forced upon them like it likely would be here,and I know you should be responsible and pay your debts but I can also understand that sometimes circumstances can get beyond your control,too. I’m just glad we went there when we did as now you have to bring cash. Greece is one of my fave. places and it hurts my heart that this is happening to them.

– I went to the corner store again and got my “staples” for snacking: bag of chips, BBQ peanuts,and chocolate bar and the thought occurred to me that the store clerks must think I’m some sort of pothead or something with the “munchies”.

-My mother and I went to a Chinese buffet for lunch but it was shit-less; that crappy Canadian-Chinese crap and not REAL Chinese food so  we left and went elsewhere; to a Japanese-Thai place where it’s authentic food! There really are only 2 good restaurants here in “Bumble-F*ck.”

Good News!

HappyFace Good news! I finally was able to rebook an app’t with the neurologist! I got an app’t for May! Remember how they’d told me I’d had an app’t that I’d missed even though no one ever even told me that I’d HAD an app’t in the first place? It had been 4 days since we’d called and left a message and they never called back and I was worried that they purposely ignoring and avoiding me, not wanting to rebook, and starting to accept that I was probably just S.O.L and that the pills for my headache were going to be as good as it gets as with no doctor anymore(as she’s retiring) I don’t have anyone(unless they can find someone to replace her) to be able to refer me to anyone else now,either, but we called them back again and got to talk to someone live this time and got to get another app’t and I’m so glad! It was weird what happened before too: instead of perhaps using our current phone number to contact me( that I presume my doctor gave them with the referral) they somehow checked at the hospital in the city an HR away(that I haven’t even been to in 6 YRS since I was prego)where he works  and got our old  number(which was actually my hubby’s old pager number) that we haven’t had in YRS, and used THAT one and left a message, so as it turned out they’d left a message about my app’t with a complete stranger, with whoever has that old number now.Duh. Now you’d THINK that they’d KNOW over YRS that people move and change their phone numbers,but oh, no, the stupidity here knows no bounds. In any case I’m just glad to finally have the app’t!

I also went to the lab and got my blood work done as the doc wants to check my kidneys.First I need it done for the MRI as the contrast dye is hard on them, and also because I’ve been on my headache meds for 6 mos and they can also affect kidney function,and my fluid retention and swelling and puffiness can be a sign of kidney trouble as well( as can my high BP .) With the higher dose of my BP meds I also lost another pound of fluid as it’s a diuretic,too, and my mother’s using her broken wrist to be even lazier than usual as well, to not do anything and to have people serve her and expecting me to pick up the slack and do all her work as well as mine but it’s just too much (and  too much work for one person); she can’t be expected to just  do nothing for 6 weeks and it’s not fair to me (when all she does is lay up in bed all day) and I’m expected to do everything all by myself. She was always lazy before and has been doing less and less all the time but now she’s REALLY been “milking” it and taking advantage of the situation!

I have a funny story about my hubby as well: he’s notorious for always losing everything and always forgetting everything but yesterday was the worst, even for him: he forgot one of the KIDS!! He’s lost and forgotten his cell phone, his pager, his keys, his wallet, his credit cards, his money,etc. but he even forgot  to pick up the 9 YR old after her sewing class! He had dropped off 3 of the kids at Cadets and was supposed to pick her up from her sewing class on the way back but he forgot and just came home after dropping them off and when he came in the door I called for her….and he goes,”Whoops! I have to go and get___________!” and turned around, closed the door, and left! I can’t believe he actually forgot her! I mean he always forgets things, but to forget PEOPLE? I’ll NEVER let him forget THIS one, that’s for sure!!