One Wish.

screen-shot-01-29-17-at-02-36-pm I  like to think that when you die everyone can leave one wish for the world. If so, mine would be love and peace and an end to hate and war and in doing so it would also end poverty, homelessness,and hunger because if you love people and care about people and see them as your friend instead of your enemy, as your brother instead of as an other, and love your neighbour like Jesus teaches us to do then naturally we will want well-being for all. That would be my wish that I’d wish for the world. As for my wish for my own family, I wish that they still keep going to church and homeschooling; that they don’t stop once I die, and I want to die listening to Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah and on a tropical beach feeling the sun on my face or cozy and warm in my bed with Buddy curled up next to me. Buddy was acting really weird yesterday,too; all last night he slept glued right next to my leg and all day he kept whining and pawing at my arm,and he even sat in front of me, barking and whining, as if he sensed something bad was going to happen, and he was by my side constantly, even more than usual, almost as if he were guarding me, so I wonder if he can sense that I’m going to have a seizure perhaps, or I’m even dying soon?

The 22 YR old’s GF goes back home to California today after 6 weeks here and she joked she should convert Muslim so they won’t let her back in(with Trump’s anti-Muslim policy, not letting people in from Muslim countries) even though she’s American and they’re letting their own people in,and if she actually said that they’d probably shoot her or something, or send her to Guantanamo Bay! The 13 YR old also said about Trump de-funding abortion( which is actually something good he did) it’ll make it “unsafe”….well, hate to tell ya,kid, but abortion’s never “safe”….spoiler alert: the baby always dies in the end,and if she means the mother, anyone who’s callous enough to kill an innocent baby , her own child,deserves whatever happens to her…’s called KARMA.

I also noticed how skinny the lady on the TV news was( and the camera adds  weight, so imagine how skinny she must be in real life?) so I yelled at the TV, “Wait until you have kids or until you’re in your 40’s! It won’t last so enjoy it now while you can!” and my  hubby snarled about my iPod to “turn off your stupid music” so I told him, “You’re stupid!” and then he got really mad and said I “take it personally” but it was personal; it was directed at something of mine, therefore a reflection of me, yet when I give it to him he can’t take it, and about Buddy he smirked, “Look up the definition of ‘dumb dog’ and you’ll see a picture of him!”( actually he’s quite smart) so I replied, “Who? Of you?” Whenever he hurts or insults me or someone I love  I don’t take it but I give it right back to him,and then he chortled about me “always blasting my big mouth off.” I don’t know why he thinks he can talk to me like that and treat me like that, belittling me and putting me down but whenever I say anything back he gets so mad. I guess that’s just the way abuse and bullying works.


screen-shot-01-28-17-at-08-54-am   I think every mother dreams of having a

little girl that they can dress up, love, and  be extra close to, a daughter where they will share a special bond, a close relationship, the kind of love so intense when you look at them you feel like your heart might burst. I was lucky enough to have that with the now 13 YR old when she was younger, before she grew up and got older and “out-grew” me and decided that she didn’t love me or need me anymore.

screen-shot-01-28-17-at-08-55-am I just love these photos of us when she was little. She was so loving, so cuddly, so clingy,and she followed me around like a dog. She was literally my shadow. She was just soooo affectionate,too, and always ready with a hug or a kiss, telling me how much she loved me and I felt like the Most Important Person In The World to her.Looking at them brings back happy memories.(can you see the love in her eyes?)

screen-shot-01-28-17-at-08-56-am We had special Cuddle Time every morning as she was waking up and every night as she was in bed getting ready to fall asleep. We had our own little fun jokes,skits,parodies, games, nick-names, inside-jokes, rituals, songs, inventions, secret codes, etc. and she knew that when she was afraid she could come to me and that if she was sad, or hurt, or worried, and I was always there to comfort her. She knew she didn’t have to be afraid to talk to me about anything.

screen-shot-01-28-17-at-08-57-am-001 Then suddenly one day she grew up and became a teenager and she began to withdraw from me and she no longer played our silly little games or confided anything in me anymore or told me she loved me, and, in fact, now she even hides things from me and lies right to my face, and you can forget about cuddling; no more hugging and kissing allowed; I’m not even allowed to touch her now, and she doesn’t really talk much,either, other than the occasional grunt passing by, or a toss of the hair or maybe a stomp or eye-roll.It feels like I’ve lost her.

really miss the way things used to be. I miss the closeness we used to have. It was never my  idea to lose it in the first place.still love her just as fiercely and just as strong as I always did.

I  mourn  it. I grieve it. I still keep hoping we can get it back again someday.It’s a deep, deep loss.I hope she’ll “out-grow” the not loving me and not needing me part someday.

As well, I also heard this cool name on the news : Boketsu Boekwa  and I just thought it was the coolest name ever, the way it just flows off your tongue, and so exotic and mysterious-sounding. I wish I had a cool name like that! My real name is very clearly ethnically European  and I do like  it, but it’s not exotic like Boketsu Boekwa! Maybe secretly in my head it can be my alter-ego or something…..ha,ha….the mysterious globe-trotter,and I was sickened to hear US Prez Trump has BANNED People from several mainly Muslim countries from coming to the USA, to immigrate and to travel, and this is clearly discrimination and reminds me of how Nazi Germany treated the Jews….maybe this can even be taken to the Human Rights Tribunal at the Hague, or something?

Pogue Mahone.

screen-shot-01-08-17-at-12-57-pm Did I ever tell you the story of where I got my screen-name Pogue Mahone from? I got it several YRS ago when I was in Dublin. It’s actually an Irish Gaelic phrase, pogmothoin, which means, kiss my arse. I thought it was just the funniest, most hilarious thing ever, plus it sounds like an actual name, and the oldest and I also collaborated and together we even invented this comical cartoon character we named Pogue Mahone that has an actual ass for a face,and I decided to use Pogue Mahone as my screen-name online, for this blog, for Facebook, etc. for anything where I want privacy, it’s my alias. I silently chuckle inside every time I use it because I know what it means yet very few other people do, unless, of course, they happen to be Irish, and I’ve had a few of them comment on it, saying they know what it means and it cracks them up, but others have no idea,and I even got a letter addressed to me once as , “Dear Ms. Mahone…..” It was the funniest thing ever.

So now you know.

As well I also have this weird headache for the past few days but it’s not a migraine, and I feel dizzy with it,too, and Tylenol won’t even get rid of it and I can’t quite figure out what it is, and I also feel light-headed, and I have an app’t with my doctor next week to have him check out the lesion on my back/shoulder that I highly suspect is a melanoma/skin cancer and I know that he won’t have any idea what it is( he can’t even tell his ass from a hole in the ground!) but will have to refer me on to a dermatologist but at least I’ll eventually find out.

It’s snowing yesterday and today as well and I like going for a  walk when it’s snowing, it’s like living in a snow-globe and there’s almost something magical about it, and I also heard the gov’t has banned the sale of menthol cigarettes now; more  Fascist Big Brother policies banning and regulating everything yet again, telling citizens what we can and can not do, and even in North Korea (which clearly is a dictatorship) they don’t ban or regulate cigarettes, and surprisingly even weed is legal there, too….so when your country starts banning stuff that even one of the most closed-off, secretive, brutal, suppressive,and harsh regimes allows freely then you know democracy is dead and you’re in trouble….

Canadian Values.

screen-shot-09-20-16-at-01-20-pm There is a politician here that hopes to run for leader of the Conservative party( and I’m not going to dignify the bigot by saying her name) and she has this assinine idea, which is eerily very similar to Donald Trump’s of “vetting” immigrants, that is, having them pass a “test”, or a questionnaire, where they have to answer in a certain way in order to be accepted and allowed into the country, as she calls it, to “prove” that they “share ” so-called “Canadian values”….which also happen to incl. abortion and same-sex ‘marriage!” which, of course, many people do not agree with, esp. those coming from the more conservative countries, esp. the Muslim ones, so this is really nothing more than a thinly-veiled way to “screen” for and keep out Muslims…and why…. because they don’t agree with baby-killing and sodomy? Give me a break!. Some ‘values!”

I think this is an awful idea, very discriminatory, very Big Brother, and also not very effective; afterall, people will just lie and tell them what they want to hear anyway, whether they actually believe it or not, they’ll just say whatever , to get into the country, so how is this supposed to work, exactly?  I would also think as well once the would-be immigrants find out how blatantly this country does embrace, encourage, glorify,and promote sin and immorality(as well as racism) that they’d change their minds and not want to come,afterall, knowing what they’re getting into, and would actually be better off staying where they are.

If they’re worried about keeping out terrorists, a stupid idea like this isn’t going to stop them,anyway; they’ll always find a way in, and in trying to keep out terrorists it shouldn’t also be at the expense of the honest and good immigrants that apply and such fear-mongering just creates division and an Us VS Them mentality that only angers and fuels the terrorists and their motives even more as it makes them and other cultures feel “outside” of society, like they are an “other” and not  welcomed, accepted, or assimilated, and giving in  to xenophobia, racism, and hatred and fear of foreigners  means that the terrorists win.


screen-shot-09-05-16-at-01-18-pm An American football player named Colin Kaepernick ( who I had never even heard of until now) had refused to stand for the American national anthem during a game and he was publically shamed, vilified, hated,slammed, called a “traitor” and “un-American” etc… He said it was an act of political protest, protesting a country that mistreats black people. Personally I agree with him; good for him, and he should have the freedom to do so, and I’m not such a fan of flag-waving and nationalism to begin with. I think the Americans make  way too much of a big deal with their flag worshipping anyway, and with such fervour it reminds me of North Korea or something and their staunch nationalism and devotion to their Dear Leader.

I have sort of done a silent protest in the same way with our national anthem as well. In church near Canada Day they always stand and sing the national anthem and I refuse to do so. I do stand, but I don’t sing it. I only stand instead of  remaining seated as I don’t want everyone to stare at me, but I refuse to sing it; I just stand there silently, in a defiant act of protest, not wanting to sing proudly pretending to support a country that in actual fact I hate. That would be hypocritical.

wynnenew Speaking of such merde, Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne prorogued Parliament and gave her Throne speech…..and I got all excited hoping she was going to announce her resignation…..but NO such luck! She has an 85% disapproval rating, and the Liberals also just suffered a crushing defeat in Scarborough in a by-election in a former long-held Liberal stronghold(ha,ha!). Everyone is tired of their lies, their corruption,their scandals, their shit. She’s just the female version of former Premier McGuinty. The Liberals are ALL the same; different faces, same shit.

As well, The second-oldest is going to TIFF ( Toronto International Film Festival) hoping to get a glimpse of some celebs, the 15 YR old asked me, “How come we have to go to church when we don’t  want to?” and I told her, “For your eternal soul!” and she goes, “Who  cares about my eternal soul?” and I replied, “God does!” My mother also said I’ve “always marched to the beat of my own drummer” and she meant it as an insult, but I took it as a compliment; I’ve always been unique, off-beat,funky, and a free spirit and don’t go along with the crowd.

When Buddy glanced at my mother she also glared at him until he turned away and cowered, saying, “Don’t you look at me!” and then grinned in satisfaction as he slinked away and when I said, “What are you, on some sort of power trip, or something?” she huffed, “You bet!” That woman is suchbitch I swear it took all of my restraint NOT to haul off and punch her right in her smug, smirking face! I also saw these old couple walking down the street holding hands and it was really sweet, and *I* wish I had a love like that,too; where you’re so in love that you’re still holding hands at 75 but the only love I get (other than from my dog) is in my fantasies and dreams.


How I See Myself.

Screen Shot 08-29-16 at 01.18 PM Being ugly has affected my self-esteem, or rather, lack of self-esteem. I don’t even like looking in the mirror and even when I try to look good it’s still a dismal failure. I hate what I see and I hate  myself for  being ugly,too, and whenever I see myself in the mirror or in photos I just want to destroy myself. I see myself looking as hideous as these photos I have posted here, that I found on a site about botched plastic surgery, making them look worse than before, grotesque-looking,and this is what I see and how I see myself.

Screen Shot 08-29-16 at 01.18 PM 001 Someone(I forgot who) told me once that I probably have Body Dismorphic Disorder, where I see flaws that aren’t there and see myself as ugly when I’m not, but I’ve been called ugly and been  told I’m ugly my entire life for a reason, and everyone can’t be wrong, and I have eyes; I can see, I *know* what I look like, and I look like a man in drag with my masculine features.If I don’t wear make-up I look like a dude, and if I  do then I look like a drag-queen, so I still can’t win!

Screen Shot 08-29-16 at 01.19 PM My friend T says that I’m “Too hard on myself” and I probably AM, but with good reason. There’s a reason  guys have never been attracted to me, never flirted with me, never “hit” on me, never approached me, and I had to settle for the first and one and only guy that ever showed any interest; neither of us could do any better. Being ugly really sucks.

Screen Shot 08-29-16 at 01.19 PM 001 I am no better-looking than the ones in these photos. I think I look hideous, actually, and no convincing will make me think otherwise, not that anyone would ever try to convince me though, because it’s the truth. It’s really  hard being ugly though, and it complicates life and limits choices and opportunities that I would have otherwise had if I had been more attractive.

Screen Shot 09-01-16 at 12.57 PM As well, something sort of neat happened: I sent a message to Dieufaite Charles(seen here) telling him that I saw him perform at the CNE and I loved it…..and he actually replied,and said he really appreciated  my support and encouragement! His name actually means “God Does” in French,too. I also read an unflattering article about Mother Teresa, that she’s not  actually the wonderful person that we all think she is and now I feel all disillusioned and I wish I hadn’t known that and wish I had never found out, and PM Trudeau is in China,too, and he lectured the Chinese about “human rights abuses” but he’s such a  hypocrite when here in this country you can’t speak out against homosexuality or you get charged with a “hate crime”(no “free speech”)and look at how badly the Native People are being treated! The Chinese should be lecturing him on human rights abuses HERE!

I also had the *BEST* orgasm of my entire  LIFE after I’d smoked weed! OMG it was mind-blowing I literally saw stars; it took me to an whole new level and all I could think of was, “Holy shit!!” It was incredible and I never knew being high “magnified” it so much! My hubby also insulted me and said I “should be a sloth instead of a hippo” and my mother chased Buddy away again as he tried to go in the kitchen to get a drink and when I said she was mean and scares him she snickered, “Good, and proud  of it,too!” Why is she such a  bitch? When they insult me and I get mad they blame me too saying *I* “can’t take a joke” and “don’t have a sense of humour” but it’s NOT a “joke” and it’s NOT “funny”; it’s mean-spirited and they  know it! My toxic family sucks. I’m ugly on the outside, but they’re ugly on the inside.



Hate Speech?

Screen Shot 08-14-16 at 07.27 PM I’m following this story in the news about a man that’s going to be charged with “hate speech” and a “hate crime” which can result in a heavy fine and/or jail time. His “crime?” Simply for speaking Bible truth about homosexuality. In fact, he wasn’t being hateful in any way, but merely stated what the Bible says on the matter, that homosexuality is a sin, that gays cannot inherit God’s Kingdom,and stated a medical fact that gays are at highest risk for contracting AIDS and that homosexuality should not be taught in schools. These factual statements have apparantly been considered “hate speech” according to our Big Brother Police State gov’t who will not tolerate anyone critical of the gay agenda, even though the gay agenda always cries for tolerance for themselves but they will not tolerate anyone else’s views or beliefs esp. if they are opposing.They don’t want  to hear the truth.

The gov’t continues to pander to the gay agenda and award them special rights, laws, protections,and privileges. For instance, they decreed that now on the new health cards  and driver’s licenses will now no longer have genders displayed on them in favour of transgendered people, but the problem in that is that is causes undue hardship for everyone else, as we need gov’t  ID such as that WITH gender shown on it to apply for a passport, for example, so it’s tyranny of the minority, just to appease a few that like to play dress-up it infringes on the rights of the majority….but of course the gov’t either never thought of that….or didn’t care. Even clergy such as priests, ministers, rabbis, and imans are fined with “hate speech” and “hate crimes” for preaching to their congregations that homosexuality is a sin and now must do so basically in secret, much like how religious services used to be held “underground” under Soviet rule in Russia.

I certainly agree that real genuine hate crimes against the gay community( or ANY group for that matter) are wrong and should be appropriately dealt with, such as vandalizing their homes, bullying them, beating them up, gay bashing, job discrimination, and the like,but  it’s NOT “hate speech” or a “hate crime” to simply *disagree* with them or their lifestyle or to preach Bible truths, and what if we were to substitute the word “gays” with “pedophiles”, why would there be a difference? Being a pedophile is just an “alternate lifestyle” we could say, or that pedophiles can’t help it, either, they were “born that way” and their lifestyle should also be accepted and embraced, or we could also say the same thing about people that commit incest, polygamy, or bestiality; what’s really the difference between them and gays? They’re all sexual deviations and unnatural and against God’s natural laws,yet WHY is homosexuality accepted and seen as “normal” and embraced yet the others are not? These groups could say the same thing and demand the same rights, protections and status that the gays enjoy, and hey, give them a pride parade,too while you’re at it, because when you get right down to it, there is no difference, yet it IS accepted by society to condemn a pedophile for example and call him a sick pervert and for society to be repulsed by his behaviour, but not so towards a homosexual and there is back-lash against those that do. Why? Why the distinction and who makes that call? To God they are all equally sinful.

As well, homosexuality is now also being promoted, encouraged, glorified, and embraced  not only in the society as a whole, but also being taught and pushed onto students in school, it’s being promoted as “cool”, “trendy” , “normal’ and acceptable, and kids as well as society are drinking the Kool-Aid so to speak, being brainwashed into thinking this perversion is normal and ok  and they think that this is “progress?” Can you have imagined this some 30 YRS ago? Once you start with one group it’s also just a matter of time before others are affected,too, so in time pedophiles and others will eventually be seen as “normal” and “acceptable”,too, just give it another 20-30 YRS or so.  While I certainly agree that all people should have rights and dignity and that no one should be set apart, bullied, or discriminated, I also don’t think sin should be actively promoted  by society, the State, or in the school system, nor should it be a “crime” to speak out against it. So much for freedom of speech. This is censorship and Fascism as well as religious persecution.Canada sucks and it’s only getting worse!! Same-sex “marriage” is legal…..yeah, and slavery was legal once,too, it doesn’t make it right. God’s laws are higher than man’s.


Canada Sucks!

Can1 Pretty soon we will lose even more of our privacy, rights, and freedoms if the gov’t passes the new Bill C -51 anti-terror legislation where anyone defined as a “terrorist” can be detained indefinitely without charge and and all they have to do is redefine “terrorist” and anyone who disagrees with the gov’t, who is a dissident or a protester can be labelled with the “magic word” and be charged and have their rights violated, also violating the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. They are using the fear-mongering tactics of the threat of terrorism to take away our freedom and rights.

Can2 Pretty soon someone like me will be labelled a “terrorist” because I hate the gov’t. If the authorities come across my blog I could be arrested and jailed for speaking out against the gov’t. We will no longer have the right of peaceful assembly or protest, or speaking out against the gov’t. without fear of being labelled a terrorist and arrested. Off to the Gulag with anyone who doesn’t tow the Party line. The gov’t, police, and CSIS( the spy agency) will have increased and unlimited unchecked powers to intrude upon our personal lives and curtail our rights and freedom.

Welcome to the New World Order.

I Cry For Sammy.

Sam It really bothers me what happened to 18 YR old Sammy Yatim. In fact, I even had nightmares about him last night. A few days ago he was shot and killed by a policeman while brandishing a knife on a Toronto streetcar and the entire thing was captured on cell phone video. He was shot NINE TIMES and then tazered afterwards. He was down after the first shot but the cop still continued to shoot him and then proceeded to tazer him after. It was brutal, excessive, extreme, and uncalled for. No one deserves to die like that, and police are only to draw their guns as a last resort, and are only then to shoot to neutralize the threat(like shoot someone in the leg) and not to aim to kill, and shooting someone 9 times is overkill no matter how you look at it. They are supposed to negotiate in a situation like this, bring in a crisis counsellor and talk the suspect down, and then to apprehend and arrest him, NOT kill him in a hail of bullets. There ARE other tactics they could have used to neutralize him as well, such as tossing a tear gas cannister into the streetcar(where he was already contained and alone) yet there was never ANY attempt to talk him down, calm him, reason with him, find out what was troubling him, talk to him, or negotiate; they just said to drop the knife and when he didn’t they just begun shooting all within a couple of minutes time.

There were many witnesses at the scene who said that as he held up the knife he ordered the other passengers OFF the streetcar, showing he never intended to harm anyone and he was left alone on the streetcar when the police arrived and as such was never a threat to public safety and therefore it was never justifiable to shoot and kill him; it’s not like he had a gun to a hostage’s head or something and there was no other choice. It was just him alone in there with the knife. He also appeared agitated, crazed and “out” of it, which his family and friends say is out of character for him, so perhaps he was even having a breakdown, beginning to show signs of a mental illness (such as Schizophrenia perhaps, which often doesn’t begin to appear until the late teens or early 20’s) or was high on something, but it wasn’t his usual behaviour. They say he wasn’t an “angel” (and his father had kicked him out for smoking marijuana and he was living at a friend’s at the time he was killed, and he always carried a knife for protection) but those that knew him said he was a “good kid”, that he was “sweet”, a “kind person”, “wouldn’t hurt anyone” and that he didn’t deserve what happened to him.

News reports also said he moved to Canada from Syria 5 YRS ago with his father and younger sister when his parents divorced and his mother remained in Syria but he didn’t like it here and wanted to go back. He spent every summer there and missed his family, his friends, his homeland, and his old life. He didn’t like Canada and he didn’t like living here or want to live here ( I can understand that!) and despite the civil war in Syria he wanted to return but his mother wouldn’t let him as she didn’t feel it was safe. Ironically they moved here for a “better” life and to “escape” the violence, but  he would have been better off staying in Syria; at least he’d still be alive( and he’d  have been happier) and that says alot about how MUCH it sucks HERE if he’d  STILL rather live in SYRIA with the war than stay here, and it makes me wonder,too: if he was that miserable: did he perhaps WANT to die? So-called “suicide by cop?” I mean, why else didn’t he drop the knife when they told him to? He must have KNOWN they might have shot him if not….is that maybe what he wanted all along? That’s just so sad, but even if so, it still doesn’t justify what they did, using excessive and unnecessary force like that, but because they’re cops 9/10 chance they’ll get away with it. They usually do. Police abuses and brutality is a BIG problem here and they almost always get off.

Tuesday night there was a vigil and protest for Sammy and THOUSANDS of people showed up, spilling onto the streets with signs and shouting, confronting the police, outraged at what happened, and wanting justice and to hold the police accountable and now the cop that killed him is the Most Hated Person in the country right now. It’s become this big movement, like people wanting to take the city back, crying for justice and answers, tired of unchecked police power, not wanting a crime like this to ever be repeated,and Sammy’s funeral is today,too, a young life tragically cut short and a grieving family that has lost a son when there could have been another way.


Sammy is being cremated so his mother can take him back with her to Syria. It’s nice to see he’s finally going back like he wanted…..but too bad it had to be like this.

Kony 2012.

 This is Joseph Kony, a warlord in Uganda.He is guilty of child exploitation, kidnapping, trafficking, abuse, slavery,and forcing into  child soldiers. The Kony 2012 is  a viral  campaign to draw attention, with the hopes of publically exposing him and bringing him to justice as unless people know what goes on, nothing can be done. Recently the guy responsible for the campaign was found publically naked and masturbating and although this is shocking and disturbing it still shouldn’t detract from the message, which is a good one and I for one hope he is caught and held accountable for his atrocities along with others like him.


As well, now the 10 YR old barfed in HER bed overnight and is now sick as well and my hubby doesn’t feel well either and his wisdom tooth is bothering him now(like mine did last YR and I had an infection and got it pulled out) but he’s already used up his employee dental insurance quota  for the YR already! He refused to help me with my piece of shit computer too(I am doing this blog entry on one of the kids’ computers and may not be able to post my “Thought for the day” daily post as I don’t have access to my photo files) and the keyboard sucks and the space bar sticks and it’s  taking me twice as long! He refused as I was “yelling and freaking out”(sick of everything always going wrong and no one helps me; just blames me and makes fun of me) and then I was crying in frustration and he screamed “Oh, grow up!” and “I have to get AWAY from you!” He’s such an asshole!I swear, marrying him is one my biggest regrets; I wish I never even MET him!

I also have fever blisters all over my arm from the sun and my sunburned head is all peeling now,too,and the 17  YR old sleeps naked and I saw his bare ass when I went in his room to drop off his clean laundry( so I threw a blanket over him and shielded my eyes!) and church was decorated for St.Patrick’s day yesterday with shamrocks, an important day in the church and for the Irish,and I think it’s so insulting and disrespectful that most people just use it as an excuse to drink; poor St.Patrick must be soooo offended and be turning in his grave to see his feast day being abused like that!