screen-shot-01-28-17-at-08-54-am   I think every mother dreams of having a

little girl that they can dress up, love, and  be extra close to, a daughter where they will share a special bond, a close relationship, the kind of love so intense when you look at them you feel like your heart might burst. I was lucky enough to have that with the now 13 YR old when she was younger, before she grew up and got older and “out-grew” me and decided that she didn’t love me or need me anymore.

screen-shot-01-28-17-at-08-55-am I just love these photos of us when she was little. She was so loving, so cuddly, so clingy,and she followed me around like a dog. She was literally my shadow. She was just soooo affectionate,too, and always ready with a hug or a kiss, telling me how much she loved me and I felt like the Most Important Person In The World to her.Looking at them brings back happy memories.(can you see the love in her eyes?)

screen-shot-01-28-17-at-08-56-am We had special Cuddle Time every morning as she was waking up and every night as she was in bed getting ready to fall asleep. We had our own little fun jokes,skits,parodies, games, nick-names, inside-jokes, rituals, songs, inventions, secret codes, etc. and she knew that when she was afraid she could come to me and that if she was sad, or hurt, or worried, and I was always there to comfort her. She knew she didn’t have to be afraid to talk to me about anything.

screen-shot-01-28-17-at-08-57-am-001 Then suddenly one day she grew up and became a teenager and she began to withdraw from me and she no longer played our silly little games or confided anything in me anymore or told me she loved me, and, in fact, now she even hides things from me and lies right to my face, and you can forget about cuddling; no more hugging and kissing allowed; I’m not even allowed to touch her now, and she doesn’t really talk much,either, other than the occasional grunt passing by, or a toss of the hair or maybe a stomp or eye-roll.It feels like I’ve lost her.

really miss the way things used to be. I miss the closeness we used to have. It was never my  idea to lose it in the first place.still love her just as fiercely and just as strong as I always did.

I  mourn  it. I grieve it. I still keep hoping we can get it back again someday.It’s a deep, deep loss.I hope she’ll “out-grow” the not loving me and not needing me part someday.

As well, I also heard this cool name on the news : Boketsu Boekwa  and I just thought it was the coolest name ever, the way it just flows off your tongue, and so exotic and mysterious-sounding. I wish I had a cool name like that! My real name is very clearly ethnically European  and I do like  it, but it’s not exotic like Boketsu Boekwa! Maybe secretly in my head it can be my alter-ego or something…..ha,ha….the mysterious globe-trotter,and I was sickened to hear US Prez Trump has BANNED People from several mainly Muslim countries from coming to the USA, to immigrate and to travel, and this is clearly discrimination and reminds me of how Nazi Germany treated the Jews….maybe this can even be taken to the Human Rights Tribunal at the Hague, or something?

Je Ne Suis Pas Charlie.

CharlieHebdo Like everyone else, I am horrified over the terrorist attack in Paris on the Charlie Hebdo magazine staff. I will never condone violence or terrorism, and I will always defend freedom of speech, however  when I saw with my own eyes exactly WHAT the cartoons were like that the satirical magazine does on a regular basis it does cross the line and I can understand why people are offended and find it insulting; they are NOT just light humour, in fact, it’s not even funny but rather very graphic, and extremely crude, vulgar, crass, and disrespectful to religion, not only to Islam but to others as well , such as the Muslim prophet Muhammed’s balls being cut off, him being raped anally, vulgar images of the Pope, the image I have shown here( although cropped to censor out the more graphic parts) of the Holy Trinity, showing the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in a sort of Congo line, butt- f*cking eachother.

It is forbidden in Islam to have images of any of their holy prophets, not only Muhammed but also Jesus, Moses, Abraham, etc. so any drawing, statue, etc. is considered to be disrespectful and an idol, and no one likes to be made fun of or insulted but then when you add insult to injury by blaspheming things people hold sacred in their beliefs by making vulgar images of them and mocking them that’s just going TOO far, beyond the bounds of decency  and is just in poor taste and when you cross the line like that you have to expect negative feedback and accept the consequences.

With freedom of speech also comes responsibility and respect. The Americans get enraged if someone burns their flag, for example.Muslims and Christians are hurt when the Koran and the Bible are burned. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un was insulted when the plot for the movie “The Interview” depicted him assassinated. You might have the right to say what you want but then you must also expect that others also have the right to get upset and react to it. I don’t condone the attack on the magazine staff(there is never any justification for terrorism) and violence is never the answer but I also think they should tone down on their vulgar depictions of people’s religions and stop making fun of people. People don’t like being made fun of; believe me, I know, and there IS such a thing as going too far and “pushing the envelope.”

Now the reaction to the whole thing is just begetting even more hate and violence and it only increases an anti-Muslim backlash with mosques being attacked and more Islamophobia so it just becomes vicious circle of hate, attacks, and counter-attacks, and it never ends. You can’t blame an entire group for the actions of some extremists; it’s just like saying that all Germans in the 1940’s were Nazis or that all Irish are IRA. People are now standing in solidarity for free speech( a good thing) and saying “Je suis Charlie” ( I am Charlie) but I say “Je ne suis pas Charlie”( I am not Charlie) because even though I do support free speech I do NOT support hate, religious discrimination,and making fun of people( which is just a form of bullying) which is what Charlie Hebdo has a habit of doing(and even worse under the guise of free speech). I support the victims of the shootings but not the vulgar and crude cartoons that the magazine publishes or the hatred that it portrays. How is that “tolerance” and “free” speech while insulting others and denying them their rights of religious freedom free from persecution and mockery?

I Don’t Get It…..

CaptainPicard I just don’t get it why people hate, discriminate against, pick on, and bully others because they…..

– have black skin

– have brown skin

-wear glasses

-are handicapped

– wear braces

– stutter

– are Oriental

– have an accent

-are fat

– are skinny

– are tall

– are short

– are religious

– are gay

-are different

-look different

– are smart

-are dumb

– are immigrants

– are poor

– have red hair

– aren’t popular

-are ugly


It’s one thing I will never understand. I just don’t get it. It doesn’t make any sense. What’s the big deal? Everyone’s different! Why are people so mean? What’s wrong with some people?

Stupidity At It’s Finest.

Window The workmen are back next door again after not being there for 2 weeks. Now they’re starting to put in new windows, which arrived last Thursday. Now normally you’d measure the window frame BEFORE you get the windows, to make sure you have the right size( even I know they come in all different sizes) but no, not these guys ( because everyone here in “Bumble- F*ck” is half-assed) they measured the windows AFTER,and of course they were the wrong size and didn’t fit the windows they got, so now they’re making the window frames bigger,enlarging the hole, to fit the windows!  I can honestly say I have NEVER seen such stupidity, ineptitude and incompetence until I moved to this town! They have taken it to a whole new level! I mean, NO ONE here is professional or knows what they’re doing; they’re all a bunch of dumb rednecks and are ass-backwards and have to keep re-doing everything because they always get it wrong the first time. No WONDER everything always takes so long to get done here! The stupidity of the people here never ceases to amaze me!!

The 18 YR old also called me an “asshole” accusing me of “bending” his job application which HE left on the table the kids do their school work on and I moved it out of the way to protect it so it WOULDN’T get lost or thrown out so if anyone’s the asshole it’s HIM for leaving it there instead of putting it somewhere safe, such as up on his shelf, my mother yelled at the 10 YR old when she stopped playing a game with the 6 YR old even though HE was being a brat, cheating,and calling her names so she left, and as always my hubby never said anything or stood up to her for meddling as usual; he’s a spineless wimp and she’s a real piece of work. He also bit into a sunflower seed shell and lost a filling and now his tooth constantly hurts and he’s seeing the dentist later on today.

Another “Christian” Facebook friend  from USA was attacking Muslims again and when I said that radicals and extremists  aren’t exclusive to any ONE religion  and that you can’t hate and blame an entire religion, race, country, or group for SOME bad ones everyone attacked me, but sadly Americans in the past were taught that Russia was the “enemy” and to hate Russians and now they’re taught ever since 9/11 that Muslims are the “enemy” and to hate them now and it’s just so sad, all this hate. I’m just so sick and tired of it all.They’re just brainwashed and indoctrinated to hate. It said on the news as well one of the terrorists in the attack in Kenya is a home-grown Canadian and that in the attack on the gas plant in Algeria awhile back the Canadian terrorist was one of the leaders,too, but when the gov’t was asked about it they refused to discuss it( as always) denying it like usual, and a dog had surgery that cost 5000$ which I think is an awful waste of $$$$; think of how much better use it could have gone to help human need instead, such as to the food bank, the homeless shelter, or to help refugees; instead of wasted on a DOG, and a report saying if there were life on other planets(which I seriously doubt) what message would you send to the “aliens” and I’d tell them,”Stay far, far, away; human beings are NOT peaceful!”