Shuhada Davitt.

Screenshot_846 Irish singer Sinead O’Connor (who has always been one of my faves) has now converted to Islam and changed her name to Shuhada Davitt! When I first heard the news I felt happy and thought to myself, I hope she’s found what she’s looking for and she’s happy. She and I sort of live similar, parallel lives(all except for the part where she’s famous, rich,and talented and I’m not) as we both have shaved heads, both suffer from bipolar and both have toxic abusive families that treat us like shit, and have both struggled with suicide attempts. I was saddened to see though all the hate and just horrible online comments and reaction people have to her conversion though, just really mean awful things, from calling her names, calling her “crazy”, saying she has to go and get fitted for her suicide vest, etc. and the like.

I was happy for her when I heard the news, happy she had found her way along her spiritual journey and people recoil in revulsion, What would she do that for? I just think she was searching for something spiritually, trying to get closer to God and this was the path she chose, so as long as she’s happy, so what?Muslims still worship the same God, so what’s the problem? I think there are many paths to God, not just one truth. Even my mother (who is known for her acid-tongue and cruel, hurtful comments) even said in response, If they don’t have anything nice to say they shouldn’t say anything at all! In any case, I hope it works well for her and that she finds the peace, happiness and connection to God she’s been looking for and just ignores the haters and just considers where it comes from, it just sucks that people always have to be so horrible and mean though. People suck!

As well, now they’re saying we might even get snow tomorrow,  possibly even 5-10 cm, and my friend A (from Ottawa) and his wife and new baby (now almost 4 months old already!) are in Taiwan visiting her family, and it’s funny too how that’s his first baby and he’s just starting out on his journey into parenthood and I’m finishing off mine; we’re at opposite ends of the spectrum, and my mother said the 19 YR old said she might try to come visit for Christmas afterall! Ooooh, I sure hope so and it would be nice for her to visit her siblings again too and for as much of the family to be back together again as possible.

Today is also my hubby’s birthday; he’s 55, and his birthday(and Father’s Day) are always hard days for me to get thru emotionally as well as the kids always fawn all over him and make such a big deal over it(and they even make home-made cards for him too but they refuse to for me, making it very clear that they like him and delight in rubbing it in my face that I’m not liked or a wanted or celebrated person in this family, which hurts) whereas my birthday and Mother’s Day is practically overlooked, and it feels more like a glaring reminder even more so of how much I don’t belong, don’t fit in and am not welcome here in my own home.

I also forgot I had food cooking in the oven until my mother goes, Do I smell French fries? and then I was like, Uh,oh…. I forgot I had them in the oven! and I quickly ran into the kitchen to check on them and they were pretty well done but luckily not burned yet! I’m like an old woman with dementia; I put things on the stove and forget about it and it’s not the first time I’ve done it,either. My mind is just….going…going…gone. I have dreams alot as well I visit Heaven in my sleep and visit relatives who have died and I also have the impression that I’m preparing to go on a journey as well, so I wonder if maybe I’m dying soon? Maybe that’s how it’s preparing me and getting me ready?

Ethnic Festival And The ER.

Screen Shot 07-09-17 at 03.11 PM I went to a local ethnic festival where they had 11 food vendors from various countries and I got Tibetan momos and noodles. They had less vendors selling wares than they usually do though but on the way home I stopped off shopping and found this ring( pictured here) I’d wanted for a long time and even better,too: I got it 61% off! Woo-hoo! I also got a pair of funky shorts(since I lost 42 pounds and have none that fit this summer) at American Eagle that are denim with different colours, rips and frayed.I always buy men’s shorts as with my wide girth they fit better plus they tend to be longer than the women’s which are always way too short and slutty  and show your ass-cheeks hanging out.I didn’t get a photo of the shorts though as my iPod was full and it wouldn’t let me take any more photos and I can’t figure out how to delete stuff because I’m dumb like that and have to get the 10 YR old to help me. As he was scrolling thru my photos he saw some of me and he remarked, You’re so ugly!” too to which I replied, I know… and I know it’s true but it still made my heart sad even so because kids are honest and they tell the truth and point out the obvious in a not-so-tactful way but tends to hurts people’s feelings.

My mother also went to the ER as her BP was really low, it was 87/58(normal is 120/80) and she was dizzy. She was scared she was going to die esp. as it kept steadily dropping thru the day but I figured she was probably just dehydrated or something, perhaps even due to her diuretic , but they did an x-ray, ECG,and bloodwork and it all came back ok, she just has a slight fever so they think she’s coming down with something and gave her a prescription for Tamiflu, which cost 50$ and she has no coverage for meds, either! If it were me, I think I’d rather have the Flu than pay 50$! I could tell she was really nervous, scared,and worried, too, and I offered her some of my weed and told her, You won’t have any anxiety or worry for a few hours…. but she declined. Even though we don’t get along I still don’t want her to die, but she’s turning 76 tomorrow and every now and then the thought does cross my mind because she is getting “up” there and it’s a real possibility any time now even though I don’t want to think about it……

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This is also the cool glass hippo the 22 YR old brought me back from California. He said he found it at an antique shop. Isn’t it neat? I heard a gunshot outside my bedroom window last night as well and it freaked out poor Buddy who was shaking and scared and ran and hid under the bed and I was trying to comfort him, It’s just a gunshot,don’t worry, you’re ok… and then realized what I’d said, just a gunshot…. as if it were no big thing….sadly this is the world we now live in… and I made up a new word,too: forkage: we can never find clean forks so when there are clean ones in the utensil drawer I exclaim, We have forkage!  The 16 YR old also painted Buddy’s nails a bright pink so now the poor dog won’t be able to show his face in public.

In church yesterday I got sudden cramps and diarrhrea as well and barely made it to the bathroom on time, and it bothered me how the priest was saying that any religion other than ours is “false” religion, incl. Islam and even Prostestantism, even though they’re even fellow Christians, and he said that even if family members and other loved ones have “certain lifestyles” incl. being gay or joining another religion that even though we continue to love them that doesn’t mean that we agree with them, support them, condone them, or approve, and I would never disown my kids for being gay or be upset if they went to another church(I’m upset if they don’t go to any church at all), and I  don’t believe that there’s only one true religion to the exclusion of all others, and I think that God accepts anyone of good faith and that there are many paths to God(and when you get right down to it, the Bible says that the Jews are actually God’s chosen people) .The Islamic Society also had an info booth at the ethnic festival to teach and inform people the truth about their religion( other religions did as well) which I think is a good idea as people fear what they don’t understand and there are alot of misconceptions out there, such as people wrongly thinking they’re all terrorists when in actual fact it’s just a few extremists(and the media)that unfortunately make them all look bad, just like the pedophile priests; they’re just a small minority, something like just 1-2% but they give them all a bad name, and that’s not fair.

The Gospel Of Barnabas.

GospelOfBarnabas I read an interesting news article about The Gospel Of Barnabas. There are already 2 known ones already in existance, but in 2000 there was another one that’s been discovered, or at least what experts are claiming they think is another Gospel Of Barnabas, similar to how the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered. Now, Barnabas was an earlier disciple of Jesus. This latest text they found is dated as 1500 YRS old and was found in Turkey, seized from thieves that had stolen antiquities and is on leather pages written in gold in Aramaic, which was the ancient language Jesus spoke but is a dead language today except for a small village in Syria. This latest text is valued at something like 28 MILLION $$$$!

The contents claim that Jesus was, in fact, NOT crucified, but, like his mother Mary and the prophet Elijah, ascended up into Heaven alive. and that He was not the Son of God but rather a prophet, that Paul was deceived and a “false” apostle, that Judas was crucified in Jesus’ place, and foresaw the Muslim prophet Muhammad 700 YRS before the founding of Islam. The problem with all this, of course, is the implications it would have on Christianity if it turns out to be true; the entire faith and it’s foundations and core beliefs( founded on the premise that Jesus is God’s Son, the Saviour and Messiah and that He was crucified and resurrected  from the dead and died for our sins) would utterly collapse, so skeptics were quick to say that it was all just a big old Muslim lie; that some Muslim just wrote it to try and validate their religion as the true one( since it backs up the Koran and  Islam’s core beliefs) as you can only imagine the Muslims cheering, “I TOLD you so! We were right!”….except the problem with that is that experts have dated it as 700 YRS BEFORE Islam was even founded……so….

People are now scrambling, trying to find answers, decrying it HAS to be a hoax, a forgery, a fraud, but on the other hand experts are saying it looks authentic,too, but either way, so much depends on it,and the Vatican desperately wants to see it for themselves to inspect it, but what I want to know is it’s been 14 YRS since it’s been discovered; you’d think we’d have heard more about it,esp. since if it does turn out to be legit the implications will be catastrophic , so perhaps they’re purposely not saying much, keeping it hidden and under wraps and it will be interesting to see too what will happen if it does turn out to be authentic; what will they DO? Will they expose it as truth….despite the fall out….or hide the truth?

It’s one of those things that makes you go, “Hmmmmmmm…..”

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As well, my mother is being her usual stubborn self again: she said she’s unusually tired, dizzy and off-balance; staggering around like a drunken sailor, and says that she feels that “something’s not right” and that she “doesn’t feel right” and then made a comment about  watch her have an aneurysm or something….so I told her if she’s that concerned that she should go and get checked out,and that if she doesn’t feel “right” that it could be her body’s way of telling her that something’s wrong and she should go to the hospital to be sure….but she won’t.She just went up to bed.Now I’m worried she’ll go to sleep and never wake up. The last time she was really sick she refused to get checked and I begged her to and she waited like 3 weeks until she couldn’t catch her breath and finally went and it turned out she had bronchitis. She’s just SO stubborn and just because *I* suggest something she automatically discounts it and rejects it and refuses.