Screenshot_882 The joint I ordered from the official gov’t cannabis site finally arrived! It took almost 2 weeks….and it ended up being this piddly tiny little thing, smaller than my little finger, and with taxes and shipping it costs a whopping 16 $ for just the one! I got ripped-off! I feel so cheated and it came in this big long tube(seen here) too and made me think I was getting this Big Fatty…..and then when you see the small dinky little thing inside….almost half of it filter…(kind of “fancy” though as I’ve never had a joint with a filter before but even so, it’s like getting a bag of chips and it’s half full of air). Disappointment didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. It was like when I was a kid and I sent away for those Sea Monkeys at the back of a comic book and eagerly awaited their arrival only to find they didn’t work and all I got was a bunch of cloudy water.

Never again. I’m still sticking with my regular supplier. I should have known anything from the gov’t would be over-priced, a rip-off, half-assed and take forever. They started off ripping off the Native people and now they rip-off everyone else, too, and now with legalized weed they have just simply found yet another way to cheat us, rip us off and over-charge us somehow. I’m so mad and now I hate this country even more than I already did before and should send them a nasty scathing complaint letter. Maybe I should even send a shit bomb to Parliament Hill?

The only good thing was that whatever rolling paper they used was slow-burning so at least I got to slowly enjoy it. Originally I was going to save it for an emergency, but I’m never too good at saving things; whenever I get something new, esp. a treat, whether it’s a donut, a new magazine, a joint, or whatever, I can rarely contain my excitement and enthusiasm and I end up eating/reading/using/doing it right away; I can’t wait and I can’t save it, and besides, it was a bad day and I needed to de-stress.There’s just something extra relaxing about laying back and taking long slow drags off a joint and blowing out the smoke and just enjoying the moment, like a little temporary escape from the chaos of life. I had such a bad day as well I really needed an escape. When I came inside the 24 YR old quipped, as the smell of weed wafted past, Is Snoop Dogg in the house?

When the guys were out they forgot the yogurt for the 15 YR old(again!) and ever since her eating disorder I still have to meticuously make sure she gets enough to eat and all the right nutrients at the right times and the right amounts and monitor her intake  to try and prevent a relapse, and they went out again and I told them to be back at 6 pm for dinner and of course they never bothered and didn’t return until hours later,disregarding me yet again, and they also got me the wrong wrap too so I never had lunch, and then the 17 YR old was really mouthy, insulting,name-calling disrespectful, nasty, defiant and talking back and being a bitch(I’m being abused by my kids, too!!) when I told her to do something and she refused and basically bragged I have no authrotity over her and I can’t make her do anything and of course my hubby agreed and backed her up and then he starts ripping into me that  never shut up and keep going on and on about everything all the time, and repeating myself even though no one ever listens or hears me and I have no voice or say and I’m never heard. Maybe if they actually took the time to listen  what I have to say(and do what they’re told!) the first time I wouldn’t have to.

I also had the thought cross my mind, being just so fed up with my family, my life, being so unhappy for so long and not seeing any hope or improvement or any end to it, Why wait until Buddy dies (he is my best friend, my joy, and my lifeline and without him I have nothing left to live for, to keep me going) to kill myself? Why not just do it now? What am I waiting for? but then I figured, Then I lose and they win. That’s what they want.

A Loch Ne Bred Na He.

Bong(newest) I had this weird dream where I was sitting around a table with a bunch of other people and we were toasting this guy, sort of like a “He’s a good fellow!” thing and we were all saying, “A loch ne bred na he!” I distinctly remember it when I woke up in the middle of the night; it was very clear on my mind and so I wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget and I was sure that it must mean *something* although in actual fact I have no idea what. It sounds Gaelic to me and it’s been on my mind all day and I wonder what it’s supposed to signify(if anything) and mean.

I also bought a new bong( seen in the photo here) as my old one no longer works anymore; it lost suction so I cleaned it with a Q-Tip, taking it apart and such but to no avail, even inhaling so hard I could suck a golf ball thru a garden hose(and I shouldn’t normally have to inhale THAT deeply) and the water still wasn’t bubbling and there was no vapour or smoke. At the time I was in a “pinch” however and just grabbed a piece of paper I had laying around and rolled a Big Fatty as I had this HORRIBLE headache I was desperate to get rid of, and it was my first attempt so it was sloppy but functional and later I went out and bought proper rolling paper so I can roll half-way decent joints and I got the new bong as well, so I’ll have both options.

BadGyal I saw this on Facebook as well and I love it; it describes me perfectly. My hubby also stopped “siphoning” off 20$ a week from me now as a “punishment” for having a dog against his wishes; he’s been doing it for 18 months now and got 2000$ off me and now said I “Officially” own my dog now….but Buddy’s MORE than worth it; all the joy, love, companionship,and light he brings into my life and you can’t put a price on happiness and love! The kids are also going to Connecticut for March Break later this month with Cadets .

“Aunt Flow” showed up,too, a week early again(I get it every 3 weeks now!),and I HATE Spironolactone; it’s screwed up my cycle, made my boobs bigger ( now TWICE the size they were after the surgery) made me gain weight,given me abdomenal cramps and headaches, and I’m STILL retaining the excess fluid as well and my hair grows slower now,too, so I’m going to go off it and have the doc switch me to something else to lower my aldosterone that doesn’t have all these unpleasant side-effects, and the 18 YR old said when he saw the dermatologist he was mean and insulted him,too, saying his pimples were “gross” and his was “the worst case he’d ever seen”. So much for being tactful and professional! I guess the only reason he can get away with being such a dick and still have patients is because he’s the only dermatologist around. I remember once when I was a teen a doctor insulted me,too, telling me I was “ugly” and scolding me for biting my nails and “having too ‘many’ problems.” She was a real bitch.

Bong VS. Joints.

BongVSJoint I tried out my new bong and I have to say that I actually prefer it over joints! At first I inhaled so deeply though I think I must have seared my lungs and it was alot stronger than I had expected and I almost burned my thumb on the lighter as I was lighting the “bud” but I liked that it didn’t leave that strong “after-taste” in my mouth afterwards like it does with the joints and no stink on my fingers either, and less stench in my room! I also liked the funny noise of the way the water bubbled in the bong and how you get a vapour and a suction and the big puff of smoke you get. This way my dealer also doesn’t have to go thru the trouble of rolling the joints for me anymore now,either; he can just give it to me in a baggie.(I know, I’m considerate that way) My oldest gave me some “pot” as an early birthday gift(to use in my new bong) as well. Isn’t he thoughtful? So, given a preference, I prefer the bong over joints even though both equally serve the same purpose in eliminating my migraines. I still can’t believe I actually DO this though; there used to be a time where I thought marijuana was REALLY BAD, like hard-core,akin to cocaine or heroin, but now see how main-stream it really is and beneficial medically.

As well, when the boys go over to the oldest’s friend’s house( the one who is also my dealer) my hubby says they’re taking part in “nefarious activities”(and I have also since discovered some of the kids do certain things I didn’t think they’ve done and it’s not really  that I’m disappointed, but rather shocked as I didn’t know them the way I thought I did)and the oldest said when he tried to get a taxi to the airport when he was coming here the cabbie was hesitant when he first saw him,too, and stepped back in fear, telling him he “thought he was ISIS”, saying he looked like a terrorist, wearing a hoodie and all black and having a bit of a beard!(What, did he think he had a bomb strapped to his chest, or something?) Going thru security at the airport they made him power up his laptop as well to make sure that it really WAS a laptop and not a bomb as it’s such an old decrepit piece of shit they didn’t believe that it was actually a computer!

The kids also went to the store and bought over 30$ worth of glow-sticks and had a “Rave” in the house, turning off all the lights and blaring Rave music, and I was saddended to hear my friend from grade 8’s brother( who is 5 YRS older than me) has cancer and he’s been thru chemo, radiation, stem-cell transplant and has had a heart attack and will be undergoing by-pass surgery. I remember back in the day having a crush on him when I was 15. The poor guy.


High In the past 3 weeks or so I’ve been smoking the reefer for my migraines I haven’t had a single migraine! I wasn’t getting “high” however, but the past 2 times I THINK it might have started to work(maybe my body just had to get “used” to it or find out what to do?): my pupils dilated and my eyes were bloodshot. It lasted for about an HR and the first time I spent the entire HR staring at my bloodshot eyes in the mirror and stroking my hair and then I got really hungry and went downstairs and made a sandwich! It was 12 HRS or so after I had last taken my anti-depressants in the morning(and before I took my bedtime one) so that might have something to do with it; maybe they interfere and react with eachother and one has to be out of my system for the “high” to “work?”

The second time was the same as the first except I wasn’t hungry that time and I laid on my bed and listened to music and watched the patterns on my wallpaper. Everything was also more “clear” and 3D ,sort of like when you put on 3D glasses and watch a movie in 3D. It was so funny as well as the smell was wafting out of my bedroom and the 17 YR old goes, “It smells like weed!” and I nonchalantly passed it off as “It must be my insense!” and he snorted, “RIGHT!” and then passing by in the hallway the 21 YR old said, “Do you smell that awful smell’ that SKUNK outside?” and I just laughed my ass off and went back to my room. Later on my hubby also complained to me, “Your room REEKS; it smells PUTRID!” They also call the Reggae I love “Stoner Music” and my oldest affectionately calls me a “Pothead.”


As well, the kids ruined the Christmas tree; I had a “theme” only putting up certain ornaments and then they came along and added others,and my hubby said they “wanted to be a part of Christmas”…..even though they HAVEN’T bothered to help me decorate OR dismantle the tree in 2 YRS yet NOW they decide to?Why, just to wreck my creation? I also realized that with his long beard that Santa looks like an old Amishman,and my hubby has REALLY over-done the outdoor Christmas lights on the house this YR; it reminds me of Clark Griswold’s from that National Lampoon movie “Christmas Vacation.” There’s so many it’s downright tacky and gaudy(or as the French would say, “Tres gauche!”)and we’ll likely blow out the electric power in the entire street!

I also realized that the 17 YR old almost died( and God SAVED him!) 4 TIMES: before he was born when I had the massive hemmorage( so bad it even soaked thru my mattress,and I still have the stain) at birth when he wasn’t breathing and he had to be resussitated, when he had leukemia,and then his recent suicide attempt. His Guardian Angel must have a hard job and be so stressed and should win Guardian Angel of the YR award,and probably wonders what he did to deserve such a difficult assignment and the 17 YR old is like a cat; he has 9 lives! It’s obviously NOT his “time” and God must have a plan for him…

We had our first SNOW yesterday,too, a light “dusting!”