Seventeen.

Screenshot_797 I saw this recent issue of Seventeen magazine laying around the house, it obviously belongs to the 17 YR old and I picked it up and looked thru it as it brought back nostalgic memories for me as I used to read the exact same magazine when I was a teen,too! I can still remember my friend A and I in grade 10 reading them during lunch break, and we were even under-age,too; we weren’t even 17 yet! I used to like reading about the fashion and make-up and I was curious to see if much has changed since I used to read it back in the 1980’s. I was also glad to see that it’s still around. I wonder if they still even have the Tiger Beat fangirl magazines that I used to read when I was 12 and 13? I remember taking the posters of the hunks out and plastering them all over my bedroom wall.

I was surpsied how much smaller it is now compared to then; I remember it being twice as thick, although it was mostly all ads so I can’t say that I miss that, and I was surprised to see the cover as it looked like something right out of the 80’s with the model with her hair and clothes, it looks like an issue I could have read in 1983, with her hair styled the way it is, racoon-eyes  and thick eyebrows, and with the style of jeans, the checkered shirt and the pastel sweater and scarf, the same style we wore back then. It was like when I picked up the magazine I was transported back to my teen years again. It was pretty much the same as what I remembered, and it brought me back to that time and I can still remember when A and I would see a pair of shoes, for example,like the cool running shoes, and swoon over them wishing we could buy them here, or the funky clothes, but we never could as they weren’t ever available in this country, not even in Toronto, as we’re always lagging behind and I could only finally get them when I went to L.A. such as the funky multi shades of blue denim overalls with all the pockets and zippers, and,of course, the shoes!

I have to say it was nice seeing it again as it brought back happy memories of a good time. I can’t believe it’s been 35 years or so since then, time goes by so fast and I still feel the same as I did then; I haven’t changed much at all; I’m still the same person who likes the same things I did then(except for the weed thing) and I’m still the same young person on the inside that I always was,  and still with the same wicked sense of humour,you just can’t tell from the outside,and even though the outside is all broken and falling apart and my youth is gone now, my inside is still young and I still feel like a teenager in my mind even though my body tells me different.

As well, the second-oldest has only been living in Vancouver for 2 months now and someone already stole her bike and yet she lived in Windsor all during university, 3 YRS working in Japan and a few YRS living in Toronto and it never got stolen….I guess it’s true then what the stats say, about Vancouver having the highest crime rate in the country, which I have to say surprised me as I would have thought it was Toronto or Montreal. The 19 YR old(who’s studying journalism) also is now managing editor of her campus newspaper, and the 11 YR old is preparing for his Confirmation next spring.

Moving Day.

Movers

For the past 4 nights I’ve have my old recurring dream (that I’ve had for years, although not days in a row like this, just every now and then) that I move back to my old Toronto house. Even though I only lived there for 5 years, from age 12-17, of all the houses I’ve ever lived in ( at least 13, maybe more) that house has always been my fave. and the one that I most feel was my home. In my dream my mother and I and Buddy move back there and it’s the same it was as when we moved out in 1984, the same wallpaper, carpeting,etc. and I’m trying to figure out where to put the furniture and the stuff on the walls, etc. and in last night’s “episode” it seemed so real I didn’t even realize that it was a dream and in the dream I remember saying to myself, I’ve had recurring dreams about moving back to my old house for years,and now here I am! I’ve always wonder what, if anything, it means and symbolizes though; is it just happy memories of a place I felt safe, at home, protected from the world, my sanctuary,  and just happy times I wish I could go back to, or is there something more, perhaps meaning I’m going to die soon, symbolizing that I’m going Home soon, as in to Heaven, like how that old Toronto house symbolizes my home…..

Speaking of moving, in the latest dreams there’s also an extra addition to it as well where my mother booked with the moving company to get our stuff and move it to the old house and she signed a contract with the moving date but they never showed up and each day goes by I keep hoping and waiting it’s moving day but they never show up and it never is even though they said Friday….and I keep waiting and waiting, desperate to move back but the movers never show up….. they also sold that house beside D’s old house that was up for over 400 000$ and it didn’t take that long to sell,either, and it must be to out-of-towners as the rednecks in this town couldn’t afford it, and that’s what this town is; mostly run-down cheap aluminum siding houses with the odd nice big old house thrown in here and there, and everyone puts their toilet paper rolls on the wrong way too, with it rubbing along down the wall, and talk low-class in double-negatives too, revealing their obvious lack of education, such as I a’int seen nothin’, I never said nothin’, is that one of them weiner dogs? etc. It just makes my skin crawl. Everyone also wears these plaid flannel shirts and look like farmers and even the women drive pick up trucks!

We still don’t know yet if Patti’s dog is prego or not but the vet says not likely since Buddy’s 12 and likely has a low sperm count but I think he’s up for it; I don’t think he “shoots blanks” and I think he’ll show them and prove them wrong; he’s got what it takes, and the 18 YR old for one of her journalism interviews for school had to go to a redneck hockey game! Poor her! She must have got the short straw when it came to assignments, but she also gets good assignments,too, like reviewing live theatre performances and interviewing famous people.My hubby was also 3 days late giving us our $$$ for the month and he brushed it off saying we don’t need it now and I told him We needed it 3 days ago! and he either just doesn’t see how much we struggle financially or he’s in denial, or just doesn’t want to step up, but it’s so bad that we couldn’t even give the kids their allowances until he paid us and we’re so poor now too my mother wants to get a haircut(and needs one) but has to let her hair grow out long because she just doesn’t have the $$$$$. She doesn’t even have the $$$$ for a haircut.

My mother also asked if anyone at church mentioned my Buzz-cut but what are they going to say, like, Oh, my God, you’re bald! What happened? No, they never said anything and they never even stared, but it’s church and they’ve seen me bald many times before so it’s no big deal. I saw this old guy there too, likely near 70 with this much younger woman, 30-40 years younger than him so then in my mind I was wondering, I wonder if that’s his daughter or his girlfriend? so then I tried to guess based on their body language and other clues and I noticed he had a sharp hairstyle and was dressed dapper incl. sunglasses and was looking good, like he was trying to impress someone so I figured she must be his girlfriend and then he put his arm around her and gently rubbed her back…..so, ok…..I guess that answers it, she’s not his daughter! 😀  My father-in-law also had a birthday and he’s now 85. Wow….I sure hope I don’t live that long. It’s depressing even thinking about it.

Not A Loser.

Screen Shot 04-12-17 at 07.36 PM Guess who’s not such a loser?(not that we ever thought that she was!) the 17 YR old announced as she triumphantly breezed into the room….she was accepted into the hard-to-get-in to writing course in Ottawa, the one she had to write the essays for the exam at University Of Ottawa! They said it would take 2 weeks to find out but they contacted her in just a week and said she’s been accepted; this is the one where she got 92 % and 95 % on her exams! Eeeeee! She’s just beyond thrilled, esp. after all the other universities had rejected her and she would have been feeling really down and discouraged, but this was the one that really mattered, that she most wanted, the writing/ journalism program, but that was also the hardest to get in to….but she did it! God had allowed all the other rejections first because this was the one she was meant for and that was waiting for her. She starts in the fall and will be moving back to Ottawa , and living there again, where she was born and lived until she was about 4.CONGRATS!

As well, my mother didn’t want me to have any of the chicken strips she’d picked up fresh at the grocery and said they’re for the people that don’t like subs, but I told her,  help pay for the groceries so I’m having chicken strips!  I picked up 2 pieces and left….and that was that. After I’d had my weed I also couldn’t remember whether or not I’d eaten my dinner yet and I was trying to figure out if I had but I deduced that I wasn’t hungry so either I had already eaten or either that or else I wasn’t hungry and in either case I didn’t need to eat either way. Weed is funny that way.When I’m high it sometimes reminds me of Mr. Bean!

I also experienced the definition of utter disppointment: I got The Munchies after my weed and I got this intense craving for a certain kind of ice cream and I knew we had it in the freezer so I eagerly anticipated it and went to grab some….but someone had eaten it and it was all gone and not there anymore…words couldn’t even begin to describe how….crestfallen I felt at that moment. It was truly a sad, tragic, and pathetic sight to behold.

The girls also somehow convinced the 10 YR old that if he uses the pink Wii U remote that he will “turn” gay and he refuses to use it, even when all the other controllers were missing with only that one left, and he wails, It’s for girls and I don’t want to turn gay! I told him that was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard and that it doesn’t work that way but he wasn’t having any of it and acted like it had cooties or something! I also heard someone said they love being prego as they love the connection and you never feel alone and that summed it up perfectly for me,too,I love being prego,too, and that’s what it’s always been about for me; wanting that connection, wanting to be loved,wanting to feel close to someone, a bond, not wanting to feel so alone….. that’s why I’m so grateful for my dog. He’s given me love and companionship like no other and no one else ever has ♥