Colleen.

LongWavyRedHair I had this dream that my “next” self I’m going to have long beautiful wavy red hair, be Irish,and my name’s going to be Colleen. That is either going to be my “next life” or else it was a life I’ve already had, but it seemed to indicate in the future rather than in the past. It might also be a “parallel” life that I’m living simultanously along with this one at the same time or perhaps my “new” self in Heaven. In any case, she’s happy,pretty, and she has a life filled with happiness, love,and a loving family, and marries the man she loves, and has the life I’ve always wanted. I also had another dream that was quite the opposite: that what I assume must have been a “past” life I had a twin sister named Stephanie and when I was still a kid I was jealous that she was the favourite and got all of the attention so one day I pushed her off a balcony on purpose and she died, so that way I’d be the only child left and would get all the attention. I was an evil child, and that’s why I’m suffering so much now and have so much misery, unhappiness, trauma, crisis, trials, misfortune, etc. in my life now; as a punishment/ karma for what I did then.

I also have this recurring dream that I go back to L.A. and in the dream it implies that I also move back there although in real life I never would( although I still would go there on vacation; it’s a nice place to visit, just not to live due to the crime) so I figure it must symbolize something else, perhaps going back to my past, or reliving happy moments, as it was nice all the times I’ve been there before we actually ended up moving over there. I also had this “reveal” that I’m going to die on Friday, the 29th of June, although that still remains to be seen. Sometimes dreams are just dreams and that’s it, but other times they have significance and meaning and other times they are even warnings and show you ahead of time things that are going to happen later on, sort of like a preview, usually bad things you need to prepare for, like how I knew years before we were going to have the fire, due to my recurring dreams about it and I knew one of the kids had leukemia because I was told in a dream. God still uses dreams to speak to His people. All you have to do is listen.

In church yesterday I was also talking to Fr. T and he was asking if we have a moving date yet and when I told him the dilemma, how houses where we’re going to cost way more than what we’d get selling our house and we’d have to take out a mortgage he said the prices there are ridiculous and outrageous and that it doesn’t make sense to do that and pay more, esssentially to go backwards and struggle financially, and that my hubby should just do the 2 HR commute each way each day from here and that there are other people in the parish that do it and when I said he doesn’t want to he shook his head and muttered, Stubborn man…. I told him I’m just leaving the situation with God and asking Him to guide, lead,and direct us where He wants us to go and what He wants us to do; to show us what His plan is for our lives.

Family Day And A Birthday!

buffet Yesterday was Family Day and today is Buddy’s birthday. He’s 12 now and for his presents I gave him a chewy and extra meat. Yesterday we went out to eat for lunch but everyone couldn’t all agree on the same place; some wanted Chinese food and others wanted pizza so we ended up splitting up into 2 groups and some of us went to the Chinese buffet and others to Pizza Hut. I went to the buffet as well as the 14 YR old, my mother, the 23 YR old and his GF. My mother was wearing her shirt inside-out as well and was clueless; I was the only one that noticed it; seams and tag clearly visible on the outside and even when I told her she didn’t care and still never went to fix it in the bathroom. I wore my weed shirt and the 23 YR old’s GF said she likes it, unlike my hubby who always makes disparaging comments about it and refuses to be seen out in public with me if I wear it while out with him. Neither the 14 or 16 YR olds wanted to come either, or at least not with our family; I can see that but free food is free food and I’ve been looking forward to the buffet for over a week!

My mother also threatened me to stop buying so “much” weed and to stop spending or she’s going to go to the bank and cancel my credit card! Once again, she likes to hold $$$$ over people for power and control. I need that card; I’ve had one ever since I was 16 and there are many things you can only buy using a credit card, such as my weed or anything online! If she did that to me I’d be so beyond mad I don’t know what I’d do…My hubby, the 10, 14, and 16 YR olds were also being mean to Buddy (just to upset me) calling him “ugly”, saying he’s “ugly” and that they hope Buddy dies soon and when the 16 YR old walked by and saw Buddy laying in his bed resting she snarked You’re so lazy, just like your owner! meaning me. I honestly don’t know why they’re so mean or why they hate me so much. Regardless, their level of meanness and lack of empathy is really troubling to me…

Karma came back to Patti as well for the way she was during my visit: she said the meat I brought over for Buddy that made him barf the one day and that he refused the next but that her dog loved and gobbled up so when I left I left it behind for her since she liked it and so not to waste food…..well….Patti sent me a FB message bitching how my meat made her sick….she’s barfed and done a diarrhrea all over Patti’s newly-washed bedsheets on her bed. All I can do is laugh and say to myself: ha, ha! serves you right! It’s extra mild out today and tomorrow as well: 14 C but lots of rain and now pretty much all of the snow has all melted away now. I’m also really dizzy, off-balance, and staggering around the past few days,too, even on the days I DON’T have any weed, so it’s not that; it’s whatever medical issues are plaguing me. I’ve had this constant cough for months too, even worse during the night, and now for the past few days it’s been worse as well. Shit. I’m falling apart. Physically and emotionally.Literally.

One Wish.

screen-shot-01-29-17-at-02-36-pm I  like to think that when you die everyone can leave one wish for the world. If so, mine would be love and peace and an end to hate and war and in doing so it would also end poverty, homelessness,and hunger because if you love people and care about people and see them as your friend instead of your enemy, as your brother instead of as an other, and love your neighbour like Jesus teaches us to do then naturally we will want well-being for all. That would be my wish that I’d wish for the world. As for my wish for my own family, I wish that they still keep going to church and homeschooling; that they don’t stop once I die, and I want to die listening to Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah and on a tropical beach feeling the sun on my face or cozy and warm in my bed with Buddy curled up next to me. Buddy was acting really weird yesterday,too; all last night he slept glued right next to my leg and all day he kept whining and pawing at my arm,and he even sat in front of me, barking and whining, as if he sensed something bad was going to happen, and he was by my side constantly, even more than usual, almost as if he were guarding me, so I wonder if he can sense that I’m going to have a seizure perhaps, or I’m even dying soon?

The 22 YR old’s GF goes back home to California today after 6 weeks here and she joked she should convert Muslim so they won’t let her back in(with Trump’s anti-Muslim policy, not letting people in from Muslim countries) even though she’s American and they’re letting their own people in,and if she actually said that they’d probably shoot her or something, or send her to Guantanamo Bay! The 13 YR old also said about Trump de-funding abortion( which is actually something good he did) it’ll make it “unsafe”….well, hate to tell ya,kid, but abortion’s never “safe”….spoiler alert: the baby always dies in the end,and if she means the mother, anyone who’s callous enough to kill an innocent baby , her own child,deserves whatever happens to her…..it’s called KARMA.

I also noticed how skinny the lady on the TV news was( and the camera adds  weight, so imagine how skinny she must be in real life?) so I yelled at the TV, “Wait until you have kids or until you’re in your 40’s! It won’t last so enjoy it now while you can!” and my  hubby snarled about my iPod to “turn off your stupid music” so I told him, “You’re stupid!” and then he got really mad and said I “take it personally” but it was personal; it was directed at something of mine, therefore a reflection of me, yet when I give it to him he can’t take it, and about Buddy he smirked, “Look up the definition of ‘dumb dog’ and you’ll see a picture of him!”( actually he’s quite smart) so I replied, “Who? Of you?” Whenever he hurts or insults me or someone I love  I don’t take it but I give it right back to him,and then he chortled about me “always blasting my big mouth off.” I don’t know why he thinks he can talk to me like that and treat me like that, belittling me and putting me down but whenever I say anything back he gets so mad. I guess that’s just the way abuse and bullying works.

Obama Jesus.

Screen Shot 08-22-16 at 08.11 AM While I was asleep one of the kids (I later found out it was the 13 YR old who has this odd obsession with US President Obama) had placed photos of Obama over all of the Jesus pictures in our house as a joke, so someone must have been very busy, and as it turns out we have 30 Jesus pictures( she counted). At first I actually thought it was the 21 YR old who had done it since he’s known as a prankster and he was the one that taped a cigarette in Jesus’ Hand on one of our Sacred Heart of Jesus pictures,but it ended up to be the 13 YR old, and it was kind of funny, but it would have been even better if she had done it on April Fool’s Day.Now she has to take them all down though,too….

My hubby also left the door open as he usually does and I told him to shut as because Buddy might run out onto the street and he said, “Good!” and “*I* was here FIRST!” and then right after he hurt himself on something, so it was like God getting “back” at him for being mean and I just love watching karma in action! The 15 YR old likes to mock me too and always jeers about my “fake Prada sunglasses” and my family is always making fun of me, hassling me,and making me the butt of their jokes,insults, and ridicule and then they wonder why I think they suck?

Screen Shot 08-25-16 at 06.44 PM THIS also came with our hydro(electricity) bill but I guess that’s what happens when you do at least 2 loads of laundry a day and run the pool pump and A/C and my mother’s horrified and embarrassed and told me NOT to post it for all of the world to see and that she “doesn’t want everyone knowing our business” etc. and I told her too bad; it’s my blog and I’ll post what I like, and she over-reacts about everything, and then she said that *I* “under-react” and that I’ll get a bunch of hate messages from all the enviro-freaks. Really? We DO  pay for the electricity that we use, which IS metered, and our most recent bill was almost 700$.I actually thought it kind of funny that we use so much more than the average. We’ve  never been “average” in anything!

My mother was being snarky to me over something else as well and when I told her she “has attitude” she goes, “You HAVE to, if you want to try and survive living in this house!” and I told her she can leave then and she told *me* to leave instead,and oh, I only wish I  could but I have no $$$$ and nowhere to go, and then she was telling the 15 YR old to pick up papers off the front porch but to NOT put them in the garbage can as it had no bag….but not to put them in the garbage can inside in the kitchen either, so then I said, “You tell her you want her to pick them up but WHERE is she supposed to  put them?” and then she snarks, “I don’t care! She can shove it up her ass!” WTF?  Seriously, what is  wrong with her? What’s her problem,anyway? Why is she such a bitch?

Swimming.

Screen Shot 07-13-16 at 09.44 AM I love swimming. I always have. I should have been born in the water, under water, like a hippo. This is yet another way I’m like my fave. animal. The only reason I come out of the water is when my skin gets all wrinkled and puckered up and shrivelled like a raisin. Swimming is just so relaxing, and it reminds me of when I was a kid. I can just feel the stress leaving my body as I float and stare up at the clouds. It’s so freeing, and I’m buoyant and weightless and don’t feel weighted down, restricted and held back by my body and my weight. I feel light-weight, graceful,lithe, and limber like I used to be.I can even still do handstands in the shallow end! I used to do back-flips off the diving board too only if I tried that now I’d probably end up either breaking my back,paralyzing,or killing myself.

Swimming is the best form of exercise because you don’t even realize that it’s exercise because it’s also fun. I love diving as well and going along underwater skimming my belly along the bottom of the pool  like a seal or an otter. When I was a kid I used to pretend that I was an otter, a mermaid, a dolphin, a penguin….I still remember doing the “Ass Cracker” off the diving board at camp. I remember YRS of swimming lessons and how I almost got the lifeguard level at 13 except I didn’t have the endurance to swim all the required laps of the pool due to my breathing problem.I just LOVE the water and wish I had gills and could breathe underwater.

Screen Shot 07-15-16 at 07.34 PM THIS is also a photo I found on Facebook of one of the bullies in grade 8 that made my life a living hell. Here he is how he looked then. He was really good-looking and popular and he made out with all the girls but he made every day at school for me a nightmare.

Screen Shot 07-15-16 at 07.35 PM…..and here he is NOW: fat, bald, and no longer a “hunk.” I’d be lying if I said it didn’t give me *GREAT* satisfaction to know that time hasn’t been kind to him and that his good looks didn’t last.Serves him right.

Ha ha.

Isn’t karma great? 🙂