Things in life I regret; that I regret doing, that I regret not doing, that I wish I could change, that I would have done differently, and that I wish had turned out differently, and , if given the choice to do over again, would have changed:
– Being an only child. I wish I had siblings. I was very lonely growing up.
– Not having a father around. I was also the only kid in school without a dad.
– Not having a stay-at-home mother. I hardly saw much of her, and felt rejected by both my parents. I was also the only kid who’s mother wasn’t at home. This was the 70’s remember.
– Not being “normal”. I wish I didn’t have Asperger’s, Social Phobia, Depression, and my other limitations that isolate, ostracize, and limit me in life and cause me to be bullied. I also wish I was pretty or at least normal-looking and not ugly. I would have had alot more choices and opportunities in life and it wouldn’t be such a struggle.
– Not experiencing the normal things in life that others take for granted, like dating, being asked to dance by boys, and going to a prom, etc.
– Not marrying for love. I didn’t exactly have much choice as my hubby was the only one that wanted me so I just settled.
– Not losing my virginity to G. I know it sounds sleazy, but my hubby’s the only one I’ve ever been with and G only ever liked me as a friend but I was just sooooo attracted to him ( he looked like James Dean!) I WANTED to do IT and if I had done IT with him I would have known what passion is like. Now I’ll never know and will just have to keep wondering. I missed out on so much in life. Other people get to experience things I can only dream of.
– Not marrying my True Love. As it turned out he’s gay, but I didn’t know it at the time and he was The One, I really loved him, and I thought I would marry him.
– Having kids. It was my dream but it ended up being a nightmare. It wasn’t what I expected or thought it would be and just brought stress, worry, fear, and trauma into my life that I didn’t even think was possible. They also bully and pick on me like the bullies did in school, copying seeing how my mother and hubby treat me, and it breaks my heart.
– Leaving the city. We were forced to move and I’ve missed city life ever since but now we can’t afford to live there anymore.
– Losing N’s friendship. In grade 6 N was my best friend and we had a fight over a stupid little thing( she bent my thumb back and it hurt) and I got mad but I was over it the next day but she refused to ever speak to me again, despite my repeated efforts to make up and be friends again.