My Gut.

Screenshot_991 Now the abdomenal and back pain is constant and increasing,pretty much daily now, and I’m nauseated alot,too, which is unusual for me,and my gut-feeling tells me that I have cancer, they just haven’t found it yet. My gut tells me it’s likely cervical cancer, although it may have also started elsewhere(such as the ovary) and spread to the cervix, but when I really go inside myself, when I really look deep, and ask my body to tell me what’s going on, what’s causing my symptoms(which have been going on for at least this past entire year now, if not longer) and why I continue to decline I just know deep down in my gut it’s cancer. The edema’s really bad the past few days as well, and so bad when I press down on my fingers, for example, it makes this deep dent that just stays there as an indented mark,squished in, what they call pitting of the skin in medical terms, like the Pillsbury Doughboy, and on top of that my liver must be acting-up again too as I’m really itchy and the jaundice is back again as my skin colour looks yellow-ish. I feel like ugh!

It will be interesting to see how how my family will react though if it turns out I do have cancer, esp. if it’s terminal, which I suspect it most likely is, esp. since it’s beeen going on for so long and the pain is in so many places, like it must be pretty advanced and have spread, never a good sign. Maybe it’s even affecting my entire reproductive system; ovaries, uterus, cervix, and maybe even my rectum, colon, bladder, stomach,and liver as well? I bet they’ll rejoice,actually, Yay! We’ll finally be rid of her!!  plus with my life insurance they’ll also have $$$ to move. I also have this recurring dream lately too I’m in Heaven but I’m going to a formal dance the last day of a cruise with 2 of my highschool friends and I have to look for a dress, and I meet the Love Of My Life there, so maybe there really is a soulmate out there for me only I won’t meet him until eternity; my eternal companion?

BuddyXMas Here is Buddy in his new Christmas sweater the 17 YR old got him. Last year she also got him a Christmas elf one. He’s sick today as well and barfed 3 times but luckily it’s like a clear watery and mucus-y barf and he had a diarrhrea too but later on he started to eat so hopefully he’s starting to feel better, and the 24 YR old saw my sunflower drooping and wilting and remarked, It’s trying so hard to live…. and I told him, It’s a survivor, like me… we’ve both been thru so much and endured harsh conditions and have been in pretty bad shape and yet we continue to survive and defy the odds. The 11 YR old was also playing his Minecraft game and he goes about his character, Look how high I am right now! I can’t get any higher! and I chuckled to myself and thought, Kid, one can never get too high! 😀 Also the wildfires in California are getting dangerously close to our friends’ house; they can see the smoke practically just down their street! Any closer and they’re going to have to evacuate. I often wonder too if we still lived there if our old house would have been affected,too? It’s not even there anymore though; it and neighbours on both sides houses were torn down and an apartment has been put up since.

They also had the Silver Cross Mother on the news; a mother honoured who lost a military son. In this case he’d committed suicide after being in the army and serving in war destroyed him,and what I don’t get is why all these mothers can be recruited and brainwashed by the War Machine and be indoctrinated like that and be so pro-military when their sons have died, and for what? To invade another country and kill other people; to wage war. Why? That was their son’s life and it was lost, taken away, for nothing. Don’t give me any of that crap how he died for his country and protecting our freedoms, etc. It’s all bullshit. It was a waste. Where are these real mothers that cry and scream in rage at the senseless loss of a son, lost to unjust wars, militarism, nationalism, hate, division…..and for what? Why aren’t these mothers crying out for peace and an end to bloodshed and war? If I lost a child to combat I sure as hell would be protesting the military on Parliament Hill, NOT promoting them!!

The White Poppy.

WhitePoppies  Pretty well everyone in this country wears a red poppy on their lapel from 1 November to 11 November (Remembrance Day) to honour and respect veterans both from WWI, WWII and the present day. It used to be just to remember those lost in the 2 World Wars , what they sacrificed for our freedom from tyranny but then they recently changed it to include the veterans in Afghanistan and  support for the current military TODAY as well, and they are NOT heroes, since Afghanistan has never been a threat to this country and they raped and killed innocent civilians over there, hardly the “peace keepers” that they claimed to be and today’s military just invade other countries and steal their resources and kill,torture, and oppress their people, waging unjust wars that have nothing to do with fighting for freedom and there’s no way I support that. I don’t support the military or war. I only support peace so due to that I refuse to wear a poppy. To do so would be hypocritical. I only support the white poppy for peace campaign which promotes peace against a culture of military, war,and violence. Of course my stance doesn’t go over too well in this redneck town which is very pro-military, so much so that every business and car bumper has those “Support the troops” signs but it doesn’t surprise me though since rednecks are well known for supporting war, violence, the military, and love guns, hunting, shooting, and killing.As usual I find myself the only one standing on the other side of things with everyone else on the other side.

I also heard on the news that 2 of the poppy collection boxes were stolen and even though I don’t support the campaign and what it stands for and what it supports I still think it’s a disrespectful and shitty thing to do though; to steal $$$$ from elderly veterans is just low.It seems as well that me not supporting the troops and war is a rare thing and only some hippies and musicians are for peace but it seems everyone else is pro-military and pro-war and it really doesn’t say much for humanity, does it? Jesus was peaceful and  non-violent and there’s no way He would have supported aggression, oppression, violence, and war and it really “gets” me that so many so-called “Christians” are pro-military, pro-gun, and pro-war; I mean, did they even LISTEN to what Jesus preached?

So, this YR as always I will not be wearing a poppy, unless I can find a white poppy somewhere, and I will not be involved in or commemorate the Remembrance Day  activities. I do not support war or those that wage war.